April 28, 2005

BOOK REVIEW

Bill Clinton's "My Life" as reviewed by a Republican Chihuahua (NSFW).

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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal. So this letter is just really a squeal of pain. It is incredible how essential to me you have become. I suppose you are accustomed to people saying these things. Damn you, spoilt creature; I shan't make you love me any more by giving myself away like this - But oh my dear, I can't be clever and stand-offish with you: I love you too much for that.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

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BLOGGER QUESTION

Does anyone know how to make that little pencil thing appear in the footer of a Blogger post?

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AND I WOULD'VE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT, TOO, IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR THAT MEDDLING KID!

Ok, I told nothing but lies about the Chicago Blogmeet. Blogson That 1 Guy of Drunken Wisdom tells the REAL story.

Now kiss my ring, bitches!

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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

[notez bien: I'm stealing this one whole from Linus of Pepper of the Earth. While I never actually put this one in Beloved Wife's little mailbox, I really like it because it reminds me of Led Zeppelin's "Thank You", which was the first song I ever dedicated to Beloved Wife - way back when she had just become Beloved Girlfriend for the first time back in 1986.]

Just Add Water

Ingredients:

1 mountain (large)
1 ocean (immense)
2 lovers (uncertain)

Combine elements in prepared basin.
Mix until smooth.
Season to taste.

When the mountain refluxes
And only sand remains
Remove lovers.

Serving size: 2
Linus Gelber - 11/18/2002

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

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ELSEWHERE

Some stuff at IMAO

Filthy Lie by Friday stuff, Linky stuff, round-up stuff, & new PGH assignment stuff at Alliance HQ.

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April 27, 2005

IT'S A BOY!

And WHAT a boy!

Blogless Peter, who's been writing terrific gun-related posts (and several other goodies which you can find in his category) has thrown caution & common sense to the wind and started his own blog:

Shakey Pete's Shootin' Shack

Love that name. Sounds like he should have the building next to Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon with that moniker.

Let's take a look at what my swaddling-wrapped baby boy has posted:

He forgoes the traditional sucky first post in favor of the less-sucky (ok, completely non-sucky) "about me" type post. This line strikes me funny:

Thinking of Harv as a Blogfather is difficult though, being as how I'm older than he is.

Don't worry about it, Peter, half my dang blogfamily is older than I am. Ain't no big deal :-)

Next he does some thoughtful analysis on strategies for taking out Iran (if & when it becomes necessary). Very well written & cogently argued.

I'm gonna LOVE reading his stuff on a regular basis. It's going to be a better blogosphere now that Peter isn't sneaking around in people's comments, wasting good writing where the virtual sun don't shine.

... um... this is the part of the post where I usually invite the new kid to pick up a logo & blogroll the Bad Example Family. However, since I volunteered to do Peter's blog-decorating for him (and maybe teach him a few html tricks along the way), I'll just skip to the big finish:

All you Bad Example dogs go sniff Peter's butt & say "Howdy".

And Peter...

Welcome Home.

Oh yeah... The best part... I caught him before anyone left a comment using Blogger, so he's pure Haloscan from the get-go.

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SOMETHING ABOUT FIRSTBROKENANGEL

... that you should know.

My latest blogdaughter, Firstbrokenangel of AAFFLLAACCKK, has had a particularly difficult existence, and the effects are sometimes noticable in her writing. Medication will do that. You should probably read her about me post to get a full understanding of the woman behind the blog.

All things considered, I'm surprised at how cheery she usually is.

After you read the post, ask yourself how bad your problems REALLY are.

Oh, and she's got Haloscan comments now, so be sure to say "Hi".

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GETTING MEN TO TALK

Bloggranddaughter ArmyWife of ArmyWifeToddlerMom is complaining (ever so gently) about how her husband won't talk much about work.

True, men don't go into details about work. They're more into giving the one-word executive summary, i.e. "good", "ok", "bad", "sucked". And if women pester them for details, they get defensive "What is this? The Spanish Inquisition? Are you going to break out the comfy chair?"

Ladies, you have to actually explain to your man - in so many words, and preferrably small ones - that you ENJOY hearing about the boring insignificant details that he wouldn't dream of inflicting on his male friends. Your man will NOT understand this - and don't ask or expect him to - but he may be willing to indulge you anyway.

He will probably sigh heavily & roll his eyes, but if you're willing to accept that as the price you have to pay to get the goods, he can be trained. Eventually, all you'll have to do is say "Gimme the chick-flick version" and he'll start gabbing away.

Remember - men are trainable. It just takes patience.

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JUST THE TOY FOR YOUR LAPTOP - UPDATED 4-28-05

A tiny, optical, 3-button USB wheelmouse, with a retractable cord for easy storage.

Blogson GEBIV of There's One, Only! has a post about it with a nice picture, and check the comments for details on the functionality.

You can get one at Amazon for $17.00

UPDATE 4-28-05: Jim of Snooze Button Dreams says $10 at America's Favorite Corporate Whipping Boy

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HELL TO PAY

They gave me flowers for "Administrative Professionals Day"

F***ers.

Any suggestions for subtle, Machiavellian vengeance?

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April 26, 2005

MERCY FOR TELEMARKETERS - UPDATED 4-27-05 7AM

Blogdaughter Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice has a post on telemarketers, and I'm going to take an opposing tack to most of her commenters.

Most telemarketers are just low-skilled workers trying to make ends meet, and I don't have a personal problem with them. It's honest - if low-status - work.

