(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment cross-posted from IMAO)

A lot of people have tried to blame Hurricane Katrina on President Bush.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr., for example, claims it's because Bush refused to sign legislation reducing CO2 output, thus contributing to global warming and causing chaotic weather patterns, including Hurricane Katrina.

Silly Bobby! George's Katrina connection is far more crafty and subtle than the ham-fisted scenario that you outline. His actual contributions to global warming include such diverse elements as:

* Boiling water to make tea, but not immediately turning off the stove burner afterwards.

* Ordering extra jalepenos with his nachos.

* Allowing Kim Jong Il's poofy hair to trap carbon dioxide - a known greenhouse gas.

* Sure, he made Kim get it cut eventually, but not until AFTER the damage was already done.

* Having two really hot daughters.

Once his negligence allowed Katrina to form, he didn't do anything to prevent it's destructive rampage. Consider:

* He could've lined the Gulf Coast with big fans and blown Katrina down to Cuba - but he didn't.

* He could've ordered the space shuttle to orbit the Earth really fast, thus turning back time so that the hurricane could've been prevented - but he didn't.

* He could've stood atop a levee shouting "By the power of Grayskull, I command you to stop!" - but he didn't.

That's right. He let Hurricane Katrina have free reign to do whatever the hell she wanted!

WHY?

Because hurricanes tend to vote Republican, THAT'S why!

But you'd think Chimpy McBushitler would've at LEAST been smart enough to make the APPEARANCE of helping out after the storm, right?

HA!

* He was overheard praying for God to "take care of those poor people in New Orleans". Apparently he meant "take care of" in the Don Corleone sense.

* Remember that plastic turkey Bush tried serving to the troops in 2003? He could've airdropped thousands of them to the victims to use as flotation devices - but he didn't!

* He was even videotaped casting a spell on the Sorcerer's Broom to carry buckets of water into the city to drown everyone!

(artist's conception of President Bush causing flooding)

But even if all this evidence doesn't convince you, you still can't deny that the following Top Secret photograph proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that George Bush is responsible for Hurricane Katrina:

(Actual picture of President Bush's weather control machine)

Crap! Gotta run! Black helicopters!!!

Don't let Bush get away with this!1!!

Posted by: Harvey at 07:17 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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