May 27, 2004
I dearly love Susie, but I have some very important porn surfing to do, so I'm a little conflicted. Maybe I'll just mock random passages:
Before we invaded Iraq, it was a stable nation.
True. Mass graves don't move around much, so I suppose you could call a country full of them, "stable".
[Saddam]was an evil SOB, even worse than Dick Cheney
True. But not nearly as evil as Donald Rumsfeld, which is why won.
[Saddam]posed no threat to the region
True. Well, unless you were patrolling the no-fly zone and were being targeted with missiles, but I suppose, technically, the airspace above Iraq doesn't really count as a "region".
Now, Iraq is unstable, a “failed nation” at present, with little control of the populace.
True. If you define a "successful nation" as one where the populace is "controlled". Cuba 1, USA 0.
Iraq is one big training camp where live fire operations are possible. This is George W. Bush's gift to al Queda.
That and huge piles of dead terrorists.
Mr. Bush lied to the American people and the world about the threat posed by Iraq.
And Saddam lied about Kuwait being a province of Iraq. So think of this as doing a little clean up on aisle 3.
He changed the focus from fighting terrorism (an action with broad international backing) to demonstrating that in US foreign policy, might makes right, a policy that has lost us the sympathy of many foreign nations
Since "might" kills terrorists better than "sympathy", who gives a shit what pussy countries think? What are they going to do about it? Shake a finger at us? PFFFFT! I got your finger right here, buddy.
al Queda can point to impacting the American way of life
True. Until we kill them. It's hard to point with a dead hand.
Yes, 9-11 was horrible, but
Hmmm... looks like English, but no one sane would put those words in that order. Maybe it's French.
Give me Dennis Kucinich's cabinet level Department of Peace that would address this problem directly
Bah! Kucinich wouldn't even authorize mind-controlling space lasers. How can we have peace without the proper equipment?
Stabilizing Israel and Palestine will remove a key recruiting point for al Queda.
Good point. So let's "stabilize" the Palestinians, since they are, as far as I can tell, all a bunch of terrrorists or terrorist sympathizers anyway. See my first comment.
If elected, Mr. Bush can be counted on to continue a policy of international beligerence, thus strengthening the terrorist call to action.
YAY! Terrorists who answer the call will end up as a fine red mist, so more international beligerance, please.
This belligerent behavior will serve only to isolate America and coerce cooperation from fear.
Um... is there a downside to this I'm not seeing?
al Queda will not be coerced
No, they will die.
it will only grow in the nooks and crannies and dark spaces of the globe
Sorta like mushrooms, which live by eating shit, dying quickly, and becoming fertilizer. Sounds like a good use for terrorists.
The Bush doctrine of preemption isolates us from our allies
Which makes it easier to clean up the mess they made with their spineless appeasement.
and fuels the fires of hatred that power terrorism
United States Armed Forces = fire extinguisher.
Anything else I can do for you, Susie? If not, then I'm off to Booble.
UPDATE 5-30-04 11:30AM: As Elderbear points out in the comments, the term "peckerhead" was a personal ad hominem attack. As I'll point out, my use of the term was unprovoked and undeserved. He didn't start it. So, I apologize for getting personal instead of keeping it ideological. I'm going to leave the offending word in the piece, though, as a reminder to myself to think before posting, and so that Elderbear's comment (and this apology) make sense.
Posted by: Harvey at
08:26 PM
| Comments (11)
| Add Comment
Post contains 681 words, total size 5 kb.
Do you want to know why I keep him on my blogroll, even though he only posts once a week or so? Because he says things like this:
I have a friend who's bi-polar. And once, when she was in a depressed type state, and she and I were talking about life.And I said, "Do you ever walk into a classroom, totally excited because you're about to learn something new, something that you've never known before?"
And she said, "Yeah."
And I said, "Well, that's how I feel about life, the world is a big classroom, and there are new opportunities everyday, and new things to learn if you don't spend your time watching the clock."
Congratulations, Joey.
Your present is the key to the universe:
Whenever you need to get something accomplished, and you're stuck dealing with a low-level flunky (no offense to the flunkies of the world), DON'T ask "How can I get this thing done?". They will say "I don't know" and you will be screwed. Ask instead "Who do I need to talk to in order to get this thing done/approved/dropped, etc.?"
