June 30, 2005

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

In her love, I am the hero, the king, the poet, and alive.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

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TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(click to enlarge)

[U know you want what you can't have Oh boy that's to damn bad]

...and what would THAT be? Literacy?

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COURTESY LINKAGE

Right Wing Nut House has Carnival of the Clueless #3

Wizbang has the 2nd Anniversary edition of Bonfire of the Vanities

Multiple Mentality has Items of Interest

Sophistpundit has the Carnival of the Vanities

Boxing Alcibiades has the Carnival of the Optimists.

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IT'S A BOY!

Blogson Johnny-Oh of Closet Extremist found time between elevator installations to breed himself another blogson - Tuck of Thought Drizzle.

Let's take a look:

First post - sucks, but it DOES use the word "conundrums". Looks like he'll be getting along well with Cousin Sissy and her "word of the week"

Lies about adding Haloscan - better run that auto-install code again. You can re-display Blogger comments later.

Some nefarious plot to destroy the world with balloons... or something... I just skimmed that post.

Has a soft spot for old people, which is gonna make it harder to destroy the world.

Faces the age-old question - work hard, slow down, or look for another job? Answer appears to be D) A and C.

Anyway, Tuck, you can pick up a Bad Example Family logo from this post, and you may, if you wish, blogroll the rest of the Bad Example Family using the handy blogrolling javascript... [which I see you've already done], although neither is a requirement.

Meanwhile you can look forward - with either anticipation or dread - to regular visits and comments from me.

Welcome home.

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SO *THAT'S* WHY PETER HASN'T BEEN BLOGGING

He's over at Jeff's comment party. Which is at 591 now.

Guess he'll have to change his name to Prolix Pete.

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ANSWER KEY (UPDATED 7-4-05)

Blogdaughter Teresa of Technicalities has posted the Redneck Engineering quiz. I've made up put the correct answers in the extended entry.

UPDATE 7-4-05: Here's the quiz:



1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10-pound possum 8 inches from the trunk.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed
on blocks in your front yard? 66 Ford Fairlane, 69 Chevrolet Chevelle,
64 Pontiac GTO?

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20
gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to
condense the product?

4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The
density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre.
The plot 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How
many Budweiser Tallboys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12
simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16
feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch
collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow
with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the
children place a mobile home on the man's land?

8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down
a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the
average traffic loading of secondary roads, what are the chances that
it will strike a vehicle that has a muffler?

9. A coal mine operates an NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The
mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the
beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be
smoked during the shift?

10. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per
generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the
interstate to breed a country-western singer? more...

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WANNA PLAY THE STOCK MARKET?

Mike of Eat the Lettuce wants to play a little game:

Objective: The game will begin on 7/12/05 and end on 8/9/05. You have only 5 short weeks to see how many Mike Dollars you can make.

The rules:

1. Start with $5,000.00. You can get into any long position you want. You can buy stocks, bonds, funds, precious metals, bridges from brookland, or whatever floats your boat. You canÂ’t sell anything short and you canÂ’t do the option thing. Even though we are only playing for a short time we are trying to emulate long term investors.

2. After your initial trades you may not make more than 3 trades a week (and thatÂ’s really a lot for someone doing this long term)

3. All trades cost $10.00

4. You can leave it all in cash if you want.

5. Every Friday I will post the standing of every player, htmlified with links. Everyone playing should post these
standings as well.

More details & such at Mike's place.

I'm planning on entering, which should make you all tremble in fear.

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HOW NOT TO HAVE A REASONED DISCUSSION

In an intriguing bit of original reporting, Confederate Yankee gets to talk directly to the author of a column/hit-piece ["Proof is in the memo: Soldiers died for a lie"] by Middletown, NY Times Herald-Record columnist Beth Quinn. Reading the exchange is like watching two unrelated monologues:

"Your editorial doesn't match what the Downing Street memo said."

"I think Bush lied."

"Your editorial doesn't match what the Downing Street memo said."

"I think Bush lied."

"Your editorial doesn't match what the Downing Street memo said."

"I think Bush lied."

