(Introduction)

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[Call Kellie Fenters for a good time 1-224-627-1198]

"Thank you for calling Dial-a-Hummer. Kellie's mouth is full right now. Please hold until she swallows."

*cue muzak version of AC/DC's "Givin' the Dog a Bone"*

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(Introduction)

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[(quarter drilled part way through)]

PRESIDENTIAL FUN FACT:

In 1789, the other delegates teased Washington mercilessly for showing up to the Constitutional Convention with a huge hickey.

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(Introduction)

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[Angie P. Angie P.]

Angie HATED it when people made fun of her bladder control problem.

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(Introduction)

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[Shorty 420]

Turns out that "Shorty" is actually one of those ironic nicknames, because that "420" is his... uh, size... in millimeters.

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(Introduction)

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[Brianna]

With a name like that, she'll probably grow up to be either a hooker or a pop star. Like there's a difference.

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(Introduction)

[(very damaged penny)]

Here's how I do it: Put the penny in, wait 60 seconds, pull the penny out. If it looks like this, then the coffee's ready.

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(Introduction)

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[Jesus died 4 u so He wouldn't have to live w/o u]

After discovering what the replacement phrase would be, the ACLU decided it could live with "IN GOD WE TRUST".

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(Introduction)

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[Told you so Ben]

For years, Franklin when on and on about how he "had that $1 bill gig sewn up", so George couldn't resist the urge to talk a little trash once the bill assignments were finally posted.

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(Introduction)

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[Maggie]

Official Simpsons Trivia Currency. The question on the other side reads, "Which Simpsons character was voiced by Liz Taylor?".

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(Introduction)

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[(Rubber stamp: arrows pointing in 8 different directions)]

It's a piece of abstract art I've entitled "Man Farting In A Crowded Elevator".

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(Introduction)

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[Q-tip]

George really didn't mind having to wear the powdered wig all the time, but that nickname was really starting to get on his nerves.

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(Introduction)

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[peach schnapps, tequila & pineapple juice]

Huh... so THAT'S it...

And to think I wasted all that time trying to use flowers, candy, and flattery to get women out of their clothes...

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(Introduction)

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[Herb - Keep this 4-EVER! myg]

myg - Screw U! I need a beer! - Herb

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(Introduction)

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[(Rubber stamp: star over Lincoln's eye)]

In the Hollywood left's never-ending quest to smear Republicans, the new bio-pic "Lincoln" will portray the 16th President as a drug-abusing Satan-worshipper, and will star Paul Stanley.

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(Introduction)

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[(million dollar bill)]

Even a Wal-Mart cashier isn't stupid enough to be fooled by one of these.

However, I've had pretty good luck buying PeTA T-shirts with them.

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(Introduction)

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[PLEASE REMIT]

Despondent over Kermit the Frog's unassailable disinterest, Miss Piggy finally gave up hope and began dropping hints to his less famous little brother.

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(Introduction)

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[you are not a slave]

After scanning this, my secondary hard drive started playing an MP3 of "We Shall Overcome" and demanded reparations.

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(Introduction)

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[2000 in all 4 corners]

Sure, I should've known it was too good to be true, but when I saw that ad that said "We'll show you how to make 2000 on $1" I thought they'd just forgotten the dollar sign on the first number, so I sent for the instruction manual.

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(Introduction)

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[Plan to hang out and watch a movie with me tonight... I will call you later... PS - Smile - You have a beautiful smile...]

Hate to break it to ya, guy, but lame flattery on a $5 bill ain't gettin' you a date with anyone except Rosie Palm and her five sisters.

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(Introduction)

[New bill - not previously posted]

(click to enlarge)

[CURRENCY TRACKING STUDY - LOG THIS BILL AT WWW.WHERESGEORGE.COM and pig rubber stamp]

www.wheresgeorge.com unveils its new mascot, "Pantsless Pig", sparking Muslim riots worldwide.

[Hat tip: Leslie of Leslie's Omnibus for sending me this bill]

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