July 31, 2005
If you played and lived to tell the tale, feel free to put this in your sidebar.
[Again, BIG thanks go to Logo Queen Pam of Pamibe for the design. If you need a logo, you need Pam.]
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12:34 PM
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Blog tip: how to make ALL your links open in new windows.
Filthy Lie Round-up: Buying Instapundit
Blog tip: Blogger Etiquette
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11:09 AM
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My unsullied and divinely inspired artistic vision lies beneath...
Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States. I'm your host, Harvey, and - week by week - I'll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting yet completely useless, and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.
This week, we'll be enjoying a trip to sunny Florida, so let's get started...
Florida became the 27th state on March 3rd, 1845, an event which most of the state's residents recall fondly from their childhoods.
Or WOULD, if it weren't for the Alzheimer's.
The state flag of Florida was eaten by an alligator, so I have no idea what it looks like.
The knee is Florida's official state arthritic joint.
The largest private employer in Florida is Disney World. The second largest is the company that makes "this ride closed for repairs" signs.
After the Presidential election disaster in 2000, Florida passed a law making it illegal to vote without first removing your souvenier Mickey Mouse gloves.
The most common cause of death in Florida is being run over by old women who mistakenly voted for Pat Buchanan.
The second most common is getting run over by '57 Chevys that wash up on Miami Beach from Cuba.
The state bird of Florida is the Pink Flamingo, a feisty animal which is actually capable of killing a fully grown alligator, thanks to Floridas new concealed carry law.
Although most Floridians don't speak with a strong southern accent, they DO tend to pronounce the word "hurricane" as "Oh, SH**!"
Janet Reno was born in Miami, Florida, and only returned to the state because her magic mirror told her that Elian Gonzales was fairer than she.
Twice yearly, Florida is victimized by uncontrollable destructive forces which lay waste to the state. These times are known as "hurricane season" and "spring break".
The state reptile of Florida is the alligator, which subsists on a diet of fish, birds, and Japanese tourists.
The state song of Florida is "Grandpa, Don't Wear That Speedo to the Beach".
If a hurricane strikes while you're in Florida, just hand over your wallet and no one will get hurt.
Spanish explorer Ponce de Leon discovered Florida in 1513 while searching for the legendary Fountain of Orange Juice.
Despite the fact that the temperature never gets below freezing, Florida has a professional ice hockey team, which... nah, no one's gonna believe that one.
People from Florida are easy to spot on the road. They're the ones driving around with sheets of plywood nailed over their car windows.
If you move to Florida, buy a house with a colorful roof so that you can easily find it after it gets blown down the street by a hurricane.
When visiting Seaworld in Orlando, be sure to stop by the restaurant for the "slow learner sandwich" special.
Native Floridians never wear sunglasses because they have a special, inner third eyelid to keep out the sun's harmful rays.
Florida's Disney World is technically in a state of war with California's Disneyland, and the two theme parks exchange nuclear strikes several times a year.
The University of Florida's football team is named the Gators in honor of the millions of alligators milked each year to make Gatorade.
Neil Smith of Montverde, Florida, invented the riding lawn mower in 1933, adding to the list of useful things that Floridians could have blown away during a hurricane.
The state tree of Florida is the Palm Tree - so named because that's the part of your body that will be scraped raw if you try to climb it.
While in Florida, NEVER try to climb any sort of nut tree.
The Everglades in Florida is 2100 square miles of smelly, oozing, mosquito-infested muck. Most Florida natives still refer to it by its original name the "The Cesspool National Park".
Passing the test for a driver's license in Florida requires that you be able to make a right turn from the left lane across 3 lanes of traffic. Or so I assume from what I saw last time I was there.
Despite rumors to the contrary, "Florida oysters" is NOT a euphemism for boiled alligator testicles.
However, eating Florida oysters WILL cause you to grow a special, inner third eyelid.
The state flower of Florida is the Orange Blossom, which is a small, white flower with an insatiable hunger for human flesh.
The refrigerator was invented in Florida in 1921. This represented a great technological leap forward, as now Floridians had a place to store their melted ice cream when the power went out.
That wraps up the Florida edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be sneaking north across the border into America's peachiest state, Georgia.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go milk me some fresh Gatorade.
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10:49 AM
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Not long ago, Glenn Reynolds mused that he'd be more than happy to sell Instapundit for the bargain price of $145 million dollars.
Naturally he got flooded with offers, so he ran a contest: "Tell why you should be allowed to buy Instapundit in 200 words or less".
Here are some of the responses:
Muqtada al-Sadr - "According to the Prophet Mohammed, all unbelievers are as filthy hobos in the eyes of Allah, and must be murdered. I will be most proud to carry on Evil Glenn's holy homeless jihad. Will you take a check drawn on a Saudi bank?"
