June 25, 2005
Where was the right-wing outrage when Republicnas[sic] compared Democrats to Nazis...?
While Googling for something else, I found out that Rick Santorum made a VERY gratuitous Hitler reference not too long ago
"The audacity of some members to stand up and say, 'How dare you break this rule.' It's the equivalent of Adolf Hitler in 1942 saying, 'I'm in Paris. How dare you invade me. How dare you bomb my city? It's mine.' This is no more the rule of the Senate than it was the rule of the Senate before not to filibuster."
Mr. Santorum, please save Hitler references for situations that involve genocide. Doing otherwise makes you look like an ass.
Now, on the "stopped clock is mostly wrong" side of the equation, Paul says this:
"[US soldiers were] using some of the same techniques one would expect to find in the most reprehensible dictatorships in modern history"
Leaving aside questions of the actual degree of similarity, the important difference here is that the US uses these techniques on non-uniformed combatants who have no rights under the Geneva Convention, while the "reprehensible dictatorships" used them on innocent civilians.
Paul, please remember to include ALL vital contextual elements when comparing Democracies to dictatorships. Doing otherwise makes you look like an ass.
[submitted to Wizbang's Carnival of the Trackbacks]
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10:16 AM
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In the comments, Jennye of The Farmer's Wife giggled "OMG. People come up with the strangest things to search for!"
Now just exactly WHAT is so strange about searching for "ample ass"?
Some fellas APPRECIATE a woman with a comfy bottom.
Just sayin'...
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09:25 AM
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My husband always went for the bony ass, which until this pregnancy, I had. Forgot that some people like "back". LOL!I'm just surprised that - after all those years of having Lucy pull the football away at the last second - there isn't one about Charlie Brown's brutal vengeance titled "Plead Insanity, Charlie Brown".
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09:15 AM
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A million years ago I told a Gunnery Sergeant that I was sorry for something I'd bollixed.What an education that was.
"Don't apologize. Marines are NEVER "sorry". Take responsibility, then go fix anything that needs fixing."
I agree.
An apology isn't about words, it's about atonement. An act to repair damage. An act of support commensurate with the act of degredation.
Without it, an apology is just moist sounds in dry air, ephemeral and evaporating.
The bare minimum act is promising not to do it again, and following through on that promise to the very best of your human ability.
From Durbin, that would be, I suppose, something like "I promise never to use Nazi or gulag analogies again unless they're in reference to an actual genocidal dictatorship."
THAT apology I would accept.
[submitted to the Outside The Beltway Traffic Jam]
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09:01 AM
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June 24, 2005
First, whatever my next job title is, it'll most likely have the word "Analyst" in it. Poking around Monster.com, it seems like most jobs that fit that description would suit me fairly well. Tapping at a keyboard all day, generating mountains of paperwork that'll get filed or thrown away within 24 hours, keeping busy all day with an unemptiable "IN" basket, and working with people who are trying to get stuff done. Sure beats pretending to be the happy, pampering, servant of whoever walks through the front door like I did for the last 7 years.
Seriously, it's time for me to admit that I don't have the "super-helpful uber alles" mentality to be successful in a front-line retail-customer-service position.
Professional & courteous, I can deal with.
Friendly & cheerful? Stuff a sock in it.
Second, before I become just another gopher in a cubicle farm, I'm going to live the dream.
Or deny the psychosis, depending on how you look at it.
For the next 5 months or so, I'm going to see how close I can come to making a living with my blog.
After some research, it seems that there are four viable revenue possibilities:
1) Google Adsense - relatively unobtrusive text ads that I can stick in the sidebar without annoying the crap out of everybody
2) Private ads - selling sidebar real estate to people who think it would do them good.
3) Tipjar - all the people who say that they'd like to buy me a drink would be able to actually buy me a drink... in the virtual sense
4) Merchandise - thinking about the possibilities available with Cafe Press... and not just for Bad Example-themed stuff. I'm a witty, creative, kinda guy who can crank out all KINDS of one-liner humor that would look good on a T-shirt, hat, or bumper sticker. Several themes spring to mind - right-wing, Second-amendment, Pro-War, and, of course, racy innuendo.
The basic idea is to put up more and better quality writing, get serious about drawing in more traffic in accordance with the sacred text, and letting the sidebar clutter - as listed above - do the rest of the work for me.
It may or may not work. I may end up having to go legit come December, cut back on my posting, and let my traffic go to hell. But at least I'll have tried doing something I love; learned a lot about myself, writing, and marketing in the process; and it won't really have COST me anything.
And that's the WORST case scenario.
Slightly better case is that all this writing leads to some freelancing gigs. Maybe something I can put on a resume. Who knows? Maybe even a paid gig as a corporate blogger? That job description is coming, you know. A sincere blog is a great way for a business to get honest feedback from its customers without having to pay for a focus group. Stephen & Heather of BusinessWeek's Blogspotting would probably agree.
