(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: GUN OWNER$)]

I like to walk around with one of these hanging out of my pocket just HOPING someone's dumb enough to try to mug me.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:49 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Although the quotes are 100% accurate, they are... out of context.

Amusing, nonetheless.

Go see what Beloved Wife TNT of Smiling Dynamite overheard in Rockford on June 3rd.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:51 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Blogson Jeff of Oh-Dark-Thirty graduates Army Boot Camp this Friday.

He was hoping his comment party would have 1000 comments - not gonna make it.

However, the record for a comment party is only 314, and Jeff is at 290 or so.

One last push as the deadline approaches. At this point, you don't even have to know WTF is going on. Just stop by & leave some random crap.

It's all about quantity, not quality.

Posted by: Harvey at 03:29 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Precision Guided Humor Assignment: How should the White House respond to incredibly stupid accusations at press conferences? due by 9pm EDT Wednesday, June 29th.

Monday Linky Stuff

Posted by: Harvey at 03:15 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I'm pretty well caught up on my e-mail now, but I have this creepy feeling I may have overlooked something.

If you've qualified for inclusion on my Wanton Link Whoring or Groupies blogrolls and haven't been included yet, please e-mail me at harvolson-at-gmail.com and I'll hook you up.

Also, I have the code for an Amazon tip jar, but I don't want to put it in the sidebar yet because I had an idea for a contribution incentive that'll take a few days to prepare. [/tease]

By the way, does anyone have any serious moral, ethical, or business qualms about using Amazon?

I'm also looking into a Paypal tipjar, but I need to do some more research first. I have a joint Paypal account with TNT, but I'd rather have the tipjar separate. I still have to find out how to do that, or even if it can be done. Do they allow multiple accounts?

Any advice, as always, is appreciated.

UPDATE: Barb of Righty in a Lefty State reminded me of something else I should ask about:

Any advice on selling items using Cafe Press?

Also, is it better to start with a few designs and bootstrap your way up, or go for a bunch at the start?

Posted by: Harvey at 02:32 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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(Inspired by a question from blogdaughter FirstBrokenAngel of AAFFLLAACCKK)

Sure, you want more traffic, but entering Carnivals is weird and scary.

What if I miss the deadline?
What if I submit to the wrong e-mail address?
What if I enter a post that's off-topic?
What if my post just plain sucks?
If I screw this up, will I be kicked out of the blogosphere, tarred, feathered, and exiled to a Siberian gulag?

Yes, you will.

That's why Ferdy of Conservative Cat (and his pet human, Bruce) have developed the handy, all-purpose, Carnival Submit Form.

But it's STILL weird and scary! Which Carnival should I pick? What are all those boxes for? Typing cats frighten me!

Well, I can't help you with your Ailurophobia, but I *can* walk you through the form, using one of my posts for an example:

Choose Your Carnival - click on a Carnival name, and a description of it will appear in the box in the lower right corner of the green section. If you can't decide which one to pick, I'd suggest Carnival of the Vanities, which accepts your best post and has no content or topic restrictions. Otherwise, you can just look through the various Carnivals and see which one fits your needs.

Example: Carnival of the Vanities: due Tuesday, 6pm ET

And yes, you can submit the same post to more than one Carnival, but you have to fill out the form again after every submission.

Article URL - This is the permalink to the post on your blog that you want to submit.

Example: http://badexample.mu.nu/archives/096419.php

Trackback - This is the trackback link for the post you're submitting.

Example: http://blog.mu.nu/cgi/mt-tb.cgi/93846

This box is optional. If your blog doesn't have trackbacks, you can leave it blank.

Your Name - This is the name you want the Carnival's host to refer to you by, and does NOT have to be your real name. Most people use the name that appears on their blog. If you blog under a pseudonym, you can use that.

Example: Harvey

Article Title - The title of your post. The easiest way to fill this out is to copy & paste it directly from your blog entry (helps prevent typos)

Example: BATTLE OF THE LINK-WHORES: INSTAPUNDIT VS. THE ALLIANCE (A Filthy Lie)

Your E-mail - Use an e-mail you check regularly in case the Carnival host has a question about your submission. This doesn't happen often, but when it does, it usually comes up within a few hours of the Carnival being posted and needs to be dealt with in a timely manner.

