Stopping Iran's Nuke Program

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment cross-posted from IMAO)

Despite the European Union's numerous offers of flowers & candy, Iran's lunatic president Imabigdweeby (or whatever his name is) still refuses to stop enriching uranium.

Need to put a stop to that.

So I recommend sending in the Double Secret British Special Forces Commando Team to shut them down with some of their patented pacification techniques, which include such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to World Peace, and possibly one or more of the following:

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* Park a giant wooden rabbit outside the enrichment facility, then - when the Iranians bring it inside - they'll sneak out to open the gates for... RUN AWAY!!!

* Soundly ignore any and all Iranian complaints about dead parrots.

* Wear high heels, skip and jump, press wildflowers, put on women's clothing and hang around the gates of the facility waiting for a chance to sneak in and blow it up with the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

* Write a strongly worded resolution, wrap it around an arrow, and fire it into Imabigdweeby's bodyguard, Concorde.

* Burst into the enrichment facility, search it for cheese, and start shooting people if none is found. Starting with the bouzouki player.

* Taunt the Iranians.

* Taunt them a second time if necessary.

* Do something in their general direction, but only if it doesn't violate the Geneva Convention, because Amnesty International is like a freakin' pit bull on these sorts of things nowadays.

* Demand that the Iranians dismantle their nuclear program immediately. If they refuse, explain that you're very sorry, but you're not allowed to argue with them anymore unless they dismantle their nuclear program.

* Slap Imabigdweeby with a fish.

* Bomb the nuclear facilities, invade the country, kill the leaders, and steal their huge tracts of land.

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If none of that works, I suppose we can always try giving the Nuts Who Say "Nuke!" a shrubbery.

Posted by: Harvey at 12:47 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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