If you read the full text, it's easy to see why this happened. Both sides were more interested in scoring rhetorical points than in discussing the issue. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Frequently the point of a public conversation isn't communication between the principals so much as conversion of undecided bystanders. Much as courtroom advocacy - prosecutor vs. defense - seeks to sway a jury.

Here's how Confederate Yankee opened:

I would like to know how you can write an editorial like " Proof is in the memo: Soldiers died for a lie" and consider yourself a responsible journalist, when you deliberately misrepresent the context of the memo. You make the claim that the original DSM "is a report on a meeting between Rycroft and the White House in July 2002." That is patently false. The DSM was the minutes of a meeting-not a report-among top British officials. The White House is never mentioned, and the only mention of Bush was the comment that "it seemed" he had made up his mind. This is hardly evidence. Furthermore, you ignore the remaining six "Downing Street Memos" that contradict your claim. The David Manning memo to Tony Blair, one of the additional documents leaked, says in a telling line, "Bush wants to hear you [sic] views on Iraq before taking decisions." The Iraqi Options paper (PDF) specifically mentions that the United States is "considering regime change"-specifically indicating that the decision to invade had not been made. You either lied to support your position, or were not well-enough informed to write this article in the first place. Which is it?

[all emphasis mine]

Given the accusatory tone of the phrases in bold, it's no wonder Quinn dug in her heels. Choosing between "liar" and "ignoramus" isn't pleasant.

So how COULD Confederate Yankee have done more to encourage Quinn to respond directly to the issue? By including a third possibility - that he, himself, was simply puzzled by an apparent contradiction and was merely seeking clarification. For example:

After reading your "Proof is in the memo" column, I find myself confused. You said the original DSM "is a report on a meeting between Rycroft and the White House in July 2002." However, according to the memo itself, the DSM was actually the minutes of a meeting among top British officials. The White House is never mentioned, and the only mention of Bush was the comment that "it seemed" he had made up his mind. Could your description of the memo have been mistaken?

Also, you wrote that Bush had already made up his mind to invade Iraq. Other sources [cite in detail, as above] indicate that the decision to invade hadn't yet been made. How do you reconcile this with your statement?

When phrased this way, the focus is strictly on the memos and not on the question of Quinn's journalistic integrity. Since the statements are purely factual and the question is merely one of reconciling apparent differences, Quinn has no justification for either lashing out or changing the topic. If she doesn't respond factually, she looks like a partisan hack, especially given the relatively straightforward question. Really, her only way out is to admit some "phrasing inaccuracies" to her statements, at which point the reasons for her "inaccuracies" become fair game for inquisition.

In closing, I want to re-emphasize that I take no issue with Confederate Yankee's more hardball tactics. They have their place, and a public forum is certainly one arena where they can be effective.

I'm just saying how *I* would've handled it.

That's just me.

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MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ

Filthy Lie Assignment reminder: What will Evil Glenn be doing for Independence Day? due by 11pm EDT Friday, July 1st. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.

Wednesday Linky Stuff

Precision Guided Humor Round-up: Better White House Responses

New Precision Guided Humor Assignment: Make fun of terrorists and/or their supporters - active or passive - using the phrase "exit strategy".

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June 29, 2005

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I can't wait to be with you, see your smile, look in your eyes, feel your sweet touch, hear your perfect words and kiss your perfect lips.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

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TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(click to enlarge)

[Lacey [heart]'s U It's better to burn out than to fade away Peace, Love, empathy 69 [anarchy symbol] 4:20 Kurt Cobain]

After contemplating several possibilities, young Caitlyn eventually decided on the more traditional Tigger tattoo for her ankle.

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FUN FACTS ABOUT CALIFORNIA: THE DIRECTOR'S CUT

The version on the IMAO podcast (#5) was cut here & there for time & quality reasons.

My unsullied and divinely inspired artistic vision lies beneath...



Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States. I'm your host, Harvey, and - week by week - I'll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting yet completely useless, and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, grab your surfboard because we're headed to the shores of sunny California, so let's get started...

California is a large state on the western coast of the US which is inhabited by people who snuck into the state and live off the hard-earned money of the working class, or, as the locals refer to them, actors.

