After serving with the King of the Blogs as a judge very nearly since its inception, I sadly announce my retirement from the bench.

Yes, it's because I'm part of IMAO now and have a lot less free time.

But it's also because I found a replacement who will maintain the quality of rulings that participants and onlookers alike have come to expect.

I hand my powdered wig and robe to Ogre of Ogre's Politics and Views, who will now take his rightful place beside Pietro and Songstress as a full-time permanent judge. (PSST! Ogre! Put up the javascript thingy! And you can grab a copy of my judge banner, too)

If his stint as a substitute is any indication, the Tournament may even be better for the change, and - at the VERY least - there is no loss.

Thank you, Nick, for allowing the substitution, and also for supporting this Tournament through thick and thin for so long. I will continue to recommend it to all new bloggers as a worthy test of one's all-around blogging ability, and something that everyone should try at least once, because it's just flat-out fun.

Oh, and the week 8 rulings are posted now. Looks like we got ourselves another 3-time winner and undefeated King in the form of Radical Centrist.

And you know what the best part is?

Now I get to vote and participate in the "pick the winner" pool :-)

Posted by: Harvey at 12:11 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 257 words, total size 2 kb.

There's nothing sadder than cowardice. One of the pretenders wasn't man enough to face the final trial, leaving only 2 men standing in the dusty street, hands sweatily clutching weapons, looking to draw blood...

Write a poem explaining which judge you like the most.

Jay of The Radical Centrist:
GOOD POINTS: I don't frequently laugh out loud, but my wife was poking her head in the room and asking me what was so funny. Curse you, you home-wrecker!
BAD POINTS: Insensitively homophobic about doing a little man-on-man blog-love. Someone, apparently, is not very secure in his manhood. Also, the meter was off on the poem for "Seamstress", thus immediately destroying every shred of good will built up by the preceeding 729 stanzas.
SCORE: 5

Sabri of The Engineer's Log Book:
GOOD POINTS: Hey, that's MY sweet, hairy tuckus he's kissing. Cool!
BAD POINTS: I'm making some allowance for Sabri not being a native speaker of English, so if he's a little short on making his idioms sing, that's ok. However, what bugged me about this one was that he didn't stick with one style in the poem. At first it seemed to have meter AND rhyme, then only meter, then nothing. I found the change irritating. Free verse all the way through would've worked better. Also, I don't think Haiku are 3/8/5.
SCORE: 3

The Radical Centrist: The Theory of Blogativity
GOOD POINTS: Give last week's well-received challenge post as this week's submitted post and save yourself a butt-load of work? BRILLIANT! Give that man a Guinness! Also, having read Stephen Hawking's "A Brief History of Time", I found the presentation hilarious.
BAD POINTS: None visible. You ROCK, Jay! :-)
SCORE: 5

The Engineer's Log Book: We Live to Fear
GOOD POINTS: Love the positive message: "Live no fear".
BAD POINTS: Again, a small pass for not being a native speaker, I'll focus on the content rather than execution. Nice anecdotal start (Aladdin's lamp), good segue to the topic - fear is bad, fear holds you back, losing fear would be a good thing - and then... nothing. This piece would've been better if it had given some practical techniques for eliminating fear (take deep breaths, visualize yourself being successful, etc). Sadly, that part is missing, so all the build-up is wasted because there's no payoff.
SCORE: 3.5

Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:

King of the Blogs javascript thingy in the sidebar
Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green
background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)

Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to remind us of the person behind the words.

With that in mind...

The Radical Centrist
GOOD POINTS: In the two weeks since I last judged this site, Jay has fixed all my complaints. Blind obedience to my whims is always a plus.
BAD POINTS: I've gotta whine about something, so I'll whine about this: the title "The Radical Centrist" is, ironically, more toward the left side of the page. Is this deliberate? Subconscious? Whatever. Also, that vast expanse of cream-colored background is a little dull, especially against the only-marginally-contrasting white background in the main column and sidebar. Might consider breaking it up, or at least making the background on the title banner a more strongly-contrasting color.
SCORE: 4.5

The Engineer's Log Book:
GOOD POINTS: All the technicals are in place, and bonus on Sabri for posting his picture so as to immediately eliminate any gender confusion (Sabri being a gender-neutral name in the ears of most Americans).
BAD POINTS: Standard blogger template with little color, style, flair, or personality. Sabri should consider poking around in his template a bit & changing a few colors or fonts. Now, on a personal note, I want to congratulate Sabri for having the stones to throw his hat in the ring. Although the more subtle nuances of English elude him, he's still young, and if he pays attention while immersing himself in American pop culture, he could be a Malaysian Arnold Schwarzenegger, living his dream.

Live No Fear, Sabri.
SCORE: 3.5

The Radical Centrist: 14.5
The Engineer's Log Book: 10

Posted by: Harvey at 03:54 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 775 words, total size 5 kb.

Looks like The Radical Centrist won. And he better start putting "posted by" at the bottom of his posts, or else!

[shakes fist menacingly]

Anyway, there's a new slate up for this week.

Since I'll be out of town, Ogre of Ogre's Politics & Views has kindly consented to judge in my stead.

Posted by: Harvey at 12:54 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 62 words, total size 1 kb.

Three new slabs of meat, ready for the grinder.

Burgers, anyone?

You have just been chosen as the King of the Blogs. Write a speech beginning you reign of terror.

The Bloke of In The Outer:
GOOD POINTS: Arrogant, sucks up a lot.
BAD POINTS: Kind of standard, boiler-plate tyrant bloviation. Could've been more imaginative, like by making me Minister of Public Decency or something. Also, I'm not a big fan of the crossed-out-text approach to humor. You're the dictator. You can use the first draft if you want. Who's going to challenge you?
SCORE: 3

TRC of The Radical Centrist:
GOOD POINTS: I was concerned by some of the early, thoughtful pandering, but in the end, absolute power's absolute corruption came shining through. This line describing policital moderates just slayed me, as did the leftist reaction:

"Beware of the stealth enemy. They look like liberals, but shop at WalMart! Beware!"
The bongo drums on the left rise to a frenzy

BAD POINTS: Didn't call for the immediate wholesale slaughter of catbloggers.
SCORE: 5

Dawn of Randomness:
GOOD POINTS: Threatens to purge the blogosphere based on aesthetics instead of politics. Also manages to sidestep Murphy's Law by NOT having a grammar error in a post criticizing grammar errors. This girl is hardcore, and if I'm ever whacked by a disgruntled KOTB contestant, Dawn would make a good replacement judge.
BAD POINTS: The opening & closing need work. I was a little put off by the 2 cheap misdirection lines at the beginning, but the rest of the piece was good after it warmed up, so I shrugged it off. The Star Wars quote at the end, however, just feels tacked on by someone desperately searching for a way to finish. Helpful hint (which Dawn used to good effect in her submitted post) - make a reference to your opening. Simply signing off with another Princess Bride quote would've been better. For example:

[flips page]

"Man and wife".

