September 24, 2007
It's about 15 minutes if you read it straight through, but it'll probably take you longer, as it will spark you to think about how it applies to your own teaching experiences.
Good brain food, this.
Posted by: Harvey at
04:05 AM
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Post contains 74 words, total size 1 kb.
September 23, 2007
So the Victory Caucus has this "Stand by the American Mission in Iraq" petition that says:
We, the undersigned, call on our national leaders and fellow citizens to resist calls for a premature withdrawal from Iraq and to support America's troops under the new commander, Gen. David Petraeus, as they implement a bold new strategy designed to bring a successful completion to their mission.
Which is nice, and you can go over and sign it if you want.
But I think it's WAY too wordy. Here's how I'd write it.
W,Kill terrorists.
Stop when they're all dead.
America
Now go out and do something fun with all the time you saved by reading the short version.
Like killing a terrorist.
Posted by: Harvey at
08:58 AM
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Post contains 128 words, total size 1 kb.
Most things that are delicious aren't good for you. Luckily, you're an exception to the rule.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
Posted by: Harvey at
08:52 AM
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Post contains 35 words, total size 1 kb.
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[("20" written over the 1's in all 4 corners of the bill)]
Answer to: "What can you give a blonde stripper that'll make her really happy until one of her brunette friends explains it to her?"
Posted by: Harvey at
08:51 AM
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Post contains 34 words, total size 1 kb.
Here's how it goes.
The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.
The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.
I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.
Good luck.
1) I get wrinkled ones inside me
(see extended entry for more clues)
more...
Posted by: Harvey at
08:44 AM
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Post contains 96 words, total size 1 kb.
September 22, 2007
I thought loving you the way you deserve would always be so easy. Sometimes... perhaps not. But still, the effort is ALWAYS worth it just to see you smile.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
Posted by: Harvey at
11:37 AM
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[(Rubber stamp: Support the Seperation of Church and State www.godoffmoney.com)]
Or support the separation of idiots and rubber stamps at www.useyourdamnspellchecker.com
Posted by: Harvey at
11:36 AM
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Post contains 21 words, total size 1 kb.
Here's how it goes.
The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.
The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.
I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.
Good luck.
1) I can come by the gallon
(see extended entry for more clues)
more...
Posted by: Harvey at
11:31 AM
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Post contains 89 words, total size 1 kb.
September 21, 2007
The documentary about John's presidential campaign will be titled "Edwards Sissyhands".
John Edwards loves his teddy bears, which is why - if you ask him "Ginger or Mary Ann?" - he'll answer "Skipper".
John Edwards taught Monica that cigar trick.
John Edwards created the youth organization "Edwards Scouts" for boys who like to wear skirts and sell cookies.
Grunting, sweating, heavy breathing, rapid up & down motions - just John Edwards trying unsuccessfully to operate a click-top pen.
The most common word in the English language is "the". For John Edwards, it's "pedicure".
Bonus Facts:
From Silicon Valley Jim:
The first argument in John and Elizabeth Edwards's marriage occurred when Elizabeth used John's rouge before he was done with it. He'd already done his cheeks, but hadn't done his nipples.
From Jim:
John Edwards has every one of Michael Jackson's singles. Every. Single. One!
The constant characterization of him as an effete snob makes John Edwards so angry that he wants to scream and stamp his foot.
John Edwards does not mind being called a Metrosexual. He prefers that to what he used to be called: "pantywaist".
Posted by: Harvey at
07:49 AM
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Post contains 204 words, total size 2 kb.
You know what really annoys me? Blinking - because it wastes a perfectly good tenth of a second that I could be spending gazing upon your beauty.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
Posted by: Harvey at
06:33 AM
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Post contains 46 words, total size 1 kb.
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[Happy Birthday Granny - Love Pie Face]
Yes, Granny loved Pie Face, and wished that she could cherish his gift forever...
But Granny also needed a beer, and tappers were a buck a piece at the VFW...
Posted by: Harvey at
05:30 AM
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Post contains 40 words, total size 1 kb.
Here's how it goes.
The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.
The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.
I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.
Good luck.
1) I'm a four letter word that starts and ends with "B"
(see extended entry for more clues)
more...
Posted by: Harvey at
04:29 AM
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Post contains 93 words, total size 1 kb.
September 20, 2007
"Let me be clear: There is no military solution in Iraq, and there never was. The best way to protect our security and to pressure Iraq's leaders to resolve their civil war is to immediately begin to remove our combat troops," Obama said in his speech. "Not in six months or one year -- now."
Or - to put is succinctly - "The best way to protect America from terrorist attacks is to prove to the psychopathic Muslims that we'll quit fighting if they just hold out long enough".
