May 24, 2004

I GOT YOUR JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY RIGHT HERE

Attention network & cable news organizations:

For the sake of balance, please run this picture as often as you run the Prisoner Annoyance Scandal pictures.

(click to enlarge)

Thank you.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:48 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 44 words, total size 1 kb.

I SUPPORT JOHN KERRY

Let me explain:

If you can 'support' the troops, then I can 'support' John Kerry! What do I mean by that? Do I want Kerry to die? To get injured? Of course not. I want him to be breathing and on his two feet if he loses to Bush - healthy in body but broken in spirit. But not too broken. I don't fantasize about him being institutionalized. I want a sane Kerry still capable of grasping his failure, of asking himself, "Where did I go wrong?"

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

(link via Daniel of From Behind the Wall of Sleep)

Posted by: Harvey at 09:37 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 106 words, total size 1 kb.

EXTENDED FAMILY

Ok, so Jeff of Hilarity Ensues (formerly BigStick.US) is complaining about not being listed as one of my blogchildren. Hey, nothing I can do about that - someone else beat me to your mother. But I suppose I could give a little nod to those I've been a bad example inspirational influence to. So how about a round of applause to the adoptees:

Jeff & Tom of Hilarity Ensues
Joey of Single White Male

Anybody else?

Oh, and speaking of my adoptees, Jeff unearthed some collectable postage stamps from way back when. If you collect stamps or know someone who does, drop the boy a line & see if you can settle upon mutually agreeable terms: jeff-at-bigstick.us

Posted by: Harvey at 09:28 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 121 words, total size 1 kb.

RETROSEXUAL ADDENDUM

Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks - the one true author of the Retrosexual Code - has a few DO's & DON'T's for the practicing Retrosexual (drink alert in effect). For example:

DO: Hire a horse drawn carriage if you can afford it. She'll be flattered.
DON'T: Cartjack the Amish if you can't afford it. Ruins the whole effect. And while every guy should have a scar or two he can brag about, pitchfork wounds recieved during a crime are hard to explain.

DO: Walk your date to her door to make sure she gets in safely.
DON'T: Pull out your tactical shotgun and secure the area from your vehicle to her door using SWAT tecniques. Unless she lives in a really bad neighborhood, this tends to spook members of the fairer sex. If she pulls a sidearm and covers your six, PROPOSE IMMEDIATELY. Immediately after the area is secured that is.

And anyone who cares to chime in with some free legal advice on how Graumagus can protect his intellectual property interests in the Retrosexual Code, please feel free to chime in in the comments to his post.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:24 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 191 words, total size 1 kb.

NO CONNECTION

Just a few boring statistics here:

To illustrate a fraction of the bias problem, we counted the number of prisoner-abuse stories on NBCÂ’s evening and morning news programs (NBC Nightly News and Today) from April 29, when the story emerged, through May 11. There were 58 morning and evening stories. Using the Nexis news-data retrieval system, we counted the number of stories on mass graves found in Iraq from the reign of Saddam Hussein in 2003 and 2004. The number of evening and morning news stories on those grim discoveries? Five.
[emphasis added]

In a *AHEM* completely unrelated story:

While most of the journalists, like many Americans, describe themselves as "moderate," a far higher number are "liberal" than in the general population.

At national organizations (which includes print, TV and radio), the numbers break down like this: 34% liberal, 7% conservative.

[emphasis added]

No connection at all.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:14 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 147 words, total size 1 kb.

GOD OF THUNDER

I'm not really a big KISS fan, but I'm thinking I could learn:

KISS bass player Gene Simmons has caused an uproar among Australia's Muslim community by launching an attack on Islamic culture while in Melbourne...
..."Extremism believes that it's okay to strap bombs on to your children and send them to paradise and whatever else and to behead people," he said yesterday...
...Muslim women had to walk behind their men and were not allowed to be educated or own houses, he said.

"Your dog, however, can walk side by side, your dog is allowed to have its own dog house... you can send your dog to school to learn tricks, sit, beg, do all that stuff - none of the women have that advantage." ...
..."This is a vile culture and if you think for a second that it's going to just live in the sands of God's armpit you've got another thing coming," he said.

"They want to come and live right where you live and they think that you're evil."...

