January 25, 2005
Subject line: Attacked by Ninjas?
Ok, I've never seen THAT one before, and it doesn't make any penile promises. I'll click it.
Harvey,
Hey, um, I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I'm guessing you like free laughs, no? I found your site by stumbling through technorati.com with the search keyword "Pirate Lawyer". I'm looking for people who might like Pirates and Explosions and Ninjas and Robots and such, and, to wit, your site gives me the impression that you might enjoy this 30sec flash bit about a Pirate Lawyer who doesn't like Ninjas:
http://www.viciouscyclone.com/Adz/Ad003.html
Or this very not-timely entry about Xmas and MegaNanites:
http://www.viciouscyclone.com/Adz/Ad004.html
I'm hoping that if you like, you share with friends. If not, eh, you lose 60 seconds.
Hope you have you a Groovy Day, etc.
Thanx Much!Bo
Bo@viciouscyclone.com
He uses my name - good on him for taking the time to personalize it.
His introductory line freely admits that he's a complete stranger who's just trolling for traffic. Honesty... I can respect that.
He tells me specifically how he found my site. Sating my curiosity wins points with me every time. I like knowing how people find my site.
And finally, he includes a contact e-mail that's the same as the source of the original e-mail, and signs his name. Would've been more impressive with his LAST name, too, but that was in the e-mail address, so I'll let it slide.
Anyway, I clicked.
And laughed my ass off.
Don't forget to hit the main page so you can enjoy "Ninja Off" and "Explodocom 4000K".
"Everything else is stupid and pointless! Blow stuff up!"
PS Bo? It's "Cthulhuan". And if you ever start an actual blog with comments, drop me a line - you'll be on the roll in a heartbeat.
Posted by: Harvey at
09:37 PM
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The reviews are up at the King of the Blogs main page, and feature such diverse elements as:
Songstress making personal threats against my mucous.
Nick insinuating that I was once the lead singer of Cinderella.
Pietro asking the perfect question:
David lets loose with a 100-page thesis on Americanism and its enemies. Does America actually have that many enemies?
The contestants are already chosen for this week's episode (don't forget - if you correctly predict the winner and final score, you can win a free blog ad) and we're looking at the possibility of retiring our first King if Jon can pull off another victory.
Assuming he can shake that evil extended entry monkey off his back.
Don't forget that KotB is still taking applicants for future tournaments. Check the KotB main page & sign up today.
Because, one way or the other, you won't have to worry about facing Jon any more.
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09:13 PM
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Put red food coloring in the toilet water and tell him if he PÂ’s in it, it will turn orange. Guess whatÂ… it worked. I tried it once that morning and 3 more times he came to me and asked to go potty. We used Blue once and Red two more times
[runs out and buys food coloring]
Who says it's just for kids?
Cool! Orange!
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08:51 PM
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Since you are my sunshine and I am your raindrop, together we can create an everlasting rainbow of love.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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12:59 AM
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As a courtesy to Jim, I will reveal that my questions were:
If you had to live in either Alaska or Hawaii, which would you choose?Of all your blog projects, which are you the most proud of?
What size boobs do you think look best on women?
What's the least impressive contest you ever entered and won?
Plenty more over there. All with answers.
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12:56 AM
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January 24, 2005
Maybe something to put on the "to do" list at the Bad Example Family (& Friends) Reunion?
[hat tip to Blogless Brother Tom for the vodka link]
Speaking of the reunion, I'd like to ask a favor. If you're going to attend, PLEASE take the time to familiarize yourself with the content of the blogs listed on Tammi's "Orlando Bound" guest blogroll on her left sidebar. Learn about your fellow attendees and avoid the embarrassment of having to walk into a room full of strangers.
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11:11 PM
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That, and other, more ethical, thoughts about the work/blog conflict can be found from Reid of The Daily Whim.
UPDATE 5-24-05: [If you've found this post useful enough to blog about, send a trackback or e-mail the permalink to me at harvolson-at-gmail.com and I'll add you to my Bad Example Groupies blogroll. See this post for details]
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10:57 PM
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Then I'm reading at blogson _Jon of We Swear, and find a remarkably similar comment on one of his posts. At which point I bust Bernie's chops.
As the comment conversation develops and some of my blogkids chime in, Bernie comes back again, responds to the discussion, and finishes up by saying:
Who the hell is harvey?
Which just made me giggle. Remember, this is 2 days AFTER he just got done telling me I had a "very nice blog". He didn't even click my name in the comments to answer his own question.