Naturally, the best case would be that income from this experiment would be adequate & trending upwards at the end of the year. Probably just a fantasy on my part... but... DAMMIT, I just GOTTA try.
Anyway, now that you know where I'm headed, any thoughts, suggestions, or ideas would be appreciated. I'm sailing off into uncharted waters here, and I could use all the navigational help I can get.
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11:22 PM
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I even promise to click on yur ads! Love is sitting together in the middle of a bench when there is plenty of room on either side.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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09:43 PM
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[I GREW HEMP]
As a follow up to the popular "State Quarters" program, the Treasury released the first in the new series of "Washington's Most Embarrassing Statements Dollars". Coming soon: "I bet $10 on the British to win", and "I did NOT have sexual relations with that cherry tree!"
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09:39 PM
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While reading Blackfive, I noticed this:
"What Durbin faced [in reaction to his comparison of US troops to Nazis] was the bubbling up from the blogs and the pounding of the drums," said Daou, who first began monitoring the bloggers and feeding them information when he worked for Sen. John Kerry's presidential campaign. "This is a political tool, and it's manufactured outrage, it's feigned outrage, and it's extremely effective."...
Yes, it IS extremely effective.
Why?
Because since 2003, Bad Example has consistently manufactured only the highest quality outrage. Accept no inferior substitutes!
Made to the most exacting specifications at our state-of-the-art production facilities in Wisconsin, ALL our outrage is 100% American made from the finest pique, fury and indignation.
Looking for peevishness, huffs, or hissy-fits? Try France - because you won't find any of that girly crap here.
When you shop from the Bad Example catalog, you'll find only durable, long-lasting products, such as acrimony, anger, bile, gall, hatred, ire, rage, wrath, and the occasional blood-oath of vengeance.
Why settle for petty peevishness when you can have black-hearted murderousness?
For all your manufactured outrage needs, think quality.
Think Bad Example.
OR I'LL STRANGLE YOU DEAD! RARRR!
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09:33 PM
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The big boobies are so impressive that I don't mind looking at the little extra fat on my thighs.
Which made me think about how men look at women, and why women shouldn't be so obsessively self-conscious about their appearance.
A woman will look at herself in the mirror and fret about tiny imperfections:
"My hair's messy!"
"Oh no! A pimple!"
"My gray roots are starting to show!"
"Is that a wrinkle?"
"My ass is HUGE!"
"My pinky toe is crooked!"
And on and on and on...
Good news, ladies - guys don't notice. Here's why.
Men are creatures of very limited focus. We can pretty much only concentrate on one thing at a time. So, when we meet you, we do a quick head-to-toe inventory, consisting mainly of hair, eyes, smile, boobs, ass, and legs. After completing the initial scan, we quickly decide on our favorite parts - for example, let's say the lady in question has it good in the hair, smile, and boobs department - then we'll spend the rest of the time letting our eyes rotate amongst the favorite areas, and completely ignore the parts we don't like.
Got a little belly fat? Don't worry. Our eyes are locked about 6-12 inches higher and they'll never get any further down.
Unless we're checking out your gorgeous ass.
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12:44 PM
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Well... I personally find all this reassuring. I dropped a tear in the ocean. Whenever they find it, I will stop loving you.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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01:06 AM
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[(rubber stamp: fish)]
The latest proposed currency re-design includes the new "holographic bass" security feature.
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My unsullied and divinely inspired artistic vision follows...
Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States. I'm your host, Harvey, and - week by week - I'll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.
This week, we take a closer look at the rustic charm of Alabama, so let's get started...
Arkansas is a medium-sized state in the south central US. It became the 25th state in 1836 in an effort to make Mississippians appear comparatively well-educated.
The 4 stars inside the white diamond on the Arkansas state flag represent the 4 important aspects of Arkansas life: babes, booze, betting and brawling.
The pine tree is the official state tree of Arkansas, although there is a growing movement in the state to nominate the oak tree, because it's not as hard to spell.
The state motto of Arkansas is "book learnin's fer sissies!".
Little Rock, Arkansas is the site of the Bill Clinton Presidential library. Just look for the building that's shaped like a damp cigar.
There's also a Hillary Clinton library, which is shaped like an unquenchable thirst for political power.
Arkansas has several state flowers, including Apple Blossoms, Violets, and Jennifer.
Arkansas was orginally owned by the French, but was sold to the US as part of the Louisiana Purchase in 1803. Thomas Jefferson tried to return Arkansas as defective merchandise, but he forgot to keep the receipt, so we've been stuck with it ever since.
America's winningest college football coach, Paul "Bear" Bryant was born in Arkansas. His nickname came from his habit of storming up and down the sidelines with his head stuck in a jar of honey.