In The Outer: Showing Mercy to the Poor
GOOD POINTS: Gives a novel interpretation of the word "poor" as used in a Biblical context:

"those who are so impoverished and incapacitated because they do not have the means either materially, emotionally, or even morally(!), such that they are rendered incapable, or perhaps even unwilling to, give back to you."

I'd never thought of it that way before, and I enjoyed this example of thinking outside the box.
BAD POINTS: Asserts that Western civilization may qualify as "poor" without discussing the specifics of why, giving only vague references to other posts. More detail would've been helpful to make this essay self-contained. Perhaps the information is available in the earlier-linked posts, but then maybe The Bloke should've submitted one of those, instead. A GOOD submitted post has all the information the reader needs. Supportive linkage should be gravy, not necessity.
SCORE: 3

The Radical Centrist: The News Becomes Surreal...
GOOD POINTS: Excellent form on this one - TRC introduces the general topic, gives an interesting quote, then gives his point of view, followed by a conclusion.
BAD POINTS: Did this THREE TIMES in one post. There was a nice segue between the part on the loony Democrats and the part on the silent Democrats, so I'll give that one a pass. However, when the topic moved to Sistani, then the discussion ceases to be about domestic politics, and - with the essay getting rather longish at this point - it would've been better to save that part for a separate post.
SCORE: 4

Randomness: Treading Water
GOOD POINTS: Powerful, gripping, emotional essay on Dawn's slow loss of control over her life and the joy of regaining it. Beautifully done. LOVED the way the ending recalled the beginning and provided perfect closure.
BAD POINTS: No supportive linkage on the Song of Songs quote. Not a big enough deal to ding for, considering how good the rest of the piece was.
SCORE: 5

Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:

King of the Blogs javascript thingy in the sidebar
Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green
background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)

Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to remind us of the person behind the words.

With that in mind...

In The Outer
GOOD POINTS: All the technicals in place. Upgraded to Haloscan comments while leaving old Blogger comments in place for posterity. I would LOVE for Bloke to write a detailed post on this process and send me a link so that I can show all my Blogspotted friends that this CAN be done.
BAD POINTS: Blue is my favorite color, so I like this color scheme, yet... could there be such a thing as "too much" blue? Maybe another color for some of the sidebar stuff? A background pattern to break up the monotony? I don't know. It's functional, yet... a little bland, somehow.
SCORE: 4

The Radical Centrist
GOOD POINTS: Something about using thin colored lines to break a blog into sections just makes me happy. Nice, subtle use of color without going overboard. Content-wise - lots of well-written entries.
BAD POINTS: No search, no "About Me", no author's name, no gender identification... TRC is an excellent writer, but not a good BLOGGER. After folks read all this great stuff, they want to know more about the author. Indulge them, please. At the VERY least, give them a name by which to refer to you. Meanwhile, the code for enabling a Google search on your site can be found here.
SCORE: 3

Randomness:
GOOD POINTS: Well, at least there's no gender confusion. On a personal note, Dawn has the prettiest lips in the world to which I am not married.
BAD POINTS: Wait... this is a blog?... it looks more like just a website with comments enabled. Although it's warm, welcoming & friendly, it's a navigational nightmare. There's a complete lack of sidebars, which is like having a room with no pictures on the walls. Very antiseptic. Very much isolated from the blogging community. Yes, I know there's a "links" page, but it's really not the same thing. I'm sorry, this is really just TOO unbloglike. And, again, here's the Google search code.
SCORE: 2

In The Outer: 10
The Radical Centrist: 12
Randomness: 11

Posted by: Harvey at 04:06 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 1137 words, total size 8 kb.

As the helpless and innocent around the blogosphere wail in terror, Jon of Personal Trainer settles his ever-widening butt into the KotB throne for another week of despotism.

Fortunately, an icy stone cell awaits him at the end of this tournament as he will be "retired" into the "Hall of Kings"... you just have to love Nick's flair for euphemism.

Go and peruse the results, lest you miss such excitement as:

Pietro admitting to being interested in what's beneath Neva's slip.

Songstress putting on her horn-rimmed glasses & wool skirt for some hot English teacher action.

Meanwhile, the contestants for week 6 have been chosen, and you can go to the KotB main page and place your bets on who you think will win.

While you're there, you can also sign up for a future tournament.

Don't just sit there being shy. You want to stay a Slithering Reptile all your life?

Posted by: Harvey at 09:30 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 166 words, total size 1 kb.

Time again to prepare the gallows for another King of the Blogs Tournament.

Will Jon of Personal Trainer retire undefeated or will he be cast down into the salt mines for the rest of natural life, with the throne going to another?

It's a particularly tough call this week, as all show great promise, but I cast my lot thusly:

Write a fairy tale set in the blogosphere. Include only two of the judges.

Jon of Personal Trainer
GOOD POINTS: Flagrant appeals to my vanity, plus he FINALLY gets me that long-desired kiss from Songstress. Good work, Jon! [discreetly hands Jon envelope of cash]
BAD POINTS: Didn't give the King of Fools any gratuitous linkage, nor did Jon choose an actual Fairy Blogmother for me (Susie of Practical Penumbra should've gotten the part, but I can't expect Jon to have known that). Picking almost any woman off my blogroll would've worked.

And an extra-special stick-beating for making me Andrew Sullivan's pin-up boy, although bringing Wonkette into it was actually even worse.
SCORE: 4

Scott of Slant Point
GOOD POINTS: You can NEVER go wrong quoting the Princess Bride. An ambitious project and a pleasure to read.
BAD POINTS: Essence of moonbat, while a clever plot point, does not work in that scene because it reeks horribly, and Rather would've noticed the stench in both glasses. A minor point, but one that you should've caught & fixed.
SCORE 4.5

Neva of Neva
GOOD POINTS: Nice M. Night Shyamalan twist near the climax & I *loved* that last line.
BAD POINTS: Writing style contained too many simple, declarative sentences to keep me into the tale. Would've been a more pleasant read if it were either spiced up or pared down. Just took too long to get to the end.
SCORE: 4

Person Trainer: A Just War
GOOD POINTS: Nice, attention-getting personal anecdote for an intro, plenty of supportive linkage, and an informative summary of Just War Theory.
BAD POINTS: This piece was obviously meant more to inform than persuade, however, all the explaining following the line "Do you have a couple minutes?" leads the reader to believe that the author's opinion of the Iraq war will be given at some point, but it's left implied, rather than stated. This post just needs Jon to say "I think the Iraq war meets these criteria" at some point to make it complete
SCORE: 4.5

Slant Point: The Hollywood Left vs. Johnny
GOOD POINTS: Goal stated, evidence presented (complete with supportive linkage), hypocrisy noted, conclusion drawn, writing stopped. A model blog entry. Well done.
BAD POINTS: There shouldn't be an apostrophe in "Johnny's", since it was plural, and not either a possessive or a contraction.
SCORE: 4.5

Neva: Go Read a Book
GOOD POINTS: Good observation about the differences in how love grows in men & women. Oddly enough, *I* was the "new creature... [who was] a good deal in the way" in Beloved Wife's Eden.
BAD POINTS: The introductory quote and the bulk of the book list doesn't quite fit right with the main point of the post. It would've been a better and more focussed piece if that first chunk were taken away and put in it's own "here are my favorite books" entry, leaving just a discussion of "The Diaries of Adam and Eve".
SCORE: 4

Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:

King of the Blogs javascript thingy in the sidebar
Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green
background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)

Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to
remind us of the person behind the words.