I'm stuffing that one in my sidebar quotes collection.
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10:50 PM
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Trouble is, the sidebar images from some of the advertisers show buttocks that have been beaten until they're welted & bloody. If you're an evangelical Christian, your eyes will be sent directly to hell for looking at them. Even *I* thought they were a bit intense.
But the blog tips are REALLY good.
Tell ya what, I'll give you the first sentence on all of them (and a little extra on some), then let you decide if it's worth it to read the whole thing:
DO: Do blog every day.DO: Do stick to your theme.
DO: Do make sure you love your theme.
DO: Do plan for the long haul. When you blog, you are building a personal brand. That takes time. If you can't see yourself maintaining your blog in three years, why go to all that effort?
DO: Do make sure you own and control every aspect of your blog.
DON'T: Don't use a "blogging service" -- you don't need it, and if your blog is on someone else's domain, you don't really own it.
Do: Do blog for the search engines. [...] make sure [your post titles] have good keywords. All other things being equal, tomorrow's post will get more search engine visitors over time if you title it "Pretty Feet On The Stairs" than if you title it "I'm Drooling On My Monitor". Google "honest search engine optimization" and follow the advice you'll find.
Do: Do participate in the blogging community.
Do: Do have a blogroll.
Do: Do link generously and profligately.
Don't: Don't worry about link backs.
Do: Do be very wary of negotiated link exchanges.
Don't: Don't feel you have to respond to all the link exchange results you will get (and you will eventually start getting dozens every day).
Don't: Don't fall into the trap of thinking traffic doesn't matter. It does. Remember, you are building a personal brand, even if you never hope to make a dime from it. That means you want readers, and you want exposure. Again, why bother to blog if nobody reads? [...]the traffic you'll earn has a substantial economic value, because you could sell ads whether you choose to, or not.
Don't: Don't advertise at first, even if you eventually decide to do so in order to cover your hosting costs or to make beer money.
Don't: Don't ever vandalize your own blog.
A lot of good food for thought over there. Just watch out for those sidebar ads.
UPDATE 5-24-05: [If you've found this post useful enough to blog about, send a trackback or e-mail the permalink to me at harvolson-at-gmail.com and I'll add you to my Bad Example Groupies blogroll. See this post for details]
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09:34 PM
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Posted by: Harvey at
09:13 PM
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I'm going to root for a 94-overtime tie, in which the stats are exactly the same on both sides, and they have to put in the coaches to play in the 3rd day because they run out of non injured players. Then the Eagles win by 3 points, but nobody counts it as a Superbowl victory because no starting Eagles were on the field at the end of the game.
Yeah, I'm grumpy about the Steelers losing.
And if you're weary of the "Patriots Dynasty" hype, read the rest of it.
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01:06 PM
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Meanwhile, on the XX side of the aisle, T-shirt Babe SarahK of Mountaineer Musings is pulling a nasty little girly-stunt:
so i said, “i’m sorry i’m so whiny and demanding.”
and he said, “that’s what i love about you.”when what he should have said was, “you’re not whiny and demanding. you’re perfect, and i couldn’t love anyone more, my love.”
"...what he should have said was..."
Sarah, don't even start. You know darn well that there's no correct reply to that statement.
Frank, remember what Private Joker said in Full Metal Jacket:
"Sir, the private believes that any answer he gives will be wrong! And the Senior Drill Instructor will beat him harder if he reverses himself, sir!"
Just stand your ground & take your beatings, Private Lover.
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11:10 AM
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btw, did i tell you how excited i was when you blogrolled me? i noticed it on our trip and starting yelling, "frank! harvey blogrolled me!"
January 23, 2005
I'm Susie's #1.
Now I'm just waiting to see what the trophy looks like. I'm hoping for something classy, statuesque, and buxom.
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10:11 AM
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January 22, 2005
I wanted to kiss this woman so bad, I wondered how I would stay alive without it.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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06:21 PM
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For now, Jon of Personal Trainer rules with an iron fist, but is that RUST I see on that glove? And do I see challengers with buckets of CLR coming to dissolve his power?
Let's find out what happens...
You are shipwrecked on a deserted island with your two opponents from this week's King of the Blog. What happens next?
Jon of Personal Trainer
GOOD POINTS: I was rooting around on Jon's page, looking for his assignment, thought this one was it, but after a few paragraphs, decided it wasn't. There was no giveaway line until deep into the story. Very expertly crafted. Bonus for the "leaving trackbacks" line.
