March 13, 2005
See how she went from "blogging is stupid" to "blogging is fun!" in 7 short days.
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February 28, 2005
What you're not going to know about _Jon just from reading his blog is, well, just about everything. At least if you only read his blog up until the Reunion started. Before hitting Orlando, he came across as the strong, silent type. He didn't post a whole lot, and what he did post was fairly thoughtful and serious.
Then I met him in person, and what a surprise.
The first thing that struck me about him was how smart he was. I get a general sense of someone's intelligence by how articulate they are when speaking extemporaneously. _Jon is flat-out scary. When most people discuss a subject, they'll say a few words, pause to collect their thoughts, talk a little more, and so on. _Jon can hold forth on a subject, start to finish, like he's reading from a polished script, and he never even so much as pauses to search for the right word.
Lightning-quick doesn't begin to describe it.
And heaven help you if he unleashes his wit in your direction. You're gonna get got, but good. And no matter how snarky the comment, you just have to laugh at being gotten because the things he comes up with are just that funny.
In a way, I feel sorry for him, because - in order to find something REALLY funny - it has to catch you by surprise, at least to some degree. With the way _Jon's mind works, I can't imagine that much catches him by surprise. His existence (at least at work) is probably a living hell of watching people state the painfully obvious and thinking they just cracked the most brilliant funny ever.
Poor _Jon.
But at the Reunion, he laughed more in a week than he has, I'm sure, in years. Good, honest, belly-laughs. And it makes you feel really good to be able to catch him like that, because polite laughter isn't in his repertoire.
The second thing is that he swears. A lot. And artfully. Some people say that cursing is a sign of a weak vocabulary. Truth is, sometimes f*** (or a string of them) is EXACTLY the right word to express an idea or emotion. _Jon is a master at this, and - since he possesses the impeccable timing of a professional stand-up comedian - you end up laughing rather than being offended, even if you're not normally appreciative of Anglo-Saxonisms.
Beloved Wife (aka TNT of Smiling Dynamite) is now using f*** as an adjective on a regular basis. Geez, you shoulda heard her at the airport when we were leaving. Between the time _Jon dropped us off and the time we boarded the plane, she probably dropped about a dozen f-bombs. Which is about how many she's dropped in the previous 20+ years I've known her.
But before you get the idea that he's just a slightly-less-green-and-furry version of Oscar the Grouch, be aware that he does have his soft & sentimental side. When it happens, it leaves you a little edgy, because you're waiting for the sarcasm shoe to drop, but then it doesn't, and you realize you've seen little _Jonny Teddy Bear wearing his emotions on his sleeve, and it leaves you a little misty, every time.
For example, when we were having dinner with Frank J., _Jon remarked about how the circle had finally closed, because I originally dug _Jon out of Frank's comments because of a poem he'd written about 9/11, and now we were all sitting in the same room, face to face - something that was unimaginable in the beginning.
The moment was completely lost on Frank, I'm sure, since he was there more to make SarahK happy than any other reason. But I understood exactly what _Jon meant, and, just like when I first read his poem, my soul resonated to the harmony from a kindred spirit.
Since the Reunion ended, _Jon's been a little more lighthearted, is posting more, and is generally having more fun, blogwise. It's a wonderful change, because now everyone else can see glimpses of what I saw when I met him in person. You folks should consider yourselves lucky, and if you ever get a chance to experience the whole package in person, don't pass it up.
Oh, and I got a chance to see something that very few people have seen and lived to tell about. At one point, Johnny-Oh of Closet Extremist zapped him with a verbal shot that left him completely silent. Not even a "F*** you!" in response.
For which Johnny-Oh will eventually be killed, run through wood-chipper, and fed to hogs, but was still beautiful for being a once-in-a-lifetime shot. It was kind of a "had to be there" thing which doesn't translate well into text, but I was awe-struck at the time.
Anyway, _Jon has his version of events over at his place. And don't believe that "great leader" crap. That's just his way of comparing me to Hitler :-P
And just for _Jon: Fuckity Fuck Fuck Fuck!
There. I said it :-)
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Regarding "Great Leader", so "Harvey = Hitler" is fake but accurate?