With that in mind...

Personal Trainer:
GOOD POINTS: Jon just keeps getting better. That extended entry monkey is off his back and has been returned to the zoo where it belongs. I really like that he's placed his "About me" post, his contact e-mail, AND his search box all "above the fold" so that they can be found without hunting. Bonus for all the gratuitous linkage this week, too.
BAD POINTS: None visible
SCORE: 5

Slant Point
GOOD POINTS: Aces the technicals, and - like Jon - puts the important stuff above the fold.
BAD POINTS: There's something just a little bit off about the color scheme. I'd suggest either having the gray background appear behind the right column as well, or just put it behind the center column only. As it stands, it looks lopsided. Also I'm beginning to see why Pietro hates calendars. That's a good-sized chunk of primo real estate wasted at the top of the blog for something that no one navigates by or cares about. Maybe Scott could slide it down & sell an ad there or something.

Off topic: Pete Townshend called - he wants his picture back.
SCORE: 4

Neva:
GOOD POINTS: With an uncommon name like Neva, it's nice to see her picture right up top. No gender identity mysteries here. A warm smile makes a great first impression
BAD POINTS: I know you're new, but it's time to start poking around in your template & tweaking things to reflect your personality. Google up an html tutorial, save a copy of your template in case something goes wrong, and begin experimenting - change some fonts, change some colors, add borders around your blockquotes... SOMETHING to spruce the place up so you don't look like everyone else on Blogspot.

By the way, the yellow link to "A Quote From The Museum Of Left Wing Lunacy" does NOT show up well against that background.

Finally, you can get the code for a site search box from this old post of mine.
SCORE: 3

Personal Trainer: 13.5
Slant Point: 13
Neva: 11

Posted by: Harvey at 02:55 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 1032 words, total size 7 kb.

Looks like Jon of Personal Trainer will continue his bloodthirsty reign of tyranny, as free men the world over weep in horror.

The reviews are up at the King of the Blogs main page, and feature such diverse elements as:

Songstress making personal threats against my mucous.

Nick insinuating that I was once the lead singer of Cinderella.

Pietro asking the perfect question:

David lets loose with a 100-page thesis on Americanism and its enemies. Does America actually have that many enemies?

The contestants are already chosen for this week's episode (don't forget - if you correctly predict the winner and final score, you can win a free blog ad) and we're looking at the possibility of retiring our first King if Jon can pull off another victory.

Assuming he can shake that evil extended entry monkey off his back.

Don't forget that KotB is still taking applicants for future tournaments. Check the KotB main page & sign up today.

Because, one way or the other, you won't have to worry about facing Jon any more.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:13 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 186 words, total size 2 kb.

Another King of the Blogs Tournament comes to a close.

For now, Jon of Personal Trainer rules with an iron fist, but is that RUST I see on that glove? And do I see challengers with buckets of CLR coming to dissolve his power?

Let's find out what happens...

You are shipwrecked on a deserted island with your two opponents from this week's King of the Blog. What happens next?

Jon of Personal Trainer
GOOD POINTS: I was rooting around on Jon's page, looking for his assignment, thought this one was it, but after a few paragraphs, decided it wasn't. There was no giveaway line until deep into the story. Very expertly crafted. Bonus for the "leaving trackbacks" line.
BAD POINTS: I hate to ding for this, but I have to: Jon did not give examples of the emoticons he mentioned. Considering that non-internet savvy newbies stumble onto your blog every day, it would've been a nice touch for their sakes.
SCORE: 4.5

David of DM's Loose Ends
GOOD POINTS: Presents some chuckle-worthy mental images.
BAD POINTS: First, commits the cardinal sin of intro'ing his piece with the standard creativity-impaired "I'm in the King of the Blogs and this is my assignment" dealie. Word to future contenders - do NOT use this intro. It's BORING. It will cost you points. You may LOSE because of this. At the very least, do something like "I had this weird dream last night that I was shipwrecked with the other KOTB guys..." and link the work "shipwrecked" to the assignment post at the KOTB home page.

Second, what's this "I imagine" and "I'm assuming" stuff? This is YOUR post and YOU make the rules. You don't have to imagine or assume ANYTHING. Be CONFINDENT, man! You're seeking to decimate the competition and become KING, not licking boots to gain the favor of being appointed an ambassadorship to Elbonia. Cowboy up, mister!
SCORE: 3.5

Jason of New Trometter Times
GOOD POINTS: Launches straight into the story.
BAD POINTS: If you're going to launch straight into the story, there needs to be a link to the KOTB assignment page so that passers-by can get in on the joke. Also, a good story needs to have a beginning, middle, and end.

1 out of 3 ain't bad.

Dividing it into 2 parts, however, IS, because it's just a distracting interruption in the narrative flow. You'd have been better off taking the time to finish the story in the first place.
SCORE: 2

Person Trainer: "It's Only A Buck"
GOOD POINTS: Excellent use of callback in the final line gave the essay a feeling of solid completion. Bible verses are either cited or quoted in full.
BAD POINTS: Cited about 100 statistics and gave NOT ONE SINGLE LINK to his sources. If it were just his little urban legend opener that he sheisted from some uncredited Christian site and maybe one or two off-handed references to "studies", I'd let it slide. But studies and statistics make up the bulk of SEVERAL PARAGRAPHS worth of secular argumentation, and he doesn't link ANY of them. CBS's memos cited more sources than this sorry, slapdash effort.

Google. Hyperlinks. Use them.
SCORE: 2

DM's Loose Ends "Americanism—and Its Enemies: Critique, Analysis, and Commentary"
GOOD POINTS: Logically, reasonably, & rationally argues his points.
BAD POINTS: First - seriously, WHY did you think this would make a good submitted post? I'm an atheist. Pietro isn't a god-blogger. Yet you submitted an academically-toned, religiously-oriented treatise that registers a 7.9 on the Bill Whittle scale of verbal bloatery.