BAD POINTS: I hate to ding for this, but I have to: Jon did not give examples of the emoticons he mentioned. Considering that non-internet savvy newbies stumble onto your blog every day, it would've been a nice touch for their sakes.
SCORE: 4.5
David of DM's Loose Ends
GOOD POINTS: Presents some chuckle-worthy mental images.
BAD POINTS: First, commits the cardinal sin of intro'ing his piece with the standard creativity-impaired "I'm in the King of the Blogs and this is my assignment" dealie. Word to future contenders - do NOT use this intro. It's BORING. It will cost you points. You may LOSE because of this. At the very least, do something like "I had this weird dream last night that I was shipwrecked with the other KOTB guys..." and link the work "shipwrecked" to the assignment post at the KOTB home page.
Second, what's this "I imagine" and "I'm assuming" stuff? This is YOUR post and YOU make the rules. You don't have to imagine or assume ANYTHING. Be CONFINDENT, man! You're seeking to decimate the competition and become KING, not licking boots to gain the favor of being appointed an ambassadorship to Elbonia. Cowboy up, mister!
SCORE: 3.5
Jason of New Trometter Times
GOOD POINTS: Launches straight into the story.
BAD POINTS: If you're going to launch straight into the story, there needs to be a link to the KOTB assignment page so that passers-by can get in on the joke. Also, a good story needs to have a beginning, middle, and end.
1 out of 3 ain't bad.
Dividing it into 2 parts, however, IS, because it's just a distracting interruption in the narrative flow. You'd have been better off taking the time to finish the story in the first place.
SCORE: 2
Person Trainer: "It's Only A Buck"
GOOD POINTS: Excellent use of callback in the final line gave the essay a feeling of solid completion. Bible verses are either cited or quoted in full.
BAD POINTS: Cited about 100 statistics and gave NOT ONE SINGLE LINK to his sources. If it were just his little urban legend opener that he sheisted from some uncredited Christian site and maybe one or two off-handed references to "studies", I'd let it slide. But studies and statistics make up the bulk of SEVERAL PARAGRAPHS worth of secular argumentation, and he doesn't link ANY of them. CBS's memos cited more sources than this sorry, slapdash effort.
Google. Hyperlinks. Use them.
SCORE: 2
DM's Loose Ends "Americanism—and Its Enemies: Critique, Analysis, and Commentary"
GOOD POINTS: Logically, reasonably, & rationally argues his points.
BAD POINTS: First - seriously, WHY did you think this would make a good submitted post? I'm an atheist. Pietro isn't a god-blogger. Yet you submitted an academically-toned, religiously-oriented treatise that registers a 7.9 on the Bill Whittle scale of verbal bloatery.
What. Were. You. Thinking?
Know your audience, man. And even if Songstress HAD the interest, I'm sure she doesn't have the time. She's got two cats to feed and a baby to conceive.
Even worse, I don't think that even YOU read this literary monstrosity. Why do I say that? Because I counted over 30 different typological and grammatical errors.
If you're going to make us ride this sinking verbal Titanic, the LEAST you could do is buzz it through a spellchecker.
Then there's writing style. This essay is Sahara/Gobi/Mojave dry. Consider buying a copy of The Lively Art of Writing. Meanwhile here's two tips: 1) use active verbs instead of forms of the word "be", 2) use fewer prepositional phrases - there are plenty of sprightly adjectives & adverbs you can use instead.
SCORE: 2
New Trometter Times: "Counting on Social Security?"
GOOD POINTS: This is a model "get in, get it done, get out" post. Jason starts with a question (always a good way to get the reader's attention), makes his point, exits with a pithy comment summing up his position and then - this is important - STOPS WRITING. A post doesn't have to be long to be good.
BAD POINTS: None visible.
SCORE: 5
Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:
King of the Blogs javascript thingy in the sidebar
Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green
background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)
Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to
remind us of the person behind the words.
With that in mind...
Personal Trainer:
GOOD POINTS: All the positives are still here from last week, plus he put his name in the posted-by line and eased up on the extended-entry use. Now you can just go there and read & never have to take your finger off your mouse's scroll-wheel (or "page down" button, depending on your navigational preference). MUCH better. Also, HUGE bonus for the excessive use of gratuitous linkage to the KOTB staff.
