THE "UN"TERNET

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment cross-posted and slightly modified from IMAO)

Recently a U.N. panel was created to recommend how the Internet should be run in the future. Here are some excerpts from the report:

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No single country will be allowed to dominate the internet. Since the US is a single country, it must either get out of the internet business, or get married. Possibly to Mexico, since she looks hot in a bikini.

All internet sites will be approved by the international community, i.e. France, and any site without the official "cheese and beret" seal of approval will have resolutions passed against it.

The United States will enforce these resolutions on behalf of the UN in the face of international disapproval and ingratitude. If successful, must give full credit to France.

Any rapidly propagating viruses that slow down overall internet traffic speed will be blamed on the JOOOOOOOS!

All information posted to the internet will first be fact-checked by the Daily Kos Ministry of Truth.

The following phrases will be banned: "love notes", "graffiti currency", "blog family", "boobies".

What grudge against Bad Example?

Google will change the "Google Search" button on its home page to say "I [heart] the UN"

The "I'm Feeling Lucky" button will become "Oil For Food was a Legitimate Program that Saved Millions of Children from Cruel Starvation due to Unnecessary US Sanctions and NOT a Money Laundering Scheme Designed to Line the Pockets of Corrupt UN Bureaucrats".

All "adult content" web sites will cover naughty bits with little pictures of blue helmets.

All "adult content" sites will be thoroughly reviewed for compliance.

Until the US buys high-speed wireless internet access for all of Africa, everyone gets AOL and dial-up.

Except for those engaged in official UN compliance reviews.

All PayPal transactions must receive approval from Dr. Mbeki Salingo of Nigeria.

All bloggers will display the flags of every nation across the top of their home pages. Violators will be resolutioned.

No bushy moustaches. They frighten us.

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Remember folks, John Bolton is the only thing standing between the free people of the world and the nightmare outlined above.

And for you power-hungry one-worlders, just three words:

Posted by: Harvey at 03:36 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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