Most thanks go to Tammi for setting all this up. She's the heroine here (as in 'the drug that flows through my veins and makes me crazy'). Ooops, wrong horoin... February 27, 2005
We started off at MGM Studios. When you enter the gates (hell, even when you're in the parking lot) the most noticable object in the skyline is the 50-foot tall replica of the hat Mickey Mouse wore in Fantasia:
As you can see, it's quite eye-catching:
(click to enlarge)
With all it's moony, starry magicalness, our first thought was "Gee! There must be something super-duper extra-special underneath that happy magic hat!"
So we made the trek up to the soaring monolith of 'musement & mirth, just as - I'm sure - every other tourist does while they're there.
Do you know what's under the magic hat?
Why, it's a little store that sells LITTLE TINY MAGIC F***ING HATS!!!
That's IT!
At the very least, I was expecting Tinkerbell to sprinkle me with fairy dust & fly me off to Never-Never-Land or some other such wondrous experience.
...Bubble burst. Illusions shattered. I'll never clap my hands again because I don't believe in fairies anymore. All my childhood dreams have been crushed beneath the sordid jangle of cash register bells.
F***ers.
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February 26, 2005
Everyone who looked at that and thought "MILF", raise your hand.
Me too.
The thing you won't know about her just from reading her blog is how very quick she is to smile, and how broad, warm and sincere that smile is. Teresa is blessed with oodles of charm, a comfortable social presence, an easygoing demeanor, and a razor-sharp wit. A delightful woman to have chatting at the kitchen table.
Because of her fairly analytical writing style, you also might not be aware of her propensity for joking and teasing, but it's been documented by Beloved Wife's quote pen.
The other thing you've missed is the way she looks when she starts going off on a rant. You've read a few of them at her site, but without those flashing fiery eyes, animated hand gestures, and rising intensity in her voice, you're losing out on the full effect. It's like watching TV with the mute function engaged. Closed-caption Teresa just isn't the same.
And let's give credit where credit is due. I dug Teresa up out of my comments section & got her blogging. But Teresa is the one who first brought Tammi to my attention & inspired me to adopt her (because, as I said, they were already acting like gossipy sisters, anyway). Another critical link in the chain of events that made the Reunion possible.
It's thoughtful, loving, considerate acts like this that are the reason she's my favorite ;-)
Don't forget to check out Teresa's list of Top Ten Most Surprising Things About the Reunion.
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February 24, 2005
The downside of having blogchildren?
The second your back is turned, they start misbehavin'.
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And blog he should, because he'd fit right in to the family like that little jigsaw puzzle piece that has a little sky and a little tree and it's driving you crazy because you can't find it, but it's not your fault, because the dog's sitting on it while he stares up at you with that bored expression on his face because he thinks jigsaw puzzles are a waste of time and he REALLY wishes you'd toss that tennis ball for him because it's been WEEKS since the last time you played with him, but you don't realize that - I mean, what with working and keeping the house clean and all your blogging and trying to earn a living, slaving away for an ungrateful boss for ten hours a day, how the hell are you supposed to remember the last time you played with the dog?
That, and he already has a cool blogger nickname. I mean... "Dogger"... He's SET.
Anyway, he came through the door & just started chatting away like he'd known us all for years. He's quick-witted and amiable, and he mixes a hell of a martini. In fact, he's the one who got Frank J. of IMAO drunk enough to double-post. Always a great thing to have an experienced bartender at your parties.
He's also the one who explained to me what Lee Ann's little finger-curling-thing meant, and did it in fine fashion. A first-class story-teller, that one. The blogosphere suffers for lack of his presence.
According to Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice, he's a good potato-peeler, too. And the fact that he dove right in to help out with the kitchen chores should give you some insight into his character. Not one to sit on his ass when there's work to be done.
If that's not enough proof of his wonderfulness for you, consider also how sweet, warm, and cheery I said Lee Ann was. The fact is, a woman doesn't get that happy without a good man by her side to keep her feeling loved. They're a delightful couple, and Dogger obviously does his part to keep it that way.
Right now, Dogger is having a few health issues. Rather serious ones, in fact. But if Lee Ann hadn't blogged about it, I never would've been able to tell. His cheerful disposition never wavered at the party. And THAT should tell you something about the man, too.
Anyway, the situation is at a point where some thoughts and prayers would come in handy, and Lee Ann has a few posts where it would be appropriate to leave them.
Please do, because I want a new bloggrandson-in-law as soon as possible.
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February 23, 2005
Even if you weren't there to witness it, you've probably heard that, at one point during dinner, Frank J. repeatedly told an artificial potted plant to shut up.