The main export of California is fine wine, which is quite similar to French wine, except that it's less cowardly and annoying.

California was originally part of Mexico, and many of its cities still have Mexican names, like Los Angeles, which means "City of Beating up Rodney King"

California requires that all cars sold in the state run on a special environmentally friendly fuel composed of 50% gasoline and 50% tofu.

California used to be covered by thick forests of giant redwood trees, but these have all been cut down to make nightsticks for beating black motorists.

The state motto of California is "Eureka!", a Greek word meaning "Dude!"

More turkeys are raised in California than in any other state, and most of them get released from Hollywood during the summer.

The Hollywood Bowl is the world's largest outdoor amphitheater and will be hosting next week's IMAO podcast with the re-formed Monty Python as the opening act.

Buy your tickets now or we'll send the IMAO goon squad after you.

Californians can be easily identified by their deep, golden tans and fake green cards.

California experiences 500,000 detectable seismic tremors every year. Coincidentally, that's the same number of steps taken annually by Michael Moore during his trips to the refrigerator.

The average earthquake in California only lasts about 10 seconds. Coincidentally, that's the same amount of time between the beginning of a typical Michael Moore movie and the time someone yells, "THIS SUCKS!"

The state animal of California is the Grizzly Bear, which, sadly, has been hunted to near extinction by roving hordes of the undead who feast on their tender brains.

MMMM... braaaaaaainsssss...

California recently legalized the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes. Research is currently underway to investigate any possible healing powers possessed by hookers.

Many cities in California have outlawed the possession of handguns - however mace, pepper spray, and light sabers are still perfectly legal for self-defense.

You do, however, need a special permit to use force lightning.

San Francisco, has a large, free-spirited population of homosexuals, most of whom are safely confined to a gulag on Castro Street.

Clint Eastwood retired from acting to become the Mayor of Carmel, California, where he spends his days sipping whiskey and pistol-whipping Mexicans.

Many people hope that California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger will run for President someday, but unfortunately the Constitution specifically forbids the election of people who are unable to pronounce the word "Calee-forn-ee-uh".

Luckily there's no such restriction for "nu-cu-lar".

California is impervious to terrorist attacks because the noxious fumes from the hippies quickly render them unconscious.

Even though it's only a single state, California has the 7th largest economy in the world, 90% of which comes from the sale of breast implants.

Arnold Schwarzeneggar won California's special recall election in 2003 by running on the slogan of "I will crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and hear the lamentation of the girly men!"

California produces 17 million gallons of wine each year, which is enough to get Frank J. drunk 340 million times... if Frank were the kind of froo-froo sissy-pants who actually drank wine, that is.

Fallbrook, California is known the Avacado Capital of the World, a fact about which nobody outside the city gives a damn.

California became the 31st state on September 9th 1850 after winning it's independence from Mexico by defeating them in a brutal game of tiddlywinks.

California is famous for it's many elite golf courses, including Palm Springs, Pebble Beach, and No Blacks or Women.

In 1906, the city of San Francisco was razed to the ground by fires and earthquakes. Fortunately the local homosexual population was able to Queer Eye it back together in a matter of days.

The first person to receive a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame was Joanne Woodward in 1960. The last person was SpongeBob Squarepants.

Pauley Shore is still waiting.

Ronald Reagan was elected to two terms as Governor of California in exchange for his promise not to make a sequel to "Bedtime for Bonzo".

That wraps up the California edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be heading into the Rocky Mountains of Colorado.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go watch a Michael Moore Movie... THIS SUCKS!

[also submitted to Wizbang's Carnival of the Trackbacks]

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AL SHARPTON NOW SUPPORTS WAR IN IRAQ: "GREAT WAY TO KILL WHITEY"

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Known for his sharp rhetoric opposing the War in Iraq during his brief run for President, the Reverend Al Sharpton has now come around to giving the War effort his full support.

"While blacks make up over 20% of the US Military, they comprise less than 12% of the casualties," said Sharpton, "If there's a downside to this, I'm just not seein' it."

"Heh. Crackas be droppin' like flies!"