John Bolton - "Once Bush takes his balls out of that little box that Laura keeps them in, he'll FINALLY get around to naming me as ambassador to the UN. I will use the power of Instapundit - and possibly a large wooden mallet - to crush all those stupid foreigners like bugs! LIKE BUGS, I SAY!"
Muzammil Siddiq, Muslim Religious Scholar - "Now that we have issued a fatwa condemning terrorism, we must make this pronouncement be heard from ALL of our most holy sites, including the holiest of all, the site of Imampundit, the most... what?... CRAP!... nevermind..."
Kim Jong Il - "As leader of the #1 dog-consuming nation in the world, what could be more appropriate that having me take control of Ilstapundit and its vast archive of canine-based recipes?"
Condoleezza Rice - "I think Bush might respect me more if I had a powerful blog. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but I *do* get a little tired of being patted on the head and being called 'my wittle Condi-Wondi'".
Michael Griffin, NASA Administrator - "We just want to own SOMETHING that doesn't have chunks of foam falling off it".
Steve Jobs, Apple CEO - "iNstapundit... got a nice ring to it..."
Bill Gates, Chairman, Microsoft - "The transition to Vistapundit will be seamless, since Reynolds and I both have pretty much the same deal with Satan."
Michael Eisner, Disney CEO - "We haven't had a hit movie since "Monsters, Inc.", and I'm thinking we could at least make a couple bucks with selling T-shirts on this site or something, and... wait... I KNOW!... "Herbie: Fully Blogged"!... It's so hip and trendy that it can't possibly fail!"
Johnny Depp - "I just finished playing a powerful-yet-creepy reclusive iconoclast with a fetish for short, waddling things that all look alike. I'm SO ready to be the new Instapundit."
AND THE WINNER IS... (in the extended entry) more...
Posted by: Harvey at
10:45 AM
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"Your smile makes my soul think it's eating chocolate cake and saying Yum Yum Yum"
[Hat tip to blogdaughter Pam of Camp HappyBadFun]
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]
Posted by: Harvey at
10:36 AM
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Click image ofor wthe 411WTF!!!1
This statys on top for a while!!! LOOk below for STUFF!!!
Posted by: Harvey at
07:00 AM
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July 30, 2005
Posted by: Harvey at
11:29 PM
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Rabid Kitten Found, 19 People Treated
Storyline seen at online comic Sluggy Freelance:
(click to enlarge)
Nice little slasher-movie parody. Begins at this strip...
Posted by: Harvey at
11:27 PM
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The question is, what are some good twin names for girls: (a)for identical twins, or (b)for fraternal twins?
Pretty much anything but Paris & Nikki.
If they were MY daughters, I'd probably name them "Don't Touch" and "Hands Off".
Posted by: Harvey at
11:24 PM
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The four blades make it easy to shave, not having to go over the same place twice. The razor feels heavy and durable. The handle is a better shape and makes it an easier angle to shave.
Which reminds me of the Venus Vibrance razor.
Venus Vibrance delivers gentle pulses to the shaving cartridge to provide the closest, smoothest Venus shave ever.
Am I the ONLY person who suspects that that thing doesn't ALWAYS get used blade-end-first?
Posted by: Harvey at
10:24 PM
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What is your FAVORITE article of clothing that you wear?
Does TNT count?
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10:00 PM
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Posted by: Harvey at
09:56 PM
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Posted by: Harvey at
09:54 PM
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*rummages around bedroom*
Posted by: Harvey at
09:25 PM
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Go forth and flash her your... brilliance.
Posted by: Harvey at
09:08 PM
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Maybe we can make one up:
"How many Yetis does it take to change a light bulb"
Let's see how creative you are.
Posted by: Harvey at
09:06 PM
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Blogson Peter of Shakey Pete's Shootin' Shack is having trouble getting pictures to upload to ImageShack and putting them on his blog - probably because he uses AOL. I could write a detailed tutorial on how to do it from a normal internet connection, but I have NO idea how AOL is different - I never used it.
Anyone have a clue who would be willing to try to walk Peter through it?
Posted by: Harvey at
08:55 PM
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Five minutes passed and he didn’t come out. I sent my eldest to go find him and see what was up. Seconds later they both came out and I looked at Son#1 quizzically. His reply was, “He was standing in the middle of the bathroom… and couldn’t reach the paper towels.”
Silly Boudicca. You need to teach him that - in a pinch - toilet paper is a servicable substitute for paper towels.
Posted by: Harvey at
08:15 PM
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I think they're plotting revenge.
Posted by: Harvey at
08:01 PM
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This is an "After 5", or so says Beloved Wife.
Peppermint Schnapps
Kahlua
Irish Cream
S'Okay.
Posted by: Harvey at
07:33 PM
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