(Introduction)

[SHELBY, we were friends before we were lovers. FRIENDS. Tell me what I need to hear.]

As a follow-up to its popular State Quarters program, the Treasury released the first in its new series of "Creepy Stalker Dollars". Coming soon: "Midnight Phone Call", and "I'm Watching You Undress".

Posted by: Harvey at 06:10 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Josh of Quibbles & Bits takes a peek at what happens after Teddy's final bender.

Posted by: Harvey at 01:24 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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After reading this post at Redneck Ramblings where he used the phrase "Brokeback Bloggers" to insinuate the existence of man-on-man love without having to come right out and SAY it, it occurs to me that - over the next month or two - the word "Brokeback" is going to be put in front of a LOT of other words as a way of dropping a wink and a nudge.

Sorta the way "-gate" gets added to a word to denote a scandal.

Figure this might catch on, too. Here's a list of semi-random words with Brokeback prepended:

Brokeback metrosexual
Brokeback google
Brokeback time porn
Brokeback dog whisperer
Brokeback Google bombing
Brokeback wrap rage
Brokeback puggle
Brokeback drink the Kool-Aid
Brokeback ubersexual
Brokeback pomosexual
Brokeback retrosexual
Brokeback poo X
Brokeback Generation Y
Brokeback fauxhawk
Brokeback wardrobe malfunction
Brokeback phishing
Brokeback gaydar
Brokeback crackberry
Brokeback bluejacking
Brokeback lipstick lesbian
Brokeback puddle phishing
Brokeback paraskevidekatriaphobia
Brokeback go commando
Brokeback irritable male syndrome
Brokeback technosexual
Brokeback jump the shark
Brokeback camgirl
Brokeback Googleverse
Brokeback egocasting
Brokeback NIMBY
Brokeback flash mob
Brokeback butt bus
Brokeback BHAG
Brokeback bobo
Brokeback earworm
Brokeback Stendhal's syndrome
Brokeback himbo
Brokeback ergomorphic
Brokeback springspotter
Brokeback bridezilla
Brokeback cracker
Brokeback helicopter parent
Brokeback sleep inertia
Brokeback geomythology
Brokeback hasbian
Brokeback toxic bachelor
Brokeback Mactel
Brokeback McMansion
Brokeback darknet
Brokeback Wal-Mart effect

Hope those mental images don't leave you TOO scarred.

I only linked the ones I haven't seen used on blogs I visit. Figure you can Google the rest, if they're not on the Word Spy Top 100 anymore.

By the way, I challenge you to use any one of the phrases from the Brokeback list in a sentence.

For example: "Desperate for cash, Harvey tried being a Brokeback Camgirl."

Posted by: Harvey at 06:59 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

There's a smile I've waited my whole life for.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

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(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Smile :-) God granted you another day.]

Non-smilers will be struck by lightning.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:50 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 So, your saying I should stock up on lightning rods.

Posted by: Deathknyte at January 27, 2006 09:26 PM (Kebr/)

2

Posted by: Susie at January 28, 2006 06:40 AM (a0oF7)

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Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks has risen from the dead and is back posting. His first offering is a rant about "potty parity" and the sleazy lawyer behind it all.

Which made me think of the best way for women to avoid pesky restroom lines:

* Stadium Gal - Discreet external catheter and leg-mounted storage bag.

But what if you want to pee in the woods without worrying about squatting in poison ivy? Or what if that public toilet seat is just too disgusting to sit on? Well, you just pee standing up:

* TravelMate - Handy, portable, washable, re-usable plastic tubular device which can be used for directing the urine stream. For a mere $5, you can be writing your name in the snow in no time.

* The Whiz - Same concept, fancier design. Sold by an Australian company for $20 AUD. Or - for $25 AUD - you can have the "Whiz Plus" with the "high tech plasma coating that repels all liquid so it always remains dry".

* Freshette - An "anatomically designed funnel with 6" retractable extension tube". Washable, reusable - $23.

* Magic Cone - Disposable cardboard funnel. Don't miss the Not Safe For Work animated instructional video, $17 bucks for 30 (three 10-packs).

* P-mate - Disposable, cardboard, square-cone-like device from a UK company. 5 for £2.50

* Whizzy - Pportable, foldable, disposable heavy-paper trough that lets you stand away from the toilet. About a buck a piece.

* My SweetPee - Another trough. Comes in paper (disposable - 10 for $12) or plastic (re-usable - $15).