Former Ku Klux Klansman and current West Virginia Senator Robert C. Byrd also voiced tentative approval of the war upon reviewing the statistics.

"Although it pains me some to see good White men dying for Bush's illegal war for oil," observed Byrd, "I comfort myself with the notion that the ones doing the dying had voluteered to serve in a mixed-race Service. Me, I'd rather die a thousand times than fight under Old Glory with a Negro by my side."

"It's God's justice", he concluded.

President George W. Bush - speaking at a press conference earlier today - expressed disappointment at the news, but hoped that a solution could be found.

"It seems that "Operation Get Behind the Darkies" has been a miserable failure," said Bush. "I'll be meeting with the Joint Chiefs later this week to discuss ways of increasing minority casualties. I don't want the US Armed Forces to be accused of violating Affirmative Actions laws by allowing African-Americans to be under-represented in this vital category."

[Hat tip to Mean Mr. Mustard for the link to the stats]

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COUNTING THE COST AND PAYING THE PRICE

After some private discussions with Paul of Arms Control Wonk, it occurred to me that the issue of how prisoners are treated in Gitmo revolves around the following question:

Does the value of intelligence gathered through using physical coercion to interrogate prisoners outweigh the harm caused by reports of "torture" being used as morale-boosting propaganda by the enemy?

And after phrasing it that way, I realized that I'm probably one of the least-qualified people on the face of the planet to answer that question.

Why?

Because I have NO idea what value to place on the intelligence gathered from the terrorists. I don't know what the prisoners are saying. I don't know how the information is being used. And even Pentagon decision-makers can only guess at how many lives have been saved by acting on this information.

On the second half of the question... good luck attaching numbers to the value of morale. The best you can do is guess whether it's trending up or down over time.

So I don't know the answer except to say "it depends". There are people in Washington being paid good money to have a better answer, and for now I choose to trust their judgment.

However, I do know this: every report of "torture" that reaches the enemy has propaganda value for them, improves their morale, costs American lives, and makes it harder for the US to answer "yes" to the intelligence vs. propaganda question.

Some liberals would probably justify their "unintentional" propaganda-spreading by saying "we're not trying to undermine the war effort. We don't intend for any more Soldiers to die. Our target is the US government. We just want to make "torture" an unattractive policy position out of concern for the broader ideal of human rights."

But regardless of their intentions, they ARE undermining the war effort. So the "stop the torture" crowd has its own question to answer:

Does the value of protecting the human rights of non-US-citizens outweigh the increased death toll on US soldiers due the increased morale of the enemy?

Stretching my imagination a bit, I could see myself answering "yes" IF the US government were condoning the physical mutilation or murder of innocent Iraqi civilians on a massive scale.

Of course, if that were true, I'd be ashamed to call myself an American, and I'd move to a civilized nation to apply for citizenship. Same reason Einstein left Germany in 1932.

But to answer "yes" when the balance is "discomforted terrorists" vs. "dead Americans"? AND still live in this country and call myself an American?...

Sorry, my imagination doesn't stretch THAT far.

But I'm not asking anyone to leave.

What I *am* asking is simply this:

If you're going to publicly oppose the government's actions, at least have the intellectual honesty to admit that there IS a price to be paid for doing so, that you're willing to ask American Soldiers to pay it, and that you're willing to accept the consequences for doing so.

Now, to be fair, I'll admit that - because of the physical coercion techniques being used - the "torture" propaganda has more power to increase enemy morale than it would have if no physical coercion were being used at all. This will cost the lives of American Soldiers on the battlefield.

I am willing to ask them to pay this price because I believe that - in the long run - it will save more American lives than it costs, and I accept the consequences of my choice.

Your turn.

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CRAZED MONKEY TERRORIZES BLOGOSPHERE!

#93

WTF?

Either there's a glitch in the Ecosystem, or I need to get fired more often.

I wonder if MonkeyWatch is following this story?

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June 28, 2005

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

You are my first, last, and only dream at night.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

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TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(click to enlarge)

[MOM It was great for me Oh my God how good!]

Hillbilly Mother's Day present.

