Blogson _Jon of We Swear has finally scratched his virtual procreation itch by presenting me with a bouncing baby bloggranddaughter, Denise of A Peek Inside My Mind.

Denise is plugging right along already.

First she introduces herself.

There's an entry about lunch, but I'm actually going to use that one in a post later.

Chats a bit about the vileness that is "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette".

Opens wounds in an old battle that's more contentious than "Mac vs. PC" or "Toilet Paper: Over vs. Under". That's right: "Morning person vs. night person".

Offers a public service announcement for folks who are skipping town.

Introduces her real-world family.

Gives lessons in advanced reality denial.

And asks for tech help in showing off her pride in her blogfamily.

Ok, Denise, you'll probably want to see this post for your official Bad Example Family logo, which you may, if you so choose, stuff in your sidebar. You MAY also blogroll your various & sundry virtual relatives, but that's up to you. You'll be on MY blogroll whatever you decide.

Now the BAD news is that Denise is already married to a super-studly Marine - Silentwarrior (James) of Ramblings of an Ordinary. As you can see from the picture, he's better looking than you, so you guys can just resign yourself to worshipping Denise from afar.

The GOOD news is that I get to add a bloggrandson-in-law to the roll right away, too, which is kinda cool, since I don't have one of those yet.

Anyway, James has been blogging nearly as long as I have, so I'm not going to link every single post. However, I just HAVE to link this post because I've had plenty of similar fun times tweaking Beloved Wife's Windows Hell-Beast. If you've ever upgraded & troubleshot a computer system, I think you'll like this.

So, James, welcome to the family, and what I said to Denise applies equally to you - feel free to grab a logo & 'roll the relatives, if you're so inclined. Meanwhile, you'll get a cozy seat in my sidebar.

Expect me to make regular appearances in your comments, and heaven help you both :-)

I've also posted the updated family tree (thanks, Tammi) and put a link to it in the sidebar.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:48 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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For a long time now, blogdaughter Michele of Letters From New York City has been battling recurring bouts of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, which limited her posting mostly to short notes assuring those who care about her that she was, indeed, all right.

However, it looks like she's had some good days recently, since she posted a piece that shows the sort of fiery passion that made me decide to adopt her in the first place.

This time, she's a little... disappointed... in a recent PBS production that whitewashes the terrorist threat and attempts to shift blame over to the US. But Michele scrapes off the pretty white coating and looks at the blackness beneath:

...the Salafist Muslim movement wants Americans of all faiths and in particular Christians and Jews worldwide dead and with us our religious ideology. Yes folks, they want us dead, all of us! You, me, and every member of your extended family. They want us dead as nails, dead as wood. They want Salafist to rule the world for more than the 1000 years they already did during the middle ages.

For these Salafists, the only true religion is their particular brand of Islam. American, and European moderate Muslims are expendable as they do not observe Salafism, and anyone who does not follow their beliefs will be put to death! These are Not my words, it is theirs. Salafism does not endorse democracy or democratic principles, instead it endorses itÂ’s own brand of totalitarianism which goes against everything we are trying to achieve in Iraq.

I hadn't heard of the Salafists until I read this piece. Now that I have heard of them, I'm a little pissed at the Legacy Media for not bringing this to my attention earlier.

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Via gturner of The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler, I found this interview with Richard Perle. It's of the pattern:

Q: Moonbat talking point?
A: Bite me.

For example:

Q: Will President Bush continue on the same course in his second term or will he listen to people who advise him to rely more on soft power than on military force?

A: We don’t want to emulate the Europeans. The Europeans employ soft power day and night. They cannot get enough of it. That isn’t our role. Our role is not to pretend – as the Europeans pretend – that soft power can change North Korea’s Kim Jong Il or the mullahs. ...

Seriously, I would pay real American Dollars to hear W. say things like this.

Read the whole thing. It'll warm your heart.

