February 28, 2005
Your love was worth waiting for, now I am complete.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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Precision Guided Humor Assignment reminder: Who will be the next person brought down by the blogosphere and how will it happen?
Is due by 8pm Wednesday, March 2nd. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.
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What you're not going to know about _Jon just from reading his blog is, well, just about everything. At least if you only read his blog up until the Reunion started. Before hitting Orlando, he came across as the strong, silent type. He didn't post a whole lot, and what he did post was fairly thoughtful and serious.
Then I met him in person, and what a surprise.
The first thing that struck me about him was how smart he was. I get a general sense of someone's intelligence by how articulate they are when speaking extemporaneously. _Jon is flat-out scary. When most people discuss a subject, they'll say a few words, pause to collect their thoughts, talk a little more, and so on. _Jon can hold forth on a subject, start to finish, like he's reading from a polished script, and he never even so much as pauses to search for the right word.
Lightning-quick doesn't begin to describe it.
And heaven help you if he unleashes his wit in your direction. You're gonna get got, but good. And no matter how snarky the comment, you just have to laugh at being gotten because the things he comes up with are just that funny.
In a way, I feel sorry for him, because - in order to find something REALLY funny - it has to catch you by surprise, at least to some degree. With the way _Jon's mind works, I can't imagine that much catches him by surprise. His existence (at least at work) is probably a living hell of watching people state the painfully obvious and thinking they just cracked the most brilliant funny ever.
Poor _Jon.
But at the Reunion, he laughed more in a week than he has, I'm sure, in years. Good, honest, belly-laughs. And it makes you feel really good to be able to catch him like that, because polite laughter isn't in his repertoire.
The second thing is that he swears. A lot. And artfully. Some people say that cursing is a sign of a weak vocabulary. Truth is, sometimes f*** (or a string of them) is EXACTLY the right word to express an idea or emotion. _Jon is a master at this, and - since he possesses the impeccable timing of a professional stand-up comedian - you end up laughing rather than being offended, even if you're not normally appreciative of Anglo-Saxonisms.
Beloved Wife (aka TNT of Smiling Dynamite) is now using f*** as an adjective on a regular basis. Geez, you shoulda heard her at the airport when we were leaving. Between the time _Jon dropped us off and the time we boarded the plane, she probably dropped about a dozen f-bombs. Which is about how many she's dropped in the previous 20+ years I've known her.
But before you get the idea that he's just a slightly-less-green-and-furry version of Oscar the Grouch, be aware that he does have his soft & sentimental side. When it happens, it leaves you a little edgy, because you're waiting for the sarcasm shoe to drop, but then it doesn't, and you realize you've seen little _Jonny Teddy Bear wearing his emotions on his sleeve, and it leaves you a little misty, every time.
For example, when we were having dinner with Frank J., _Jon remarked about how the circle had finally closed, because I originally dug _Jon out of Frank's comments because of a poem he'd written about 9/11, and now we were all sitting in the same room, face to face - something that was unimaginable in the beginning.
The moment was completely lost on Frank, I'm sure, since he was there more to make SarahK happy than any other reason. But I understood exactly what _Jon meant, and, just like when I first read his poem, my soul resonated to the harmony from a kindred spirit.
Since the Reunion ended, _Jon's been a little more lighthearted, is posting more, and is generally having more fun, blogwise. It's a wonderful change, because now everyone else can see glimpses of what I saw when I met him in person. You folks should consider yourselves lucky, and if you ever get a chance to experience the whole package in person, don't pass it up.
Oh, and I got a chance to see something that very few people have seen and lived to tell about. At one point, Johnny-Oh of Closet Extremist zapped him with a verbal shot that left him completely silent. Not even a "F*** you!" in response.
For which Johnny-Oh will eventually be killed, run through wood-chipper, and fed to hogs, but was still beautiful for being a once-in-a-lifetime shot. It was kind of a "had to be there" thing which doesn't translate well into text, but I was awe-struck at the time.
Anyway, _Jon has his version of events over at his place. And don't believe that "great leader" crap. That's just his way of comparing me to Hitler :-P
And just for _Jon: Fuckity Fuck Fuck Fuck!
There. I said it :-)
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Regarding "Great Leader", so "Harvey = Hitler" is fake but accurate?
Most thanks go to Tammi for setting all this up. She's the heroine here (as in 'the drug that flows through my veins and makes me crazy'). Ooops, wrong horoin... Pam of Camp HappyBadFun!
Here's the deal... My first post over at IMAO was a bit... er... apolitical/pornographic... and garnered a little tsk-tsk'ing in the comments. One of the tsk'ers was Pam.
