Posted by blogson GEBIV of There's One, Only!

Maybe it's the blank look on the guy's face, but this one tickles me to no end.

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(Introduction)

When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at!
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 06:27 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 Scrabble, backgammon, chess, and Boggle are all silly, childish games! ...just sayin'...

Posted by: Harvey at November 30, 2004 06:28 PM (ubhj8)

2 Oh, so like pissing for distance? :-\

Posted by: tommy at November 30, 2004 07:14 PM (u94AG)

3 Now THERE'S a gentlemen's sport! :-)

Posted by: Harvey at November 30, 2004 10:29 PM (ubhj8)

4 You forgot racquetball! )))

Posted by: Lorena at December 01, 2004 04:17 PM (ZN5IA)

5 :-P

Posted by: Harvey at December 01, 2004 05:26 PM (ubhj8)

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[IBM STOLE MY PENSION]

This is obviously a transparent attempt by Dick Cheney to distract the public from the oil-thieving war-mongery of Halliburton! [/moonbat]

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1

Posted by: Susie at December 01, 2004 10:18 AM (3nS88)

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...yet I'm nevertheless compelled to dive into the fray in the Great Pencil Sharpener War

In this corner, we have BeeBee of Angle of Vision, touting the glories of her Boston 55 Ranger.

And in the other corner is Velociman pimping his Berol Giant so hard that you half expect to see the man wearing a purple ermine jacket and a ostrich feather hat.

But I'm here to declare that both of you ancient fops are worthless & weak with your outdated technologies.

Behold the glory of...

The Yikes!

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Made of the finest space-age materials and sporting a psychotically multicultural array of diverse colors, this little beauty has two features you won't find in either of your clunky tin cedar-shavers.

First, it has a CLEAR reservoir, thus eliminating the false alarms and "when do I empty this stupid thing" guessworkery.

Second - and this an untouchable bit of design brilliance - you see that little lever? That operates the suction pad at the bottom. That's right. You can attach this gem to ANY SMOOTH SURFACE. Just flip the lever and your sharpener if firmly adhered to your desktop using the same pressure-differentiated aerodynamic magics that make airplanes fly.

Once everything's sharp, you just unflip the lever and tuck this mechanical marvel away in your office-supplies drawer. No visible marks left behind, much less any unsightly screw holes to fill. Completely re-usable and transportable.

This ain't your mama's pencil sharpener. This is the kind of cutting-edge technological genius that won the Cold War and destroyed the Berlin Wall (CAUTION: Figurative speech only. Not for use in dismantling actual oppressive Communist regimes).

THIS... is a PENCIL SHARPENER!

Posted by: Harvey at 06:11 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Jen of Jennifer's History and Stuff complains that someone should invent a random title generator.

I think I found what she's looking for. Jason O'Kane (a man desperately in need of a blog if ever I've met one) got bored & wrote some code.

Although he doesn't have one of those cute javascript pages where you can just click until your fingers bleed, he DOES provide a very long sample output list.

Figure Jen could probably find something useful there.

Oh, and this might also help with VW's "what should I write about?" problem.

Posted by: Harvey at 05:31 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Lynn of Reflections in D Minor was having a problem:

"Who is that guy?"

"I don't know. He does look very familiar."

"Wasn't he on an episode of Star Trek?"

"Yeah! That's it! He played... oh... you know. That guy on that episode. You know."

"I don't remember exactly but gosh he looks familiar."

"Yeah, I know he was on Star Trek but I can't remember anything about the character or which episode he was on."

Tragic, but all too common.

However, the solution is just a click away:

The Internet Movie Database

Here you will find every crappy, obscure actor as well as the more famous ones, along with a complete listing of all their roles, in movies & TV, including every embarrassing little bit part they ever played.

Arguably the best invention since Google.

Posted by: Harvey at 05:13 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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... in the comments to this post at Patriot Paradox.

Find a clean one, & drop it off.

Hint: Google is your friend.

At least click the link, if for no other reason than he has a good chunk of Steven Wright material in the post.

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I know Brett Favre has the longest consecutive start record for quarterbacks at 200.

What's the record for non-quarterbacks?