What. Were. You. Thinking?

Know your audience, man. And even if Songstress HAD the interest, I'm sure she doesn't have the time. She's got two cats to feed and a baby to conceive.

Even worse, I don't think that even YOU read this literary monstrosity. Why do I say that? Because I counted over 30 different typological and grammatical errors.

If you're going to make us ride this sinking verbal Titanic, the LEAST you could do is buzz it through a spellchecker.

Then there's writing style. This essay is Sahara/Gobi/Mojave dry. Consider buying a copy of The Lively Art of Writing. Meanwhile here's two tips: 1) use active verbs instead of forms of the word "be", 2) use fewer prepositional phrases - there are plenty of sprightly adjectives & adverbs you can use instead.
SCORE: 2

New Trometter Times: "Counting on Social Security?"
GOOD POINTS: This is a model "get in, get it done, get out" post. Jason starts with a question (always a good way to get the reader's attention), makes his point, exits with a pithy comment summing up his position and then - this is important - STOPS WRITING. A post doesn't have to be long to be good.
BAD POINTS: None visible.
SCORE: 5

Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:

King of the Blogs javascript thingy in the sidebar
Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green
background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)

Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to
remind us of the person behind the words.

With that in mind...

Personal Trainer:
GOOD POINTS: All the positives are still here from last week, plus he put his name in the posted-by line and eased up on the extended-entry use. Now you can just go there and read & never have to take your finger off your mouse's scroll-wheel (or "page down" button, depending on your navigational preference). MUCH better. Also, HUGE bonus for the excessive use of gratuitous linkage to the KOTB staff.
BAD POINTS: There was still a LITTLE use of extended entries to hide text. If having the words hidden somehow improves the entry, I'm all for it. Otherwise the message you're sending to your readers is "I don't think anyone would really want to read this whole thing. Why don't you skip over this sorry post and move on to the good stuff." If what you're posting isn't good enough to be read in its entirety, why are you posting it?

Anyway, I'm not taking off for it because of the gratuitous linkage bonus.
SCORE: 5

DM'S Loose Ends
GOOD POINTS: All the technicals in order. Layout is clean, plain & functional.
BAD POINTS: A little TOO clean. Like an empty cubicle. I understand David is new & all, so I imagine the margin-decorating thingies & doo-dads will come in time, but still... a little dull. Also, I didn't see any pictures posted. On the off chance David has no image hosting service available, I recommend ImageShack (www.imageshack.us). It's free & user-friendly.
SCORE: 4

New Trommetter Times:
GOOD POINTS: Lots of little pictures & doodads & icons & a cool background texture give this site a comfortable yet distinctive character. Lots of eye-candy, but it's off to the sides, so Jason avoids a cluttered appearance.
BAD POINTS: Missing an "About Me" post. Don't be shy, Jason - share with us.

Now, about those extended entries... it's bad enough you use them to hide text that doesn't need to be hidden, but you should at LEAST choose a stopping point where a uninterested person might logically decide that they could be reading something else. NOBODY quits in the middle of a "Top Ten" list. That extended entry was plainly pointless. What's 5 more lines?
SCORE: 4

Personal Trainer: 11.5
DM's Loose Ends: 9.5
New Trommetter Times: 11

Posted by: Harvey at 02:53 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 1323 words, total size 9 kb.

Looks like Personal Trainer has stolen the throne from Cyn to become the new crushingly oppressive monarch of the 'sphere.

Be sure to read the reviews to see, amongst other informative tidbits:

Songstress making winkies at the contestants (naughty girl!)

Pietro becoming sweatily excited by the word "lapdance".

By the way - just an observation here - there seems to be a strong trend toward theocracy in the holders of the King of the Blogs throne. Is there not a SINGLE atheist/agnostic/non-evangelist who can amuse while keeping it PG-13?

All I'm saying is why let the saved have ALL the fun? They're already going to heaven. No reason for them to snag all the earthly joy, too.

[dodges lightning bolt]

Anyway, Nick is taking applications for future tournaments at the KotB home page. Be brave & toss your hat in the ring.

Posted by: Harvey at 08:40 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 151 words, total size 1 kb.

The Warrior Queen falls victim to a mysterious illness, and will probably fall from the throne.

Was she poisoned by one of her usurpers?

Doubts will linger, but let's see who's next to sit the King of the Blogs chair...

You have just been cast in a new 80's or 90's sitcom. You are the star and the judges, hosts and commissioner are the co-stars. What is the show about, who are you in the show, and who were each of the co-stars cast as? Be sure to include the title, and theme song of the show!

Cyn of Cyn's Sim
Due to being poisoned by usurpers, Cyn was unable to complete the assignment. Off with her head!
SCORE: 0

Jon of Personal Trainer
GOOD POINTS: Forgoes both sleep and personal hygiene in a marathon of blog-reading to find out enough about his subjects to make accurate casting decisions.
BAD POINTS: Nothing really, aside from the always dull "this is my required entry" intro. Next time try just launching directly into the post and giving a hyperlink to the assignment page.

Mostly, though, Jon just had the bad luck to be up against Dory, who went the extra mile on her entry.
SCORE: 4

Dory of Wittenberg Gate
GOOD POINTS: Obviously did some homework to find out who these bloggers in her cast are, but then takes liberties with her artistic license. I was especially amused by the phrase "Harvey's left-wing bias". Bonus for writing her own theme song.
BAD POINTS: The only smudge on this entry is that there's no link to the assignment post on the KotB home page. However, I'm going to let the song bonus make up for this.
SCORE: 5

Cyn's Sim: "The Fling Is Over"
GOOD POINTS: Lots of pointers on how to manipulate men, plus proof that unshaven skinny white guys are hot. Key word "skinny", Michael Moore.
BAD POINTS: The intro is a bit rambly & convoluted. While I understand the need to warm up the mental engine, it frequently improves the post to excise the early noodling parts. Also, the post covers two topics (seducing men and the joy of scruffy). Although it does both well, this probably would've been better covered as two separate posts
SCORE: 4

Personal Trainer: "A Theodicy Proposed"
GOOD POINTS: Very educational. I learned what a "theodicy" is, plus I discovered that Karma is a concept common to both Buddhism and Hinduism - I thought it was just one of them, but I wasn't sure which.
BAD POINTS: Works very hard to tell the story, but crashes on the ending. Could've had a very powerful close by simply stating HIS position in the same form that he stated everyone elses. Something like: "Personal Trainer: Learn from Job and don't try to guess "why". In the interim..." Since he didn't go for the callback and the closure, the result was that same empty feeling one gets from watching the Cubs chase the pennant.
SCORE: 4

Wittenberg Gate: "God Does Not Believe In Atheists"
GOOD POINTS: Love the rhetorical zingers: "Are there atheists railing on about the Easter Bunny? The Tooth Fairy? Black helicopters?" EXCELLENT point.
BAD POINTS: Toward the end of the piece I stumbled over a gap in the entry's flow that sucked all the force out of the conclusion. Third-to-last paragraph is about Christians judging atheists. Second-to-last paragraph is about Christians' belief in their worthyness before God. There's no transition between the two topics, and the change is jarring.
SCORE: 4

Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:

King of the Blogs javascript thingy in the sidebar
Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green
background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)

Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to
remind us of the person behind the words.