Posted by: Harvey at 08:47 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 Soft power . . . is that like soft, never mind, this was about force right? Its "hard" to be forceful when "soft"

Posted by: Oddybobo at January 28, 2005 09:04 PM (QrT+O)

2 It's like pushin' a piece of string :-)

Posted by: Harvey at January 29, 2005 12:18 PM (ubhj8)

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(A FILTHY LIE)

I found a picture of Evil Glenn actually using his weather control machine. It's not worksafe, so it's in the extended entry. more...

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Bloggranddaughter LeeAnn of LeeAnn's View asks an important question:

Now how do you figure out what you want to be when you grow up?

Easy.

Grab a book at random off the nearest bookshelf, and open it to any page.

Somewhere on that page will be your future.

That's how I chose my career in "dirty-minded smart-assery blogging".

Right there on page 35 it was, although I forget the book.

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(Introduction)

There's a smile I've waited my whole life for.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

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Frank J. of IMAO said (among other things) the following about Ted Kennedy:

Senator Ted Kennedy has been banned from the Capitol since the size of his head violates fire safety regulations.

His head size?

I thought it was his near-spontaneously-combustible blood-alcohol concentration that made him a fire hazard...

Posted by: Harvey at 09:40 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Just in case blogdaughter Boudicca of Boudicca's voice is still unclear on the whole snowblower concept, here's what I did last Saturday:

(click to enlarge)

Posted by: Harvey at 07:06 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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"Of course we like a lot of things that are "unnatural" so it does not automatically follow that natural=good, unnatural=bad."

*snicker*

[with apologies to Lynn of Reflections in D Minor - see comment #4 to this post for actual context]

Posted by: Harvey at 10:47 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 But aren't men always saying they don't like fake boobies? Ya'll are lying aren't you?

Posted by: Machelle at January 27, 2005 07:15 AM (ZAyoW)

2 Yes Oh, and Arsenic is natural too, doesn't mean I want to drink it.

Posted by: Graumagus at January 27, 2005 11:52 AM (Qxunr)

3 My take on fakes: nice to see pictures of, unpleasant to watch move.

Posted by: Harvey at January 27, 2005 05:59 PM (ubhj8)

4 Harvey, you are such a naughty boy!

Posted by: Lynn S at January 27, 2005 09:34 PM (CSguL)

5 Does that mean I get a spanking now? :-)

Posted by: Harvey at January 28, 2005 06:06 PM (ubhj8)

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(Introduction)

Love is when you have a bad day, but when you see the one you love, everything seems ok.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

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Susie's posted an enlightening FAQ. Serious, yet still a hoot. I love that woman!

Filthy Lie Assignment Reminder: How will Evil Glenn use his Weather Control Machine? due by 8pm CST Friday, January 28th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse

Wednesday Linky Stuff

Precision Guided Humor Round-up: Fixing the Democratic Party. This is the biggest one in months. Lots of entries, lots of entertainment value. Big round of applause to Ogre for coming up with this one.

New Precision Guided Humor Assignment: What will Michael Moore's next "documentary" be about?

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1 I love you, too, Harv! (And if your lovely wife is reading this, it's like a brother--yeah, that's the ticket!)

Posted by: Susie at January 26, 2005 11:46 PM (vKvLT)

2 Yay, me!

Posted by: Ogre at January 27, 2005 12:28 PM (/k+l4)

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(A PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR ASSIGNMENT)

It makes me weep to see the Democrats get thrashed in election after election, so I'm offering some helpful tips on how they can improve their chances in 2006 and beyond:

Have all Democratic candidates run around screaming "YEARRRRRGH!" so as to make Howard Dean seem normal.

Rename it the "Demoshizzilatic Par-TAY!" to attract the youth vote.

Just kidding. Trusting the youth vote is like trusting Bill Clinton's marriage vows.

Read the parts of the Bible to the right of the page where it says "Published by Tyndale House"

Adhere closely to the "cigars are ONLY for SMOKING" rule.

Drive Hummers.

Bonus for driving them over hippies.

Fill in the blank: "The only good terrorist is a(n) _______ terrorist". If your answer was "hugged", "understood", or "appeased", try again.

Things that should be cut: taxes, trees, your graying ponytail.