Having trouble finding this one. Any help would be appreciated.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:12 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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January 20th, 2002

Rams 45, Packers 10

November 29th, 2004

Packers 45, Rams 17

Posted by: Harvey at 11:56 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

I only wish to be the fountain of love from which you drink, every drop promising eternal passion.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 11:43 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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[Snoop]

As a follow up to the popular State Quarters program, the Treasury introduced the first in its new series of "Crappy Rapper Dollars". Coming soon: "P. Diddy" and "Vanilla Ice"

Posted by: Harvey at 11:41 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Precision Guided Humor Assignment reminder: What exaggerations, distortions or outright lies will the Legacy Media promulgate as fact in the closing days of 2004?

Is due by 8pm Wednesday, December 1st. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.

Monday Linky Stuff

Posted by: Harvey at 11:32 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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No, Christmas trees.

Blogdaughter Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice chats a bit about the joys of having a real tree for Christmas.

Bah.

I was raised with an artificial tree, and I think they're better.

It's true that live-tree-ites get to enjoy the ritual of decorating the tree with the same ornaments year after year, thus providing an unchanging tradition that binds the generations.

However, they're missing out on fully one-half of the true experience.

Dragging that heavy, dusty, beat up box full of badly-faked pine tree out of the basement. Tossing the branches onto the floor, sorted by size. Or more specifically, sorted by the color-coding on the tips of the branches. The color-coding that gets harder to identify every year ("I think I see orange.", "No, that's just rust", "I'm pretty sure that's the right length for the reds").

There's a certain satisfaction, along with a growing sense of wonder, as the tree slowly gets assembled, takes shape, and becomes recognizable as the family Christmas icon.

Not to mention that coming-of-age moment when you're FINALLY tall enough to put that top branch into place.

After that moment comes the decoration, and it's the same for both the "live" and "fake" camps.

But I tell ya, you needle-sweepers don't know what you're missing.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:40 PM | Comments (21) | Add Comment
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1 I can do you one better -- I rescued my grandmother's old aluminum tree, complete with the little rotating-color-disk light. THAT is a real artificial tree.

Posted by: Phelps at November 29, 2004 03:23 AM (pA4A2)

2 My aunt and uncle had one of those, Phelps! It was awesome when I was a kid--my sisters and I were endlessly fascinated watching the red, green and blue gels turn, making the tree sparkle like diamonds. I wonder what ever happened to it....

Posted by: Susie at November 29, 2004 06:30 AM (3nS88)

3 "Real artificial tree?" Eh? Harv, do you spray it with evergreen smell, too?

Posted by: Ogre at November 29, 2004 07:20 AM (/k+l4)

4 My family had a fake tree for years, and that brought back some happy memories of trying to discern well worn colors... But a live tree IS the way to go. It smells better, and with the excess that always has to be cut off a nice bough for the mantle can be constructed. Also, people grow those suckers for a living; it's my duty to support the economy by purchasing their wares...

Posted by: pam at November 29, 2004 08:21 AM (l6NIn)

5 Yeah, but their almost all from Blue States... (Northwest and Northeast)

Posted by: GEBIV at November 29, 2004 11:46 AM (0lbTs)

6 Every other year we do a fake tree in one room and a real one in the other. The off year it's just the fake. (The travel year is the fake tree only year.) When we buy real, I refuse to buy it before mid-December. As nice as it is to have both, one the kids put their junk stuff on and one I decorate, it is a pain in the neck. I prefer the fake only year.

Posted by: Boudicca at November 29, 2004 12:02 PM (XH1zZ)

7 Whatever you do... DON'T get a red-flocked tree and put it on a beige carpet... dumb-ass broad fucked up my carpet forever...

Posted by: Madfish Willie at November 29, 2004 12:40 PM (i3SrF)

8 Ogre - Nah, I let the cats spray it with kitty-whiz smell, instead :-) Which reminds me about how, after a while, you learn not to hang the breakables on the high branches when you have cats. And THEN you learn not to hang breakables at all.

Posted by: Harvey at November 29, 2004 01:49 PM (tJfh1)

9 Actually, the BEST way to stand a Christmas tree so that it can't get knocked over is to hang it from the ceiling... never had one knocked down in over 20 years working in nightclubs...