Don't want to bother with a portable device?

* Manual labial adjustment, hip-aiming, constant pressure, and practice - It's a physical skill, and lots of women have mastered it. You can, too. Here's a NSFW picture of the process in action.

No more excuses ladies. It's time you took a stand.

Posted by: Harvey at 05:27 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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1 Lessee.... ummmm.... Well, no. No "peeing standing up" for me, thanks. I grew up in Wyoming -- whole lotta nothing in Wyo. (rest stop wise...) I have my technique down. I do however know that with a willing partner (that has a y chromosome) it is still possible to write your name in the snow. Just sayin'.

Posted by: Richmond at January 26, 2006 05:41 PM (e8QFP)

2 Wow. I just don't know what to say.

Posted by: Sarah at January 26, 2006 07:26 PM (+nTRJ)

3 You did a whole lot of research for us gals... but I do wonder what kind of google search hits you are going to get for this post. ;-)

Posted by: vw bug at January 26, 2006 07:40 PM (k+jIa)

4 hmmm...interesting....not likely to use any of it, but I appreciate the effort you put into it.

Posted by: ktreva at January 26, 2006 08:24 PM (e8b4J)

5 Good job researching, Harvey. How many dirty sites did you have to peruse in order to get info on these devices? Don't tell me you just skipped them...

Posted by: SeanS at January 26, 2006 08:53 PM (cEjQ0)

6 Nasty FREAK!

Posted by: Madfish Willie at January 26, 2006 09:37 PM (nVA0o)

7 Many many moons ago, the Pensacola airport thought they would put something called "She-inals" in the women's bathroom. We were to pee in a funnel... a disposable paper funnel inserted into the pee funnel for hygiene purposes if I recall. Probably like that Freshette. I was in my twenties at the time, more of a "hell Yeah! I'll try anything attitude", but when I read that in the paper I thought, "Yeah, I don't think so." I do not believe it was a success. I do believe the Pensacola airport has traditional toilets for women. We women do not like to stand to pee. That is for men. But... Richmond! LOL!!!

Posted by: Bou at January 26, 2006 10:44 PM (iHxT3)

8 I recall Piers Anthony mentioning something similar well before my blogging career started. He's over at Hipiers.com

Posted by: Andrew at January 27, 2006 12:47 AM (o+sy7)

9 I have to pee now.

Posted by: Ogre at January 27, 2006 06:12 AM (/k+l4)

10 Like Richmond I have my own technique for peeing while standing. I can even do it while drunk as that is when I learned to perfect it. Those lines at the Frat parties were really long so one learned to use the great outdoors to avoid the line.

Posted by: Machelle at January 27, 2006 06:32 AM (ZAyoW)

11 Yea... now I have mental images I didn't need. Thanks.

Posted by: Contagion at January 27, 2006 07:11 AM (Q5WxB)

12 Machelle - details? :-) SeanS - Having "standing up" in the Google search kept the top results amazingly clean and on-topic. VW - I'm actually hoping to be #1 for "pee standing up" with this one, someday :-)

Posted by: Harvey at January 27, 2006 09:56 AM (ubhj8)

13 The problem with women standing while peeing is that your exposing a whole lot of yourself while doing it, so you must be very familiar with the people your with because they are seeing a lot of you that they probably don't want to. It's almost the same stance as hoovering over public toliets.

Posted by: Machelle at January 27, 2006 12:26 PM (ZAyoW)

14 ohhhhhhhhh mannnnnnnnnnn good thing you didn't see my post on my new toilet seat.... gosh, you make me laugh. Cindy

Posted by: firstbrokenangel at February 02, 2006 02:55 PM (jHRvj)

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Filthy Lie Assignment Reminder: Why does Evil Glenn want to hijack the New Horizons spacecraft? is due by 11pm EST Friday, January 27th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.

Wednesday Linky Stuff

Precision Guided Humor Round-up: Code of Conduct

Late PGH: Kennedy's Book

New Precision Guided Humor Assignment: What "reforms" will the new Hamas-controlled Palestinian Authority implement during their first 100 days?

Basil's Blog Tip: Adding a third column to your Blogger template.

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(Introduction)

Love is when you have a bad day, but when you see the one you love, everything seems ok.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

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(Introduction)

[Good Charlotte]

As a follow-up to its popular State Quarters program, the Treasury released the first in its new series of "Non-descript, Post-grunge, Corporate-tool, Faux-alternative Rock Bands With No Street Cred Dollars" Coming soon: "Blink-182" and "Third Eye Blind".

