Another King of the Blogs Tournament comes to a close.

For now, Jon of Personal Trainer rules with an iron fist, but is that RUST I see on that glove? And do I see challengers with buckets of CLR coming to dissolve his power?

Let's find out what happens...

You are shipwrecked on a deserted island with your two opponents from this week's King of the Blog. What happens next?

Jon of Personal Trainer
GOOD POINTS: I was rooting around on Jon's page, looking for his assignment, thought this one was it, but after a few paragraphs, decided it wasn't. There was no giveaway line until deep into the story. Very expertly crafted. Bonus for the "leaving trackbacks" line.
BAD POINTS: I hate to ding for this, but I have to: Jon did not give examples of the emoticons he mentioned. Considering that non-internet savvy newbies stumble onto your blog every day, it would've been a nice touch for their sakes.
SCORE: 4.5

David of DM's Loose Ends
GOOD POINTS: Presents some chuckle-worthy mental images.
BAD POINTS: First, commits the cardinal sin of intro'ing his piece with the standard creativity-impaired "I'm in the King of the Blogs and this is my assignment" dealie. Word to future contenders - do NOT use this intro. It's BORING. It will cost you points. You may LOSE because of this. At the very least, do something like "I had this weird dream last night that I was shipwrecked with the other KOTB guys..." and link the work "shipwrecked" to the assignment post at the KOTB home page.

Second, what's this "I imagine" and "I'm assuming" stuff? This is YOUR post and YOU make the rules. You don't have to imagine or assume ANYTHING. Be CONFINDENT, man! You're seeking to decimate the competition and become KING, not licking boots to gain the favor of being appointed an ambassadorship to Elbonia. Cowboy up, mister!
SCORE: 3.5

Jason of New Trometter Times
GOOD POINTS: Launches straight into the story.
BAD POINTS: If you're going to launch straight into the story, there needs to be a link to the KOTB assignment page so that passers-by can get in on the joke. Also, a good story needs to have a beginning, middle, and end.

1 out of 3 ain't bad.

Dividing it into 2 parts, however, IS, because it's just a distracting interruption in the narrative flow. You'd have been better off taking the time to finish the story in the first place.
SCORE: 2

Person Trainer: "It's Only A Buck"
GOOD POINTS: Excellent use of callback in the final line gave the essay a feeling of solid completion. Bible verses are either cited or quoted in full.
BAD POINTS: Cited about 100 statistics and gave NOT ONE SINGLE LINK to his sources. If it were just his little urban legend opener that he sheisted from some uncredited Christian site and maybe one or two off-handed references to "studies", I'd let it slide. But studies and statistics make up the bulk of SEVERAL PARAGRAPHS worth of secular argumentation, and he doesn't link ANY of them. CBS's memos cited more sources than this sorry, slapdash effort.

Google. Hyperlinks. Use them.
SCORE: 2

DM's Loose Ends "Americanism—and Its Enemies: Critique, Analysis, and Commentary"
GOOD POINTS: Logically, reasonably, & rationally argues his points.
BAD POINTS: First - seriously, WHY did you think this would make a good submitted post? I'm an atheist. Pietro isn't a god-blogger. Yet you submitted an academically-toned, religiously-oriented treatise that registers a 7.9 on the Bill Whittle scale of verbal bloatery.

What. Were. You. Thinking?

Know your audience, man. And even if Songstress HAD the interest, I'm sure she doesn't have the time. She's got two cats to feed and a baby to conceive.

Even worse, I don't think that even YOU read this literary monstrosity. Why do I say that? Because I counted over 30 different typological and grammatical errors.

If you're going to make us ride this sinking verbal Titanic, the LEAST you could do is buzz it through a spellchecker.

Then there's writing style. This essay is Sahara/Gobi/Mojave dry. Consider buying a copy of The Lively Art of Writing. Meanwhile here's two tips: 1) use active verbs instead of forms of the word "be", 2) use fewer prepositional phrases - there are plenty of sprightly adjectives & adverbs you can use instead.
SCORE: 2

New Trometter Times: "Counting on Social Security?"
GOOD POINTS: This is a model "get in, get it done, get out" post. Jason starts with a question (always a good way to get the reader's attention), makes his point, exits with a pithy comment summing up his position and then - this is important - STOPS WRITING. A post doesn't have to be long to be good.
BAD POINTS: None visible.
SCORE: 5

Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:

King of the Blogs javascript thingy in the sidebar
Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green
background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)

Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to
remind us of the person behind the words.

With that in mind...

Personal Trainer:
GOOD POINTS: All the positives are still here from last week, plus he put his name in the posted-by line and eased up on the extended-entry use. Now you can just go there and read & never have to take your finger off your mouse's scroll-wheel (or "page down" button, depending on your navigational preference). MUCH better. Also, HUGE bonus for the excessive use of gratuitous linkage to the KOTB staff.
BAD POINTS: There was still a LITTLE use of extended entries to hide text. If having the words hidden somehow improves the entry, I'm all for it. Otherwise the message you're sending to your readers is "I don't think anyone would really want to read this whole thing. Why don't you skip over this sorry post and move on to the good stuff." If what you're posting isn't good enough to be read in its entirety, why are you posting it?

Anyway, I'm not taking off for it because of the gratuitous linkage bonus.
SCORE: 5

DM'S Loose Ends
GOOD POINTS: All the technicals in order. Layout is clean, plain & functional.
BAD POINTS: A little TOO clean. Like an empty cubicle. I understand David is new & all, so I imagine the margin-decorating thingies & doo-dads will come in time, but still... a little dull. Also, I didn't see any pictures posted. On the off chance David has no image hosting service available, I recommend ImageShack (www.imageshack.us). It's free & user-friendly.
SCORE: 4

New Trommetter Times:
GOOD POINTS: Lots of little pictures & doodads & icons & a cool background texture give this site a comfortable yet distinctive character. Lots of eye-candy, but it's off to the sides, so Jason avoids a cluttered appearance.
BAD POINTS: Missing an "About Me" post. Don't be shy, Jason - share with us.

Now, about those extended entries... it's bad enough you use them to hide text that doesn't need to be hidden, but you should at LEAST choose a stopping point where a uninterested person might logically decide that they could be reading something else. NOBODY quits in the middle of a "Top Ten" list. That extended entry was plainly pointless. What's 5 more lines?
SCORE: 4

Personal Trainer: 11.5
DM's Loose Ends: 9.5
New Trommetter Times: 11

Posted by: Harvey at 02:53 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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