October 31, 2004

BLOODY TABLOIDS

What IS it with the British Tabloids and their filthy paparazzi haunting me wherever I go? Just the headline & first paragraph should show you how I'm being misrepresented:

Newsflash - Lime Green Terror!!

Police today stepped up their hunt for famed internet pervert respected citizen of Wisconsin Harvey Olson after hundreds of women phoned in to complain about explicit website content that had been displayed "without the appropriate warnings".

Do NOT encourage these people by clicking the link and reading the rest of their filthy lies.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:38 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

True love is the greatest thing in the worldÂ…
Except for cough dropsÂ…
Everyone knows that.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 11:22 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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OO! PRETTY!

Via Blogdaughter Tammi of Road Warrior Survival, a collection of THE best photographs I've ever seen. Absolutely breathtaking.

And perfectly safe for work.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:20 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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MIKE IS BACK, AND HE IS PISSED

Long-lost blogson Mike the Marine of From the Halls to the Shores has returned from his lengthy hiatus, and after a few crappy warm-up posts, he's whipped out his flamethrower and set fire to Osama's new video. A mere excerpt won't do it justice, but that won't stop me:

Oooh, Osama... I'm sooooo scaaaaared of yoooou. What a bitch. Has anybody told him recently that he ain't in charge of jack squat these days? That guy has less control of terrorism than Ted Kennedy has a grip on reality. Ol' Alf over there has a tighter hold of the PLO (his ass sure does look like that cat eating alien, don't it? Eh, maybe it's just me...).

If we kill him now - bin Laden, not Kennedy - it'll be a moral victory, that's all. Now that I think of it, same might apply to Teddy Chappaquiddick, but I digress. Trust me when I say that right now, Osama couldn't fund a run to 7-11, let alone a terrorist organization. "Where's Osama? Where's Osama? Where's Osama?"

Where? WHO GIVES A RAT'S ASS?

Even funnier is the bitch-slapping that Mike lays on a lefty troll in the comments.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:17 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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USELESS, UNSCIENTIFIC, INACCURATE EXIT POLL

Is available for your perusal at The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles.

On the bright side, it can't be any less accurate than, say, 60 Minutes.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:04 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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WIRELESS PUPPET SEX

A little something e-mailed to me by SondraK of Knowledge Is Power. Not even remotely work safe.

Please note - due to Bill Clinton not being cool enough to get his own doll, the part of Bill Clinton will be played by George W. Bush.

Politics aside, I couldn't help but find myself amused.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:24 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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IT'S ONLY FAVRE... BUSH WILL STILL WIN

I'm sure you've heard this:

Since the Redskins became the Redskins in 1933, the result of the team's final home game before the presidential election has correctly predicted the White House winner. If the Redskins win, the incumbent party wins. If they lose, the incumbent party is ousted.

You're also probably aware that today the Packers handed the Redskins their asses in a 28-14 thrash-fest.

So Bush is doomed, right?

Not necessarily, because Favre was playing. Things get... odd... when Favre gets involved.

Until Favre, no one had ever won 3 MVP's.

Until Favre, no quarterback has ever had 197 consecutive starts.

Until Favre, no quarterback has ever had 12 consecutive 3,000-yard passing seasons.

Until Favre, no quarterback has ever had 7 30-touchdown-pass seasons.

Until Favre, the Packers had never lost a playoff game in Lambeau.

Until Favre, the Packers had never lost a Superbowl.

I don't care HOW old the Redskins streak is. When #4 is involved, all bets are off.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:16 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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NOTE TO 60 MINUTES: SHOVE THIS UP YOUR ASS, YOU PARTISAN HACKS

Just saw 60 Minutes do a last-minute hit piece on Bush, claiming that he personally removed all the armor from the Humvees in Iraq.

Or something like that.

Speaking of armor, via Peter the Blogless, I was pointed to The Question Cat's very graphic, very gripping, very compelling post of one man's attempt to deal with the aftermath of a recent terrorist attack in Iraq.

You probably don't want to read it at work, because it's rich in F-bombs, and quite disturbing to read. Think "first 10 minutes of Saving Private Ryan".

After you finish it, let the following words echo in your head as you vote for Bush on Tuesday:

Those trauma plates are a big piece of ceramic, stiff and heavy, but comparatively light weight. A piece of steel with similar protective value would simply be too much to carry. It is contoured to curve around your body on either side. Shrapnel hitting it will generally either imbed into the plate, or more likely deflect off. The plates are expensive, and can crack if mistreated. Each one has a serial number, and costs hundreds of dollars. They are worth every [f***ing] penny. [...]

