According to the New York Times (if you need a login, go here), the hottest trend in bicycles is "fixed gear" bikes:

To begin with, it has no brakes, or at least no visible brakes, or possibly just a front brake. That means you canÂ’t ride this bike very well on your first try, and certainly not very gracefully, easily or safely.

The rear cog is bolted directly to the hub, so that whenever the vehicle is in motion, the pedals go around, making coasting impossible. This bike doesnÂ’t have a shift lever or extra sprockets, and the chain is shorter and wider than on traditional bikes.

There are no fenders, and the rear wheels are probably bolted onto the frame to deter theft. You slow down by reversing the pedals, or skidding, or doing a skip stop.

You retarded pretentious assholes.

This bike you're so turning-giddy-cartwheel happy about is the same piece of crap I had when I was a kid because my folks couldn't afford to get me a DECENT bike, so I got a 1950's hand-me-down with no gears, no handbrakes, and gay-looking handlebars that stuck straight out to the side.

Oh! How I longed for a 10-speed, with dual handbrakes, ram horns, and the ability to COAST without having to take my damn feet off the pedals.

You addle-brained, dog-humping, ungrateful luddites make me want to projectile vomit. I'll bet you traded in your 2Ghz Macs for f`cking Etch-A-Sketches, too.

I hope you and your hip-n-trendy back tattoos get run over because you couldn't pedal that clunky-ass inertia-monster fast enough to get out of the way of cross-traffic.

Suck-skulled neo-hippie morons.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:31 PM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
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1 *note to self* Return Harvey's Etch-A-Sketch birthday present... Try to exchange for deluxe set of these: http://www.loudfrog.com/clear.htm

Posted by: Roses at April 30, 2007 08:49 PM (6KPV+)

2 Darn. Sorry, that link isn't working. Supposed to be Spokey Dokes... Because my parents were too cheap to get me any when I was a kid.

Posted by: Roses at April 30, 2007 08:51 PM (6KPV+)

3 Been there... know exactly how you feel. But please don't hold back Harvey. Tell us exactly how you feel! *grin*

Posted by: Teresa at April 30, 2007 10:53 PM (gsbs5)

4 That Spokey Dokes link: http://www.loudfrog.com/itemdetail.aspx?detailID=145611 And I'm old school. I put playing cards in the spokes, attached with those springy wooden clothes pins.

Posted by: Harvey at April 30, 2007 11:06 PM (L7a63)

5 Those are the same bikes we had... but after a few jumps, and having the brake lock up when we landed, we pulled the hubs apart and removed the brakes. To stop, we'd just powerslide... Ah... the good old days. Hard to imagine that folks actually want this setup nowdays.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at April 30, 2007 11:26 PM (amJz2)

6 Yeah, I thought that description sounded disgustingly like the piece of crap I learned to ride. Though I do prefer using Etch-a-sketches to Macs, I never want to ride one of those again

Posted by: Joey at May 01, 2007 12:02 AM (gS95o)

7 Ah yes... I also had one of those.

Posted by: Justin at May 01, 2007 01:35 AM (Bn1yT)

8 Gee Harv who do ya think had that piece of crap before YOU got It??? OOOOoo and lets not forget what happens when the retaining clamp that secures the arm for the brake comes off the bike frame...Oh hello mister car bumper WHACK. Hey Joey, the bike or the Mac??

Posted by: Blogless Brother at May 01, 2007 02:05 AM (ROyAL)

9 I'd rather have the fake rolex, I think... ;-)

Posted by: Richmond at May 01, 2007 06:13 AM (e8QFP)

10 Another bad example of 'everything old is new again'? Ugh.

Posted by: pam at May 01, 2007 08:28 AM (l6NIn)

11 Along with every other trend (Urine Threapy, Bungee Jumping, Voting Democrat) this one just doesn't make sense to me. If you're that strapped for cash that you can't get a 10-speed, just buy a pair of rollerblades. If you REALLY need to have the retro bik, just buy the blades without a helmet - you have no brains to protect, anyway! :-P

Posted by: Hapkido at May 01, 2007 08:35 AM (+cC9w)

12 Ping!

Posted by: Susie at May 01, 2007 08:46 AM (5pgrb)

13 Man, I really like Harvey, but he pussyfoots around the issue too much. C'mon dude, tell us how you really feel. :-P I, umm Santa, bought my children bikes for Christmas this past year. When I was looking around the bike shop - to help out St. Nick, of course- I noticed several bikes against the wall that looked like the ones my mother had when I was 4 years old. Amazingly, they were the same bicycle style. One gear, crappy seat, coaster brake. The bike guy said that they were becoming quite popular again. I asked him if the people who bought those bikes rode them over to the local leeches to get some blood drained. For some inexplicable reason, he seemed unamused by my comment.