Someone, somewhere ALWAYS has the power to grant your wish. And, since you're letting them shift responsibility for the decision away from themselves, the person you're talking to will ALWAYS point you to someone who is either authorized to grant your wish, or knows who can.
Posted by: Harvey at
07:38 AM
| Comments (6)
| Add Comment
Post contains 250 words, total size 2 kb.
Pray to God it ends with me.
(click to enlarge)
I own 3 keychains. Each with 2 keys. 4 of those keys are work-related, and not shown because my readers are sick, twisted, and perpetually on the edge of some weird Bonnie & Clyde-style cross-country rampage of murder and theivery, so I don't trust you not to copy them and steal all the money at the bank.
You can see the house key, because the house is protected by my horse-dog, Jake.
You can see the car key, because I paid $400 for the damn thing, and it's got enough miles on it to have been driven to the moon at apogee.
The key chain... well, I'm taking a chance here, because it's the coolest keychain ever. Yes, that's actually a functional spirit level.
The other cool thing about it is the unique shape lets me differentiate it from the other two keychains by touch (the other two keychains are a flat plastic rectangle, and a bottle-opener in the shape of a bottle of Budweiser, which was a gift from one of my favorite bank customers).
Now, please, nobody else do this.
Posted by: Harvey at
07:28 AM
| Comments (9)
| Add Comment
Post contains 233 words, total size 2 kb.
May 26, 2004
Sometimes we make love with our eyes. Sometimes we make love with our hands. Sometimes we make love with our bodies. Always we make love with our hearts.
Posted by: Harvey at
10:27 PM
| Comments (4)
| Add Comment
Post contains 35 words, total size 1 kb.
[kneeling soon for this will be home]
Bill Clinton's cruel sense of humor is best illustrated by the fact that he would frequently drop hints to Monica that he'd make her the new First Lady in exchange for certain... favors.
Posted by: Harvey at
10:25 PM
| No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 42 words, total size 1 kb.
Just because CNN ran a poll about whether or not the ugly gun law should be extended right under the words "killed in a school shooting" does NOT mean that CNN is biased or has an agenda. Given their even-handed treatment of the news, I predict that the following polls will appear on their website in the near future:
The war in Iraq can best be described as:
A) a quagmire
B) Vietnam
C) grand theft petroleum
George Bush could be a better president if he:
A) Resigned over the Abu Ghraib war crimes
B) Handed sovereignty of Iraq over to the UN
C) Stopped paying Secret Service agents to push John Kerry down on the ski slopes.
The person who should be elected President in 2004 is:
A) John Kerry
B) Ralph Nader
C) George Bush, even though he's an imbecilic, chimp-looking liar
How should the Abu Ghraib war crimes, which are far worse than anything perpetrated by the Nazis, be dealt with?
A) Court martial the participants
B) Tear down the prison to symbolically erase the scarring memories
C) Impeach Chimp W. Bush
D) Whatever Michael Moore thinks is fine with me.
Should the Abu Ghraib pictures be shown more often or less often?
A) More
B) Less
C) Less naked Iraqi man-ass, more naked Pvt. England ass
Should George W. Bush be held personally accountable for the unspeakably inhuman tortures at Abu Ghraib?
A) No, he's too stupid to have thought up something as complicated as a naked human pyramid
B) Yes, I'll bet that bastard was holding the camera
C) Bush had nothing to do with the pictures. He was too busy stealing oil and murdering babies to be involved in anything else.
Who is responsible for cover-up of the inhuman horrors perpetrated at Abu Ghraib?
A) Bush
B) Rumsfeld
C) The Army investigators who made the information public four months ago in an attempt to keep the scandal secret.
How do you feel about Bush's performance as President?
A) He's EVIL!
B) Die, Bush, Die!
C) If he weighs the same as a duck, then he's a witch. BURN HIM!
What would you be willing to do to keep George W. Bush from getting re-elected?
A) Tell all my friends what a great man John Kerry is.
B) Take out a second mortgage for the full value of my home's equity and send a check to Kerry's election campaign fund.