Example: harvolson@gmail.com

Note: your e-mail will NOT be posted in the Carnival, so there's no need to spamproof the address.

Blog Name - Your blog name as you want it to appear in the Carnival.

Example: Bad Example

Blog URL - The link to your blog's front page.

Example: http://badexample.mu.nu/

Comments - Use this box to write a short description of your post. Try to make it provoke curiosity in the reader so that he'll want to click the link.

Example: A parody of the Charlie Daniels Band song "The Devil Went Down To Georgia", used to describe a contest between two bloggers to see who can give out the most gratuitous linkage.

This box is optional. If you can't think of a good summary, you can leave it blank and leave it up to the host to decide how to describe your post.

Note: The Carnival host may use your description verbatim, or he may make up his own. However, since most Carnivals have upwards of 20 entries, anything you can do to make the host's job easier will earn you some goodwill.

Category - Click the circle next to the word that best describes the theme or subject of your entry. If it doesn't seem to fit any of them well, choose "Other" or just leave it blank. This part is mostly an aid for hosts who choose to organize their Carnival by category instead of just listing all the entries with short descriptions.

Example: Humor

All that's left is to click the "SUBMIT YOUR POST" button, and you're done.

Mostly.

As a courtesy to the Carnival's host, you should link the Carnival after it's posted. If you're not sure where it will be, you can monitor the "Carnival News" section of the Carnival Submit Form page (bottom right of the page).

Final Tip - Most hosts list the entries in the order they were received. Since most Carnivals tend to be huge, it's better to be listed near the top. The best time to submit a Carnival post is the day after the last edition was posted so that you'll be near the top of the next week's edition.

However, any link is better than no link at all, and even being dead last will get you SOME traffic, so feel free to submit at any time.

NOTE: [If you've found this post useful enough to blog about, send a trackback or e-mail the permalink to me at harvolson-at-gmail.com and I'll add you to my Bad Example Groupies blogroll. See this post for details]

Posted by: Harvey at 09:19 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

I love when my heart smiles, but best of all, it smiled because of you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 10:46 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: Hillside Square Theatre, 4500 Frontage Rd., Hillside IL 60162)]

Apparently Susie's been moonlighting.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:41 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Someone Googling "alaska's name" was disappointed to discover this post and expressed his semi-literate displeasure thusly:

this page does not help at all.this page really just suck.this stuff gives me no good information on what i am looking for

Not my fault you don't know how to use a search engine, kiddo.

Posted by: Harvey at 05:05 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 Has to be a liberal or Howie Dean follower. Only and idiot would blame a blog owner for their lacking in the smarts department on how to search.

Posted by: Jo at June 26, 2005 06:36 PM (y/FQn)

2 That post also seems to have attracted some comment spam...need help running your Blacklist, Darlin'? Email me for private tutelage....

Posted by: Susie at June 26, 2005 07:01 PM (PWYyH)

3 I got something like that once. (I posted about it; you might remember.) I wished she had left a real email address. I really wanted to write to her directly and tell her how stupid she was. I don't think these people understand the Internet at all. They seem to think that the sole purpose of every site on the Internet is to anticipate their needs and give them exactly the information they want. GRRRRRRRR.... This is one of my pet peeves (couldn't you tell?) I really want to tell off one of these kids.

Posted by: Lynn S at June 26, 2005 09:12 PM (zsB+S)

4 By the way, I love your Alaska post.

Posted by: Lynn S at June 26, 2005 09:17 PM (zsB+S)

5 maybe it was a 12 year old working on a report?

Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at June 26, 2005 11:05 PM (nnMWE)

6 Hey, at least you received more recognition for what a complete lack of non-blog related information on this post... I wish I could get a commentor to do that. I only get Japanesse commentors that float in.