Now, looking at the above picture, you're probably asking yourself, "What the hell brought THAT on?".
Which is an understandable reaction, given this image.
However, when we take a look at yonder potted plant from as seen from FRANK'S perspective:
(click to enlarge)
It should be fairly obvious now. Just LOOK at that thing. The mocking manner in which it holds its leaves; the cruel, haughty twists of its branches... I tell ya, it just irks the CRAP out of me to even gaze upon it, and...
What?
WHAT?
SHUT UP!
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UUUUUUUP!
Stupid plant.
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The first thing I noticed about SarahK of Mountaineer Musings is that, unlike when she blogs, she actually capitalizes the word "I" when she talks. A fact made noticable by her adorable Texas accent.
What surprised me is how incredibly young she looks. I'll bet she can't even buy cough syrup without getting carded. She claims to be 28, but since I didn't card her myself, I can neither confirm nor deny this assertion.
Now, the point of these "Meet the Family" posts is to tell you things about the attendees that you won't discover just from reading their blogs. SarahK is a tough one to write about, since she's JUST like her blog - which is a GOOD thing - except more intensely so by an order of magnitude.
She's sweet (I've seen sugarcane fields that were less so), and charming, and witty, and FAST with a comeback line. She's almost kittenish in her degree of adorability. To be around her is to bask in a glow of congeniality that borders on the supernatural.
The one thing I was worried about was her devotion to Christianity, and I had concerns that she would be continuously offended by the Family's debauched antics.
Not so.
She took it all in good stride, and was very gracious on the rare occasions that she gave voice to an objection over an f-bomb or casual blasphemy. The odd thing was, she had this way of making you WANT to behave yourself around her. Even _Jon of We Swear - who habitually raises cursing to a Michaelangelo-like art form - VOLUNTARILY did his level best to de-sailorify his vocabulary.
Why? Because Sarah just exudes that sort of charm.
Positively bewitching, it is. I'll bet she weighs the same as a duck.
And the way she dotes on Frank J. of IMAO... you think she's got the girl-in-love goo-goo-eyes going on at her blog?
Oh. My.
Frank - that lucky, LUCKY man - had this cuddly little snuggle-bunny devotedly at his side like his personal guardian angel. Smiling at him, hugging him, kissing him, laughing at his jokes - Sarah has no trouble letting the world know that she's proud to have Frank for her man. This is a trait I find admirable. Cold fish women with a "don't-touch-me" attitude are the norm when they're as devastatingly lovely as Sarah. Given her super-modelish beauty, had I passed her on the street, I would've expected her to behave as a rich man's indifferent arm candy.
This is NOT SarahK.
She is as warm and wonderful a woman as you'd ever hope to meet. Friendly and charming and gracious. Devoted to her man and not shy about expressing it.
An admirable woman. And it was my great pleasure to meet her.
Oh, and she has the prettiest blue eyes...
[enter SarahK]
*STOMACH PUNCH*
[exit SarahK]
...ow...
Did I say blue? I meant green.
...ow...
I'm gonna go put some ice on this. Meanwhile, go see her take on the Reunion.
Final thought: Sarah draws better stick figures than Frank does.
Final final thought: She's NEVER going to forgive me for not voting for her T-shirt babe picture.
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February 21, 2005
Saturday night, Tammi had little candles in red glass holders out by the edge of her pool. Very pretty.
And no, the pool's NOT coated with residual orgy-scum. That's the pool cover.
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She doesn't post pictures of herself, which is fine. Gotta respect her desire for anonymity. But by not meeting her, you miss out on her presence. She exudes warmth and caring, even when she doesn't speak. And when she does, it's even better, with her soft Southern accent. VERY soothing.
Yet deceptive. She DOES have her other sides, which, sadly I didn't get to see a whole lot of, because she was puttering in the kitchen a lot, cooking, baking, and generally helping Tammi make sure that everyone was properly cared for. Bou's ALL about the caring. She's got a T-Rex sized maternal instinct, which is nice if you're on the "cared-about" side of it. Heaven help you if you're on the "defended-against" side.
However, despite her charming mommy facade it WAS Bou who popped off perhaps the best line of the whole Reunion:
"What's that? Things you've never seen?"
Johnny-Oh STILL ain't walking right after that one.