With that in mind...

Cyn's Sim:
GOOD POINTS: Just as good last time, with all the technicals in place, plus her pretty picture.
BAD POINTS: Ignored my advice about boosting her title font a few points. Now my feelings are hurt, but I guess I can only put up a nominal ding for that.
SCORE: 4.5

NOTE: Cyn has switched over to an Expression Engine driven blog now, which doesn't have this problem. However, she doesn't have a KotB javascript thingy there, so I'm judging her old site because otherwise I'd have to give her a 0 - the KotB banner is life or death in this tournament.

Personal Trainer:
GOOD POINTS: Good technicals; subtle, understated use of church colors for text and dividing lines. I also ADORE his choice of banner picture, because it PERFECTLY illustrates his tagline of "hope in the shadowlands" by showing... land with shadows. It seems obvious, but I'll bet he searched a long time to find that shot. Also, bonus for excessive use of suck-up linkage to the judges, commissioner, and hosts.
BAD POINTS: There's some hiding of the name that leads to a gender-identification issues (see technicals list). Since Jon lists his name in his "about me" post, I assume he's not seeking anonymity. I strongly recommend that he change the bottom line of his entry template to read "Posted by John at [time]" so that people know that 1) he's a man 2) named Jon. Doing so increases the warmth & welcome quotients of the blog.

Also, rethink the excessive use of extended entries. Hiding text does NOT significantly (or even noticably) reduce load times. However, the time I have to waste clicking that link and waiting for the page to load is VERY noticable. And quite irritating to those on dial-up. Don't irritate your readers. See also my philosophy on extended entry usage.
SCORE: 4

Wittenberg Gate
GOOD POINTS: Good technicals, and a blog whose posts are reliably on theme.
BAD POINTS: Small gender-identification problem. I was surprised to find out Dory was a woman. Probably because I was thinking of the dwarf Dori from "The Hobbit". Might consider changing tagline to "One woman's thoughts on..."

Those colors - burnt orange and gold? My mom used to have those in her kitchen in the 70's. I'm just grateful to be spared the avacado green. Maybe a bright, cheery pastel of some kind. Aesthetics aside, the black type on the burnt orange sidebar is a little eye-strainy. Consider a combination with better contrast.

Finally, another victim of excessive use of extended entries. I want to read you and you're slowing me down. Bad blogger! Don't make me wait for that page to load! Like I told Jon, see my philosophy on extended entry usage. Think about your readers' convenience. Or at least take a survey.
SCORE: 3

Cyn's Sim: 8.5
Personal Trainer: 12
Wittenberg Gate: 12

Posted by: Harvey at 04:41 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 1209 words, total size 8 kb.

King of the Blogs results are in, and it looks like Cyn's Sim is now the Queen of the Blogs.

Which means the blogosphere will soon be infested with girl-cooties.

The reviews are here, and, in addition to the fact that this week's contest was actually determined by the reader-poll results, you can also discover such things as:

Songstress7's cowbell fetish rudely breaking through the placid surface of her psyche.

Pietro committing hate speech against Blogger.

Psssst! Pietro! All Blogspot blogs now come with a Google search feature at the very top of the page.

Although AggPro's "black text on dark blue background" makes it easy to miss.

Oh, and the answer to your curiosity is "10".

Posted by: Harvey at 09:34 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 133 words, total size 1 kb.

One man sits on the throne, and a mixed double of challengers eye it hungrily.

Could this finally be the week when a warrior hottie claims SOLE possession of The Big Chair?

Let's find out.

If you are crowned King, what King from history or popular culture would you emulate and why?

Warren of View From The Pew
GOOD POINTS: Suave segue neatly disguises the fact that this is a mandatory assignment and NOT a typical, voluntary post. Future competitors should learn from the master and avoid bland, factual introductions. MAKE UP ANOTHER REASON FOR YOUR POST. It's much more entertaining that way.
BAD POINTS: "immitate his reign"... "surrounds himelf"... "ANd this way"... didn't I warn you about stealing other people's typo schtick last week? You keep this up, and I'll be forced to vote on considering discussing a resolution - and maybe even eventually PASSING it!
SCORE: 5

T.A.P of The Aggressive Progressive
GOOD POINTS: Great off-the-wall angle on the King question. Bonus for pushing my nostalgia button by mentioning Quisp.
BAD POINTS: The Pat Robertson reference seemed a little forced & awkward. Probably could've been improved by referencing an intolerant bigot who held ACTUAL political power. Hitler, Stalin, or even the Pope maybe.
SCORE: 4

Cyn of Cyn's Sim
GOOD POINTS: Not one, but TWO pictures of big-eyed, long-haired brunettes. Either she's been reading my blog, or she's a lucky guesser. Either way - BONUS! Other great things - the mental image of the Blog War Dance just made me giggle; I liked the over-the-edge choice of RuPaul for "Queen"; finally, she gives explicit credit to BOTH of her image sources. VERY classy.
BAD POINTS: None visible
SCORE: 5

View From The Pew
GOOD POINTS: Extremely well-constructed piece on how Christians ought to be taking their message to those who need it most, whether they want to or not. I enjoyed how the tagline was woven throughout the essay to give it unity.
BAD POINTS: Perpetuates unfair stereotypes against Samarians as smelly sinners. VERY insensitive.
SCORE: 5

The Aggressive Progressive
GOOD POINTS: One of the most self-absorbed posts I've ever read - ME! ME! ME! Narcissism is a necessary trait in an effective monarch, so bonus on that.
BAD POINTS: Squanders bonus by failing to give link to the post he's complaining about. If you don't want to drive traffic to someone you don't like that's fine, but in that case, at least have the courtesy to quote the post extensively so that your readers know what you're talking about. A Fisking may have been more appropriate here.
SCORE: 3.5

Cyn's Sim
GOOD POINTS: The phrase "from the dirty but not stinky pile" just rocks. Also cool is the fact that - even wearing her dirty-but-not-stinkies, and having a head full of sleep and/or oil, she STILL can't look as skank as Britney.
BAD POINTS: She made me look at skanky ol' Britney. I'm sending her the bill for my retinal reconstructive surgery.
SCORE: 5

Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:

King of the Blogs javascript thingy in the sidebar
Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green
background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)

Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to
remind us of the person behind the words.