I am so glad this kid had his plates. Long before any of us got there, those things saved his ass. They save lives all over Iraq.

Thanks again Kerry, you shit, for voting against them.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:56 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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THANKS TO ALL THE SWEET, CRAZY PEOPLE WHO DROPPED MY NAME

Kate of Electric Venom had a little game of Blogroll Survivor, adding a few here, losing a few there, all at the behest of her commenters.

Thanks to a few well-placed plugs from some people who talked about me behind my back, I'm one of the lucky 100 to occupy Kate's new blogroll.

I'm flattered, I'm honored, I'm returning the favor.

By the way, Kate, this entitles you to display my gaudy and tasteless "Bad Example Annoying Neighbor" logo, if you've a mind to ruin your decor.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:43 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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SPAM EXAMPLE

A while back I posted this excellent opinion piece by Peter, the blogless Viet Nam veteran who pulled no punches explaining why Kerry is a miserable piece of shit.

I was just flattered to have the honor of putting the words on my front page.

Then some links rolled in (see the trackbacks at the bottom of the original post), and I was thrilled to see that Peter's message had climbed off my little foothill & stood on some mountains.

Recently I was informed by blogdaughter Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice that Peter's words are now floating around the internet as one of those "you gotta read this!" spam e-mails.

One guy in particular lives in Tampa now. He worked in engineering and heÂ’s a great guy. HeÂ’s one that just sends me jokes or e-mails about how much the Vets hate Kerry. We never speak about anything really personal. He has NO CLUE I have a blog; I didnÂ’t even know he knew what a blog was. Then today I got an e-mail from himÂ…[...]It specifically says in the title: 'From a blog from Badexample.mu.nu'. My eyes popped open as I readÂ… and it was Harvey's posting of one of PeterÂ’s comments.

From the mountains to the plains, the word still spreads.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:17 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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THIRD OCCASIONAL JERKY AWARDS

A while back I started the Little Right Wing Circle Jerk, which is founded on two principles:

1) Information found on blogs is at least as accurate as information found in the mainstream media

2) It's morally wrong to hijack someone else's blog.

The second one is fairly easy to agree with, but the first one requires a little nerve to assert.

In my recent surfing, however, I've come a couple posts in praise of the excellent job the blogosphere does of getting its facts straight. To honor these intrepid souls, I present:

award.gif

THE THIRD OCCASIONAL JERKY AWARDS

The Little Right Wing Circle Jerk Award of Merit (or "Jerky") is given to those who defend the honor of blogger credibility vs. the so-called "journalistic integrity " of the mainstream media. I hereby award Jerkies to the following fine folks:

Teresa of Technicalities:

Things will never be perfect, but blogs and the internet, give us a chance to find out what is happening and a chance to effect change. We can fight voter fraud if we know about it. We can wash off the mud with reason. We can help local campaign offices if we know they've been vandalized. We can organize and participate in protests or support groups because we know they are happening.

Laurence of This Blog Is Full Of Crap:

Maybe the benefit of blogging is that people have the opportunity to read all the content on a subject, evaluate the arguments and validity of source material, form an opinion on the reliability of the speaker, and then judge for themselves?

As long as they promise not to hijack any blogs, the above-linked people are cordially invited to display either the Jerky Award image or the Little Right Wing Circle Jerk logo, or both.

[Credit: Jerky Award and LRWCJ logos created by Pam of Pamibe, the queen of graphic design - she's the one to see for all your blog-related image needs]

Posted by: Harvey at 09:03 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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HE'S ENTITLED TO HIS OPINION, DESPITE HOW HORRIBLY WRONG IT IS

J of Quibbles & Bits has insulted my ass. Feel free to stop by & defend my honor.

Posted by: Harvey at 08:49 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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October 30, 2004

CARNIVAL OF THE PAJAMAS #6

Dressing up in costumes,
Playing silly games
Hiding out in tree-tops
Shouting out rude names

- Peter Gabriel

That sums up blogging pretty well, I'd say.

Of course, I don't have much in the way of tree-tops or other arboreal splendor around here, but COSTUMES...

That I can do:

Tiffany of Blown Fuse has trouble choosing between schoolmarmish and sweatergirlish. I don't care which one, as long as I get to stay after class.

VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks can't stop bragging about the gorgeous Florida weather. Warmth & sunshine & low-80's temps that let her get away with wearing this form-fitting little number while Northern folk like me are setting fire to our keyboards just trying to stay warm.

Matty O'Blackfive must do his tanning at the same place as John Kerry, or else I'm otherwise lost at explaining his freakish skin tone. And judging by the teeth, I'd say he's got a little hillbilly in the family tree.

Sally of Whimsy Capricious was too busy fending off attacks from her dapper-dwarf neighbors to actually post the picture herself, but she DID show me where she bought her outfit. Suddenly I'm thinking that letting women in the Navy wasn't such a bad move after all.

Teresa of Technicalities is sporting firey red silkies this week. I'm obsessed with undoing that top button.

Anathematized1 of Rivers of Blood is wearing... well... I'm not really sure. It kinda looks like she just finished some sort of kinky 4-way with the Blue Man Group, but I could be wrong.

Contagion of... um... nowhere yet... insists that despite the rigid pole and comely wenches, there is NO symbolism in this picture:

(click to enlarge)

Pam of Pamibe shows off her son-in-law, who - I suspect - has been to one too many Alice Cooper shows.

Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice has both her and her husband taking the red pill. Who can argue with black leather? Although I can't for the life of me understand the need to wear sunglasses indoors.

Eric of Straight White Guy proves all three quite handily by showing off his brief stint as a millionaire playboy.

Didja ever notice that women always seem to go to the bathroom in groups? That's just weird. Why don't they do FUN things in groups, like... well, YOU know... *AHEM*... Anyway, Tammi of Road Warrior Survival shows us that blogging can be a fun group activity, too. If you dress for it.

Although she's a little shy about posting her own picture, RWS of Right Wing Sparkle hesitates not a moment to reveal the looks of myself, Matty O'Blackfive, Greyhawk of Mudville, Andrew Sullivan, and Jeff of Protein Wisdom. (If you have trouble seeing the pictures, try hitting "refresh". Or just click on the vertical lines)

Father O'Johnny of Closet Extremist gets ready to hear your confessions.

I (Harvey of Bad Example) am going to the sunny shores of Jamaica next week, so I thought I'd try on the swimsuit I bought the last time I was down there:

(click to enlarge)

Whether it still fits, I leave for the reader to decide.

Johnny-Oh's entry made me realize that the ladies need to help us indulge our Catholic school girl fetishes next time:

schl girl.jpg

Since I'm going on vacation, the next Carnival of the Pajamas will be posted on November 20th, but the same rules apply:

Post a picture of yourself (or a professional model whose picture you copied off some web page - like I'd know the difference anyway) in your favorite blogging attire. Leave a permalink in the comments to this post, send a trackback, or e-mail the link directly to me at harvolson-at-charter.net.

If you have trouble hosting images, you can send me the picture, and I'll post it for you, along with your description.

If you don't have a blog, but you're feeling particularly creative, same as above.

Entries due by 12pm CDT, Saturday, November 20th, and I'll post the round-up Saturday afternoonish.

And if I missed your entry, give a holler in the comments or to harvolson-at-charter.net

Posted by: Harvey at 05:33 PM | Comments (38) | Add Comment
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A BREAK FROM ELECTION NEWS

For Reid of PhotoDude, a little catblogging:

(click to enlarge)

That's Amber surrounded by laundry.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled partisan screedery.

Posted by: Harvey at 01:49 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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October 29, 2004

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore... my face should be among them.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 10:34 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ

Friday Linky Stuff

Filthy Lie Round-up: Evil Glenn's Halloween

New Filthy Lie Assignment: What attractions would you find at Evil Glenn's Theme Park?

NOTE: Yes, the rumor at Alliance HQ is true. I'm going on vacation soon, with no internet access. Details to follow as the week progresses. Expect my (temporarily) last post on Wednesday or Thursday).

Posted by: Harvey at 10:31 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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EVIL GLENN'S HALLOWEEN

(A FILTHY LIE)

Seeking to avoid door-answering duty (and the accompanying hordes of sticky-fingered brats in plastic masks), I slipped down to Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon for a cold one on Halloween.

Harv: Hey Bartender!

Bartender: F*** you.

Harv: Yes, I *would* like a Guinness, thank you. Say, I like your costume.

Bartender: Costume?

Harv: Yeah... dress, earrings, lipstick, wig...