The comments of one Yasser Soliman, who is the Chairman of the Islamic Council of Victoria, are the same old songs of laughable denial that you always here when someone tells the truth about the Islamic Deathcult, including this howler:

"A number of his claims regarding women and what they are allowed to do and not do are wrong - Islam teaches the opposite," he said.

Go check out the whole thing. I tell ya, there's nothing skunkier than someone who follows the phrase "right to free speech" with the word "but".

(link via Blogless Beloved Wife)

Posted by: Harvey at 09:01 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 276 words, total size 2 kb.

May 23, 2004

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Love and electricity are one in the same, my dear... if you do not feel the jolt in your soul every time a kiss is shared, a whisper is spoken, a touch is felt, then you're not really in love at all.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:10 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 49 words, total size 1 kb.

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(click to enlarge)

[BILLS]
Fortunately for the movie-viewing public, the original "flock of killer ducks" angle was scrapped in favor of a great white shark and a toothier title.

[Thanks to Susie of Practical Penumbra for providing the picture]

Posted by: Harvey at 11:05 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 34 words, total size 1 kb.

KING OF THE BLOGS WEEK 1 RESULTS

Looks like King Bill is going to be doubling the guard on the palace gates to prevent a coup from Songstress7, who is, no doubt, already planning on redecorating the palace bathroom with little pink pieces of soap and matching guest towels that no one is allowed to use.

By which I mean that the results have been posted at Patriot Pardox in Exile:

Walloworld, News From the Great Beyond, and Chase Me Ladies IÂ’m in the Calvary all advance, while View From the Pew and Red Beetle make themselves comfy on piles of filthy, rat-infested straw in one of the darker corners of the Royal Dungeon.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:47 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 121 words, total size 1 kb.

BLOG CHILDREN

After you've been blogging for a while, you start to really enjoy doing it, and have a lot of fun in the process. For some people (uh... like me), this isn't enough. There arises the urge to proselytize and convince others that blogging is a worthwhile way to spend those daily 6 hours of unproductive time at one's paying job.

My first targets, of course, were the people I thought would understand me. People I loved & trusted. Family and close friends.

In other words, the people who said, "What's a "blog"? Is that a venereal disease? Why would I want to catch that?" After a little explanation, they usually just laughed in my face, and I would recede into quiet humiliation.

But did that stop me from spreading the blogging gospel? Hell, no!

I went to work on the people who were foolish enough to leave intelligent and/or amusing comments. Easier targets, these. And some of them were foolish enough to give in to my constant harangue of "FUN! FUN! FUN!"

When you succeed in talking a formerly blogless person into getting their own blog, that person is you blogson or blogdaughter.

I never really had a blogmom or blogdad, myself. I was sort of a blogorphan. Well, Frank J. of IMAO did used to work at the kitchen in the blogorphanage, and on some days he'd pour the gruel into my cracked and filthy bowl instead of flinging it in may face, so I guess you could call that encouragement in the sense that I admired his work, and he never set out to deliberately crush my spirit. Not that he even knew I existed - but that's beside the point.

Speaking of the point, it's this. I have some blogchildren who bring me much joy as well as much need for large doses of ibuprofen. In no particular order:

The Bartender of Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon
_Jon of We Swear
Johnny-Oh of Closet Extremist
Teresa of Technicalities
Sally of Whimsy Capricious
Mike the Marine of From the Halls to the Shores (this one's debatable, as paternity tests were inconclusive. He was a very elusive commenter at numerous blogs, and I gave him a good nagging right around the time he caved in to peer pressure. Can't say if I actually fertilized the egg, so to speak. He's free to disavow any relation if he chooses.)

So if any of these folks call me "dad" in the comments, you know why.

To add to the confusion, there's also Blogless Brother Tom, who actually IS my brother (and blogless).

So, for any potential blogchildren haunting my comments, be aware of who you'll be "related" to before you say "yes". This family makes the Munsters look like the Cleavers.

Which, I guess, makes Teresa "Marilyn", since she's the normal one.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:04 PM | Comments (21) | Add Comment
Post contains 474 words, total size 3 kb.

May 22, 2004

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:54 PM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
Post contains 33 words, total size 1 kb.

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(click to enlarge)

[Stranglehold '03]

...which marked the 25th in a series of Ted Nugent "Farewell" concert tours. Of course, by this time in his sagging career, he was being billed third under both "Puppet Show" and "Spinal Tap".