Try running talentless hack action movie actors for high elective office. And no, you can't borrow Bruce Willis.

No, Eastwood is ours, too.

When someone mentions the word "God", don't get that goosed Chihuahua look.

Admit that "wetland" is just a fancy word for "swamp". Mud doesn't need protective legislation.

Don't even THINK about passing a "fat tax" to "promote healthy eating habits". Remember, Congressmen are a good source of protein and they taste like chicken.

The only difference between Ted Kennedy and a mumbling wino is a shave and a New England accent. Lock him away somewhere, he's scaring the children.

Hillary = Bill = you lose. Don't use her.

Seriously. Put down the Hillary & back away slowly.

Old IBM Selectric typewriters can be obtained fairly cheaply off of eBay.

Ditto Armstrong Williams.

But the most important change the Democrats can make?

Root for the guys wearing the body armor, NOT the guys wearing the explosives.

SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!

Posted by: Harvey at 05:52 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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After reading Brother Quotidian's comment to my post on forgiveness of sin, I think I've discovered the crux of my quandry.

After you've become "saved" CAN you lose your salvation through backsliding, and if so, how?

For example, I just can't imagine that that swindling pig Jim Bakker will make it past the pearly gates, even though I'm sure he was sincere in his faith before the money started rolling in.

And maybe he's sincerely repented SINCE then, but when the cops first kicked down the door in 1988 and slapped the cuffs on him, if he would've dropped dead of a heart attack, I'm thinking flaming pit.

All thoughts welcome, and remember that I'm not a practitioner, so please, whenever possible, speak in parables, use small words, and type slowly.

Posted by: Harvey at 02:35 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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No.

But Brian of Brian Flemming's Weblog (found via the Carnival of the Vanities, hosted by The Raving Atheist this week) is trying to see if he can start an urban legend from scratch.

Dumbest idea I ever heard of.

Until it occurred to me that if this story were to become part of American folklore, it might make some spammers nervous.

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Feel free to spread it around (or not) as you see fit.

THIS STORY IS FICTION

Death of a Spammer, in a Place Called Hope

By Todd F. Bryant
Staff Writer

HOPE, CA -- In this dusty Mojave town, pop. 5000, which averages roughly one murder per decade, Sheriff James Wilcox recently encountered the first serious crime he was unable to solve in his 25-year law enforcement career.

"Incidents like this don't happen here," said the 50-year-old Wilcox, who has one deputy, his daughter, and operates out of a converted construction trailer with a single makeshift cell, which is rarely occupied. "We're not exactly Crime City, U.S.A."

The crime was murder. The victim was a local resident, a white male, 42, shot six times in the chest and arms. The time was roughly 4 p.m. The location was the post office. There were no witnesses. The Hope post office is staffed only 4 hours a day, but the lobby doors are unlocked around the clock so that residents can access their post-office boxes. The victim, Keith James Lawrence, unmarried, was gunned down in the post-office-box area.

"Heidi [his daughter] and I knew this was going to be a tough one," said Wilcox. "Nobody around to see it. Nobody even heard any shots. Not even a suspicious vehicle seen in the area. Just bad luck for us. It happens."

It was during the autopsy that things took a turn for the weird. The medical examiner noticed an obstruction lodged deep in the victim's throat. He reached in and pulled out the object - a can of Spam. "I knew then that we had something that was maybe out of our league," said the examiner, Dr. Anu Ram, a surgeon at Mojave County Hospital. "I mean, we don't know anything about serial killers here, and I told Jim [Wilcox], 'This is really scary. It's probably some guy traveling around killing random people, and this is his signature.'"

It is perhaps only in small rural towns like Hope that a can of Spam and murder wouldn't immediately conjure up an obvious hypothesis. Wilcox, while not oblivious to the existence of the World Wide Web and email, did not have an Internet connection and hadn't heard the word "spam" used in the context of junk mail. It was only when Wilcox talked to his daughter on the phone two days after the crime (she had gone out of town for a scheduled visit with her husband's relatives), that the pieces began to fit together.