C) Anything, as long as it's not illegal.
D) Meet me at the corner of 5th & main. Bring $50,000 in small, unmarked bills. Make sure you're not followed. We'll talk.
And remember, just because 90% of journalists vote Democrat DOESN'T mean they can't be objective when bringing you the news.
Posted by: Harvey at
07:25 PM
| Comments (10)
| Add Comment
Post contains 468 words, total size 3 kb.
.
First comes work - which pays the bills. Then when I'm done with that, I just want to put my head down somewhere and rest my neck muscles... I'd drink heavily, but I don't think that would be a good idea with the Ibuprofen I've been taking.
I can't stand seeing my beloved blogdaughter suffer, so we need people to help out by drinking heavily for her.
Any volunteers?
Posted by: Harvey at
10:22 AM
| Comments (12)
| Add Comment
Post contains 84 words, total size 1 kb.
It's the very least that I can do!!
The Drying Paint Channel
The Kentucky Turtle Derby Channel
The Snoozing Kitten Channel
The Blooming Azalea Channel
The Snowfall on a Meadow Channel
The Sheets Drying on the Clothes Line Channel
The Lava Lamp Channel
The Standing in Line Waiting to Buy Tickets for Shrek 2 Channel
The Comfy Chair Channel
The Dan Rather With His Mouth Duct Taped Firmly Shut Channel
If there's anything else really unannoying on, I'll let you know. Or you can let me know in the comments.
Posted by: Harvey at
09:49 AM
| Comments (3)
| Add Comment
Post contains 151 words, total size 1 kb.
“As I award these young men their medals as they stand in front of me in their combat gear, sweaty, dirty and so very young I am struck by the purity of their service to our nation and to each other. They accept the recognition but more often than not are embarrassed by it, and always concerned more for the welfare of those wounded along with them. They personify those things that so many people speak of but can never really know; the feeling of camaraderie, the commitment to the point of death to the men around them, and the unspoken hardness of their patriotism. God they are a blessing to me… and I feel so unworthy to stand in front of them to offer them such a small token. I feel inadequate and humbled to be in their shadow, regardless of their age and I walk away feeling so damned honored to be with them.”
That paragraph gave me the weirdest feeling. Being ex-Navy, I remember what it was like to have people give me that "thank you for saving my country" look, and thinking to myself - "Huh? I'm just doing my job."
Now that I'm a civilian again, I keep looking at the troops & thinking "Thank you for saving my country", even though I KNOW they're thinking "Huh? I'm just doing my job".
They'll understand when they're older.
Posted by: Harvey at
07:28 AM
| Comments (2)
| Add Comment
Post contains 259 words, total size 2 kb.
Oh, and fuck you, Newsweek.
Posted by: Harvey at
07:11 AM
| No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 29 words, total size 1 kb.
May 25, 2004
The wind blows, restlessly.
Like thoughts in my mind.
I miss you already.
Though I know you're not yet gone.
But soon you probably will be.
My thoughts, they wander aimlessly.
My emotions are ineffable.
I don't know what it is I feel.
But I do know,
That if you go,
I am missing you already.
Posted by: Harvey at
06:55 PM
| Comments (3)
| Add Comment
Post contains 63 words, total size 1 kb.
[(9-30-01) SWM Seeks SWF 1-712-260-8379 (IOWA) Athletic/trim - 22 years old Party animal. Likes - long walks along beach. Dislikes - Liars & mean people]
While the rest of the country has moved on to "toothing", the "dollar quickie" remains the hook-up method of choice in Iowa.
Posted by: Harvey at
06:50 PM
| Comments (3)
| Add Comment
Post contains 31 words, total size 1 kb.
The other thing I found helpful was this letter from Marine Major Dave Bellon that I found via Matty O'Blackfive. His first-hand account of what's REALLY going on in the Sandbox actually gives me hope. I especially like the part where he says the troops are just laughing at the media's reports of doom & gloom.
There's one tiny passage in that letter about one particular mass grave that makes me completely understand what this war is all about:
Each skull had a bullet hole in it except for a few that were smashed with a club or rifle butt. There were clearly men but also women and children. The grave never made the news as there were no media with us and it was small by Iraq standards.