After I got finished crying and kicking the dogs, I thought about what she'd said & realized that she had a point. I also decided to have a little fun with the whole incident, which led to my "Making Amends" post at IMAO.
Pam thought I was poking fun at her - well, yeah, kinda - and was concerned that I might actually be miffed at her criticism, so she sent me a very nice, supportive e-mail where she told me that I made her laugh and not to let her comments get to me.
She's so sweet.
After a little more back & forth, it occurred to me that Pam was a talented writer with a good command of the English language and a bright sense of humor. So, with a gleam in my eye that she couldn't see, I asked my favorite question:
"if you WERE going to start a blog, what would you name it?"
That should sound familiar to some of you ;-)
I was expecting that we'd be discussing this for quite a while, and - since she'd been a comment-lurker for a couple YEARS - I wasn't sure anything would come of it.
She had a blog up in 24 hours.
Let's take the tour, shall we?
First post - credits me by name for pushing her over the edge. Apparently I'm not the FIRST person to tell her to get a blog, just the most persistent and/or encouraging. She also tells a little about herself, and explains some of her reasons for wanting to blog. A nice "get to know ya" kind of post.
Second post - flaunts her vocabulary by asking us to use the word "quiddity". Isn't that that weird Harry Potter game?
Third post - explains to her son that it's not a good idea to write threatening letters to the Tooth Fairy. Personally, I always just hid in the corner with a baseball bat. Even an ethereal, flight-enhanced magic being is no match for a Louisville Slugger.
Anyway, please welcome my shiny, sparkling new blogdaughter Pam to the blogosphere with the traditional virtual butt-sniffing.
Pam - being a member of the Bad Example Family, you are cordially invited to grab the logo of your choice from this post. You may also, if you choose, blogroll the rest Bad Example Family. Neither is mandatory, but both are encouraged. No matter what you do, you'll always be my beloved blogdaughter, and that's what matters to me.
So... Tammi... _Jon... back to the drawing board.
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February 27, 2005
There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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Kevin of Eckernet has discovered a complete Calvin & Hobbes archive covering 1985-1995.
Bacchus of Eros Blog found a collection of romance novel covers that have had their titles re-done. Two warnings: 1) Eros Blog has erotic pictures in the sidebar and 2) Drink Alert.
Matty O'Blackfive tells you how to donate money to buy Kevlar blankets for our troops. I can't afford an entire blanket, but I did buy a few stitches. Every little bit helps.
16 Rules for Life. The first one is: 1. Get and stay out of your comfort zone. I believe that not much happens of any significance when we’re in our comfort zone. I hear people say, “But I’m concerned about security.” My response to that is simple: “Security is for cadavers.”
The other 15 are good, too. I think Bug sent me the link to that one.
HOW does he do that? Blogson GEBIV of There's One, Only! shows his notes for writing this very funny MISSION: IMPLAUSIBLE! post. And you thought comedy was easy...
Blogson Jeff of Oh-Dark-Thirty is joining the Army as a frog-talker. Seriously. Go congratulate him.
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Ok, it was only Tammi in the comments to some post I can't find now, but still...
So... how do we do it? Is it love? Magic? The fact that I'm holding a gun on her and saying "smile, dammit!"?
Possibly all of the above, but I think one of the big things we have going for us is loving habits. Let's look at a typical day:
Alarm goes off in the morning - I roll over and kiss her good morning.
She leaves for work - I kiss her goodbye and tell her I love her.
She comes home from work - I stop what I'm doing, meet her at the door and ask her how her day was.
She leaves to go work out (or go shopping, or play racquetball, or go spend time with one of her friends) - I kiss her goodbye and tell her I love her.
She comes home from whatever - I stop what I'm doing, meet her at the door and ask her how her activity went.
She decides to go to bed (I usually stay up a little later to do some blogging) - I tuck her in and kiss her.
I come to bed - I kiss her goodnight and tell her I love her.
Sometimes there's more, sometimes there isn't. On some busy days, this is practically the only interaction we have - maybe 20 minutes of face-to-face time.
But these things are ALWAYS there. 24/7/365.
Just reading about it, one my be inclined to scoff that these things are just habit by now, and aren't really that meaningful.
One would be wrong.
A habit is something you do without thinking about it.
These are RITUALS. Activities that, although familiar, are engaged in with special focus, attention, and reverence.
There are no surprises involved, we both know exactly what's coming - but these are the times of the day when the world dissolves and there is only us. It's our time, and it's important. Even if we're in the middle of an argument, the rituals are there. No matter what happens, we at least have that foundation to build on.
Feel free to share YOUR rituals in the comments.
