I've been saying for years that every car built since about 1990 or so looks exactly like every other car built since about 1990 or so.

Let's face it, there are only so many shapes that will make a car aerodynamic enough to meet the ever-sillier government CAFE standards. And all of these shapes are round.

Angles? Corners? Pointy things? Too much drag. If a car doesn't look like an egg, it can't be mass-produced in America. Sturdy metal bumpers that don't explode into plastic shreds at the slightest tap? Too heavy. You get a bump in a parking lot, you're out $500+ to make your uni-colored car look pretty again.

However, after seeing this new toy pointed out by Rat of I Hate My Cubicle, I have to admit that I was wrong to say that there's only one kind of car any more.

Apparently there are 6.

But I still say that within those six basic forms - A Ford is a Chrysler is a GM is a Honda.

Posted by: Harvey at 04:17 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Blogdaughter Tammi of Tammi's World is having a decorating conundrum:

My dilemma is my bedroom. I know I want to use taupe with some true red and touches of black. I don't go all girly and I hate a foo-foo bedroom. I like warm and comfy. I'm going to make the roman shade and bedcover. My problem is the art work. I hate a lot of stuff on the walls but I gotta have something. I have plenty of wall sconces (there's a surprise) but no paintings I own are "right" for in there. I've spent hours looking on line and just can't find anything that "slaps" me.

So I was wondering.....what art work do you have on your bedroom walls?

Can't help her much. The only things decorating our bedroom are a bunch of mirrors and a Bedroom Mood Meter plaque with both arrows permanently stuck on "less talk, more action".

But if you guys have any ideas, feel free to chime in.

Posted by: Harvey at 02:16 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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(cross-posted from IMAO)

In the comments to this post, an anonymous troll posted the following:

So Harv, if it's so wonderful over in Iraq, why to hell aren't you over there serving in some capacity. Nothing to be afraid about buddy, I can assure you of that. Just make sure you bring along some decent body armor.

Why am I not in Iraq?

Probably because I'm a spineless coward who lets other people fight his battles for him.

But at least I have the decency to show some gratitude to those who have chosen to do so.

Anyway, I didn't want to have to play the "prior service" card, but since Spacemonkey & Daniel did it for me, I'll point out that I served on an aircraft carrier (USS Enterprise, CVN 65) during the late 80's. This was back when the Russian war plan included having nukes aimed at her, so I'm not a *complete* stranger to "ass on the line".

So what's YOUR excuse, anonymous troll? If you oppose the war, how come you're not in Iraq fighting alongside the terrorists?

There's probably nothing to be afraid about as long as you hide in a mosque.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:57 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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(cross-posted from IMAO)

(click to enlarge)

Photo by Polli Barnes Keller – Gulf Region Division – US Army Corps of Engineers

Iraqi children flee in terror at the approach of brutal American stormtroopers!

CENTCOM has the gruesome details.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:55 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)
[new note, not previously posted]

Without you, my life was as empty as a keg after a frat party.

[Stolen from bloggranddaughter Virtue of The Rantings of an Indentured Servant]

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

Posted by: Harvey at 06:48 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(chewed-up quarter)]

...and this is your money on Democrats.

Any questions?

Posted by: Harvey at 06:47 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Precision Guided Humor Assignment reminder: What items will be included in the Democrats' newly proposed "Congressional Code of Conduct"? due by 9pm EDT Wednesday, January 25th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.

Charming Alliance HQ Hostess Susie Asks: How many links should the Alliance Blogrolling blogroll show? Currently set at a random 50 (out of over 500), but she's taking input.

Monday Linky Stuff

Filthy Lie Round-up: Evil Glenn's DNA

New Filthy Lie Assignment: Why does Evil Glenn want to hijack the New Horizons spacecraft?

Posted by: Harvey at 11:00 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

[via blogdaughter/niece Sarah of That's Not Very Nice!]

Posted by: Harvey at 06:51 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Beloved Wife TNT of Smiling Dynamite turns 38 on Tuesday. This is just a heads-up to let you know that I'll be posting a birthday wish for her then, and I'd like you all to chime in with birthday greetings. Don't say anything yet. Just hide behind the couch & get ready.

[turns off lights]

Oh, and if you want to do something nice for her, she likes pictures of big cats, like lions, tigers, panthers, cougars, leopards, etc.

shhhhhh....

Posted by: Harvey at 10:00 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Blogson That 1 Guy of Drunken Wisdom is laughing it up over some very funny fake campaign commercials posted at the Canadian Subliminal Party web site.

They're good by themselves, but in order to truly appreciate them, you should take a quick peek at the background on the Liberal Party ads that they're parodying.

THEN spend the 10 minutes to watch all the Subliminal Party commercials.

Some of the original Liberal Party ads can be found here.

Posted by: Harvey at 03:43 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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The bucket o' Iowa stuff that I won from Jennifer's History & Stuff for referring her 250,000th visitor arrived.

(click to enlarge)

As you can see, Jen knows how to pack securely.