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I heard Matty O'Blackfive is having a birthday.

I expect he'll be celebrating something like this.

More beer commercials here.

Happy birthday, old man.

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A while back, I asked about the male equivalent of going to a Pampered Chef party.

Richmond of One For the Road took a stab at answering, and after reading the comments to the post and thinking about it a bit, I had a vision:

"But I can get the same freakin' thing at Home Depot for half the price!"

"Come on, it's a PARTY. It'll be fun. And you can play with the cordless drills."

"I don't know... I kinda promised the wife I'd change her oil..."

"Dude, come ON. Remember that time when I dragged you out of that burning building and saved your life? You OWE me."

"Well... ok... but after this we're even, right?"

Posted by: Harvey at 06:57 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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1 No, that sounds wrong.... really, really wrong. First off. No honest red blooded American male would plead with friends tocome over. You invite, maybe check to see if they are coming. Then let it go. Second. No honest red blooded American Male would say no to playing with power tools! Third. Anybody who knows anything about tools knows that Snap-on tools are damn good a much better then some of the cheap crap you can get at home depot. Don't skimp on tools. You get what you pay for.

Posted by: Contagion at January 26, 2006 07:21 AM (Q5WxB)

2 Is it a bad sign when "snap-on tools" sounds dirty to me?

Posted by: oddybobo at January 26, 2006 08:00 AM (6Gm0j)

3 Yeah, but craftsman are just as good for the most part, are cheaper, and have a forever replacement guarantee. I'll stick with sears. Hmm.... I wonder if this concept would work if I got an FFL and had sales parties by taking folks to the range to play with the merchandise?

Posted by: Graumagus at January 26, 2006 08:00 AM (RT+Wg)

4 It would be more believable if there were some beer in there: "Come on over, bring a six-pack, and play with some power tools!"

Posted by: Ogre at January 26, 2006 08:07 AM (/k+l4)

5 yeah.....snap on tool.... sounds dirty

Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at January 26, 2006 08:33 AM (c0Jhg)

6 Yeah, I don't think I've ever begged - or pleaded - with a buddy. I agree that Snap-On has some great tools. But Sears is open 7 days and I have two within 15 minutes of my house. I have two of everything and if I *really* get banged on a job, I can beg and plead with a buddy to zip up to Sears and swap both broken tools. ('cause if I break two of the same thing on a project, I'll be occupied repairing the damage I caused after breaking the second one - or I'll be requiring medical attention.) Power tools - pheh. Use pnematics.

Posted by: _Jon at January 26, 2006 08:37 AM (uHRYR)

7 Oddy & AW - You're thinking of "Strap-On" tools :-)

Posted by: Harvey at January 26, 2006 08:45 AM (ubhj8)

8 Snap-on has a pretty decent calendar.

Posted by: Tige at January 26, 2006 10:03 AM (QgCnE)

9 Craftsman does rock, but he said home depot. Also are you telling me you wouldn't just check out some snap-on tools just for the joy of it? C'mon don't lie. I pick up Dewalt Power Drills all the time, doesn't mean I'm going to buy one.

Posted by: Contagion at January 26, 2006 10:36 AM (Q5WxB)

10 Sounds about right. The only thing that would make it more realistic is if the "host" lamented about being two guys short of getting his free Hosting Gift -- a socket set...

Posted by: Richmond at January 26, 2006 11:24 AM (e8QFP)

11 I see it more on the lines of: Dude, I have some free beer and snacks... and with it we get to check out some tools. You'll get to even try out the new drill. Oh mannnn. Way cool, I'll be there. hahahaha... You are something else Harv

Posted by: vw bug at January 26, 2006 12:00 PM (k+jIa)

12 I think the big attraction would be if one of the Snap-On tool models showed up. Host: "Hey, I got beer, snacks, tools and a Snap On tool babe coming to show the newest from their new power tool line." Any man who has not seen a Snap On tool calendar has missed out... we had guys at work begging to hang them in their cubes. HR said NO Way.

Posted by: Bou at January 26, 2006 10:48 PM (iHxT3)

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(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment cross posted from IMAO)

Congressional Democrats will be attempting to grab the moral high-ground by making ethics an issue in 2006. Specifically, they want to introduce a new Congressional "code of conduct", hoping to take advantage of the public's perception of scandal over the Abramoff affair.

