UNDERUTILIZED RESOURCES IN THE WAR ON TERROR

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)

What are lawyers good for besides quail decoys?

Successfully suing terrorists for their bomb-money.

So if a LAWYER can be a force for good, I wonder what else we could put to work in fighting the War on Terror?

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Telemarketers - You can't tell your terrorist sleeper agent to blow up a subway if is line his tied up by incessant inquiries as to whether he's happy with his current long-distance carrier.

Collection Agencies - I underpaid my VISA bil by 37 cents once, and they broke my kneecaps. What chance do terrorists have?

Worried about port security? Just play William Hung tunes over the loudspeakers. Scientific studies show that his tuneless screechings inevitably cause premature detonation in bomb belts. "She Bangs" = *KER-BANG!*

Hollywood celebrities - as human shields around high-risk targets. If it doesn't work, who cares? Plenty more Baldwins where that came from.

Delete the terrorist program and reboot The Matrix - "Whoa!..."

Reprogram that weather control machine Bush used to destroy New Orleans. Everyone knows terrorists melt when you douse them with water, as shown in the documentary, "The Terrorist of Oz".

And if all else fails, we can pass a new law requiring that flight schools only teach Arab students from JFK Jr's textbook, "Flying For Dummies".

SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!

Posted by: Harvey at 08:27 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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