With that in mind...

View From The Pew:
GOOD POINTS: Nothing but. All his techs are in order, plus he actually took my corrective advice from last week. Color me flattered.
BAD POINTS: One more suggestion, but I won't subtract for it. The link to the "About Me" post should probably go right above the contact e-mail address. Currently, it's right under the Creative Commons License stuff. The CCL is one of those things that just shouts "IGNORE ME!", and it's zone of invisibility may tend to obscure the "About Me" link with it's psychological halo.

SCORE: 5

The Aggressive Progressive:
GOOD POINTS: Excellent non-annoying use of the color yellow in the sidebar - normally to be avoided at all costs, but T.A.P. makes it work. I also really like this template's use of thin lines to keep the title, post body, and footer-information separated. Easy on the eyes, easy to use.

BAD POINTS: A little skimpy with the contact info - this is nominally a group blog, yet only one of the listed authors has a contact e-mail in their profile. I guess it's a good thing that T.A.P. is pretty much the only one posting. Another irritation is that gender is not obvious with either T.A.P. or The Almighty. I'm a little uncomfortable writing about a blogger if I don't know which pronoun to use. I'm going with "male" though, because "mike" is part of T.A.P's e-mail address.

SCORE: 3.5

Cyn's Sim
GOOD POINTS: Technically flawless. She's got everything I like to see in a blog. Bonus for the quite fetching picture of herself displayed prominently above the fold. Bonus bonus for the KotB haiku. Other bonus for having blogged since pre-9/11. Talk about longevity! WOW! I hope *I* live that long!

BAD POINTS: Just a few minor things that raised an eyebrow. First... what is Cyn short for? Cynamyn? Cynara? Cyndee? Cyndi? Cyndy? Cyneria? Cynethia? Cynithia? Cynna? Cynth? Cynthea? Cynthia? Cynthiana? Cynthiann? Cynthie? Cynthria? Cynthy? Cynthya? Cyntreia?
...just curious.

Second, Cyn's blogroll is listed by the blogger's first name instead of the blog's name. There's nothing inherently wrong with that - her blog, her call - and it's functional if you're just surfing off it. However, Cyn, you might consider that your blogroll also serves as advertising for the people on it, and listing their blog names is more likely to get them random surfer traffic than listing their real names. Just something to think about.

Finally, the post title font is the same size as the post text font. For asthetic purposes, you might consider making the title font a few points larger to give it a little more emphasis - more of a "headline" feel.

SCORE: 4.5

View From The Pew: 15
The Aggressive Progressive: 11
Cyn's Sim: 14.5

Posted by: Harvey at 04:26 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 1100 words, total size 7 kb.

In a brutally lopsided victory, View From The Pew kicked the crap out of his competitors by 8.5 and 11.5 points, respectively, resulting in 2 fewer empty cells in the Royal Dungeon.

Be sure to check the reviews so you don't miss such goodies as:

Pietro of Smarter Cop apparently only uses a diminutive, non-lead-filled nightstick for subduing serial misspellers, although he threatens to whip out "Big Jim" for a second offense.

Songstress7 of News From The Great Beyond mocks a contestant's small... um... creative ability... as it were.

and yes, once again folks, the importance of an "About Me" post can NOT be overstressed.

In other KotB news, this week's pair of pretenders has been selected.

Also, Nick has posted a 5-question interview with yours truly. Go forth, and be amused.

Don't forget you can actually gamble on the KotB tourney and win a free blog-ad at Patriot Paradox. See the top of the KotB page for details.

I'm trying to talk Nick into having the losers of the Pick 'Em drawn & quartered, but he's currently being pretty mule-headed about the whole thing. Maybe you should play while it's still safe.

Posted by: Harvey at 08:39 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 205 words, total size 2 kb.

So we've got these three guys who think they have what it takes to be King of the Blogs.

And this is me telling two of them they're more full of crap than Michael Moore is full of Twinkies.

If you were to become king over another planet what 3 laws would you pass, what ridiculous thing would you make your subjects do to humor you, and what would your title be?

Steve of I Hate My Cubicle!!!
GOOD POINTS: Manages to legitimately work an obscenity into his answer, thus confounding Nick's request for wholesomeness. A good monarch knows how to thumb his nose at those claiming some right of "authority". Fight the power!
BAD POINTS: When asked for 3 laws, gives 6. Maybe Steve should be applying for a position with the Federal Government.
SCORE: 3

Owen of Illogicology
GOOD POINTS: Has two typos in his post. A good monarch knows when to break with trite conventions, and as King, a word is spelled the way you DECREE that it's spelled, and Mme. Guillotine awaits non-conformists. Also, bonus for mocking AOL.
BAD POINTS: Makes known his passion for Star Trek TOS, yet COMPLETELY blows the chance to use the line: "A question... Since before your sun burned hot in space, and before your race was born, I have awaited a question." Damned slipshod of you, your Royal Sarcasticness.
SCORE: 3.5

Warren of View From The Pew
GOOD POINTS: Weaves all three answers seamlessly into a single coherant post, thus avoiding the drab drollery of step-by-step listing. Bonus for providing explanatory linkage on the more obscure terms like "Brockian Ultra-Cricket".
BAD POINTS: AAAAAAH! Hacker-speak! "j00 R0><0r5" *shudder*
SCORE: 5

I Hate My Cubicle!!!
GOOD POINTS: Truly makes the reader feel his pain as he recounts a recent customer service disaster with Fry's Electronics.
BAD POINTS: Language, Mister! There's a PG-13 requirement on submitted posts. Although colorful metaphors don't bother this old sailor personally, you have to THINK OF THE CHILDREN^TM
SCORE: 3

Illogicology
GOOD POINTS: Continues blithely on with typo theme while making me hungry with his delicious bagel recipe. Owen should consider submitting this to the Carnival of the Recipes, if for no other reason than yonder round-up could use a little comic relief.
BAD POINTS: Fails to explain the difference between a bread knife and a butter knife for uncouth slobs like myself who think that a spoon handle makes a servicable substitute for either.
SCORE: 3.5

View From The Pew
GOOD POINTS: Makes a credible analogy between theology and software. Even being religiously "none-of-the-above" as I am, I found the piece intriguing.
BAD POINTS: Those "patches" he mentioned would've been more understandable to me if he'd given links to examples. I had no idea if he was referring to actual creeds, or just groin-kicking straw men. Also, he plagiarizes Owen's "typo" schtick with this line: "Go is waiting for YOU to act..." without crediting his source. BAD Owen!
SCORE: 4.5

Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:

King of the Blogs javascript thingy in the sidebar
Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green
background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)

Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to
remind us of the person behind the words.

With that in mind...