And although she didn't have a LOT of the quotable lines, she WAS there to appreciate them, the importance of which should NOT be underestimated. Bou is very attentive and supportive, and an active listener. Even if she's not talking, she's paying attention and staying in the mix with what's going on. No wallflower, she.
The one thing I didn't get to hear was Boudicca Drawing Her Sword, since she was always in a good mood the whole time she was there (at least when *I* was within earshot). Which makes me a little sad, since I'm betting it's a sight to behold.
I'll have to work on getting her all spun up about something next time I see her [insert devilish grin here].
Oh, and I've never heard a Southern woman talk so darn fast in my whole life. That just ain't natural :-)
Bou's version of events can be found here and her impression of Frank J. & Sarah K. as a couple are here.
Love this woman. Gotta get some more of her.
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Lee Ann of Lee Ann's View brought her dog to the party. Ain't she adorable?
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February 20, 2005
Before we went to Florida, she was just an average working woman (with an above-average figure), slaving away at an average job, working with below-average people, and... getting by.
I spent over a year trying to explain to her how much fun blogging is. She'd just look at me like I'd sprouted a third eye, give me an indulgent smile, and say something like, "I'm sure it is, dear. You just go on and play with your little computer friends. I'm going to go watch Survivor."
I've tried explaining comment parties to her, letting her read the bizarre comments & such. That produced a slightly worried look.
She just didn't get the whole blogging thing.
Then she met the people, engaged them in bright, sparkling, witty conversation, quoted people out of context, hijacked Tammi's blog and... it clicked.
Blogging is FUN.
Now she knows why I do it. And she's doing it too. (Oops. Quote Pen)
And since we've got back to Wisconsin, she's started her own blog (Smiling Dynamite) and she's a completely different person.
Actually, that's not exactly true. What happened is that, after years of day-to-day drudgery working with those below-average people I mentioned, having to hide her wit, her opinions, and her intelligence, she's found out that there's a way to let herself shine, and people who will appreciate her for it.
She's always had a mischievous side, but mostly she could only let it out in front of me. Her girlfriends weren't quite... up to it. But now she's more like that naughty little imp that I fell in love with back in high school. Happy, energetic, frisky, fun, and full of life like a puppy.
The people who saw her at the reunion know what I'm talking about, and I'm sure if you read her blog, you'll see that side of her coming through loud & clear. I'm just saying that it's been hidden for a while.
I'm glad it's back.
Oh yeah. And if anyone asks you what a comment party is, try explaining it like this:
It's slow-motion improv comedy.
If you've ever seen "Whose Line is it, Anyway?", you'll probably have seen skits where the players get assigned a topic and have to take turns making up verses for a song.
Yeah. It's a lot like that.
Just think of the Bad Example Family as a nationwide... um... INTERNATIONAL... improv comedy troupe.
ADDENDUM: Part 2 of The Quote Pen is up now.
Heh. I said "up".
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And she has quotes from the Bad Example Family (& Friends) Reunion.
And no, I haven't figured out how this is going to look on the Family Tree chart yet.
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Whenever you throw a party, there's always at least one bum looking to muscle in on your good time.
Here we see Smiley, the Wal-Mart spider, lounging on Tammi's pool deck, looking to steal a few beers.
I'll spare you the "after" picture. Let's just say his new name was "Gooey".
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Well, DUH! He's from Tennessee!
Yeah, but I'm a sheltered Yankee, and my whole impression of the South was from TV & movies, and people with Southern accents are often portrayed as... slow. Think Roscoe P. Coltrane, or anyone from Deliverance.
Johnny busts through that stereotype like a freight train through a brick wall. The man is SHARP. He can pop off a witty rejoinder without a second's hesitation, and can pick a line to take out of context and twist into innuendo even better than I can.
He's FAST.
And does a scary-good Quagmire impression, much to Beloved Wife's chagrin.
Giggity-Giggity!
Then there's that senstive side when he picks up his guitar. He's got a very soothing voice, and no small talent as a singer, and does a rendition of "Grandpa Was a Carpenter" that'll put the mist in your eyes. It's amazing to witness hands that spend all day building elevators caressing those strings with such gentle adoration.
The other thing I noticed is that when he drinks, it doesn't change him at all. He doesn't get louder, or angrier, or sillier or more sentimental, he's still just Johnny. Some people change with their alcohol level, but Johnny holds his liquor to perfection and is a pleasure to drink with. Just don't try to keep up with him.