BAD POINTS: There was still a LITTLE use of extended entries to hide text. If having the words hidden somehow improves the entry, I'm all for it. Otherwise the message you're sending to your readers is "I don't think anyone would really want to read this whole thing. Why don't you skip over this sorry post and move on to the good stuff." If what you're posting isn't good enough to be read in its entirety, why are you posting it?
Anyway, I'm not taking off for it because of the gratuitous linkage bonus.
SCORE: 5
DM'S Loose Ends
GOOD POINTS: All the technicals in order. Layout is clean, plain & functional.
BAD POINTS: A little TOO clean. Like an empty cubicle. I understand David is new & all, so I imagine the margin-decorating thingies & doo-dads will come in time, but still... a little dull. Also, I didn't see any pictures posted. On the off chance David has no image hosting service available, I recommend ImageShack (www.imageshack.us). It's free & user-friendly.
SCORE: 4
New Trommetter Times:
GOOD POINTS: Lots of little pictures & doodads & icons & a cool background texture give this site a comfortable yet distinctive character. Lots of eye-candy, but it's off to the sides, so Jason avoids a cluttered appearance.
BAD POINTS: Missing an "About Me" post. Don't be shy, Jason - share with us.
Now, about those extended entries... it's bad enough you use them to hide text that doesn't need to be hidden, but you should at LEAST choose a stopping point where a uninterested person might logically decide that they could be reading something else. NOBODY quits in the middle of a "Top Ten" list. That extended entry was plainly pointless. What's 5 more lines?
SCORE: 4
Personal Trainer: 11.5
DM's Loose Ends: 9.5
New Trommetter Times: 11
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[turns off lights]
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Another Friday, another trip to Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon to tip back a few cold ones and bask in the warm glow of cheerful cameraderie...
Harv: Hey, Bartender.
Bartender: Eat shit & die, you maggot-infested monkey-humper.
Harv: That's the nicest thing you've said to me in months.
Bartender: I've been reading "How To Win Friends & Influence People".
Harv: That WOULD explain your cuddly, bunny-like demeanor. Say, you seen Matty O'Blackfive in here?
Bartender: What do I look like? His f***ing personal secretary?
Harv: Nah. She's got bigger knockers & less ear-hair... Nevermind... I see him in the corner. Pour me a Guinness & bring it over.
Bartender: What do I look like? A f***ing bartender? I... wait... uh...
Harv: Work the formula, Einstein, I'll be Matty chattin'.
... I went to the dimly lit corner table where sat America's favorite drunken Irish paratrooper...
Harv: Hey, Matty.
Matt: Eat shit & die.
Harv: "How To Win Friends & Influence People"?
Matt: The Bartender loaned me his copy.
Harv: It's working wonders for ya. I've been here 10 seconds and you haven't said f*** once.... to tell you the truth, it's creeping me out a little.
Matt: That book's full of all kinds of weird stuff. For example, did you know that some people say... [checks book]... "please"... instead of "hurry up before I bust your f***in' chops"?
Harv: I thought that was just an urban legend?
Matt: Nope. Apparently it's a fairly common expression amongst people without military experience.
Harv: So... it's a French word?
Matt: You're thinking of "surrender".
Harv: Whatever. All this linguistical chit-chat's making me thirsty. Let me pull up a chair while I wait for the Bartender to bring my beer, and... [staring at empty glasses piled up on the table]... Matty, how long have you been here tonight?
Matt: About an hour.
Harv: That looks more like TWO hourse worth of your glassware. Somethin' bugging you?
Matt: My lucky box of Lucky Charms cereal is missing.
Harv: Your... what now?
Matt: Lucky box of Lucky Charms... Remember? I posted a picture of it last St. Patrick's Day?
Harv: Heh. Paddy O'Tatertot.
Matt: Yeah, well, it's missing now and I'm really bummed out about it.
Harv: Didn't you get that box from a CIA agent in Cambodia?
Matt: You're thinking of John Kerry's lucky hat.
Harv: John Kerry's Irish?
Matt: Irish Protestant, judging by his skin color. Anyway, it's missing.
Harv: That's just weird... Hey, speaking of missing, I can't seem to find my Johnny B. Bad $5 bill.
Matt: You mean that creepy-looking thing with Lincoln wearing an earring that you've got posted on your site?
Harv: It was my first piece of Graffiti Currency. It means the world to me. I searched all over the place. Can't find it anywhere. I don't know what to do.
Matt: Try drinking heavily. That always seems to solve MY problems.
Harv: And by a happy coincidence, here's the Bartender with my Guinness. Gimme that thing before I bust your f***in' chops.