Strange as it may seem, my favorite goodie from the whole collection (aside from - obviously - the official Iowa Hawkeyes chocolates) is the notepaper cube:

(click to enlarge)

Two reasons.

1) Notepaper cubes are hard to find, because most of them are made from Post-It Notes these days. I like the plain paper kind.

2) My current notepaper cube is totally gay

(click to enlarge)

So I just wanted to thank Jennifer for the goodies.

Now I'm gonna go fill that bucket with scotch & watch the playoffs.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:06 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

I wanted to kiss this woman so bad, I wondered how I would stay alive without it.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

Posted by: Harvey at 10:02 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[BOMB SADDAM]

I think that instead of bombing this dam, we should try to figure out why it's sad and cheer it up.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:51 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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(A Filthy Lie cross-posted from IMAO)

After being discovered in Los Angeles surrounded by a pile of recently-sacrificed hobos, Glenn Reynolds underwent a DNA test to see if he was the real killer.

Well, you KNOW what happens to DNA evidence in trials for murders committed in California, so Glenn walked, based on the fact that his hobo-murdering gloves were two sizes too small.

Ah, the power of washing things in hot water.

Nevertheless, I *did* manage to get ahold of a copy of the lab report on Glenn's DNA, from which I compiled these:

While most humans have 98% of their DNA in common with a chimp, Glenn is 99% poodle.

Glenn's DNA will begin robot dancing if exposed to pure commie evil and/or Ted Kennedy.

Glenn's DNA was once shot a man for snoring too loud.

Remember that mobile weapons lab they found in Iraq? It was used for manufacturing Glenn's DNA.

Most people have Adenine, Guanine, Cytosine, and Thymine making up their DNA sequences. Glenn has Iodine, Einsteinium, Nitrogen, and Dysprosium, with the most common sequence being "I-N-D-E-E-D".

If Glenn's DNA bites you, you will start blogging by the next full moon.

If you're already a blogger, you will launch a blog ad consortium called "Lingerie Media" which people will make fun of.

Glenn's DNA made a cameo appearance during the Cantina scene in Star Wars. Look closely while Luke is talking to the bartender.

Glenn's DNA is used as currency in Iraq, although they pronounce it "dinar".

DNA tests prove that Glenn Reynolds and Michele Malkin are identical twins, but in an Arnold Shwarzenegger & Danny DeVito kinda way.

The secret ingredient in Underdog's "Super Energy Vitamin Pill" was Glenn's DNA. How's that for irony?

Traces of Glenn's DNA were found all over New Orleans, leading to speculation that Hurricane Katrina was caused by Glenn's typing too fast.

Glenn's DNA shows scars from where he had the "basic human decency" gene surgically removed.

Extensive testing on Glenn's DNA reveals that he's the real father of all those creepy "Village of the Damned" kids.

Glenn's DNA is featured prominently in the "Organic Chemistry Gone Wild: Spring Break" DVD.

Glenn's DNA released a rap album under the name "Vanilla Splice".

Injections of Glenn's DNA will cause a laboratory rat to grow inside a cancerous tumor.

If you're attacked by Glenn's DNA, point behind it and shout, "Look! An unlinked Ann Althouse post!". Flee when it turns to look.

Due to a defect in the 23rd chromosome, Glenn's DNA can NOT be trained to walk down stairs like a Slinky.

"What walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, and makes a slinkity sound?"... GAH! Now I can't get that stupid song out of my head!

Glenn's DNA always cries at the end of "Old Yeller".

Oh, wait... that's for Kennedys.

Nevermind.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:44 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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From RSM of When The Smoke Clears:

The road, lined on both sides with stands of pine and oak, provided the only egress the bird could see. He followed it, even rounding curves and turning left at a junction where I turned right, never once remembering he could fly up and away. He didnÂ’t need to stay on the path made by others, he had a freedom to go wherever he pleased, a freedom I envy, but his reaction to the stress of the moment was to keep following the trail that was never made nor appropriate for the likes of him.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:37 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I saw every movie in the films section except "Clerks".

[Hat tip: Shadoglare of Refractional Darkness]

Posted by: Harvey at 09:23 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Saw this posted by TheBaldChick of Freedom Folks:

Although illegals are barred from voting, they are counted when determining each state's number of seats in Congress.

Am I the only person who didn't know this?

Time for a new battle cry:

"No representation without legal immigration!"

Posted by: Harvey at 05:39 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Blogson Andrew of Custos Honor has a question about a ticket he got for sliding into someone on an icy road:

The Policeman who showed up ended up giving me a ticket for "Failed to stop in clear assured distance." The ticket no where mentions that the road was icy. nor does it mention that it (the accident) was on a semi-steep downhill road, so that I hit them coming from above, my truck literally slid the thirty feet to hit them. I'm going to fight this ticket, anyone know what kind of chances I have?

Oddy? Bueller? Anyone?