Bartender: It's not for Halloween

Harv: So you're NOT Tom Hanks from the Bosom Buddies days?

Bartender: All I'm saying is NEVER bet on the Cardinals.

Harv: Point taken. Ya know, I... OO! Candy corn! [stuffs handful into mouth] GAH! *spitooie!* Oh my GOD! Evil Glenn's trying to sabotage the nation's candy supply, just like he did last Easter! We've got stop him! Quick! To the Dru...

Bartender: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Harv: What's so funny?

Bartender: YOU, dumbass! Halloween is for tricks & treats. That was the trick. That wasn't candy corn, those were painted rabbit turds! WHOOOO-HAHAHAHA! You shoulda seen your face!

Harv: DAMMIT, Bartender! You really shouldn't joke around about Evil Glenn. It's NOT a laughing matter. He's the number one threat to the blogosphere.

Bartender: I thought the number one threat was comment porn-spam?

Harv: Actually, that's number three. You forgot about... [insert dramatic music]... evil monkeys.

Bartender: Heh. You like spanking your evil monkey!

Harv: Which is not germane to the task at hand, i.e. stopping Evil Glenn's nefarious plot to substitute painted rabbit turds for candy corn.

Bartender: Stupid fartknocker! I just told you that was MY idea!

Harv: So he's a plagiarist, too? This is worse than I thought! Quickly! To the Dru...

Bartender: Look, ya retarded little buttlizard, I'm not going ANYWHERE with you! There's no Evil Glenn plot to foil, and...

Harv: I'll pay my bar tab.

Bartender: ... TO THE DRUNKMOBILE!

...We drove quickly through the night toward the Forbidden City of Memphis and the Black Repository of Evil known as Castle Glenn, pausing only to pass out "candy corn" at a Kerry rally in boxes marked "Taste Kerry's Presidency". After laughing ourselves silly over the sight of filthy hippies projectile-vomiting on each other, we soon arrived at our destination...

[*ERRRRRTTTT!* CRASH!]

Harv: Damn, Bartender. I think you just disenfranchised Glenn's mailbox. Where the hell did you learn to park?

Bartender: Used to be a valet in a Japanese shopping mall.

Harv: Have I ever told you you're a complete psycho?

Bartender: Less talking, more foiling Glenn. Let's go.

... We walked up Evil Glenn's oddly bottle-strewn sidewalk and I rang his doorbell...

Intercom Voice: Look! I told you... NO TRICK OR TREATERS! Now fall into my dungeon and leave me alone! [trap door opens in the sidewalk to our right]

Harv: Mr. Reynolds?

Evil Glenn: ... Um... could you please take a step to your right?

Bartender: No.

Evil Glenn: CRAP!... All right... come in...

... We pushed open the door and walked into the vast chamber, which was filled from floor to ceiling with boxes covered in Arabic writing...

Evil Glenn [coming down the stairs]: Now what the hell do you want with me? I said I was... Hey! Tom Hanks!

Harv: Never mind that. We're here to foil your evil plot!

Evil Glenn: Right... Which one?

Harv: The one where you paint rabbit turds to look like candy corn.

Bartender: Stupid assgremlin! I told you that was MY idea!

Evil Glenn: OO! Me likey! [jotting notes] candy... corn...

Harv: Plagiarist!

Evil Glenn: Hey! I'm just "borrowing". It's not like I'm John Kerry or something.

Bartender: So what's up with all these boxes?

Evil Glenn: Oh. THAT evil plot! I've been experimenting with new methods of murdering hobos for Satan. My latest idea is just brilliant! First, I leave some some half-empty bottles laying around to attract any tragically sober homeless, then...

Bartender: That would explain the bottles on the sidewalk... and all these boxes! You must have at least 380 tons of explosives here.

Harv: So THAT'S what happened to it all! How did you get it all out of Iraq?

Evil Glenn: Iraq? What are you talking about?

Bartender: Aren't these the missing Al Qaqaa explosives?

Evil Glenn: Nope. Twinkies.

Harv: Bullshit! Where would you get 380 tons of Twinkies?

... Meanwhile in Detroit...

Michael Moore: My TWINKIES! What the F*** happened to my week's supply of Twinkies?

... Meanwhile, back in Memphis...

Evil Glenn: I... have my sources. Anyway, my plan is to capture the hobos, put them in cages, and feed them nothing but Twinkies until they die of an artery blockage. MUAHAHAHAHA!