Posted by: Contagion at June 27, 2005 07:08 AM (Q5WxB)

7 A 12 year old working on a report is what I assumed. 12 is old enough to know better. In my day kids like that got a good paddling if they were caught. (Dang, I sound old.)

Posted by: Lynn S at June 27, 2005 07:26 AM (vvANn)

8 Lynn - you're not old, you're just a woman with a sensible notion on bringing up polite children :-)

Posted by: Harvey at June 27, 2005 07:28 AM (ubhj8)

9 Actually it's probably a 16 year old. After all the grammer somewhat resembles that of an 8 year old...

Posted by: Teresa at June 27, 2005 08:20 AM (nAfYo)

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(A Filthy Lie)
(cross-posted from IMAO)

As Frank mentioned recently, the venerable Alliance of Free Blogs recently had its honor besmirched by Blogcritics.org, which accused us of link-doping whoring.

Well, *I* say that if they're gonna throw smirch at you, you might as well rub it all over yourself and revel in the ecstasy of it.

But there arose a question of honor even MORE important. Sure, the Alliance of Free Blogs is an idiotically haphazard collection of people who merely want to rank higher on The Truth Laid Bear's Ecosystem, but how did we compare against the top link-whore in the blogosphere? The man who will link anyone, anytime, for any reason or no reason at all (except for ME, of course): Glenn Reynolds.

Well, it just so happens that that question was answered decisively not so very long ago. In fact, I even wrote a little song about it:

Glenn Reynolds went to The Alliance
He was lookin' for a blog to steal
He needed more links
'Cause Instapundit stinks
And he was willin' to make a deal

When he came upon this blogger
Giving links like a porn-spambot
Glenn Reynolds stepped
On a hobo's neck
And said, "Boy let me tell you what:

I guess you didn't know it
but I'm a filthy link-whore too
And if you care to take a dare I'll make a bet with you

Now you give gratuitous linkage, boy
But give Glenn Reynolds his due
I'll bet Instalanche gold
'gainst your blogroll
'Cause I link-whore better than you."

The boy said "My name's Harvey
And it might be a sin
But I'll take your bet
And you're gonna regret
'Cause I'm the best there's ever been."

Harvey you fire up MT and link to everyone.
Cause if you've got no traffic, then this blogging thing ain't fun.
And if you win you get free linkage just as good as gold
But if you lose, Glenn gets your whole blogroll.

Glenn opened up his laptop case
And he said I'll start this show
And fire flew from his fingertips
As he Googled to and fro

Then he found a post about Karl Rove,
- How he'd made the liberals hiss -
And a gang of right-wing blogs piled on
And Glenn linked them something like this

[Instrumental]

When Glenn Reynolds finished, Harvey said
"That's some good link-whorin' son.
But just sit down in that chair right there
And let me show you how it's done."

He linked with: sacrificing hobos
Kill those bums!
The devil's gonna make Glenn number one
Puppy in a blender, round it goes
Reynolds does your dog bite?
Not no mo'

[Instrumental]

Glenn Reynolds bowed his head
Because he knew that he'd been beat
He gave The Alliance an Instalanche
While Harvey hollered "SWEET!"

Harvey said, "Reynolds just come on back
If you ever wanna try again
I done told you once you link-whorin' bitch
I'm the best there's ever been."

He linked with: sacrificing hobos
Kill those bums!
The devil's gonna make Glenn number one
Puppy in a blender, round it goes
Reynolds does your dog bite?
Not no mo'

[Instrumental to end]

Posted by: Harvey at 02:11 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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1 Best. Ever. (I actually sang along, since that's one of my all time favorite songs...)

