So we've got these three guys who think they have what it takes to be King of the Blogs.

And this is me telling two of them they're more full of crap than Michael Moore is full of Twinkies.

If you were to become king over another planet what 3 laws would you pass, what ridiculous thing would you make your subjects do to humor you, and what would your title be?

Steve of I Hate My Cubicle!!!
GOOD POINTS: Manages to legitimately work an obscenity into his answer, thus confounding Nick's request for wholesomeness. A good monarch knows how to thumb his nose at those claiming some right of "authority". Fight the power!
BAD POINTS: When asked for 3 laws, gives 6. Maybe Steve should be applying for a position with the Federal Government.
SCORE: 3

Owen of Illogicology
GOOD POINTS: Has two typos in his post. A good monarch knows when to break with trite conventions, and as King, a word is spelled the way you DECREE that it's spelled, and Mme. Guillotine awaits non-conformists. Also, bonus for mocking AOL.
BAD POINTS: Makes known his passion for Star Trek TOS, yet COMPLETELY blows the chance to use the line: "A question... Since before your sun burned hot in space, and before your race was born, I have awaited a question." Damned slipshod of you, your Royal Sarcasticness.
SCORE: 3.5

Warren of View From The Pew
GOOD POINTS: Weaves all three answers seamlessly into a single coherant post, thus avoiding the drab drollery of step-by-step listing. Bonus for providing explanatory linkage on the more obscure terms like "Brockian Ultra-Cricket".
BAD POINTS: AAAAAAH! Hacker-speak! "j00 R0><0r5" *shudder*
SCORE: 5

I Hate My Cubicle!!!
GOOD POINTS: Truly makes the reader feel his pain as he recounts a recent customer service disaster with Fry's Electronics.
BAD POINTS: Language, Mister! There's a PG-13 requirement on submitted posts. Although colorful metaphors don't bother this old sailor personally, you have to THINK OF THE CHILDREN^TM
SCORE: 3

Illogicology
GOOD POINTS: Continues blithely on with typo theme while making me hungry with his delicious bagel recipe. Owen should consider submitting this to the Carnival of the Recipes, if for no other reason than yonder round-up could use a little comic relief.
BAD POINTS: Fails to explain the difference between a bread knife and a butter knife for uncouth slobs like myself who think that a spoon handle makes a servicable substitute for either.
SCORE: 3.5

View From The Pew
GOOD POINTS: Makes a credible analogy between theology and software. Even being religiously "none-of-the-above" as I am, I found the piece intriguing.
BAD POINTS: Those "patches" he mentioned would've been more understandable to me if he'd given links to examples. I had no idea if he was referring to actual creeds, or just groin-kicking straw men. Also, he plagiarizes Owen's "typo" schtick with this line: "Go is waiting for YOU to act..." without crediting his source. BAD Owen!
SCORE: 4.5

Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:

King of the Blogs javascript thingy in the sidebar
Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green
background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)

Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to
remind us of the person behind the words.

With that in mind...

I Hate My Cubicle!!!
No KotB javascript thingy. That's BAD. Come on Steve... you're Paris Hiltoning yourself out to every blog-pimping organization known to man, yet you won't give this contest a little back-alley quickie in your sidebar? I feel snubbed, so I'm snubbing back on the score, which by rights should be 0.

However, I *do* enjoy the fact that Steve has a "work-safe" version of his blog available. That's a right handy feature, so I'm giving a consolation point. Don't get me wrong Steve, it's a great site, and I'm blogrolling it because I like scantily-clad women, but you're just not a good fit for KotB.

SCORE: 1

Illogicology
Very welcoming. Owen's got his picture and profile right up near the top of the sidebar. A more detailed "About Me" post would be a nice touch, but I won't ding him for that.

Owen's big problem is the complete lack of a blogroll. Indeed, a complete lack of linkage in any post. Seems the young man has problems with html and needs to Google up a basic tutorial somewhere.

Meanwhile, Owen, look in your template for this line:

!-- Begin #sidebar --

and post links to your favorite blogs under it like this (substitute < and > for [ and ]):

[A HREF="http://badexample.mu.nu/"]Bad Example[/A]

Now, even though Owen's blog isn't particularly attractive or fancy, I give him personality points for a couple things...

First, he spent some extra time blogging about KotB (here and here, for example) and the display of enthusiasm is wonderful.

Second, he's capable of some stunning writing - like this poem.

I don't think he's quite ready to grab the KotB crown yet, but I see a LOT of potential in this young blogger. After he learns a bit of code & spruces things up a bit, I'd like to see him try again, assuming he doesn't win this time.

Two parting gifts for Owen:

1 - Haloscan will auto-install their far-better-than-native-Blogger comments AND trackback features, as I explain here.

2 - Some tips on getting more attention to your blog, which I think you deserve.

SCORE: 3

View From The Pew
The Bible-search feature is pretty spiffy, and more or less makes up for the lack of an "About Me" post. Warren should really consider one so his readers can get to know him a little better. He seems worth knowing. Outside of that, the only real complaint I have is that the permalink at the bottom of each post is a little too close to the title of the next post. He might consider either adding some white space under the permalink link, or perhaps slipping in a horizontal line to make the division clearer.

I'd also recommend putting the comment & trackback links at the BOTTOM of each post, because that's where your reader is going to be when he finishes the entry, so you want to have those links ON THE SCREEN when he's ready to talk back to you. More convenience equals more comments.

SCORE: 4.5

I Hate My Cubicle!!!: 7
Illogicology: 10
View From The Pew: 14

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