Posted by: Harvey at 10:51 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 43 words, total size 1 kb.

QUEEN IN EXILE

Nick Queen, the kind, generous, thoughtful host of the King of the Blogs Tournament, as well as the fine blog Patriot Paradox, got all his bandwidth for May burned up by a combination of Google and Nick Berg.

So, until June 1st, he can be found in his own personal Elba at Patriot Paradox in Exile.

As luck would have it, his 25th birthday is May 24th. Stop by & try to cheer him up.

Posted by: Harvey at 08:18 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 81 words, total size 1 kb.

KING OF THE BLOGS REVIEWS: CHALLENGE QUESTION AND SUBMITTED POSTS

OVERALL NOTE ON RANKING: The new King of the Blogs scoring system awards points based how an entrant performed relative to his/her competitors, so what counts is whether someone got first, second, third, or fourth place. As a courtesy to the contestants, I'm including the scores I assigned to the individual posts to determine placement.

This week's challenge question is:

A Hollywood studio is going to make a film of your life. What's the
title, who is the star, and what on earth is it all about?

Chase Me Ladies I'm in the Cavalry
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: ROTFL!
BAD POINTS: "wounded bear"? Now THERE'S a clunker of a phrase that should be avoided in comedy writing.
SCORE: 9.5
RANK - 2

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: short, snarky, to-the-point hit on the obscenity of moral equivalence.
BAD POINTS: gratuitous use of the word "nuts" in a family tournament. Next time please consider a more child-friendly term like "big Jim & the twins".
SCORE: 8
RANK - 2

Walloworld
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: I swear, this question is just perfect for more of Bill's self-absorbed narcissism. He does not disappoint. I'm also impressed by how, every tourney, he answers a simple question more than once. Must be a lawyer thing.
BAD POINTS: Tragic dearth of self-linkage.
SCORE: 10
RANK - 1

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: What's this? A post on John Kerry's daughter's boobies without a picture or a gratuitous nipple comment? [checking Bible] Yup. Sign of the Apocalypse. Anyway, thoughtful & informative. Excellent post.
BAD POINTS: Tragic dearth of self-linkage.
SCORE: 10
RANK - 1

View From the Pew
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: Takes the dialogue approach and zips off some very funny lines
BAD POINTS: Kinda trails off at the end. More like a "quitting" than an "ending".
SCORE: 8.5
RANK - 4

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: While I was reading it, I wanted to argue vociferously in some spots, and shout AMEN in others, so he definitely got my attention.
BAD POINTS: The post seemed to lose focus and switch topics somewhere in the middle. They were both good topics - whether Christians have a duty to try to effect change in public schools, and what a quality education consists of - but they would've been better and clearer in separate posts.
SCORE: 7
RANK - 4

News From the Great Beyond
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: The New York Times review is hilarious, and bonus for the picture.
BAD POINTS: Not so much a thing to point out as the absence of a thing. This piece felt a little unconcluded, and could've used some sort of comment at the end to give closure to it. Things are usually funnier in threes, and a third section would've helped here.
SCORE: 9
RANK - 3

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: I really like the intro on this, since, although it assumes knowledge of Abu Ghraib and Nick Berg, Songstress7 provides lots of links to get the reader up to speed, just in case. A very thoughtful gesture. And I like that she denounces the Ghraib-Berg moral equivalence in potent terms.
BAD POINTS: The rhetorical questions in the middle are a useful device for making a point, but I'm not sure Songstress7 is hitting the target she's aiming for. Most of the essay, especially the conclusion, seems to aim for the notion that the troops are mostly good and that they're doing a lot of good things. Yet in the rhetorical section, she seems to be suggesting that American society is corrupt and degraded in many areas, and that, as a result, the bad soldiers at Abu Ghraib shouldn't surprise anyone. This essay would've been stronger if she'd used the rhetorical section to suggest that, while certain forces are applying pressure to corrupt decency in society, the majority of citizens & soldiers manage to be good, anyway. In short, this piece, while well-written, was not as well-focused as it could have been.
SCORE:6.5
RANK - 5

Red Beetle Road
(challenge)
GOOD POINTS: It's short, and I like the witty allusion to the Heisenberg Principle.
BAD POINTS: A little too short. I don't know the author, so I'm not sure which parts of the entry are strictly for entertainment purposes, and which are self-revelation. A simple link to an "about me" post would've been very helpful here.
SCORE: 7
RANK - 5

(submitted)
GOOD POINTS: "new Heisenberg Translator for Corporate Speak" - points for originality with the picture of the Palm
BAD POINTS: Points off in quality of execution. There are plenty of funny jokes to be made off the sterotype that corporations are greedy and don't care about their employees. These weren't them.
SCORE: 7.5
RANK - 3

Posted by: Harvey at 11:59 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 796 words, total size 6 kb.