Posted by: Susie at June 26, 2005 06:56 PM (PWYyH)

2 I CAN'T.STOP.LAUGHING!!

Posted by: Sissy at June 26, 2005 07:21 PM (uXS+O)

3 Have I mentioned that having babies makes the bladder weak....this is #%*@ing hilarious.

Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at June 26, 2005 10:12 PM (nnMWE)

4 *Grin* Nice job, Harvey! And thanks for the link.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at June 26, 2005 11:43 PM (fjl6F)

5 That is Freaking Funny! WOW!

Posted by: Mustang 23 at June 27, 2005 12:23 AM (WsyQC)

6 I know when I'm beat.

Posted by: Glenn Reynolds at June 27, 2005 06:46 AM (3568n)

7 For informational purposes, I got the links in the chorus by Googling "Glenn Reynolds" plus that word and picking the top hit (although I went further down the list if that site already had a link, just to whore it up a bit :-)

Posted by: Harvey at June 27, 2005 07:12 AM (ubhj8)

8 Damn Harvey.. That has to be the funniest damn think you've posted on here in a long time. Sadly I read it to the tune. Including breaks for the instrumental.

Posted by: Contagion at June 27, 2005 07:13 AM (Q5WxB)

9 Truth be told, a lot of my poetry ends up in this meter and fits this tune, even when I'm not trying.

Posted by: Harvey at June 27, 2005 07:23 AM (ubhj8)

10 Damn. How did I miss this when I was here last night? Hilarious!

Posted by: Lynn S at June 27, 2005 07:47 AM (vvANn)

11 Ok...that was funny stuff! Puppy in a blender indeed.

Posted by: Mike at June 27, 2005 03:08 PM (SGRwY)

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In the comments to this post, Blogson GEBIV of There's One, Only! said:

By the way, you might want to post your really funny stuff here first before posting it over at IMAO. Give readers an excuse to come here after filling up on Frank J.'s funny. Just a thought...

There are two reasons I'm giving Frank the funny first

1) My part of the deal on being an IMAO member is keeping the site's traffic up by providing it with original humor that readers can't get anywhere else - which is the whole attraction of IMAO. However, the blogosphere is pretty much on a 24 hour cycle. After 1 day, the stuff I post at IMAO loses 90% of its traffic-drawing power, so it doesn't matter if I cross post it here. That, and I already cleared that procedure with Frank.

And there is, apparently, a large swath of my readership that doesn't really enjoy or read IMAO, so - even cross-posted a day later - the pieces still have drawing power (or at least entertainment value) here at Bad Example.

Think of it as the difference between first-run theater-goers and people who wait for the DVD to come out.

2) A bit of bet-hedging. IMAO gets more than 10 times my readership, and if it takes off, I go with it. Especially with the podcast thing. Seriously, I'd put the IMAO podcast up against any sketch comedy album that's ever been released. Monty Python, Firesign Theater, Cheech & Chong... all of 'em. Scott does a FANTASTIC job as the production manager. This ain't a bunch of stoned teenagers sitting in a basement riffing into a condenser mike. This is funny stuff by talented writers with CD quality sound, including appropriate background music and sound effects.

If marketed correctly (and Frank and Scott are both more talented at shameless self-promotion than I am), this could well be my ticket to a future free from suits & ties.

I consider my IMAO projects and my Bad Example projects to be more symbiotic than mutually exclusive, but I'm also still in the process of discovering how best to make them work to support each other.

Posted by: Harvey at 12:50 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Eric of Straight White Guy is rhapsodizing on the joy of stump removal, and describes one aspect of the job's soul-satisfaction as "enforcing your will upon God's creations"

That's the same reason I like highways.

God says "I want forests & hills & meadows."

Man says "I want a big, flat rock here that's 20 miles long, and since God hasn't seen fit to provide one, I'll just make it myself."

Nothing makes me quite as giddy with admiration as the audacity of the human spirit.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:07 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Blogson Johnny-Oh of Closet Extremist celebrated his 34th birthday by not being able to cut a large and annoying stone. I'm hoping this will help him with his project:

(click to enlarge)

As far as I know, there's NOTHING these babies can't cut through.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:53 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I read Lynn of Reflections in D Minor's post where she answers 5 movie-related questions, and her response to "What is your favorite Action movie?" made me think of this:

I just saw "Raiders of the Lost Ark" again with Beloved Wife TNT of Smiling Dynamite, who'd never seen the whole thing before.