Posted by: Madfish Willie at November 29, 2004 02:04 PM (i3SrF)

10 You mean you actually prefer to miss out on the "joy" of finding real pine needles in the carpet in July?

Posted by: Lynn S at November 29, 2004 02:24 PM (BnyT0)

11 Tinsel is just as evil. I'm tempted to quit trying to vacuum it up from one Christmas to the next...

Posted by: Sally at November 29, 2004 03:08 PM (a1D32)

12 If I want pine needles in my house, I'll let the dogs come in without wiping their paws ;-)

Posted by: Harvey at November 29, 2004 05:01 PM (tJfh1)

13 I gave up on trees a couple of years ago... We always go out of town (or we used to) for Christmas, so we never felt comfortable having a real tree. After all, who wants to buy a real one and then throw it out a couple days before the big day, because you're leaving town and it will dry out? We had an artificial tree for years. That was okay - a pain to set up - but okay. Then we flooded - the tree, which resided in it's cardboard box in the basement on the floor, was a dead loss. So, I bought a new one for that year. The next fall, we flooded again... I give up - end of trees! I don't have small children or grandchildren, so it doesn't matter. I have my 3 foot tabletop tree that I can plug in and it turns all different colors - works for me. Easy up, easy down, no muss, no fuss. *grin*

Posted by: Teresa at November 29, 2004 10:33 PM (nAfYo)

14 I seem to be a little late to this party, but I just want to add that every year, my family puts a fake tree in one room and a real tree in another room. It seems like a good system.

Posted by: CD at November 30, 2004 09:38 AM (bsi5Z)

15 Live trees only, at our house. Hubby grew up with a fake tree, prefers the live one for the pine smell. He hates those pine scented candles and such because nothing smells like fresh pine. That, and we've only got a thousand square feet in here for the five of us. A real tree doesn't require as much storage space. BTW the kids are decorating the rosemary bush too... IF they can keep their room clean for two more consecutive days...

Posted by: Wacky Hermit at November 30, 2004 01:27 PM (1OwrP)

16 We have a brass and steel Menorah... We use blue and white candles, too.

Posted by: J. Fielek at November 30, 2004 08:33 PM (92htO)

17 Our newest house has REALLY high ceilings and we put the tree in the crook of the curved staircase, so a real tree would cost a fortune. I got an 8 foot prelit monster and it's GORGEOUS. Also it comes in three easy pieces, two large boxes. Just put up the stand, put in the base section, the middle section and the tippy top and that's it. It does take an hour or so of fluffing and finesse to make it look just right, though. It is also much safer for expensive crystal, china and glass ornaments. Our real trees' branches were never strong enough to hold up the entire month. I just use pine candles and room spray and get a real pine and juniper wreath for inside the front door and you never know the difference.

Posted by: Momotrips at December 01, 2004 08:50 AM (IlAxX)

18 J - I'm tempted to convert to Judaism just for the convenience factor. That, and the whole "secretly controlling the world" aspect. That sounds like fun! ;-)

Posted by: Harvey at December 01, 2004 05:06 PM (ubhj8)

19 This is my first year without a Christmas tree. *sad* But at least I won't have to put lights on this season! Mark Games - Mythos

Posted by: Mark Johnson at December 06, 2004 12:39 PM (XhqmR)

20 Mark - That's the most on-topic comment spam I've ever seen. I'll let that stay.

Posted by: Harvey at December 07, 2004 12:49 AM (ubhj8)

21 A list of Benefits of Artificial Christmas Trees. Artificial Christmas trees last longer than real trees. Artificial Christmas trees are safer than real trees because they are not a fire hazard. Studies show that plastic artificial Christmas trees are thrown out after ten years. There is no hassle in buying artificial Christmas trees because they are found in many shops around Christmas. Artificial Christmas trees can be decorated with tinsel or foliage coloured tinsel. Artificial Christmas trees are generally inexpensive, because they are made out of cheap inexpensive materials whereas many cheaper live trees are of poor quality as well as they deteriorate quickly. Shop around to find a tree that you like within your price limit! Artificial Christmas trees don't litter the floor with pine needles like real trees do. Artificial Christmas trees don't bother you if you don't like the smell of pine or have allergies. If you happen to like the smell of pine you can buy a special pine spray for your artificial Christmas trees. Artificial Christmas trees can't rot like real trees can. Artificial Christmas trees are easy to assemble and easy to store away. Artificial Christmas trees don't weigh much.