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09:28 PM
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DO NOT check this link. I wasn't warned ahead of time, so I looked.AIEEEEE!!!! MY EYES!!!!!
I looked at the picture of an old woman in ultra-short shorts and thought, "hmmmm..."
Ignoring the texture for a moment, I'd just like to point out that the shape on Granny's legs isn't all that bad. Her thighs aren't disproportionately wide to her calves. Her ass - unlike most well-aged bottoms - is round, rather than flat.
Please also notice that Granny's ass is NOT as wide as the one on that sweet young trailer trollop in the red top and tight jeans.
As a woman ages, she can either fight or give up. No matter which path she chooses, the skin & fat on her legs will be ravaged by gravity and time to some degree. There's NO escaping that. But Granny is NOT a saggy tub of goo, and Granny didn't just let herself go. She fought, and I give her credit for that.
And notice that her husband is attentive, interested, and has his wallet out - ready to spend money on her.
If my wife looks like that at 75, I'll be a happy man, and more than willing to empty my wallet in her direction, too.
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GBfan
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I know the freedom that comes from sharing my heart with someone that
I can confide in openly and trust completely.
I know the delight that comes from sharing moments with someone
Whose presence can turn ordinary experiences into extraordinary joys.
I know the overflowing blessings that come through a common bond of faith
That is found in the rich soil of our all-embracing love.
I know all of these wonderful things, and so much more...
All because of you.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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We started off at MGM Studios. When you enter the gates (hell, even when you're in the parking lot) the most noticable object in the skyline is the 50-foot tall replica of the hat Mickey Mouse wore in Fantasia:
As you can see, it's quite eye-catching:
(click to enlarge)
With all it's moony, starry magicalness, our first thought was "Gee! There must be something super-duper extra-special underneath that happy magic hat!"
So we made the trek up to the soaring monolith of 'musement & mirth, just as - I'm sure - every other tourist does while they're there.
Do you know what's under the magic hat?
Why, it's a little store that sells LITTLE TINY MAGIC F***ING HATS!!!
That's IT!
At the very least, I was expecting Tinkerbell to sprinkle me with fairy dust & fly me off to Never-Never-Land or some other such wondrous experience.
...Bubble burst. Illusions shattered. I'll never clap my hands again because I don't believe in fairies anymore. All my childhood dreams have been crushed beneath the sordid jangle of cash register bells.
F***ers.
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February 26, 2005
Everyone who looked at that and thought "MILF", raise your hand.
Me too.
The thing you won't know about her just from reading her blog is how very quick she is to smile, and how broad, warm and sincere that smile is. Teresa is blessed with oodles of charm, a comfortable social presence, an easygoing demeanor, and a razor-sharp wit. A delightful woman to have chatting at the kitchen table.
Because of her fairly analytical writing style, you also might not be aware of her propensity for joking and teasing, but it's been documented by Beloved Wife's quote pen.
The other thing you've missed is the way she looks when she starts going off on a rant. You've read a few of them at her site, but without those flashing fiery eyes, animated hand gestures, and rising intensity in her voice, you're losing out on the full effect. It's like watching TV with the mute function engaged. Closed-caption Teresa just isn't the same.
And let's give credit where credit is due. I dug Teresa up out of my comments section & got her blogging. But Teresa is the one who first brought Tammi to my attention & inspired me to adopt her (because, as I said, they were already acting like gossipy sisters, anyway). Another critical link in the chain of events that made the Reunion possible.
It's thoughtful, loving, considerate acts like this that are the reason she's my favorite ;-)
Don't forget to check out Teresa's list of Top Ten Most Surprising Things About the Reunion.
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Thanks, Basil!
Oh, and don't miss Basil's list of bizarre Google hits.
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02:14 PM
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I liked this paragraph:
The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette books written, no doubt, by extroverts regard declining to banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward. We can only dream that someday, when our condition is more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts' Rights movement has blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush."
This is what it's like for me every day at work, as I grind my teeth and pray for surcease of prattling from the 75-watt bulbs who surround me.
Family Reunions, of course, are another matter entirely.
[Hat tip to Prochein Amy]
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02:07 PM
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February 25, 2005
There's no more blogging tonight.
Cool! A Bonfire post!
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11:25 PM
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Filthy Lie Round-up: Evil Glenn's Government Contract
New Filthy Lie Assignment: What goes on in Evil Glenn's Rehab Clinic?
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11:20 PM
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Let there be such oneness between us,
that when one cries, the other tastes salt.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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11:14 PM
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I actually got to use it today :-)
[Third from the bottom of this page from Wav Central]
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