MILLION TIMES FORWARDED E-MAIL

LADIES ROOM

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant's ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons.

There, next to the paper roll, were four buttons marked: WW WA PP ATR.

Making the mistake soooo many men make of not listening to a woman, he disregarded what she said when his curiosity got the best of him.

He carefully pressed the WW button and immediately a gentle flush of Warm Water sprayed on his bare bottom. He thought "Wow" these gals really have it nice!!

So, a little more boldly, he pressed the WA button and body temperature Warm Air blew across his wet bottom and dried it comfortably.

"Aha" he thought, "no wonder these women take so long in the bathroom with these kinds of services!"

So he pushed the next button, PP, with anticipation. A soft disposable Powder Puff swung below him and dusted his bottom lightly with talc.

"Man, this is great," he thought as he reached out for the ATR button.

When he awoke in the hospital, the morphine was just wearing off... confused, he buzzed the nurse to find out what happened.

He explained the last thing he remembered was intense pain in the ladies' room on the plane.

The nurse explained, "Yes, you must have been having a great time until you pushed the Automatic Tampon Removal button."

Posted by: Harvey at 12:19 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 262 words, total size 1 kb.

BULLSHIT!

I'm a huge Penn & Teller fan, but I'm too cheap to pay for Showtime, and all my friends are cheap-asses, too, so I've been missing out on their series "Bullshit!"

Fortunately, thanks to an early Father's Day gift from my crazy cowboy blogson Johnny-Oh of Closet Extremist, I've now seen a couple episodes.

Immediately afterwards, I ordered the Season 1 DVD. It's that good.

Thanks, Johnny-Oh. Just for that, you're not grounded anymore. Now go run along and play in the Champagne Room.

Posted by: Harvey at 12:14 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 86 words, total size 1 kb.

May 21, 2004

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

The moment I can't feel you under my fingertips, I miss you.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:51 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 19 words, total size 1 kb.

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(click to enlarge)

[YO]

I give up... what DO you call a Duncan Butterfly that won't come back up into your hand?

Posted by: Harvey at 11:49 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 27 words, total size 1 kb.

THESE HAVE TO BE GOOD FOR SOMETHING...

Linus of Pepper of the Earth points to a list of some of the oddest, yet most amusing, phrases I've ever read. Here's a sample:

1. sudden instant messaging syndrome
2. the warm & squishies
3. the sound of one hand jiving
4. nitrous-boosted baby buggy
5. inter-continental ballistic mistletoe
6. piranha-infested bubble bath
7. the pitter-patter of small arms fire
8. breech in the canned laughter safety seal
9. strange residue in the bucket of truth
10. spackle for your soul hole

95 more where those came from.

Hmmm... what to use them for...

Posted by: Harvey at 11:43 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 109 words, total size 1 kb.

AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK OR NOT?

The pretty blond girl at Little Diary (who STILL needs a good blogger nickname) had this to say about a recent excursion to the gym:

I went to the gym. An extremely crowded gym. And nothing but a room full of second brain thinkers too. You ever get that feeling that people are staring because you forgot your zipper? But you're not wearing jeans. Extremely uncomfortable. I mean just because I don't catch you doesn't mean I don't know that you're staring. Maybe I'll go to an all women's gym, but then again there wouldn't be any cute boys.

Although I certainly respect a woman's right to not be gawked at, I still gotta wonder... when a pretty woman is decked out in shorts, spandex, and lots of bare skin, what's a healthy American male to do? Do I have to pretend not to notice? I mean, surely there's some thought given to what's on display, right? Can I take a few peeks? Isn't that flattering? Where do you draw the line between "being noticed" and "being stared at"?

And if I looked like Brad Pitt, could I get away with drooling and pitching a tent?

Posted by: Harvey at 11:38 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 210 words, total size 1 kb.

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