Bartender: Um... won't that take about 20 years?

Evil Glenn: I didn't say my plot was perfected!

Harv: Damn! Guess there's nothing here for us to foil, then. C'mon, Bartender, let's blow this dump!

Bartender: Yes, let's.

Evil Glenn: So you're just leaving, then?

Harv: No, I mean blow this dump as in "blow it up" [throws lit match at nearest box of Twinkies] RUN!

... Making good our escape, the Bartender & I quickly jumped into the Drunkmobile and sped off into the night...

Bartender: You stupid f***! Those were TWINKIES, not explosives!

Harv: Apparently you're not familiar with the data from the Twinkie Rapid Oxidation Test. Check it out... [calling up the web page & handing Bartender my laptop]

Bartender: Oh. My. God.

... An explosion rocked the night as a 500-foot fireball rose above Castle Glenn...

... Meanwhile in Detroit...

Michael Moore: I feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced... DAMN YOU GLENN REYNOLDS! INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

Posted by: Harvey at 09:27 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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CARNIVAL OF THE PAJAMAS #6: LAST CALL

Post a picture of yourself (or a professional model whose picture you copied off some web page - like I'd know the difference anyway) in your favorite blogging attire. Leave a permalink in the comments to this post, send a trackback, or e-mail the link directly to me at harvolson@charter.net.

If you have trouble hosting images, you can send me the picture, and I'll post it for you, along with your description.

If you don't have a blog, but you're feeling particularly creative, same as above.

Entries due by 12pm CDT, Satuday, October 30th, and I'll post the round-up Saturday afternoonish.

NOTE: You can still squeak your entries in after 12 as long as I haven't posted the carnival yet.

See the CotP category for previous round-ups.

It's nearly Halloween. Think costumes.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:28 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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October 28, 2004

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

True is the word of your eyes
Beauty is the beating of your heart
Love is the smile on your face
Desire is the touch of your hand

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 11:09 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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GEM IN THE SHOWCASE

Perusing the Showcase today, I came across an entry by Spear Shaker of Shaking Spears.

You know what my favorite thing in the world is?

Ok, SECOND favorite?

It's when somebody says something that makes complete sense, but I probably wouldn't have thought of it myself, and all I can do is go, "Huh... he's right."

It doesn't happen NEARLY often enough for my taste, but Spear Shaker pulled it off with his post "Bipolar Nation". In it, he hugs my inner Adam Smith with this view of what the internet does for the spread of information:

The democratization of information and technology (eg Internet), the freedom of travel and social exchange, and the professionalization of the political parties have removed any structural barriers (or "friction") to the free competition of ideas. Institutional advantages such as the Main Stream Media bias towards Democrats or the financial advantages of the Republicans no longer are decisive, leaving what economists call a "market of perfect information"

Huh... he's right.

So I looked around at some other entries:

Persuading the Undecided in 250 Words or Less - He outlines 5 inarguable points regarding the War on Terror, and follows with this:

6) George W. Bush understands 1-5.

7) George W. Bush will not hesitate to summon all of the powers of the U.S. government to proactively defeat the Islamist Fascists, thereby removing this grave threat.

What's wrong with Kerry?

1) John Kerry does not understand 1-5, and will not summon all of the powers of the U.S. to proactively defeat the Islamist Fascists, thereby increasing this grave threat. QED.

John Kerry's Regression to the Mean - I've seen a lot of posts tsk-tsking at Kerry's "lesbian" faux pas. None of them as elegantly crafted as this. The last sentence is a combination callback & closeout that simply tingled my spine. I will not quote it. It's more of an experience, and it only takes about 60 seconds.

There's other good stuff, too, including a post that made me realize that Bob Dylan is no longer the immature, self-absorbed hippy protestor he was in the 60's. Still self-absorbed, but at least he's moved beyond sandals & incense.

Spear Shaker started in October, and he doesn't post every day, so maybe you should just start at his front page & work your way down.

The thing I like about Spear Shaker is that - although he posts on some seriously beaten-to-death topics - the style with which he gives lumps to the rapidly rigoring equine is more than just the usual "I read this in the news and I'm pissed because these people are wrong & stupid". Mr. Shaker engages his topic with a more subtle, artful, abstract and creative hand.

This man is a good writer. I'll be keeping an eye on him.

Now, if only I knew why he keeps bolding everything...

Posted by: Harvey at 06:44 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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