Matt: He means "please".
Bartender: I didn't know Harv spoke French... By the way, have either of you doorknobs seen my lucky shot glass?
Harv: Matt, I think there's something strange going on here.
Matt: Yeah, the Bartender missed a perfectly good opportunity to use a form of the work f*** as an adjective.
Bartender: Skip the grammar lessons, Strunk & White. What're you getting at, Harv?
Harv: Don't you see? Matty's lucky cereal box, my cherished Graffiti Currency, your lucky shot glass - ALL missing at the same time? It CAN'T be just a coincidence! I think Evil Glenn is behind this.
Bartender: That's the STUPIDEST thing I've ever heard! There's not a SINGLE shred of evidence pointing towards Evil Glenn!
Harv: EXACTLY! The complete absence of evidence means he's OBVIOUSLY the perpetrator!
Bartender: ...Have you been watching Michael Moore movies again?
Matt: No, Bartender, he's right. You can't argue with his perfect logic.
Bartender: Perfect lunacy.
Matt: Come on, Bartender. It means we'll get to go on a road cruise in the Drunkmobile. I'll even let you drive.
Bartender: Well... as long as there's drunk driving involved, I don't see how I can say no.
Matt: Great! Then it's settled. TO THE DRUNKMOBILE!
Harv: Shotgun!
Matt: DOH!
... we stumbled into our beloved vehicle of alcohol-fueled vengeance and swerved insanely through the night towards Castle Glenn, hoping to discover why he had stolen our most precious belongings. A few hours later, with a screech of tires and the crash of impacted trash cans, we arrived on Instapundit's front lawn...
Harv: Nice stealth, Bartender. Why don't you just send up a flare while you're at it?
Bartender: Great idea!... [BANG! *FWOOSH*]... Now we can see where we're going.
Harv: Matt, I'm gonna sit here & shake my head in disbelief for a while. Meanwhile, you can explain "sarcasm" to this retarded sack of hammers.
Matt: Lay off him, Harv. If we run, we can still catch Glenn by surprise.
Bartender: Matt's right. It's not like our mission was broadcast hours in advance.
Harv: Well... I did put up a small "light blogging ahead due to secret mission to Evil Glenn's castle" post.
Matt: And I live-blogged the road trip.
Bartender [checks Instapundit.com]: "Heh. Looks like I'll be having company. Indeed."
Harv: That would explain the neon sign that says "Welcome Harv, Matty, and Bartender".
Matt: Enough belly-aching! Come on you apes! You want to live forever? Let's go get our shit back!
... We entered the castle, seeking Glenn's inner sanctum. Guided by Matty's eerily accurate, almost Spider-man-like ability to detect evil - along with numerous signs posted in the hallways that said "this way to diabolical trap" - we quickly arrived at our destination.
Evil Glenn: What the F*** took you guys so long?
Harv: Sorry. We decided to play rock-paper-scissors to see who'd buy the first round when we got back to the bar.
Evil Glenn: Which should take about 5 seconds!
Matt: We all kept picking "rock".
Bartender: Good old rock. Nothing beats that.
Evil Glenn: Indeed. Well, let me explain why I've tricked you into coming here tonight. At the dawn of time, certain ancient tribes worshipped dark gods of unspeakable power. Anthropologists differ in their explanation of...
Harv: Bored now.
Matt: I really don't want my box back badly enough to listen to THIS crap.
Bartender: Ditto. If I'd have wanted a history lesson, I wouldn't have dropped out of the 3rd grade. Let's go.
[all turn to leave]
Evil Glenn: WAIT!... Fine... you win... The short version is: I stole a precious object from each of you so that I could control you through the power of Voodoo and use you to destroy the Alliance of Free Blogs. But then I read the fine print on the ritual scroll and discovered that I needed blood from each of you, too, so I had to trick you into coming here in order to gather your precious life-fluids.
Harv: Bullshit! You didn't trick us into coming here. Accusing you was MY idea. I thought it up all by myself!
Evil Glenn: Subliminal message in that hardcore bondage porn movie you downloaded last night.
Harv: I... uh... don't know what Glenn's talking about... uh... but I suppose it wouldn't hurt to humor him...
Bartender: Wait a second... Voodoo?... I thought you worshipped Satan?
Evil Glenn: Satan? BAH! Why would I worship him? What's he ever done for ME?
Harv: Made you the untouchable Dominar of the Ecosystem?
Evil Glenn: I mean lately...