Dumbest damn thing I ever heard.
Still, there are people who'll lap it up like a cat going after a saucer of fish guts.
Which puts me in mind of Amazon.com's helpful feature "Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought".
So... "People Who Believe This Also Believe":
* Michael Moore is a pure-souled prophet who speaks truth to power, and - unlike black-hearted corporate media moguls - would ALWAYS choose integrity over revenue. Not that he's ever had to make that choice. Which just goes to show that the system works. Except that - as he's repeatedly shown us - the system is inverted, corrupt, and FUBAR.
* Animals have rights because they feel pain, unless they're screaming fetuses.
* Being murdered by a gun leaves you more dead than being murdered by a knife, baseball bat, or socialized medicine.
* SUV's destroy the planet. That's why liberals ride in limousines.
* Patchouli is an acceptable substitute for soap.
* People should give a damn whether you're offended by something.
* Nothing's worth fighting for, except metaphorically.
* Oral sex isn't, really.
* Anything you can do in the privacy of your own bedroom you should be able to flaunt in public, except prayer.
* Free speech means that you can say whatever you want and no one is allowed to tell you what a galactic fudgepile you are for saying it.
* Despite being a socialist trough-hog with little-to-no understanding of what makes America better than other countries, Barack Obama is eminently electable, and, indeed, is the best choice among the entire current field of viable candidates.
* Besides, skin color should be taken into consideration when choosing the leader of the free world, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a filthy racist.
By the way, if anyone ever catches me seriously espousing ANY of the above opinions, please shoot me, because it means the brain tumor is inoperable.
Posted by: Harvey at
07:43 AM
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Post contains 421 words, total size 3 kb.
No matter how quietly I actually say "I love you", know that it always comes out of my soul as a joyous shout.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
Posted by: Harvey at
06:00 AM
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Post contains 42 words, total size 1 kb.
[new bill - not previously posted]
(click to enlarge)
[PAT - I DIDN'T HAVE A QUARTER. I HAVE A CREDIT OF III FLUSHES]
I'm getting old. I remember when flushes were only a nickel and came with free scented toilet paper.
[Hat tip: Susie of Practical Penumbra]
Posted by: Harvey at
05:59 AM
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Post contains 28 words, total size 1 kb.
Here's how it goes.
The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.
The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.
I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.
Good luck.
1) If I'm too tight, it's hard to get me off
(see extended entry for more clues)
more...
Posted by: Harvey at
04:45 AM
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Post contains 100 words, total size 1 kb.
September 19, 2007
An Editorial by Harvey (cross-posted from IMAO)
On the University of Maryland campus, a small noose was found hanging from a tree near a cultural center that houses the black faculty association and a black newspaper. I, for one, am absolutely outraged by this travesty!
Look at that pathetic thing! You call that a noose? The damn thing's so small, you couldn't even hang a Democrat's sense of decency with it! It took 'em two weeks before anyone even noticed it was there.
And don't even get me started on the knot at the end. Hell my mother gets closer to a Hangman's Knot when she's knitting. It's supposed to have 13 coils.
THIRTEEN, people!
How can you send a man to hell if you don't have thirteen coils?
Heck, even that turd Saddam got seven.
This miserable twist of emo-goth neck-deco didn't even have three.
Look, I understand that colleges these days mostly only teach PC BS like bi-lesbian tree-dancing and whatnot, but you'd think they could toss in just one lousy credit of Stringing People Up 101. What are these poor kids gonna do if someone steals their horse someday? You don't put a horse thief in time out! Ya hoist 'im up like a bird feeder & let the vultures do the rest.
Yeah, I know people don't ride horses anymore, but we've still got plenty of Congressmen & journalists whose necks are too short, so I think my point remains valid.
---
Harvey is a non-disabled Navy veteran accidentally hired to fill an affirmative action quota at IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as "Executioning: A Career Guide For Teenagers" and "Rope: Not Just For Kinky Sex Anymore".
Posted by: Harvey at
07:41 AM
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Post contains 387 words, total size 3 kb.
Your instincts for love are so finely honed... you always seem to know exactly what I need.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
Posted by: Harvey at
06:00 AM
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Post contains 36 words, total size 1 kb.
(click to enlarge)
[Davis 12x2=24]
If there were enough Bette Davis clones to fill a jury box, how many Bette Davis Eyes would you have?
Posted by: Harvey at
05:59 AM
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Post contains 30 words, total size 1 kb.
Here's how it goes.
The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.
The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.
I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.
Good luck.
1) You can eat my split
(see extended entry for more clues)
more...
Posted by: Harvey at
04:55 AM
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Post contains 90 words, total size 1 kb.
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