The city of Hot Springs, Arkansas is known for its many natural hot-water springs, which have an average temperature of 140 degrees. The area was known to the Sioux Indians as "Degataga" which means "OW! OW! OW!"
General Douglas McArthur was born in Little Rock, Arkansas, but soon left the state in search of more Japs upon whom to wreak bloody vengeance.
Arkansas re-instated the death penalty in 1991, but only for capital crimes such as murder and pronouncing the state's name as ar-KAN-sas.
Poet, actress, and singer Maya Angelou was not only born in Arkansas, she was also invited by Bill Clinton to read a poem at his 1993 inaugural. Amazingly, she was NOT sexually harrassed during the invitation.
Some small farms in the Ozark Mountain region of Arkansas still maintain pioneer traditions such as hand-milking cows, plowing their fields with mules, and only burning witches if they weigh the same as a duck.
The major exports of Arkansas are poultry, cattle and corrupt politicians.
Arkansas is a great place for a family vacation since children under 18 are required to wear ball gags. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we MFFMMRGRM
NOW we're there ya little brat!
Arkansas has embraced cutting-edge internet technology and is the first state in the US that allows citizens to bribe the Governor via PayPal.
Arkansas contains numerous scenic cliffs, making it the most convenient state in the US for disposing of embarrassing dead bodies.
Arkansas has a population of almost 3 million people, who, as a group, show less genetic variation than Mary Kate & Ashley.
Arkansas provides free health care for all its citizens through numerous clinics around the state which dispense band-aids and moonshine.
People from Arkansas are a warm and friendly folk who often greet perfect strangers and invite them into their homes before cooking and eating them.
If someone from Arkansas says "hi" to you, shoot him before you end up in his oven.
Wal-Mart started in Bentonville, Arkansas, but has since gone on to attack helpless cities across the United States. Sort of like Godzilla, except less radioactive.
If your town is attacked by a Wal-Mart, don't shoot it with bullets, because you'll only make it angry. Try getting help from King Kong or Target, instead.
Although Arkansas has produced such brilliant military minds as General Nathan Bedford Forrest, it has never produced anyone capable of defeating a Klingon in hand-to-hand combat.
That wraps up the Arkansas edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be surfing on over to the left coast to take a look at California.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go PayPal the Governor.
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With all the hubbub about terrorists being tortured at Gitmo, the pansy Republicans agreed to shut down the detention facilities.
Not wanting to be accused of exacerbating the homeless problem, they started handing out government grants to encourage the creation of private detention facilities.
I checked it out - $50 per month per terrorist. That's some sweet cash!
So I figured I'd make a little money on the side by starting my own concentration camp, "Harv's House O' Happy Hebrew-Haters". All I had to do was keep these wacky Muslims from either escaping or complaining to Amnesty International and I'd make enough money to get that cool new PornStation Portable I'd had my eye on.
It seemed like a good idea at the time, but - as you can tell from the security tape excerpts - it... could've gone better...
HARV: Good morning HHHHH'ers! I'll turn on some screechy, atonal, ethnic music to help soothe your savage homicidal tendencies.
ABDUL: AIEEEEE! Stop torturing me with that horrible noise!
HARV: (muttering) Crap! There's the "T" word! I'll never get my PSP if word of this gets out! (normal voice) But it's "Mecca and the Mohammeds!" It's got all those twangy sitars and people going "ULULULULULU!" that you jihadis like so much.
ABDUL: You KNOW what I want to hear...
HARV: But...
ABDUL: SING, infidel!
HARV [in best Britney voice]: Oops!...I did it again
I played with your heart, got lost in the game
Oh baby, baby
Oops!...You think I'm in love
That I'm sent from above
I'm not that innocent...
HARV: In order to obtain your "Civilized Human Being" certification, you have to complete several excercises. The first is to write "I will not blow people up" 1000 times on this chalkboard.
JAMAL: 100 times.
HARV: 500.
JAMAL: 50.
HARV: You're supposed to go UP, not DOWN, you idiot!
JAMAL: You called me a name! I'm telling Amnesty International!
HARV: Fine. 50. Here's your chalk.
JAMAL: TORTURE!
HARV: NOW what?
JAMAL: Chalk dust is a carcinogen, just like second-hand smoke!
HARV: Chalk dust is completely harmless!
JAMAL: You're a torturer! AND a tool of Big Chalk!
HARV: Have you been watching Truth.com commercials again?
HARV: Ok, Khalid, here's your drink...
KHALID: TORTURE!
HARV: But it's Mecca Cola! The kind with real camel pee!
KHALID: There's no ice.
HARV: There! Two cubes.
KHALID: TORTURE!
HARV: For God's sake! NOW what?