Sure, Harry Reid funnels money to Nevada churches, Nancy Pelosi is "suddenly" remembering $8500 worth of vacations provided to her by lobbyists, and there aren't enough pixels in the entire internet to list all the wild spinnings of Ted Kennedy's moral compass - but still, I'm sure there's a lot the Dems can teach us about being well-behaved, as illustrated by these fake (but accurate) excerpts from the new Congressional Code of Conduct:

* The use of the phrase "President Bush" in a speech is forbidden unless the sentence also includes the words "liar", "Nazi", "failure", "warmonger", and/or "retard".

* Do NOT use tinfoil hats, as they've been shown to actually INCREASE one's susceptability to Karl Rove's mind-control rays.

* Prove how dangerous guns are by having your Secret Service bodyguard shoot people at random.

* Make sure he hits an Affirmative Action quota's worth of black people, lest you be accused of racism.

* Tell the victims' families that it was the Republicans' fault for not spending more on body armor.

* Don't take bribes. If someone offers you money in return for a promise to vote a certain way on a bill, that's a bribe. Just take the money and wink slyly - that way there's technically no promise involved, and it's considered a "campaign contribution".

* Avoid using the racist and offensive term "terrorist". Use "person of shrapnel" instead.

* Al Gore is NOT a piece of furniture - that's just his personality. Don't set your drink on him.

* If you do set your drink on him, at least use a coaster.

* Even if you just had a baby, don't offer a cigar to Hillary Clinton. It makes her twitchy for some reason.

* Carpooling can help save the Earth's precious, dwindling resources. Make sure there are at least two people in your vehicle at all times - for example, you and your limo driver.

* Whenever possible, shoot spitballs at that backstabber Zell Miller.

* If you accidentally put out his eye, blame the Republicans for not buying him body armor.

* True, body armor wouldn't have prevented an eye injury, buy your constituents are too stupid to figure that out, so there's no need to pass up a perfectly good opportunity to blame Republicans.

* Pointing out the resemblance between Nancy Pelosi and Michael Jackson will be grounds for censure.

* NO MORE CRYING!... [looking your way, Voinovich]

Posted by: Harvey at 07:43 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Blogson GEBIV of There's One, Only! wants to bet on the Steelers:

I'm willing to put some of Buffalo's finest cullinary creations: (All right, maybe not the finest. After all, chicken wings, the world's greatest pizza, and Ted's hot dogs don't travel that well through the mail.) A bag of Gourmet Sponge Candy, a bottle of Buffalo Tom's Hot Sauce, and a bottle of Weber's Mustard - against whatever you're town has to offer.

Me, I'm a Big Ben fan, so I'm not touching this one. Besides, I'm still a bit peeved at Holmgren sneaking off to Seattle & taking the only decent Brett Favre back-up with him.

But if anyone else thinks the Seahawks are gonna walk away with this one, go sign up to steal GEBIV's Sponge Candy, Hot Sauce, & Mustard.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:48 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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When Stewie Griffin did that rendition of "Rocket Man" during the Family Guy episode "And the Weiner is...", it was actually a fairly accurate parody of a version done by William Shatner in 1978 during the Science Fiction Film Awards.

Stewie's Version

Shatner's Version

Hell, I never even knew Shatner smoked.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:47 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Short answer, my bloggranddaugter who runs From Chaos to Serendipity.

Long answer - available in the interview at Basil's Blog

Out-of-context medium-sized answer:

"soggie right now"

"I plead the 5th"

"multiply like rabbits"

"the tang and exoticness of the islands"

"Toot! Toot! Peanut Butter!"

"alcohol induced intelligence"

Posted by: Harvey at 07:28 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Neptunus Lex has a list of things you'll never see unless you've crossed the briny deep, with plenty more in left in the comments. Here's one:

YouÂ’ve never stood on the very point of the bow of a destroyer in the Caribean, where the sea is clearer than it has any right to be, with the rays of the aching sun slashing down through the water like spears from heaven and seen the sonar dome there thirty feet below the waterline as the cut line brusquely shoulders the waves aside.