Posted by: Artificial Christmas Trees at October 24, 2005 03:45 PM (309Nl)

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(Introduction)

I never understood it when people said "Love is all you need." This is probably because they didn't say "The love of a beautiful, passionate, compassionate, skillful, intelligent, loving, and all-around perfect woman is all you need."

[to which I added]

...YOUR love is all I need :-)

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

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[Jim Allen]

From E! True Hollywood Stories:

"Though normally a very family-oriented individual, the Home Improvement star refused to discuss his little brother, currently serving 20 years to life for counterfeiting."

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Jeremy of American Warmonger found a shiny new neo-con. A smart, agressive, right-thinking 16-year old from the Buffalo 'burbs named Nathan.

Sadly enough, the first comment on Nathan's first post is from a googly-eyed, Kool-aid-gargling lefty troll.

Now, I'll give the boy some credit for coming back by fisking it, but he only gets about a B-. You see, when they're THAT deep into baby-eating America-hatred, you can't do them the favor of taking they're arguments seriously. Allow me to demonstrate:

[F***] AMERICANS.

I do, but only because I prefer women who aren't excessively stupid, smelly, unshaven, or diseased. Unlike, for example, the women one would usually find in the dirt-poor, technologically-backward, socially-retarded, anonymous country where trolls like you hail from.

ALL YOU DO IS CONTROL THE WORLD TO MAKE YOU RICH.

Wow. You say that like it's a BAD thing. Let's think about this... why would I control the world to make myself POOR? Only someone from a dirt-poor, technologically-backward, socially-retarded, anonymous country would come up with THAT plan.

[F***] YOU ALL.

If you've got a nice rack, offer accepted.

THINK ABOUT ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.

When I do, I either want to kill them, have them emigrate here, or I'm simply bored at the thought of them.

Mostly Canadians in that last category.

ALL THOSE WHO GIVE UP THEIR FREEDOM SO THAT YOU CAN DRIVE YOUR SVU'S (called 4wheel drives elsewhere) AT LOW COST.

Look, I don't know WHY all those folks sold themselves into slavery to keep a Ford Excursion's MSRP under $50,000, but I figure it's about damn time all those dirt-poor, technologically-backward, socially-retarded, anonymous people did something to earn their keep. I mean, we can't just shoot 'em ALL like we do in Iraq. Bullets cost money!

ALL THE DICTATORSHIPS YOU'VE INSTALLED TO KEEP YOUR HEGEMONIC POWER HAVE STOPPED THE REST OF US FROM LIVING IN PEACE AND FREEDOM.

Good. I was afraid we'd have to install a few more. Dictatorship installation is almost as spendy as Ford Excursions.

I HOPE YOU REALISE HOW MUCH YOU MAKE OTHER PEOPLE SUFFER.

Yes, I do. And the knowledge makes me bust out with an evil maniacal laugh, not entirely dissimilar to the one Karl Rove saves for the occasions where people say the words "Hillary 08" in his presence.

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Anyway, Nathan, you get the idea.

And I look forward to hearing more from you.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:00 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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From the Showcase, Robert of Let's Try Freedom talks about the main ideas that shape the two major parties & makes a good point about how many ideas each party holds, and what holding them - or not - means with regard to party membership.

But I'm not here to talk about that.

I'm here to say that I'm sick of Bush being misquoted from his 9/20/01 address to the joint session of Congress, one variation of which was tossed out by a commenter

""For us or against America," is an inclusive statement, for sure, but also a fascist one."

That is NOT what he said. He said:

Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.

And let's put that in context:

We will starve terrorists of funding, turn them one against another, drive them from place to place, until there is no refuge or no rest. And we will pursue nations that provide aid or safe haven to terrorism. Every nation, in every region, now has a decision to make. Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists. (Applause.) From this day forward, any nation that continues to harbor or support terrorism will be regarded by the United States as a hostile regime.

Notice that "with us" is defined as giving rest, refuge, or funding to terrorists. It does NOT mean "any nation that refuses to send troops to Iraq will be transmogrified forthwith into a sheet of radioactive glass".

So you can be as French as you want, and we're not going to bomb the crap out of you.

But if you want to act like Syria... I hope your life insurance is paid up.