KHALID: Too much ice. It'll get watery. Oh, and you took the Lord's name in vain. Put my drink in a Betty Boop Freezer Mug or I'll tell SarahK on you!
At this point I snapped and beat them all bloody with my Louisville Slugger.
I have to go to a Siberian Gulag for sensitivity training next week, but at least I found out where Osama's hiding. Figure I can trade the information for a PSP.
mmmm... porta-porn...
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12:31 AM
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Precision Guided Humor Round-up: New homes for wayward terrorists
New Precision Guided Humor Assignment: How should the White House respond to incredibly stupid accusations at press conferences?
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12:26 AM
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12:00 AM
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June 23, 2005
I can't get your page to display properly. The side-bar on the right is covering up part of the text in the middle section.I find this kind of trouble with sidebars fairly frequently as I surf the blogosphere. Haven't the faintest idea what causes it or how to correct it, but you should know it's happening.
Suggestions?
Posted by: Harvey at
11:56 PM
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One thing I noticed was that the date and time weren't being updated on your blogrolling listing. This is pretty easy to take care of we just need to make sure you're pinging the proper places. When you log in, click Weblog Config. Then Click the Preferences Option. From there scroll down and make sure you're notifying blo.gs and weblogs.com when you update. In the Others box add the following lines if they aren't already there.http://rpc.blogrolling.com/pinger/
http://rpc.technorati.com/rpc/ping
Done.
Something other MT users might consider, as well.
UPDATE: Jo of Jo's Cafe suggests using Pingomatic, too.
UPDATE: Via Physics Geek, the ultimate ping list from Emily of How To Blog:
http://api.my.yahoo.com/RPC2
http://api.my.yahoo.com/rss/ping
http://bblog.com/ping.php
http://bitacoras.net/ping/
http://blog.goo.ne.jp/XMLRPC
http://blogdb.jp/xmlrpc
http://bulkfeeds.net/rpc
http://coreblog.org/ping/
http://ping.blo.gs/
http://ping.cocolog-nifty.com/xmlrpc
http://ping.rootblog.com/rpc.php
http://ping.syndic8.com/xmlrpc.php
http://ping.weblogs.se/
http://rcs.datashed.net/RPC2
http://rpc.blogrolling.com/pinger/
http://rpc.pingomatic.com/
http://rpc.technorati.com/rpc/ping
http://rpc.weblogs.com/RPC2
http://topicexchange.com/RPC2
http://www.a2b.cc/setloc/bp.a2b
http://www.bitacoles.net/ping.php
http://www.blogpeople.net/servlet/weblogUpdates
http://www.weblogues.com/RPC/
http://xmlrpc.blogg.de/
http://www.blogroots.com/tb_populi.blog?id=1
http://xping.pubsub.com/ping/
NOTE: [If you've found this post useful enough to blog about, send a trackback or e-mail the permalink to me at harvolson-at-gmail.com and I'll add you to my Bad Example Groupies blogroll. See this post for details]
Posted by: Harvey at
07:09 AM
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Blogdaughter Teresa of Technicalities did this meme about "Five things society at large enjoys, but that I, for the most part, just don't get..." but she didn't tag anybody.
Then, in this post on how Teresa got mentioned on MSNBC, I posted a comment mocking her for how she was so reluctant to start blogging in the first place.
Suddenly I find myself tagged.
Fortunately, I saw this thing floating elsewhere in the Bad Example Family, so I had it ready, just in case:
Anime - Slow plots, blurry animation, crappy dialogue. Sorry, I'm just bored.
Scooby-Doo - 7 minute cartoon padded out to a half-hour show. Again - bored.
Troll Dolls - Freakish hair and those ugly, mis-shapen faces. Creepy. Although they DO have their uses.
Low-cut hip-hugger pants - Excuse me, sweetie, your blueberry muffin is showing. Don't get me wrong, I like the sight of women's skin, and I'm actually partial to comfortably-built women, but that waistband disrupts the smooth curve of your hip and makes your figure look unflattered. Find a different cut.
Wearing a sport coat with the shirt untucked - Mostly I see this on "What Not To Wear". It's just sloppy-looking.
Who to tag...
Blogson Shakey Pete of Shakey Pete's Shootin' Shack - he does good rants.
Blogson Andrew of Custos Honor - he's burning up his to-do list and needs more stuff to do.
Blogson The Bartender of Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon - he needs an excuse to take his turn behind the bar again before he forgets how to type.
Answer the question and then tag 3 people.
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06:58 AM
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June 22, 2005
If the winds were to whisper their greatest words from now until eternity, they still wouldn't describe your outstanding beauty.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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11:12 PM
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[ying-yang symbol]
Presidential Fun Fact: After divorcing Martha, George moved in with Yoko Ono's Great-Great-Grandmother and became obsessed with Eastern religions.
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11:10 PM
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