From personal experience, I'll add:

* Looking backwards off the fantail of your carrier and seeing that the wake of the ship stretches all the way to the horizon:

(click to enlarge)

* Looking backwards off the fantail of your carrier and seeing what kind of wake a 90,000 ton ship can kick up at ahead full. Something like 20 foot tall mounds of seething blue froth:

(click to enlarge)

* And the sunsets on a flat horizon, with nothing to interrupt the stream of color

(click to enlarge)

I'm not saying that it's worth joining the Navy just to see these things, but I *will* say that it's these things that help make the time spent aboard ship seem worth it.

[Hat tip: blogdaughter Tammi of Tammi's World]

Posted by: Harvey at 07:21 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

Since you are my sunshine and I am your raindrop, together we can create an everlasting rainbow of love.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

Posted by: Harvey at 06:51 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(red ink splotch)]

Political Rorschach Test: If you look at the ink spot on this bill and see "The Bush administration's pattern of lies and deceit", you're probably Al Gore.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:47 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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[This post will stay on top for the rest of the day. Scroll down for new stuff. Gift suggestions can be found in this post]

Beloved Wife TNT of Smiling Dynamite turns 38 today.

If you're looking for gray hairs, you're not gonna find 'em.

Nothin' here but a whole lot o' pretty.

Happy Birthday, darlin'

Posted by: Harvey at 11:59 PM | Comments (18) | Add Comment
Post contains 37 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Happy Birthday. Harvey you need to do something nice for her... like get her a real man!

Posted by: Contagion at January 24, 2006 07:13 AM (Q5WxB)

2 Happy Birthday TNT! My gift is posted! ;-)

Posted by: Tammi at January 24, 2006 07:14 AM (lfQya)

3 Happy Birthday TNT!

Posted by: pam at January 24, 2006 07:28 AM (l6NIn)

4 Happy Birthday TNT, I too have posted a gift.

Posted by: oddybobo at January 24, 2006 07:36 AM (6Gm0j)

5 TNT, Happy birthday girl, can I make a birthday wish today? I want your tricips.. Make Harvey bake you a cake.

Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at January 24, 2006 08:18 AM (DKoOu)

6 .. happy birthday, girl... many happy returns....

Posted by: Eric at January 24, 2006 08:42 AM (r5XsL)

7 Happiest of birthdays to you!

Posted by: Omnibus Driver at January 24, 2006 10:14 AM (6VG2d)

8 Happy Birthday TNT!! I have a gift posted for you as well!

Posted by: Sarah at January 24, 2006 10:32 AM (MRzL3)

9 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TNT!!!!! I'll have to go find your present real quick...

Posted by: GEBIV at January 24, 2006 12:11 PM (LXoJ2)

10 Happy 21st! I don't care what he says, we both know he is the "old" one.

Posted by: Laughing Wolf at January 24, 2006 12:45 PM (wZwNI)

11 Happy Birthday! Don't forget to give Harv his birthday spanking...

Posted by: Susie at January 24, 2006 04:24 PM (a0oF7)

12 Smokin!!! Happy B'Day!!!1!

Posted by: Madfish Willie at January 24, 2006 06:10 PM (nVA0o)

13 HB2U! HB2U! HBTNT! HB2U! & many more!!!!

Posted by: Michele at January 24, 2006 07:30 PM (nHz+L)

14 Happy Birthday TNT! See my blog to see your gift!

Posted by: ktreva at January 24, 2006 08:29 PM (e8b4J)

15 Happy Boitday from the Garden State!

Posted by: Jim - PRS at January 24, 2006 09:17 PM (njBz/)

16 Put me on the list of people singing (off key and loud) happy birthday.

Posted by: Peter at January 24, 2006 10:13 PM (leExJ)

17 Happy Birthday, TNT!

Posted by: Bou at January 24, 2006 10:33 PM (iHxT3)

18 Happy birtday, even though I have no idea who you are. Other than Harveys wife anyway.

Posted by: Deathknyte at January 25, 2006 07:05 PM (nIWXy)

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February, 2004:

Harv: Hey Matty! A bunch of bloggers are gettin' together in Florida. Can you make it down?

Matty: Sure! I'd love to!... Wait... there WILL be beer there, right?

Harv: Of course.

Matty: Sure! I'd love to!... I'll just hop the next flight down & drop in. In fact, just to make it extra fancy, I'll show off my paratrooping skills. Look for me to land on Tammi's front lawn on Saturday.

Harv: Cool! See ya then...

Matty never *did* make it down to the Bad Example Family (& Friends) Reunion, and I just recently found out why. Turns out his paratrooping skills were a little rusty and he missed Tammi's house by a few miles (see extended entry): more...

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