(A Filthy Lie)
(cross-posted from IMAO)

As Frank mentioned recently, the venerable Alliance of Free Blogs recently had its honor besmirched by Blogcritics.org, which accused us of link-doping whoring.

Well, *I* say that if they're gonna throw smirch at you, you might as well rub it all over yourself and revel in the ecstasy of it.

But there arose a question of honor even MORE important. Sure, the Alliance of Free Blogs is an idiotically haphazard collection of people who merely want to rank higher on The Truth Laid Bear's Ecosystem, but how did we compare against the top link-whore in the blogosphere? The man who will link anyone, anytime, for any reason or no reason at all (except for ME, of course): Glenn Reynolds.

Well, it just so happens that that question was answered decisively not so very long ago. In fact, I even wrote a little song about it:

Glenn Reynolds went to The Alliance
He was lookin' for a blog to steal
He needed more links
'Cause Instapundit stinks
And he was willin' to make a deal

When he came upon this blogger
Giving links like a porn-spambot
Glenn Reynolds stepped
On a hobo's neck
And said, "Boy let me tell you what:

I guess you didn't know it
but I'm a filthy link-whore too
And if you care to take a dare I'll make a bet with you

Now you give gratuitous linkage, boy
But give Glenn Reynolds his due
I'll bet Instalanche gold
'gainst your blogroll
'Cause I link-whore better than you."

The boy said "My name's Harvey
And it might be a sin
But I'll take your bet
And you're gonna regret
'Cause I'm the best there's ever been."

Harvey you fire up MT and link to everyone.
Cause if you've got no traffic, then this blogging thing ain't fun.
And if you win you get free linkage just as good as gold
But if you lose, Glenn gets your whole blogroll.

Glenn opened up his laptop case
And he said I'll start this show
And fire flew from his fingertips
As he Googled to and fro

Then he found a post about Karl Rove,
- How he'd made the liberals hiss -
And a gang of right-wing blogs piled on
And Glenn linked them something like this

[Instrumental]

When Glenn Reynolds finished, Harvey said
"That's some good link-whorin' son.
But just sit down in that chair right there
And let me show you how it's done."

He linked with: sacrificing hobos
Kill those bums!
The devil's gonna make Glenn number one
Puppy in a blender, round it goes
Reynolds does your dog bite?
Not no mo'

[Instrumental]

Glenn Reynolds bowed his head
Because he knew that he'd been beat
He gave The Alliance an Instalanche
While Harvey hollered "SWEET!"

Harvey said, "Reynolds just come on back
If you ever wanna try again
I done told you once you link-whorin' bitch
I'm the best there's ever been."

He linked with: sacrificing hobos
Kill those bums!
The devil's gonna make Glenn number one
Puppy in a blender, round it goes
Reynolds does your dog bite?
Not no mo'

[Instrumental to end]

Posted by: Harvey at 02:11 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 553 words, total size 7 kb.

1 Best. Ever. (I actually sang along, since that's one of my all time favorite songs...)

Posted by: Susie at June 26, 2005 06:56 PM (PWYyH)

2 I CAN'T.STOP.LAUGHING!!

Posted by: Sissy at June 26, 2005 07:21 PM (uXS+O)

3 Have I mentioned that having babies makes the bladder weak....this is #%*@ing hilarious.

Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at June 26, 2005 10:12 PM (nnMWE)

4 *Grin* Nice job, Harvey! And thanks for the link.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at June 26, 2005 11:43 PM (fjl6F)

5 That is Freaking Funny! WOW!

Posted by: Mustang 23 at June 27, 2005 12:23 AM (WsyQC)

6 I know when I'm beat.

Posted by: Glenn Reynolds at June 27, 2005 06:46 AM (3568n)

7 For informational purposes, I got the links in the chorus by Googling "Glenn Reynolds" plus that word and picking the top hit (although I went further down the list if that site already had a link, just to whore it up a bit :-)

Posted by: Harvey at June 27, 2005 07:12 AM (ubhj8)

8 Damn Harvey.. That has to be the funniest damn think you've posted on here in a long time. Sadly I read it to the tune. Including breaks for the instrumental.

Posted by: Contagion at June 27, 2005 07:13 AM (Q5WxB)

9 Truth be told, a lot of my poetry ends up in this meter and fits this tune, even when I'm not trying.

Posted by: Harvey at June 27, 2005 07:23 AM (ubhj8)

10 Damn. How did I miss this when I was here last night? Hilarious!

Posted by: Lynn S at June 27, 2005 07:47 AM (vvANn)

11 Ok...that was funny stuff! Puppy in a blender indeed.

Posted by: Mike at June 27, 2005 03:08 PM (SGRwY)

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