I Hate My Cubicle!!!
No KotB javascript thingy. That's BAD. Come on Steve... you're Paris Hiltoning yourself out to every blog-pimping organization known to man, yet you won't give this contest a little back-alley quickie in your sidebar? I feel snubbed, so I'm snubbing back on the score, which by rights should be 0.

However, I *do* enjoy the fact that Steve has a "work-safe" version of his blog available. That's a right handy feature, so I'm giving a consolation point. Don't get me wrong Steve, it's a great site, and I'm blogrolling it because I like scantily-clad women, but you're just not a good fit for KotB.

SCORE: 1

Illogicology
Very welcoming. Owen's got his picture and profile right up near the top of the sidebar. A more detailed "About Me" post would be a nice touch, but I won't ding him for that.

Owen's big problem is the complete lack of a blogroll. Indeed, a complete lack of linkage in any post. Seems the young man has problems with html and needs to Google up a basic tutorial somewhere.

Meanwhile, Owen, look in your template for this line:

!-- Begin #sidebar --

and post links to your favorite blogs under it like this (substitute < and > for [ and ]):

[A HREF="http://badexample.mu.nu/"]Bad Example[/A]

Now, even though Owen's blog isn't particularly attractive or fancy, I give him personality points for a couple things...

First, he spent some extra time blogging about KotB (here and here, for example) and the display of enthusiasm is wonderful.

Second, he's capable of some stunning writing - like this poem.

I don't think he's quite ready to grab the KotB crown yet, but I see a LOT of potential in this young blogger. After he learns a bit of code & spruces things up a bit, I'd like to see him try again, assuming he doesn't win this time.

Two parting gifts for Owen:

1 - Haloscan will auto-install their far-better-than-native-Blogger comments AND trackback features, as I explain here.

2 - Some tips on getting more attention to your blog, which I think you deserve.

SCORE: 3

View From The Pew
The Bible-search feature is pretty spiffy, and more or less makes up for the lack of an "About Me" post. Warren should really consider one so his readers can get to know him a little better. He seems worth knowing. Outside of that, the only real complaint I have is that the permalink at the bottom of each post is a little too close to the title of the next post. He might consider either adding some white space under the permalink link, or perhaps slipping in a horizontal line to make the division clearer.

I'd also recommend putting the comment & trackback links at the BOTTOM of each post, because that's where your reader is going to be when he finishes the entry, so you want to have those links ON THE SCREEN when he's ready to talk back to you. More convenience equals more comments.

SCORE: 4.5

I Hate My Cubicle!!!: 7
Illogicology: 10
View From The Pew: 14

Posted by: Harvey at 03:18 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 1143 words, total size 8 kb.

The King of the Blogs tournament is underway.

Amongst their assignmenterry are such diverse challenges as:

If you were to become king over another planet what 3 laws would you pass, what ridiculous thing would you make your subjects do to humor you, and what would your title be?

As for you, dear Bad Example reader, you may participate by:

1) Pinging the above-linked post by tracking back from a post of your own that declares support for one of the contestants. Even if you don't have trackback enabled on your blog, you can use the Wizbang Standalone Trackback Pinger.

2) Putting in your predictions for winner - you can win a free blog ad at Patriot Paradox - look for the screaming headline on the KotB main page.

3) Voting in the KotB poll that appears on the KotB main page left sidebar.

4) Sending me pictures of naked women in compromising positions.

Actually, #4 would be an available option whether KotB was running or not.

Anyway, get clickin' & participatin'.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:59 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 180 words, total size 1 kb.

Nick of Patriot Paradox has the rules for the King of the Blogs Tournament posted, so you can see for yourselves what sort of insanity I'll be letting myself in for.

Meanwhile, remember that, despite his good works, Nick is my sworn enemy in the Wizbang 2004 Weblog Awards under the category of "Best of the Top 100 - 250 Blogs". At least until December 12.

Please help me smite this cur by charging forth and voting for me.

SMITE! SMITE! SMITE!

Posted by: Harvey at 11:22 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 96 words, total size 1 kb.

Nick Queen of Patriot Paradox will be resurrecting the King of the Blogs Tournament soon, and is looking for your input. This is what he has so far:

* A blog can only hold the crown for 3 consecutive tournaments. If they are beat they can return to try again in the next one, but once a blog reaches three consecutive wins they are retired into the Hall of Kings. More plans on the Hall later.

* A total of 3 blogs go into the tournament at one time. A tournament lasts one week, and then starts over. They are judged on general blogginess (site design and so forth), Creativity (the legendary challenge question) and a post they select to be judged. The judges write their thoughts and award points on a scale of one to five, five being the best. The challenge post must be posted on their blog to be eligible.

* The winner from each week moves on to the next tournament, and must place the winning button on their site. If they don't have it they are ineligible. Also all blogs participating in the tournament must have the King of the Blogs info on their page to be given out later.

For those not familiar with the KotB, you can check out some of my old judgments in my KotB category, and even poke around at where I did them at my Bad Money site (see also right-hand column for KotB monthly archives).

It's fun, informative, and gets you attention. What more do you want? The judges will be me, Songstress7 of News From The Great Beyond, and Pietro of The SmarterCop. Nick's currently looking for victims participants to vie for the crown, so sign up today.

Posted by: Harvey at 08:43 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 305 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Harvey, I'm looking forward to ganging up on - I mean, judging the victims - I mean, participants alongside you this time around.

Posted by: songstress7 at November 17, 2004 11:18 PM (ZT2y5)

2 S7 - remember, be cruel, yet heartless... I mean KIND yet FAIR! I get those confused... :-P

Posted by: Harvey at November 18, 2004 05:00 PM (tJfh1)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Well, first of all, Harry from Chase Me Ladies, I'm in the Cavalry took one look at the fanged & drooling competition, and ran for the hills screaming like a little girl.

Hmpf! Must be the French Cavalry.

Which leaves 2 competitors left standing. Bill of Walloworld and Songstress7 of News From the Great Beyond.

Only 2... standing in the middle of the dusty street, hands poised above holsters, waiting for the clock to strike noon...

This week's challenge question... Oh crap. I seem to have misplaced it, and neither of the contestants quotes it verbatim. Something about, imagine you're a superhero. What powers would you have, what would you do with them, blah, blah, blah.

Since there's only 2 this week, I'm going to skip the usual "good points"/"bad points" spiel & go with a more direct comparison model.

First, both of these entries are excellent, and show of level of talent and creativity that new bloggers would do well to study. Bill gets creative points for making an oblique reference to Mr. Bill, from the prehistoric days of Saturday Night Live. Unfortunately, he loses those points because he failed to provide a courtesy link to explain the whole "Mr. Bill" thing to those readers who aren't as ancient and decrepit as himself. On the other hand, not actually mentioning SNL by name added to the impact of the humor, so maybe he gets the points back.