Her observation: "Wins the award for the movie where the main character has the least amount of dialogue".

Posted by: Harvey at 10:00 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I just couldn't help but be amused by the Google ads that came up when I clicked the link to my post on how to get on my WANTON LINK WHORING blogroll:

(click to enlarge)

"Personalized Pimp Cups"

*snicker*

Posted by: Harvey at 11:18 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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According to Amy of Prochein Amy, the short answer is:

Increase the fat, decrease the liquid

Longer answer at Amy's place.

Thank you Amy. I didn't have a cookbook to compare brownie & cake recipes, and bare-bones brownie & cake recipes are a bear to find via Google.

UPDATE: See also: ArmyWifeToddlerMom

Posted by: Harvey at 11:04 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

Of all the memories we've shared... none are as wondrous as the ones we're making together today.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 09:12 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 32 words, total size 1 kb.

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: RAINBOW ROOM)]

"Of COURSE not, Honey! What in the WORLD would make you think I've been at a gay bar?"

Posted by: Harvey at 09:06 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Friday Linky Stuff

Filthy Lie Round-up: The Great Link-Whore Competition

New Filthy Lie Assignment: What will Evil Glenn be doing for Independence Day?

Posted by: Harvey at 09:01 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Beloved Wife TNT of Smiling Dynamite has a headache this morning. Unfortunately our good heating pads both died in tragic microwaving accidents recently, so what's a man to do?

Google to the rescue!

INGREDIENTS:
Sock
Uncooked rice
Piece of string to tie the sock closed.

DIRECTIONS:
Assemble, microwave, give to wife, graciously accept numerous brownie points.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:44 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 64 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Now ya just gotta hope her headache goes away so you can redeem your brownie points.

Posted by: Sissy at June 25, 2005 12:33 PM (uXS+O)

2 ..although, the old "pool-balls in a sock" method for curing your wife's "headache" is more frequently used in London..

Posted by: Sally at June 25, 2005 01:14 PM (crWt/)

3 I read somewhere that orgasms can help get a woman's headache to go away - if you can get past the "I have a headache" excuse, it's worked for me in the past.

Posted by: songstress7 at June 25, 2005 01:20 PM (ie93s)

4 Songstress - depending on the type of headache, you are correct that drawing blood to other regions of the body can reduce the painful head-throbbing. "Just lie back & relax, honey, I'll be down here re-arranging your blood flow" :-)

Posted by: Harvey at June 25, 2005 04:25 PM (ubhj8)

5 could you mass produce these?I think you have found a carrer.

Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at June 25, 2005 11:15 PM (CcA/Q)

6 ... COULD... but the cost to ship them would make them prohibitively expensive - it's got over a pound of rice in it :-)

Posted by: Harvey at June 25, 2005 11:37 PM (ubhj8)

7 Listen guys, a bit of advice: don't try to analyze the headache "excuse". Sometimes it really is a headache. If it's not it's less an excuse than just being kind. "Not tonight, I've got a headache," sounds a lot better than, "You're not turning me on right now."

Posted by: Lynn S at June 26, 2005 09:44 PM (zsB+S)

8 Lynn... I feel certain if TNT says she has a headache, that is exactly what she has. I think it is not possible for Harvey NOT to turn her on.

Posted by: Boudicca at June 26, 2005 10:38 PM (J9A1R)

9 *blushes tomato red*

Posted by: Harvey at June 26, 2005 10:57 PM (ubhj8)

10 Harvey, As a migraine person, heat is not the cure - cold is. I have two 4X10 ice packs in my freezer at all times. They have this stretchy piece with velcro at the end. Put one on the neck and one around the forehead, Excedrin Migraine, have her lie down in a dark room and she should feel better real soon. If she has them often, she should ask the doctor for Imitrex but still use the Excedrin. Cindy

Posted by: firstbrokenangel at June 28, 2005 04:28 PM (PEKrh)

11 BTW, Songstress is also correct. Forget the rice. Cindy

Posted by: firstbrokenangel at June 28, 2005 04:31 PM (PEKrh)

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