Posted by: Harvey at 11:41 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Is there a male equivalent to the social pressure that makes a woman get up early on a Saturday morning to drive 30 miles to a Pampered Chef party when she doesn't have even the tiniest desire to buy anything there?

Maybe posting bail at 2am for your friend who just got busted for DUI?

Posted by: Harvey at 11:36 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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Blogson Blue Tige pops the question:

Most of us are familiar with blog parents, blog grandparents, blog brothers and sisters, maybe even blog aunts and uncles. Those things are easy to figure out. What my question is, is what is YOUR input on blog relationships, blog dating, blog husbands and wives, blog flirting? Pick any or all and let me know what you consider to be right/wrong, good/bad, does/don'ts.

Some interesting discussion in his comments.

And he brings up a particular point during that discussion:

My realm for the question is only online. Not wanting to bring the idea of real life meetings into the picture. For instance do people or can people blog statements about so and so being my blog girlfriend/boyfriend, etc.

The important point with blog flirting (as with ANY flirting) is to keep it clear that it's a tease, and not a pass.

Good ways to maintain the clarity:

1) Be happily married and post love notes to your wife on a daily basis. Or at least regularly mention how happy she makes you. 75% of your flirting should be aimed at your significant other, then feel free to scatter the other 25% around as you see fit.

2) I've never heard the term blog boyfriend/girlfriend used. I think the terms have too much real-world weight to be useful for light flirting. Better to use less serious-sounding phrases. For example, I've seen the term "blog-crush". This sounds pretty 4th grade, so not much harm there. You can also take it in the opposite direction and use "love-slave in my blog-harem", which is so unrealistically over-the-top as to prevent anyone from taking it too seriously.

3) Using emoticons - like :-) or ;-) - after a flirtatious statement goes a long way toward preventing your intentions from being misinterpreted.

Aside from that, it's a matter of knowing your audience. Don't flirt with someone until you've read their blog long enough to understand their personality and sense of humor, then exercise the principles from point #2: be either cutely juvenile or blatantly exaggerated.

And always, ALWAYS remember point #1 - devote most of your energy towards flattering the one who wears the ring that matches yours.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:23 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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1 Good advice, Harvey...

Posted by: Richmond at January 21, 2006 12:14 PM (e8QFP)

2 Hard to do, for those of us who are single and welcome the attentions of those who not only literate, but good with a phrase.

Posted by: Miss Cellania at January 21, 2006 01:12 PM (8HRYA)

3 And something else Harvey does very well is that he spreads that 25% evenly so that the object of his flirtations have to compete for their continued 2% of adoration. That way they know that their special to Harvey they are no means the only one in his life Which makes for a safe and harmless flirtation.

Posted by: michele at January 21, 2006 01:23 PM (UjcAL)

4 homo...

Posted by: Madfish Willie at January 21, 2006 01:26 PM (nVA0o)

5 or, of course, if your wedding rings don't match....

Posted by: caltechgirl at January 21, 2006 04:38 PM (uI/79)

6 :-* *big wet kiss for Madfish Willie* :-P (with tongue)

Posted by: Harvey at January 22, 2006 10:14 AM (ubhj8)

7 Well, if you wanna see how ugly it can get when members of a blog family fight, go see what happened between my "blog daughter" and her husband. Oh, wait - you can't. They took their blogs down 'cause they were fighting *in* them. Very embarrassing....

Posted by: _Jon at January 22, 2006 10:23 AM (/R7YK)

8 Actually, SilentWarrior is back posting again.

Posted by: Harvey at January 22, 2006 10:29 AM (ubhj8)

9 Blog fights are fun... I had one once... ONCE!

Posted by: Madfish Willie at January 22, 2006 12:51 PM (nVA0o)

10 And if you stick that nasty ass tongue of yours in my mouth again, I'll bite the fucking thing off and stuff it up your ass!

Posted by: Madfish Willie at January 22, 2006 12:52 PM (nVA0o)

11 So, you're saying you want to put something up my ass? NOW who's the homo? :-P

Posted by: Harvey at January 22, 2006 02:54 PM (ubhj8)

12 Bloody right: in my last year of U, I lost my significant other to 'chatline buddy'. 10 years ago, & I'm still bitter about it. I'd have to call 'her' a 'buddy', as it turned out my 3-years-must-have-brought-on-boredom-Psychology-major-now-PhD-boyFIEND was doing the rub'n'tug with "Suzanne's" gay roommate, Dave. I was pleased to tell him that: a week after he dumped me for not being 'as pretty' as the woman in the 'group photograph'. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Only last year, my parent's marriage broke up after 40 years, because my denture-wearing geriatric mother started hoisting her nightie on C-U-C-me cameras... *blech* There really should be some form of cheating definition for that level of emotional trauma: losing your S.O. over their freaky masturbatory ritual... BlueBerry Pick'n can be found @ www.ThisCanadian.com "Silent Freedom is Freedom Silenced"

Posted by: BlueBerry Pick'n at January 24, 2006 09:07 AM (RwG41)

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