Oh, and misquoting Bush AFTER reading this entry IS a nuke-able offense. So straighten up & fly right.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:36 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Jim of Snooze Button Dreams is threatening to compile a CD of blogger theme songs if he can get enough input, so let him know what yours is.

Me, it's pretty obvious. Eric of Straight White Guy tagged me with Mr. Bad Example by Warren Zevon during a comment party at Madfish Willie's, and it not only stuck, it inspired my blog's name when I moved off of Bad Money.

I don't really have guesses for theme songs for most of the folks on my blogroll, except for two:

1) I know Straight White Eric's theme song is the Way-Too-White Boy Blues (although he's free to disagree and chose his own official theme song).

2) Lynn of Reflections in D Minor should have "Pachelbel's Canon in D Major" - mostly because she's unearthly wise in musics classical, and she has a special hot-coal-n-branding-iron torture chamber for people who refer to the piece as the Taco Bell Canon.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:23 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 I'm at a loss for what mine would be, so I'll go with a few thoughts: U2: Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For or maybe I Won't Back Down by Tom Petty You should perhaps consider this for yours: Hair of the Dog by Nazereth

Posted by: Nick Queen at November 28, 2004 11:12 PM (/mC+U)

2 Maybe mine should be Pac-Man Fever?

Posted by: physics geek at November 29, 2004 10:40 AM (Xvrs7)

3 Madfish Willie's theme song: God's Own Drunk by Jimmy Buffet

Posted by: Madfish Willie at November 29, 2004 12:44 PM (i3SrF)

4 PG - I hope that's not because of the line "So I'm heading out the back door and in the other side.", 'cuz that sounds kinda kinky :-/ MW - Johnny-Oh might fight ya for that one.

Posted by: Harvey at November 29, 2004 04:29 PM (tJfh1)

5 I lay claim via this post

Posted by: Madfish Willie at November 29, 2004 07:06 PM (i3SrF)

6 I was at a loss for my theme song, but Jim helped me out. Devil Inside by INXS. Makes me very happy.

Posted by: Boudicca at November 29, 2004 07:42 PM (XH1zZ)

7 ... Mr. Bad Example is a classic... suits Harvey perfectly... mine?... "One for my baby, and one more for the Road"... Frankie, man...

Posted by: Eric at November 30, 2004 07:34 AM (CMCIS)

8 My theme song is "She's Actual Size" by They Might Be Giants.

Posted by: Wacky Hermit at November 30, 2004 01:56 PM (1OwrP)

9 Eric - better tell Jim. He currently has you listed with MY pick for you :-)

Posted by: Harvey at November 30, 2004 06:45 PM (ubhj8)

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Blogson Mike the Marine of From the Halls to the Shores put up a post about how cool the Marines are, and a goofy troll started ranting about the evils of the Iraq war in the comments. One passage particularly intrigued me.

Why are we there again?
[...]
To spread freedom?
Yeah, that's it. That fit's everywhere w[h]ere there are not enough McDonnalds.

Oddly enough, SamTroll is perfectly correct to single out McDonald's as an icon of freedom. Although the golden arches seem universally ubiquitous, locations are actually restricted.

You'll find them in Egypt and South Africa, but not in Ethopia or Sudan.

You'll find them in Kuwait and Qatar, but not in Iran or Syria.

You'll even find them in China, but not North Korea.

McDonald's is a corporation so greedy and rapacious, it makes Monty Burns look like Mother Teresa. Where there's a buck to be made, you'll find pimply-faced teen-agers saying "fries with that?" in the local lingo.

Yet there are still places they won't set foot. Why would that be?

Because in order to make that buck, the host country has to have - if not freedom - at least a base level of civilization.

There has to be a stable currency, a transportation infrastruture to ensure the regular delivery of supplies, a ready supply of clean water, and a high enough level of societal trust that the citizens of that country are comfortable trading cash for goods & services.

This situation is taken for granted in America, but there are a LOT of nations that have some climbing to do before they can even hit the bare minimum to support a fast food restaurant.

So, without intending to be, SamTroll is right.

No nation is truly free until someone owns a McDonald's franchise.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:57 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Everybody wants to know how I spent Thanksgiving.

The Bartender of Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon has the whole sordid tale.

Minus the "pickled egg incident" of which we shan't speak.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:30 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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