Posted by: physics geek at May 01, 2007 09:40 AM (MT22W)

14 I want my old banana-seat bicycle with the super-tall metal backrest.

Posted by: Ogre at May 01, 2007 12:09 PM (oifEm)

15 And ape-hanger handlebars. Had a neighbor kid who tricked his bike out with insanely extended front forks and a steering wheel in place of handle bars. It LOOKED bad-ass, but was only so-so for handling. Not something I'd want to ride.

Posted by: Harvey at May 01, 2007 12:40 PM (L7a63)

16 Wow. Must make note to keep the doodle pads and etch-a-sketch hidden when Harvey visits.

Posted by: vw bug at May 01, 2007 01:05 PM (FPOeI)

17 You let Harvey visit?! You ARE brave.

Posted by: physics geek at May 04, 2007 11:17 AM (MT22W)

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On how to make your restraining order more effective from bloggranddaughter Mrs. Who of House of Zathras (whose first blogiversary is today):

A local gun shop owner affirmed that the restraining order is just a piece of paper. If we are set on a piece of paper, he recommended a different one. A silhouette target from the shooting range, with appropriate holes. Pin that on the front door. Message delivered.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:40 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Delightful British humor taking a whack at goofy Islamic nutballs over at Grouchy Old Cripple.

Mean Mr. Mustard suggests that it's not that all Muslims aren't jihadi sympathizers, it's just that it's not yet to their advantage to say so out loud. They would if they could.

Physics Geek contemplates fixing the dents in his car with dry ice.

When The Smoke Clears has those annoying Mosquito Ringtones, so you can see how old & deaf you are.

Think it's easy to make fast food look photogenic? You're SO wrong.

That guy in your office who doesn't know how to replace the toner cartridge in the copier is NOT a complete moron, just lazy like a fox.

Possible habitable planet outside our solar system? Does the Free State Project know about this yet?

I've always thought Nintendo games were pretty lame, but for those who disagree, they're now available on line as Java apps.

Posted by: Harvey at 08:46 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

Come closer... I want to whisper something in your ear that'll make you blush...

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 08:00 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[DREBZ]

Isn't she that short girl that goes to POBJFKHS?

Posted by: Harvey at 07:59 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 19 words, total size 1 kb.

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)
more...

Posted by: Harvey at 07:52 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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While idly checking my links on Technorati, I found out that I was nominated for the Blogger Halo Award for being a blogger:

"who has not only created a vital up-to-the minute blog with a sizable readership and dedication to excellence, but this blogger would have gone way beyond the call of duty by demonstrating a selfless commitment to help other bloggers solve their blogging problems."

Unfortunately, the voting ended January 8th, and I came in neither first nor second.

I totally could've whipped up 77 votes for this. I feel SO Al Gore.

Posted by: Harvey at 04:00 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

Every morning, I turn to see the gentle glow of your hair as it's tenderly kissed by the morning sun. Then it's my turn.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 02:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Lauren]

This dollar bill is 75% full of crap.

(with apologies to Laurence Simon)

Posted by: Harvey at 02:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 23 words, total size 1 kb.

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)
more...

Posted by: Harvey at 02:52 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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(cross-posted from IMAO)

Witches, however, are now ok, as the US Department of Veterans Affairs has agreed to allow Wiccans who served in the US military to have a pentacle emblem engraved on their government-issued tombstones, thus bringing to 39 the number of religious symbols which are officially authorized on veterans' grave markers.

Other bizarre religious cult symbols, however, were rejected by the VA, and are shown below:

The decision regarding four more cult symbols is still pending, although personally I really hope these make the cut:

I'll let you know if any of these get selected.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:09 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 113 words, total size 2 kb.

(Introduction)

Before I met you, my heart was a blank page. Now it's a page with the words "I love you" written all over it.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 09:04 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: I GREW HEMP)]

Which I used to make the tubing for my Crowostomy Bag.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:03 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 21 words, total size 1 kb.

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues) more...

Posted by: Harvey at 08:52 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 89 words, total size 1 kb.

Kevin of Eckernet asked himself "What would an online presidential debate look like?", and then proceeded to answer himself. I found it amusing, so I thought I'd share:

** Hi11ary has joined chatroom **
** McCain has joined chatroom **
** BaRock! has joined chatroom **
** Da Mayor has joined chatroom **
** MiTT has joined chatroom **
** 4Honey has joined chatroom **
Hi11ary : Waz up Homies?
Da Mayor : Heh
4Honey : What up girlfriend?
MiTT : WTF? Who is 4Honey?
McCain : 4Honey, ASL???
4Honey : 53, Male, North Carolina
Hi11ary : Is that Edwards?!??
4Honey : :-)))))))
BaRock! : D00d u r SO gay
McCain : LOL!
MiTT : ROFL!!
Da Mayor : Not that there is anything wrong with that
Hi11ary : ROFLMAO!
4Honey : STFU Noob!! YouÂ’re gay!
BaRock! : LOL ooooh burn!
4Honey : Heh, at least my initials arenÂ’t BO!
McCain : Lame!
MiTT : Seriously. Loserville, Population You
4Honey : BMA
BaRock! : 4Honey Flamewar!
4Honey : u little biotchs! i m gunna kick ur asses
McCain : With what? ur giant hair?
Hi11ary : LOL!
4Honey : FU
** 4Honey has left chatroom **

And that's just for starters. If you like it, there's more.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:04 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

I don't believe in fate or predestination, but I do believe that my loving you is inevitably unavoidable.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 06:59 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 37 words, total size 1 kb.