If you REALLY want to be nice to them, hang up on them AS SOON AS POSSIBLE so that they can move on to someone who might actually be interested. Probably some lonely elderly person.

Don't worry about hurting their feelings. Wasting their time hurts more.

UPDATE 4-27-05 7am: My personal preference is to wait until I know it's a telemarketer - which never takes long, because I habitually answer the phone "Olson residence, Harvey speaking." - and as soon as some voice asks me (after that tell-tale pause while the dialing software connects us) "May I please speak to Mr. or Mrs. Olson?" I know it's a telemarketer, because no human being who'd heard what I just said would answer me that way. So I respond in a pleasant voice "No thank you, good-bye" and hang up without waiting for a response from them.

Now they can call someone who cares.

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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

There is nothing that means more to me
Than the joys of life you've helped me see
With your openness and honesty
You will always have me
...and my love.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

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TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(click to enlarge)

[SHOP TILL YOU DROP]

As a follow up to the popular State Quarters program, the Treasury released the first in its new series of "Female Cliché Dollars". Coming soon: "Not tonight, I've got a headache", and "Do these pants make me look fat?"

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RUNNING IN THE FAMILY

Josh Fielek - author of the best dark fiction on the web (at least since Stephen King folded up "The Plant") - announces that his wife, Jessica, has her own blog now at The Fieleks.com

She's a smart cookie, coping with school, marriage, and a 9-month old baby. If you're a momma, she could probably use some sympathy and/or advice.

...

Well, crap. Looks like her permalinks aren't working.

Fine.

Go to the main page & look for the 4-25 entry "I need to keep a better blog". Start dumping your love there.

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DOING IT IN PUBLIC

Linking my wife, that is.

Which only sounds dirty.

Anyway, TNT of Smiling Dynamite has a list of "Things Stressed Women Say at Work", including my favorite:

13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

You have NO idea how often this one runs through my mind.

I swear, bloggers are the only people who can talk a lot without boring the crap out of me.

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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Love doesn't make things easier, just worth it.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

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April 25, 2005

WEEKENDS WITH WOLVES

This last weekend, TNT & I drove to Indiana to visit Blake of The Laughing Wolf, who graciously gave us a special, in-depth, behind the scenes tour of Wolf Park.

For a 4-hour drive, it wasn't too bad. Despite Chicago's best efforts to get us lost with construction, confusing signage, and poorly-marked exits, we made our way around the Windy City and into the Snowy State, i.e. Indiana.

That's right. Freakin' snow. In April. Not enough to accumulate or mess up the roads, but just enough to remind you why some people don't ever want to live this far north.

However, the joke was on Mother Nature, since even though the crappy weather was probably meant to punish me for my evil ways, it turned out to be a disguised blessing. See, the wolves are still wearing their winter coats, and if it would've been hot, they would've been boring, furry lawn ornaments (as Blake described their behavior during last week's summery weather). As it was, they were bursting with energy - frisking, frolicking, racing, chasing, playing, and generally being as entertaining as you could possibly hope for. Despite the 40 degree weather and bitter 20+ mph winds, we enjoyed ourselves immensely.

Aside from the furry things, the best part of Wolf Park was Gale. She was sweet, intelligent, charming, vivacious, friendly & informative, and even favored us with one of her cheers from her days as a cheerleader in Ancient Egypt ("Isis! Isis! Ra! Ra! Ra!"). Yeah, she's as bad with the puns as Blake. Outside of that, though, I don't know what else she could've done to make us feel more welcome, as she gave us the extra-thorough tour of the grounds and made sure we were introduced to every 4-legged resident.

Well, except for the bison, but they were kinda snooty, so no great loss.

In addition to getting us the Full Monty tour of Wolf Park, Blake also gave us a well-narrated tour of Lafayette. I have to say, he's a top-rank tour guide, full of informational tidbits about every place we visited. If you ever get a chance to have him show you around, take him up on it, because he knows the area and can tell you everything you want to know.

Although he didn't know why there was a plethora of weirdos wandering around the Purdue campus, but I'm sure he'll let us know when he finds out.

The evening ended at the Lafayette Brewing Company where I found some fantastic reddish brew (I think it was Eastside Bitter, but I'm not positive) and was introduced to deep-fried crack, aka Cheesy Potato Munchers which are basically tater-tots laced with cheddar cheese and jalapeno peppers. I could eat those things all night long.

Blake, being the sweetie that he is, gave us a very thoughtful anniversary present. I'm going to consult with TNT over who'll be posting pictures of it. Let's just say that it's destined to be a family heirloom - assuming it doesn't get worn down to a nub from regular use.

So here's the short version - if Blake asks you to come to Lafayette to hang with him, say yes and get there ASAP.

For the slightly longer short version, see The Laughing Wolf.

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KARNIVAL OF KIDZ #2 ENTRY

(click to enlarge)

My favorite sister (ok, she's my ONLY sister) mischievously bottle-feeds me dish soap instead of milk, much to my dismay.

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3 GAUNTLETS LAID DOWN, 3 GAUNTLETS PICKED UP

Results of my meme-challenge:

Kevin of Eckernet... If I could be an architect ... the Death Star would be my first project, then IÂ’d move onto larger projects.

Teresa of Technicalities... If I could be a professor... I wouldn't tell those giving me tenure that I wasn't liberal until it was too late

Dana of Note-It Posts... If I could be a lawyerÂ… IÂ’d sue the pants off of whiny, liberal, Wal-Mart obstructionists. Then cackle in glee as they all fled into the store to buy new pants.

Ogre's tracking the whole mess here.

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