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TAKE US TO YOUR ACTORS

Lynn of Reflections in D Minor wonders how Earth folk would react to a visit from friendly space aliens.

Spear Shaker of Shaking Spears wonders if space aliens could be among us.

Which brings up the question: assuming sentient life exists on other planets, why would they visit Earth?

The big problem with space travel is that it's time-consuming. Big distances plus a universal speed limit of 186,000 miles per second means it'll take a few years to get to a new solar system.

So let's say - just for fun - that it's possible to teleport things at faster than light speeds. Relativity doesn't forbid the existence of particles that travel faster than the speed of light (tachyons) and never go slower. I can imagine a "jumpgate" where matter is converted to energy, the energy produces a tachyon signal that's transmitted to a light-years-distant receiver, the signal is interpreted and then local energy is used to replicate the original matter.

It's analogous to how a telephone converts local sound (which travels at about 700mph) to electricity which travels at light speed to another telephone and is converted back to sound.

But even with this technology, the problem is that you STILL have to physically travel to a destination planet to build the first jumpgate. Once it's set up, all future travel to the planet is cheap, easy, and instantaneous, but there has to be something on the new planet that's valuable enough to justify the initial set-up cost.

Which brings up the question: What does Earth have that couldn't be created better, faster, and cheaper closer to the aliens' homeworld?

I don't think it would be anything physical. If their technology is sufficiently advanced to create jumpgates, surely it's advanced enough to construct whatever material they want, sub-atomic-particle by sub-atomic-particle.

So if they don't want our stuff, what DO they want?

Our stories.

TV, movies, books, maybe even our blogs.

*waits for laughter to die down*

Yeah, I know, but here's my reasoning: all sentient beings have one thing in common - the continued struggle for existence. Whether death comes from old age, disease, murder, or even the impersonal accidents of nature, it still comes. So if an alien risked death in an effort to better secure his future existence, he'd surely derive some psychological joy from the accomplishment (well... except maybe on Planet Goth).

The importance of stories - the timeless classics that Earthers enjoy so much, wherein a good person struggles against harm and emerges better off than when he started - is that even a vicarious experience of success provides a person with a touchstone of hope. An image to be recalled in times of darkness that life can be good, and that things will get better.

If you've ever struggled through a black patch of despair in your life, you've probably had one thing that you've clung to that helped keep you going. For some people, it's the image of a heroic figure in a story. Whether the story is true or not doesn't matter. It's the vision of hope that the story provides that makes it important.

So what's this have to do with aliens?

They can create an infinite supply of goods, but visions of hope are finite. Earth is a fresh supply of success stories written from a perspective that the aliens can't replicate with a machine. The tales are new, and different, and they can't be found anywhere else.

And considering that a single movie can make upwards of a billion dollars on one planet, imagine the revenue potential across a Galactic Federation.

THAT might be worth making the trip.

By the way, I'm officially denying any rumors that I've signed a book deal with Intergalactic Press, so just ignore anything you hear along those lines.

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DICK DURBIN SHOULD TAKE NOTES

Blogson Peter of Shakey Pete's Shootin' Shack told the story of a Soldier wounded in Iraq, but he blew a few details.

Ok, more than a few, and not just details.

But Peter apologized for it. Here are some key phrases:

Any stupidity involved rests right behind this keyboard.

I make no excuse.

I should have known better. Indeed I do know better,

The bottom line? I screwed the pooch. I could go on with why but it would really only be lame excuses.

I hope everyone involved will accept my profound apologies.

I only point this out because I think it's instructive to see the difference between the apology of someone who actually means it (Peter) and the apology of someone who's only trying to avoid the consequences of getting caught. Like... say... Dick Durbin:

I sincerely regret if what I said causes anybody to misunderstand my true feelings.

I'm sorry if anything that I said caused any offense or pain to those who have such bitter memories of the Holocaust,

I'm also sorry if anything I said in any way cast a negative light on our fine men and women in the military

Word of advice, Dick - the word "if" has no place in a sincere apology.

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June 27, 2005

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Your words are my food, your breath is my wine. You are everything to me.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 10:51 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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