(A paid review)

Via ReviewMe.com, I've been asked to review the site/services offered by MrSat.com

Topics addressed in this review:
WHAT THEY DO
WHO THEY ARE
HOW'S THEIR REPUTATION?
IS THE SITE USER FRIENDLY?
HANDY FEATURES
IMPROVEMENTS I'D LIKE TO SEE
WOULD I USE MRSAT.COM?
CONCLUSION

WHAT THEY DO

MrSat.com is a website that contains links to:

DirecTV.com
AllSat.com, which is a DishNetwork retailer
ShopSirius.com, portal for Sirius Satellite Radio

It also contains links to several generalized text essays on the topic of satellite TV, as well as GPS systems

WHO THEY ARE

I have no freakin' clue. Here's the "About" page in its entirety:

Mr. Sat, now on the World Wide Web at www.mrsat.com, officially launched on July 9, 2007. Our mission is to provide you with top-notch reviews of consumer satellite services. Whether you're interested in learning more about satellite television, satellite radio, or GPS systems, we have you covered.

If you go there, please note that all three links are broken.

HOW'S THEIR REPUTATION?

Bad to non-existent. Outside of commercial links, the only Google reference I found was a single paid review on No Sheep that leads off with the words "MrSat.com is terrible." A sentiment with which I wholeheartedly concur for reasons I will soon explain.

IS THE SITE USER FRIENDLY?

Oh dear, sweet God NO.

Let's begin with the front page, but DON'T click the link until after you're finished reading this, because you need to know what you're getting into.

In Firefox 2.0, the first thing I notice is a large swatch of blinking text.

That's right, blinking.

What. The. F***?

Even crappy porn sites don't use blink tags any more. The only time I've seen them in the last 4 years is by someone trying to be annoying on purpose as a joke. This goes beyond unprofessional to idiotically juvenile.

Blink tags are Satan. There's no reason to use them. Ever.

Visiting in IE6, I didn't get the blink, but I got something even WORSE:

An endless sound loop file.

With no option to turn the sound off.

It just keeps playing, and playing, and playing...

If blink tags are Satan, then unstoppable sound loops are Satan's erect penis, mercilessly plunging into your rectum, while sporting a barbed-wire condom.

For heaven's sake, don't use self-starting sound files on your site, and if you do anyway, have a "stop" option. Anything else is inexcusable.

Now, let's look at other reasons to hate this site. Keep in mind that the site's owner wants to use this thing to make money.

Moving off the front page, their is the egregious insult to web surfers everywhere that is his privacy policy. I quote it in its entirety:

Mr. Sat makes no reassurances whatsoever about visitor privacy. Mr. Sat collects information any way he can, and this may include cookies or server logs. Mr. Sat may rent or sell any and all visitor information. Let's be honest, Mr. Sat is in this for the money. This policy is subject to change at any time, and such changes will not be announced. Thanks! – Mr. Sat

Yeah. Thanks for one more reason to avoid Mr. Sat like a rabid skunk.

Here's an item that's just humorous - in his request for my review, Mr. Sat mentioned this:

After working on it for 7 months we have finally launched MrSat.com!

It took him 7 months to get this holocaust off the ground, and he's BRAGGING about that fact.

I'm simply stunned that in 7 months he couldn't surf around just a LITTLE bit to see what *quality* web sites were doing, and maybe borrow a clue.

Also, I want to say something about his tagline,

"Mr. Sat, that's my name. That name again is Mr. Sat".

You folks KNOW I enjoy a Simpsons reference as much as the next guy (and probably a lot more), but the Simpsons franchise guards its copyrights almost as jealously as Disney. Using a line from the show as the whole basis for your commercial enterprise is just begging for fire-breathing lawyers to descend upon you like so many flying monkeys. What he's done tempts fate only slightly less than tagging his site as "the satellitest place on earth".

Which leads to the question, "what is the product or service from which Mr. Sat hopes to generate revenue?"

Well, in THEORY, his attraction is supposed to be useful information - a comparison between satellite TV services.

In practice, he has only 5 bullet points each for DirecTV and DishNetwork. Which are neither aligned in a handy chart nor discussing comparable features.

Might as well flip a coin for all the help you're going to get here.

As for the the linkless text essays on topics satellite and GPS, the information they contain is only marginally informative, at best. How Stuff Works explains it better. Or just Google it. Whichever.

HANDY FEATURES

Your browser's "close window" button.

IMPROVEMENTS I'D LIKE TO SEE

I honestly don't think this site is redeemable, but I'll strap on my optimist's hat and offer some obvious suggestions:

* Get rid of the blinking text. It's just annoying.

* Get rid of the sound loop. It's just annoying.

* Get a new tagline.

* Take the money you're spending on buying reviews and spend it on a professionally designed site. The current design is clumsy, amateurish, and does nothing to make you look serious.

* Give people a reason to visit. Offer something they can't get somewhere else. True stories by real people telling why they decided to go with one satellite service over another would be a good start. Have some helpful decision-making information on the site.

At the very least, a point-by-point comparison chart would be a good start.

* If you know anything about the satellite industry, consider attaching a blog and updating it daily.

WOULD I USE MRSAT.COM?

No.

There's nothing on the site that makes it of value to the end user. If you're interested in satellite TV, just go directly to the DirecTV or DishNetwork sites. There's nothing to be gained by stopping at MrSat.com first. There's nothing valuable, informative, or entertaining there.

If you're trying to decide between DirecTV and DishNetwork, Google is your friend.

On the other hand, MrSat.com DOES make an excellent cautionary tale on how NOT to design a for-profit web site, so you might be able to get some use out of it in that capacity.

CONCLUSION

MrSat.com

Don't.

UPDATE 7-27-07:

Well, I have to give MrSat.com SOME credit. He ditched the blink tags, the endless sound loop, the crappy tagline, and the lame pastel color scheme.

He also fixed the broken links in his "About" page, and added some links to his previously linkless essays.

On the downside, the crappy, unprofessional privacy policy still applies, the new color scheme looks like 1970's kitchen appliances, and his new tagline is "the satellitest place on earth".

Anyway, all he needs now is useful information and frequently updated content, and his site will finally be worth more than a puddle of warm spit.

Posted by: Harvey at 01:13 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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