Glenn Reynolds PR Flack on CNN

(A Filthy Lie cross-posted from IMAO)

In an apparent effort to clean up his image, Glenn Reynolds hired a Public Relations agent to try to spin his image so he doesn't look quite so much like the blackhearted dominar of the blogosphere that we all know him to be. Here's a transcript of the CNN "On The Story" interview with info-hottie Abbi Tatton:

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ABBI: Instapundit - is he the eagle-eyed Truth watchdog of new media, or just talentless hack pajama-wearing blogger who lives in his mother's basement and tortures animals for fun? Today we're speaking with Twist Spinner, the Public Relations agent for Glenn Reynolds who promises to help us sort fact from fiction.

TWIST: Pleasure to be here with you today, since I really dig chicks with big hair. Anyone ever tell you that you look a little like Monica Lewinsky?

ABBI: [giggles] Flatterer!... but seriously, what's up with that puppy blending thing?

TWIST: A rumor wrapped in a falsehood inside a distortion. While Mr. Reynolds DOES frequently put puppies in blenders and grind them into a bloody pulp, it has nothing to do with the supposed "consuming their cuteness for energy" that's usually ascribed to it. He only does it to prevent the spread of Bird Flu. This dangerous disease threatens all of humanity and recently jumped from birds to weasels. Reynolds discovered that it's now affecting dogs:

and he's just trying to save the world from disease-ridden mutants, sort of like when Darth Vader blended the Jedi Younglings in Star Wars Episode III in an attempt to save the Old Republic.

ABBI: I see... what about the Robot Dancing?

TWIST: Glenn Reynolds believes in celebrating multicultural diversity, and as part of his Black History Month festivities, he showcased several dance styles - like the Robot Dance - made popular by great African-American entertainers like MC Hammer, Michael Jackson, Vanilla Ice, and Donny Osmond. It's his way of fighting back against racism.

ABBI: But doesn't he usually do his Robot Dancing while praising communists?

TWIST: You know, Abbi, great African-American leaders such as Dr. Martin Luther King were also frequently smeared as communists by the racist right-wing media, and I'm disappointed by your crass perpetuation of this bigoted myth. Thank God for the pioneering work of Mr. Reynolds. With his help, the healing can finally begin.

ABBI: What about the Satan-worshipping?

TWIST: Another attempt at prejudicial fear-mongering. His religious services are frequently described as "Black masses in service of the Prince of Darkness", but surely you can see that "black" and "darkness" are just racist code-words used by the white Republican power structure to promote negative stereotypes against our melanin-enhanced brethren.

ABBI: So you're saying President Bush is a skinhead Neo-Nazi because he worships God?... Well, I guess that explains why he blew up the levees in New Orleans... What about Glenn's habitual punching of Frank J.? Is that a symbolic blow against the white Republican power structure?

TWIST: No, it's just fun to make Frank J. cry like a girl.

ABBI: I see... Well, that's all the time we have today. Join us next week here at "On The Story" when superstar blogger Michelle Malkin will be sharing her recipe for minced kitten brownies.

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