Bartender: He helped you win the lottery a couple weeks ago.
Evil Glenn: Lately, as in "today"...
Matt [noticing a nearby FedEx package]: He sent you a new inflatable sheep.
Evil Glenn: That's... uh... a gift for a friend!
Bartender: How come it has a blending attachment?
Evil Glenn: Just answer the question! What's Satan done for me in the last 10 minutes?
[silence]
Evil Glenn: I rest my case! After all the slaughtered hobos, I get NOTHING! He's abandoned me! He's the most feeble, pathetic excuse for an anthropomorphic personification of evil that ever...
Harv: Um... Glenn...
Evil Glenn: WHAT!
Harv: Maybe you shouldn't say that...
Evil Glenn: ...he's standing behind me, isn't he?
Bartender: Let's see, 20 feet tall, horns, hooves, pitchfork...
Matt: Could be Hillary...
Harv: Face isn't hairy enough.
Satan: SILENCE! SO... GLENN... WHAT'S THIS ABOUT NOT WORSHIPPING ME ANYMORE?
Evil Glenn: Uh... um... er... Look! I brought you some hobos!
Satan: DON'T F*** WITH ME, LAWYER! THESE MEN ALL HAVE HOMES AND JOBS!... ALTHOUGH PADDY O'TATERTOT IS A NEAR MISS ON THE BOOZING FRONT...
Matt: Hey!
Bartender [kicking Matt in the shin]: Shut up, Paddy! Don't interrupt the nice Prince of Darkness.
Satan: I FIND YOUR LACK OF FAITH DISTURBING, MR. REYNOLDS. YOU SHALL BE PUNISHED FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!
Evil Glenn: So... I'm in deep shit, ain't I?
Satan: FUNNY YOU SHOULD SAY THAT... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
...with a snap of his black-taloned fingers, Satan disappeared in a cloud of sulfurous smoke. When it cleared, Glenn was nowhere to be found...
Harv: Bored now.
Matt: Even worse, we didn't get our stuff back.
Bartender: I'm NOT leaving here without my lucky shot glass. HEY! SATAN!
Satan [reappearing in a sulfurous cloud]: WHAT!
Bartender: Ya know, we didn't come all this way for nothing. I want my shot glass!
Harv: And I want my $5 graffiti bill!
Matt: And I want my box of Lucky Charms!
Satan: DO I LOOK LIKE THE F***ING WIZARD OF OZ? PISS OFF!
Bartender: Then you leave us no choice but to bind you into serving us by reading a passage from the Good Book... Matty?...
Matt: "The word "please" is your most important tool for winning friends and influencing people..."
Satan: NOOOOOOOOO! NOT "PLEASE"! I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN PEOPLE SPEAK FRENCH!
Harv: Actually, it's NOT Fren...
Bartender [kicking Harv in the shin and whispering harshly]: shut! up!
Satan: ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! HERE'S YOUR CRAP BACK! JUST RELEASE ME FROM YOUR SPELL!
Bartender: Ok, Matt, say the magic words.
Matt: "Eat shit & die, you maggot-infested monkey-humper".
... Satan disappeared in a cloud of foul-smelling smoke, after which we gathered our belongings and high-tailed it back to the Drunkmobile. After half an hour of doing donuts on Glenn's front lawn (because it's FUN... duh!) we made our way back to Madfish Willie's for a beer and an epilogue...
Matt: Wonder what Satan meant by that "deep shit" remark?
Harv: Don't know... but on a completely unrelated topic, have you seen this story about a man who was so desperate to get his hands on a dog that he dove into a manure pit?
Matt: Interesting... yet I'm sure this story is completely unrelated to our recent adventure.
Bartender: Hey! Which one of you cheap bastards is gonna pay for these drinks?
[Matt, Harv, & the Bartender all look at each other in silence]
[IN UNISON]: One! Two! Three!.... ROCK!
INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!
Posted by: Harvey at
12:06 AM
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Post contains 1792 words, total size 13 kb.
January 21, 2005
My favorite place to be is inside of your hugs where it's warm and loving.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
Posted by: Harvey at
12:48 AM
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Post contains 30 words, total size 1 kb.
January 20, 2005
Six Line Ascii Art Challenge
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^The rules:
1. It must be exactly six lines.
2. It must be new.
I found the "Strip Tease" series to be QUITE an impressive accomplishment.
Posted by: Harvey at
07:05 PM
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Post contains 56 words, total size 1 kb.
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