(A PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR ASSIGNMENT)

Just because CNN ran a poll about whether or not the ugly gun law should be extended right under the words "killed in a school shooting" does NOT mean that CNN is biased or has an agenda. Given their even-handed treatment of the news, I predict that the following polls will appear on their website in the near future:

The war in Iraq can best be described as:

A) a quagmire
B) Vietnam
C) grand theft petroleum

George Bush could be a better president if he:

A) Resigned over the Abu Ghraib war crimes
B) Handed sovereignty of Iraq over to the UN
C) Stopped paying Secret Service agents to push John Kerry down on the ski slopes.

The person who should be elected President in 2004 is:

A) John Kerry
B) Ralph Nader
C) George Bush, even though he's an imbecilic, chimp-looking liar

How should the Abu Ghraib war crimes, which are far worse than anything perpetrated by the Nazis, be dealt with?

A) Court martial the participants
B) Tear down the prison to symbolically erase the scarring memories
C) Impeach Chimp W. Bush
D) Whatever Michael Moore thinks is fine with me.

Should the Abu Ghraib pictures be shown more often or less often?

A) More
B) Less
C) Less naked Iraqi man-ass, more naked Pvt. England ass

Should George W. Bush be held personally accountable for the unspeakably inhuman tortures at Abu Ghraib?

A) No, he's too stupid to have thought up something as complicated as a naked human pyramid
B) Yes, I'll bet that bastard was holding the camera
C) Bush had nothing to do with the pictures. He was too busy stealing oil and murdering babies to be involved in anything else.

Who is responsible for cover-up of the inhuman horrors perpetrated at Abu Ghraib?

A) Bush
B) Rumsfeld
C) The Army investigators who made the information public four months ago in an attempt to keep the scandal secret.

How do you feel about Bush's performance as President?

A) He's EVIL!
B) Die, Bush, Die!
C) If he weighs the same as a duck, then he's a witch. BURN HIM!

What would you be willing to do to keep George W. Bush from getting re-elected?

A) Tell all my friends what a great man John Kerry is.
B) Take out a second mortgage for the full value of my home's equity and send a check to Kerry's election campaign fund.
C) Anything, as long as it's not illegal.
D) Meet me at the corner of 5th & main. Bring $50,000 in small, unmarked bills. Make sure you're not followed. We'll talk.

And remember, just because 90% of journalists vote Democrat DOESN'T mean they can't be objective when bringing you the news.

SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!

Posted by: Harvey at 07:25 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 468 words, total size 3 kb.

1 that's funny, and the Monty Python reference is sooooo appreciated. i need to watch that again soon.

Posted by: sarahk at May 26, 2004 10:08 PM (R2qPq)

2 Anything with Monty Python is ok with the Empress. We love LOVE Monty Python... Michael Moore definately weighs more than a duck. Perhaps Hillary will turn him into a newt.. maybe W was a newt but got better.

Posted by: Pink Kitty at May 26, 2004 10:09 PM (FheZd)

3 Maybe we could build a bridge out of him?

Posted by: GEBIV at May 26, 2004 11:22 PM (V4gfj)

4 Ok, so counting Susie, this makes 3 gorgeous babes I know that are Python fans. *sigh* Where were you ladies when I was a lonely nerd in high school and the only thing quoting Holy Grail would get me is nasal laughter from my fellow losers in chess club?

Posted by: Harvey at May 27, 2004 04:43 PM (tJfh1)

5 Only thing that has changed is you're out of high school now... chump!

Posted by: Madfish Willie at May 27, 2004 08:30 PM (rQ9MS)

6 Actually, truth be told, our chess club had one girl. I'm married to her now. Yes, I'm serious.

Posted by: Harvey at May 27, 2004 08:32 PM (ubhj8)

7 *waves hand in the air* Harvey's not the messiah, he's just a very naughty boy! I didn't think 'you Americans' liked British Humour .

Posted by: goldie at May 27, 2004 09:27 PM (2uvHy)

8 Normal Americans don't. Overly intelligent, socially inept, teenage American boys do. I don't know why it works out like that, but it does (mostly).

Posted by: Harvey at May 27, 2004 11:55 PM (ubhj8)

9 Is this like a guestbook?

Posted by: Sara B Sterling at November 06, 2004 03:16 AM (WgEFB)

10 *Like* a guestbook, only naughtier ;-)

Posted by: Harvey at November 14, 2004 03:01 PM (ubhj8)

Hide Comments | Add Comment