And although he claims shyness, I didn't notice it. Even if he's not talking, he's an attentive listener, and makes you feel like what you have to say is important. A rare talent, and one he should be proud of.
In talking with him, I've discovered that he's had kind of a hard life, but he's come through it in fine form, stronger for the trials. He's a good man, solid, trustworthy, with a solid sense of integrity and an admirable work ethic. Whatever woman finally snaps him up will be lucky, indeed.
Oh, and he also thinks Beloved Wife is hot, so he's got good taste, too :-)
You can take a look at Johnny's version of what happened if you like. Just don't believe that crap about me being a PC hog.
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February 19, 2005
Every morning behind Tammi of Road Warrior Survival's house, hot air balloons would float by just a few hundred feet away.
Thought you'd like to see one.
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February 18, 2005
Ok, so Frank's funny. Everyone who reads IMAO knows that, so I don't need to pursue the topic any further. What I want to talk about is what it's like to meet Frank in person.
The first thing I noticed about Frank was that he seemed genuinely glad to see me.
Turned out it was just that he had a Kel-Tec .380 in his pocket.
The second thing was that, despite looking very young, and not being very physically imposing, he still had a presence about him. He carries himself with a degree of self-assurance that is rare in someone only 25 years old. Firm handshake, direct gaze, not fidgity or prone to foot-shuffling. He's comfortable with himself. His soul is older than his body.
The third thing is something that doesn't come through on his site, which he keeps devoted to his rollicking, over-the-top sense of humor.
He's a VERY serious person. He has a lot of dreams, as most young men do, but these aren't mere fantasies for him. They're PLANS. He's looking to publish some of his IMAO work. He's working on a more-or-less serious novel, in pursuit of which he's joined a writer's group in order to improve his technique. When he sets his mind to something, he goes after it.
And another thing that impressed me is just how much effort he's put into making his site what it is today. He started out with a crappy Blogspot blog and no readers, just like everyone else, but he's devoted a HUGE chunk of his life to getting his traffic up. He's constantly advertising his site, whether by e-mailing larger bloggers & begging (in an entertaining fashion, of course) for links, or holding contests on his site to increase reader interest and participation. He closely monitors his traffic, watches what works and what doesn't, and adjusts his output accordingly.
Behind the facade of jokes on the front page of IMAO lurks a man who is seriously working his ass off to create a better, more marketable product with his blog. It's not just a lark or a hobby to him, it's a passion.
Meeting him in person, I find myself even MORE inspired by his example than I was when I was just a reader.
He may have been drunk when he said it, but it's true. He really IS the Great Frank. J!
And I consider it an honor and a privilege to have met him.
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February 17, 2005
This would be Bondage Bear, posing atop the family ball-gag.
[A big thanks to Johnny-Oh of Closet Extremist for presenting me with this little cutie]
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Me, because I birthed all these babies in the first place, or Tammi for hosting the show.
Truth is, it's neither. The one who made it all possible wasn't even there.
That's Eric of Straight White Guy.
The reason I blog is because it's easier than talking to people face-to-face. I'm usually pretty shy. Don't know what to say. And I *hate* talking on the phone (Beloved Wife will vouch for me on that).
But one day last year, Eric called me out of the blue, talked to me for an hour, and said he wanted to have some bloggers go Christmas shopping in Chicago, and what did I think of the idea and did I want to go along because he'd really like to meet me.
Now, the Chicago thing fell through, but Eric still wanted to try to meet up. So he kept pushing for SOME kind of get together. Maybe in the spring. Push, push, push.
Then Tammi mentioned that she had some plane tickets that were going to expire, and rather than let them go to waste, how about some folks coming down to her place?
Hmmm... perhaps there's a way to get that Eric monkey off my back... so I said "yes".
The thing is, if Eric hadn't forced his way into my cozy little sphere of isolation, I never would have believed that flying halfway across the country to meet people for the first time - most of whom I've never even TALKED to - could POSSIBLY be a sane idea.
Eric made me believe that strangers can be friends from the first word they exchange.
Thanks, Eric. I owe ya one. We ALL do.
Can't wait to thank you in person.
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A couple hours later, Tammi was using the laptop, and Beloved Wife took another picture.
Check the extended entry, and I think you'll agree, the Bad Example Family Resemblance is simply uncanny (click to enlarge on either picture)
UPDATE 2-17-05 _Jon of We Swear poses for his picture, too: more...
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