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Shannon]

As a follow-up to its popular State Quarters program, the Treasury released the first in its new series of "Non-Gender-Specific Irish Names Dollars". Coming soon: "Pat" and "Kelly".

Posted by: Harvey at 06:56 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 38 words, total size 1 kb.

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)
more...

Posted by: Harvey at 06:52 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 98 words, total size 1 kb.

Blogdaughter Tammi of Tammi's World mistakenly thought that a parody of this news story about a ham sandwich being a hate crime was real.

Which is understandable, since it was an excellent parody.

And she's in good company, because Fox News thought it was real, too.

Kudos to Nicholas Plagman and Associated Content for a fine bit of comedy.

And a big, fat BOO! HISS! to those f*ckheads at the AP who can't take a joke:

Lawyers for the AP are reviewing Plagman's story and will take legal action if they feel it is warranted, according to Larry Laughlin, bureau chief in Northern New England.

This pisses me off, because I've written parodies of news stories before that included fake quotes. I never realized I was begging for jail time in the process.

Meanwhile, I guess we should hold a bail money fundraiser for Scrappleface.

UPDATE 4-27-07: A couple things that need mentioning before people pick on Fox. The piece was not originally labelled as parody ("By Wednesday night, Associated Content had put a disclaimer above Plagman's story"), and, according to a statement issued by Associated Content, "This humor piece was misplaced on our site due to a filing error. It is now in the humor section of the site, where it belongs."

I mention this last especially for the benefit of Dr. Benway at HuffPo.

The Fox story appeared on Tuesday.

NOW who's not fact-checking?

Posted by: Harvey at 07:15 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 The AP is embarrassed... once again they didn't do due diligence on what they printed. This couldn't possibly be THEIR fault. It MUST be the fault of the parody writer. Yeah, that's it! It must be someone else who got it wrong. I hate those people. God forbid they actually like... do their job correctly and check facts before printing a story. Geeze!!!

Posted by: Teresa at April 26, 2007 09:17 AM (gsbs5)

2 the sad thing is that we live in a time that it is not inconceivable that a story like that could be true. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm taking my crucifix in a jar and going to take a pee break. That only offends Christians, and we don't matter.

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at April 26, 2007 02:23 PM (+MvHD)

3 I'm kinda suprised that you haven't been arrested or sued for shitty writing.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at April 26, 2007 06:40 PM (amJz2)

4 :-P

Posted by: Harvey at April 27, 2007 05:08 AM (L7a63)

5 To say I am embarrassed is an understatement. Damn, that's what I get for tryin' to sneak a read while on the phone at work. But the saddest part is, that it is almost believable. That it did make me think. That it was even the remotest of possibilities. But damn - I'm real embarrassed.........

Posted by: Tammi at April 27, 2007 07:43 AM (wbVY2)

6 Don't feel bad, Tammi. If I'd read that piece before they slapped the "this is a parody" label on it, I probably would've bought into it, too. Heck, I was only following the link to the story so that I could write a parody of it myself. I was thinking "you've GOT to be kidding", but I was *expecting* it to be real. So no, this does NOT reflect poorly on you at all.

Posted by: Harvey at April 27, 2007 07:49 AM (L7a63)

7 After having read both stories I gotta say with the exception of the foamming at the mouth, knee jerk reactionary liberal quotes in the spoof the FACTS are the same "Ham steak,muslim kids,offended religious beliefs, school officials running around with heads cut off telling everyone who will listen there sorry. Now as long as FOX stays away from here http://www.theonion.com/content/ Of course I'm sure they already use this site as a "trustworthy" source

Posted by: blogless brother at April 27, 2007 11:57 AM (H10kY)

8 I stand by my first comment. The AP just pulled the content from somewhere else and propagated. They NEVER CHECKED at the source. That's their job! That's what they're paid to do! They aren't supposed to just read something somewhere and say, "hey this looks good... let's send it out on the wire." This is a prime example of how so many false stories start circulating through the news media. Because once the AP picks it up - then EVERYONE and their brother starts printing it as fact! Yep - AP didn't do their job and now they're pissed because they've been caught with their pants down. Quick - shift the blame!

Posted by: Teresa at April 27, 2007 02:55 PM (gsbs5)

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(Introduction)

You are not a mere pleasure. You are a sensual indulgence of loving delights.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 07:13 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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