But who cares? S7 pulls out all the stops and actually DRAWS A SUPERHERO COMIC! And you can click each frame individually to get a better view. She must've put HOURS into this. Someone wants to be Queen of the Blogs REALLY bad. Not to mention the fact that it's fairly decent for an amateur comic. Still beats Beavis & Butthead. Anyway, good touch on using your powers only for good, with the exception of rigging the KotB contest. Which IS kind of a good thing... I mean, overthrowing that despot Bill... yesssss.... a gooooood thing.

RANK:
News From the Great Beyond #1
Walloworld #2

The Whole Blog: Technical Merit & Personality

Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:

Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green
background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)

Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to
remind us of the person behind the words.

KOTB-SPECIFIC ITEMS: These aren't both required by the official rules, but Bill has them, so you'll need them, too, just to stay even:

King of the Blogs javascript sidebar logo (see KotB host Nick for the script)
Brown-nosing links to KotB judges

This part of the judging process sucked. Both sites have all their technicals in order, and both sites exude all kinds of personality. So I had to look extra hard to see if anyone had an edge. Or perhaps a weakness. Bill's site is bulletproof, looking so neat & organized & brightly lit, with those simple, yet charming decorative flourishes... Well, I suppose I could ding him for having a really g... uh, let's call it "festive"... pink background for his blockquotes. Kinda clashes with off-teal of the sidebars a bit.

WAIT! Here's a fatal blow - my brown-nosing link still points to my old blog! Down you go, Bill! MUAHAHAHAHA!

Just a quick check of NFTGB to make sure there's nothing fatal here, and I can get on with the business off stuffing this tyrant into his own dungeon...

I really like the Pat Tillman link in the sidebar.
I really like the countdown javascript thingy. I may have to steal that in the future.
Uh oh. That Arizona Diamondbacks link pic gets cut off by the middle column... well, I'll just pretend I didn't see that. I mean, I have hypnotic orders to destroy Bill.

So, the winner is...

Oh... crap...

Somebody forgot to put the KotB logo in her sidebar.

Damn.

*sigh*

RANK:
Walloworld #1
News From the Great Beyond #2

It's going to be interesting to see how this week shakes out.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:12 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 743 words, total size 5 kb.

Looks like King Bill is going to be doubling the guard on the palace gates to prevent a coup from Songstress7, who is, no doubt, already planning on redecorating the palace bathroom with little pink pieces of soap and matching guest towels that no one is allowed to use.

By which I mean that the results have been posted at Patriot Pardox in Exile:

Walloworld, News From the Great Beyond, and Chase Me Ladies IÂ’m in the Calvary all advance, while View From the Pew and Red Beetle make themselves comfy on piles of filthy, rat-infested straw in one of the darker corners of the Royal Dungeon.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:47 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 121 words, total size 1 kb.

OVERALL NOTE ON RANKING: The new King of the Blogs scoring system awards points based how an entrant performed relative to his/her competitors, so what counts is whether someone got first, second, third, or fourth place. As a courtesy to the contestants, I'm including the scores I assigned to the individual posts to determine placement.

This week's challenge question is:

A Hollywood studio is going to make a film of your life. What's the
title, who is the star, and what on earth is it all about?

Chase Me Ladies I'm in the Cavalry
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: ROTFL!
BAD POINTS: "wounded bear"? Now THERE'S a clunker of a phrase that should be avoided in comedy writing.
SCORE: 9.5
RANK - 2

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: short, snarky, to-the-point hit on the obscenity of moral equivalence.
BAD POINTS: gratuitous use of the word "nuts" in a family tournament. Next time please consider a more child-friendly term like "big Jim & the twins".
SCORE: 8
RANK - 2

Walloworld
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: I swear, this question is just perfect for more of Bill's self-absorbed narcissism. He does not disappoint. I'm also impressed by how, every tourney, he answers a simple question more than once. Must be a lawyer thing.
BAD POINTS: Tragic dearth of self-linkage.
SCORE: 10
RANK - 1

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: What's this? A post on John Kerry's daughter's boobies without a picture or a gratuitous nipple comment? [checking Bible] Yup. Sign of the Apocalypse. Anyway, thoughtful & informative. Excellent post.
BAD POINTS: Tragic dearth of self-linkage.
SCORE: 10
RANK - 1

View From the Pew
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: Takes the dialogue approach and zips off some very funny lines
BAD POINTS: Kinda trails off at the end. More like a "quitting" than an "ending".
SCORE: 8.5
RANK - 4

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: While I was reading it, I wanted to argue vociferously in some spots, and shout AMEN in others, so he definitely got my attention.
BAD POINTS: The post seemed to lose focus and switch topics somewhere in the middle. They were both good topics - whether Christians have a duty to try to effect change in public schools, and what a quality education consists of - but they would've been better and clearer in separate posts.
SCORE: 7
RANK - 4

News From the Great Beyond
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: The New York Times review is hilarious, and bonus for the picture.
BAD POINTS: Not so much a thing to point out as the absence of a thing. This piece felt a little unconcluded, and could've used some sort of comment at the end to give closure to it. Things are usually funnier in threes, and a third section would've helped here.
SCORE: 9
RANK - 3

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: I really like the intro on this, since, although it assumes knowledge of Abu Ghraib and Nick Berg, Songstress7 provides lots of links to get the reader up to speed, just in case. A very thoughtful gesture. And I like that she denounces the Ghraib-Berg moral equivalence in potent terms.
BAD POINTS: The rhetorical questions in the middle are a useful device for making a point, but I'm not sure Songstress7 is hitting the target she's aiming for. Most of the essay, especially the conclusion, seems to aim for the notion that the troops are mostly good and that they're doing a lot of good things. Yet in the rhetorical section, she seems to be suggesting that American society is corrupt and degraded in many areas, and that, as a result, the bad soldiers at Abu Ghraib shouldn't surprise anyone. This essay would've been stronger if she'd used the rhetorical section to suggest that, while certain forces are applying pressure to corrupt decency in society, the majority of citizens & soldiers manage to be good, anyway. In short, this piece, while well-written, was not as well-focused as it could have been.
SCORE:6.5
RANK - 5

Red Beetle Road
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: It's short, and I like the witty allusion to the Heisenberg Principle.
BAD POINTS: A little too short. I don't know the author, so I'm not sure which parts of the entry are strictly for entertainment purposes, and which are self-revelation. A simple link to an "about me" post would've been very helpful here.
SCORE: 7
RANK - 5

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: "new Heisenberg Translator for Corporate Speak" - points for originality with the picture of the Palm
BAD POINTS: Points off in quality of execution. There are plenty of funny jokes to be made off the sterotype that corporations are greedy and don't care about their employees. These weren't them.
SCORE: 7.5
RANK - 3

Posted by: Harvey at 11:59 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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