"I told her the victim had a post-office box there, that it had letters in it, with money in the form of money orders and cash, generally five dollars each, and it appeared he was running some kind of a business selling information for a few bucks a pop. It looked legitimate to me, so I wasn't focusing on that. And then I told her about the can of Spam."

"I knew right then, or at least I thought I did, what the motive was," says Heidi Jensen, 29, who has worked with her father since she was 17. "I said, 'Daddy, this guy is a spammer.' And he goes, 'A what?' And I'm like, 'A spammer, he sends out those messages, you know, "make money fast" and "get a new mortgage" and stuff.' He had no idea what I was talking about. He refused to believe that spam could be a motive for murder. I'm like, 'Daddy, you're not on AOL, you don't understand.'"

But Wilcox was not one to ignore what he calls his daughter's "intuition." He acquired an expert in computers--by calling the local computer store, and securing the services of a clerk for $10 an hour--and examined Lawrence's Dell computer hard drive and dozens of CD-ROMs. "It was true, this guy was a spammer," said Wilcox, who is now well-versed in Internet lingo. "He had literally millions of e-mail addresses, and lots of bills from different ISPs, and we determined he'd been doing this for about two years. He grossed about $5,000 a year from it."

At that point, Wilcox called the FBI, who sent an agent to help him scan Lawrence's email and snail-mail records for any particularly hostile messages. Not surprisingly, they found quite a few. In fact, they found so many that they stopped cataloguing them when they reached 200.

"This case is impossible," said Wilcox, shaking his head. "I mean, if you add up all the spam recipients who threatened his life directly, that's probably ten thousand right there, probably more. And really, it's the ones that don't make overt threats who are usually the perpetrators in grudge cases like this, because the folks who write the poison-pen letters get it out of their system. So now you've got to add all of the other people on those CD-ROMs to the list. There's roughly 20 or 30 million suspects in this case, all over the world."

Wilcox tracked down a few more manageable leads. "I thought maybe one of Lawrence's acquaintances might have killed him, knowing he was a spammer, and made it look like a grudge crime. But, no, that didn't really pan out. I couldn't find anything substantial there."

Both the Mojave Sheriff's department and the FBI classify the case as open. At this writing, ten weeks after the murder, no suspects have been interviewed.

"Will [the killer] do it again?" Wilcox asks. "I don't know. But I don't think he was mad at Stanley Lawrence the person. I think he was mad at spammers. And there are a lot of spammers out there.

"And I'll tell you this much: I wouldn't want to be one."

THIS STORY IS FICTION

Posted by: Harvey at 01:53 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Does anyone know the original source of the phrase "bathe her and bring her to me"?

Posted by: Harvey at 07:41 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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Blogson Jeff of Jeff's Nuggets is getting off Blogspot, buying server space, getting his own domain, renaming his blog... it's like a do-it-yourself Bar Mitzvah.

But first, there's that old "what do I call myself?" problem. He's looking for a little help and gives hints for names thusly:

Since I'm his beloved blogdaddy, I get one anyway, so I don't have a dog in this fight & I can just mess with the little bastard:

Uncle Sam's Shirt-Ironing Little Bitch
Should've Stayed On Blogspot
Another Ashamed Bills Fan
Is It 2015 Yet?
Yes, The 90's Are Retro Now, You Curmudgeonly Old Coot!
Death By Nintendo
Habla Air Force?
BiggerStick.US

Hmmm... that one might actually work... anyone remember the Warner Bros. cartoon where Bugs Bunny ran for mayor against Yosemite Sam? At one point he dressed up as Teddy Roosevelt and said "I speak softly, but I carry a BIG stick." To which Yosemite replied, "Well, I speak LOUDLY, and I carry a BIGGER stick! And I use it, too!" (Ballot Box Bunny, 1951)

Fine. I am old.

