February 24, 2006
War On Terror Greeting Card
(
A Precision Guided Humor Assignment cross-posted from
IMAO)
Wandering about the greeting card aisle this last Valentine's Day, I was struck by the fact that there seems to be a card for almost every occasion.
Except the War on Terror.
It occurs to me that Hallmark could make a killing if they expanded their offerings a bit, for example:
The Osama Fatwa Card:
Infidels! You make me mad!
Praising Allah's not so bad.
You must do things Islam's way,
Listen now to what I say.
Pray five times toward Mecca town
Women covered with a gown
No more pork and no free speech
No bikinis on the beach
Obey me lest I chop your head
Blow you up, and make you dead.
I return to my cave now after that.
To dine upon this tasty rat.
YUM!
Love,
Osama
If nothing else, it'd save the terrorists the trouble of making all those badly-dubbed Osama podcasts.
Posted by: Harvey at
02:37 PM
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Posted by: oddybobo at February 24, 2006 03:32 PM (6Gm0j)
2
I can't take credit for it, but someone(Catfish, via Ellison) sent me a good Hallmark terrorist card the other day... It went somethin' like this here... It don't rhime, but it makes good sense to me. I'm not sure what you'd file it under... maybe, suicide bomber havin' doubts card...
When Osama bin Laden died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. Washington slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!?"
Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties - but you failed, asshole!"
James Madison followed, kicked him hard in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"
Thomas Jefferson was next. He waited until Osama had stopped retching after MadisonÂ’s blow to his nuts. Then he started wailing on Osama with a long cane, snarling, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."
The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.
Finally, as Osama lay bleeding and in pain, the Angel Gabriel appeared. Bin Laden wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."
Gabriel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What the fuck did you think I said?
Posted by: RedNeck at February 24, 2006 08:12 PM (tSJ8V)
3
That is absolutely hilarious, Harvey!
And Redneck's is pretty funny, too.
Posted by: beth at February 25, 2006 06:03 AM (9FPYz)
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