A... small... mass grave. That phrase just twists my gut. It means that there are enough mass graves filled with wantonly slaughtered humanity in Iraq that you can make size comparisons among them.
I'm very glad that that part of Iraqi history is over. That alone makes the effort worth it.
No more mass graves, please. Of any size. That's what this is about.
There's another thought expressed in that letter that makes me understand why we can't leave Iraq prematurely. Like the Cold War that lasted 50 long, necessary years before a sick ideology crumbled under the weight of its own decay, this war will last... until it's done. We can't quit early. Why?
Are people so naive as to think that if we left, things would get better? The country would implode and thousands of people would be killed. When the dust settled, a more dangerous Iraq would emerge and we would be even more hated throughout the world.
That's right. Whatever happens in Iraq, until the end of time, will be the fault of the United States. If we leave now, the country will be consumed by civil war until one strongman emerges victorious to rule the ruins. And America will be blamed and branded as evil by the world. If we stay, hundreds of Iraqi civilians will die, either as unavoidable collateral damage or as deliberate targets of Islamists who don't care who they kill in their quest for political power. And America will be blamed and branded as evil by the world.
But if we stay, there is at least a hope of establishing some crude form of 21st century civilization in the Middle East. If we must be damned for something (and we will no matter what we do, as we always are), then at least let us be damned for doing the right thing.
Posted by: Harvey at
06:34 PM
| No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 495 words, total size 3 kb.
Editors love printing your letter that takes them to task because it shows they are pleased to balance a large chunk of airtime or copy with a few seconds or inches of dissent.But the dirty little secret beneath the editors' love for your outraged letter is that means, almost all of the time, that you didn't send that letter to one of the editors' advertisers.
Editors hate it when people write to the advertisers. If enough people write, editors have to have a conversation with their advertising director. Not that anything will come of it, but they hate the casual watercooler conversation that begins, "We're getting some heat from Nike about that dingbat Robert Scheer, can't you get him to..."
This post is an essential bullet in your bandolier of anti-idiotarian ammo, since Gerard goes into great detail on how to effectively target the advertisers.
I cackled with cruel glee during the entirety of the piece. Does this make me a bad person?
UPDATE (5-25-04 7:45PM) Tammi of Road Warrior Rules for Survival showed me this excellent post at Laughing Wolf that points out a few more targets. Another armor-piercing round for your bandolier.
Posted by: Harvey at
06:06 PM
| Comments (2)
| Add Comment
Post contains 225 words, total size 2 kb.
Dear Associates:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers.
Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
[the rest is in the extended entry. WARNING: Colorful metaphors ahead]
Posted by: Harvey at
01:30 PM
| Comments (4)
| Add Comment
Post contains 395 words, total size 2 kb.
Plus, she brought boobie pictures.
Well... A boobie picture.
More specifically, a picture of a boobie.
Anyway, the breast in question is in a lot better shape than Janet Jackson's.
Posted by: Harvey at
10:06 AM
| Comments (9)
| Add Comment
Post contains 52 words, total size 1 kb.
Posted by: Harvey at
08:46 AM
| Comments (6)
| Add Comment
Post contains 39 words, total size 1 kb.
Since my mind does not comprehend 16 year old boy, I do not understand his motivation, although I suspect it was a combination of scientific inquiry and the general male tendency to enjoy inserting things into other things.
Go here to find out what the hell Susie's talking about in 30 seconds or less.
Posted by: Harvey at
06:56 AM
| Comments (1)
| Add Comment
Post contains 64 words, total size 1 kb.
May 24, 2004
If you think my eyes are beautiful, it's because they're looking at you.
Posted by: Harvey at
10:10 PM
| No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 20 words, total size 1 kb.
[508-2980 SARA]
Hollywood Fun Fact:
"The Terminator" was originally designed as a TV series, where, every week, Schwarzenegger - having this dollar as his only clue - would kill another Sara Connor in a different area code.
Posted by: Harvey at
10:04 PM
| No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 44 words, total size 1 kb.
84 queries taking 0.1359 seconds, 312 records returned.
Powered by Minx 1.1.6c-pink.