Anyway, help the little weenie out with some creative suggestions, please.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:07 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Ha. Ha. Ha. Uncle Sam's Shirt-Ironing Little Bitch. Comedy Gold. Wait, I'm not quite done laughing. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Posted by: Jeff at January 26, 2005 07:49 AM (UQEm1)

2 Remember, I've got street-cred in that department, having been Admiral Rickover's Shirt-Ironing Little Bitch for 6 years :-)

Posted by: Harvey at January 26, 2005 03:30 PM (ubhj8)

3 Priceless, just priceless!

Posted by: michele at January 27, 2005 07:35 AM (ht2RK)

4 YAY! Michele commented! Missed ya, girl :-) Oh, and shame on you for commenting. You're supposed to be resting those pretty little hands ;-)

Posted by: Harvey at January 27, 2005 06:07 PM (ubhj8)

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(Introduction)

It's good to have someone like you in my life...
Someone with whom I can share so much of me.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

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Lynn of Reflections in D Minor takes a chance and makes an honest, yet un-PC statement:

This might sound weird and it might even be offensive, in fact I'm sure it is because you can't say anything without offending someone but I like Black people. Yes I notice the differences and I like them. I like their voices. I like their eyes. I like proud, dignified Black men like James Earl Jones and Sidney Poitier. I like old-fashioned, motherly Black women; there's something about them that's so... I don't know... warm. But I'm not saying that all Black people ought to be like that anymore than I'd say all White men ought to be like... oh... Patrick Stewart, for example. I'm just saying, these people, those particular qualities, appeal to me.

I've had that experience myself.

Thanks to the US Navy, I had the opportunity to meet lots of people with better tans than me.

Technically, this includes everyone except Canadian red-heads, but that's beside the point.

And that point is... that when you're charmed by someone's personality, their noticable physical features become attractive by association, even if that feature is not, in and of itself, necessarily attractive.

For example, Beloved Wife has a mole on her... well, she has one. Madonna has one, too, but I think she's a total skank, so I don't find it attractive. I do, however, cherish Beloved Wife's.

Halle Berry has a body shape that would look good in ANY color of the rainbow, but because of that figure, her skin tone becomes pleasurable by association.

In 1990, I lived in low-income housing in Virginia (the Enterprise was in drydock and uninhabitable, so the Navy stuffed us wherever they could find room), and most of my neighbors were black. Most of them also had the "low-income mentality" and were 2nd or 3rd generation single welfare mothers. I did NOT find their skin color attractive. However, there was one young lady named Tammy, who had attitude and ambition, and you could just TELL she was going on to a brighter future. On her, that color looked gorgeous.

So I'm agreeing with Lynn. When it's on a person of class & dignity, ebony skin is a feature, not a bug.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:39 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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You know those little boxes with the random code that you have to copy in order to comment at some people's blogs? Well, hM of homicidalManiak has a better way of stopping comment spammers.

It's harsh, but fair.

Mheh.

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Recently I asked Nick of Patriot Paradox a question on getting one's sins forgiven:

On the confessing sins part... how do you know if you confessed ALL of them? I mean, *I* have impure thoughts (which, if I remember correctly, are just as bad as the act) dozens of times a day. Do I have to immediately confess, or do I save it up for the end of the day & ask for blanket forgiveness? And if I'm not feeling sincerely contrite at the moment of confession, am I not forgiven those sins?

I'm serious about these questions.

The mechanics of redemption have always eluded my understanding.

Nick busted his butt trying to answer, however - although the response was interesting - it wasn't quite what I was looking for. I understand the general THEORY of Christian forgiveness, I'm wondering how it works day-to-day in PRACTICE.

I guess what I'm wondering is two-fold:

1) Can you ask for forgiveness & have Jesus say "Mmmmm... no... you didn't really mean it. You've still got a black mark on your soul."

2) Can you sin, plan to ask for forgiveness later (or still be in that hard-hearted "I didn't do anything wrong" stage), die in the meantime, then go to hell because you didn't take care of the problem right away?

Or perhaps you get credit for good intentions?

I'm just REALLY fuzzy on the specifics, since I don't do it myself. Regular practitioners are encourage to attempt a clarification.

Including Nick

Posted by: Harvey at 09:57 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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