According to the New York Times (if you need a login, go here), the hottest trend in bicycles is "fixed gear" bikes:

To begin with, it has no brakes, or at least no visible brakes, or possibly just a front brake. That means you canÂ’t ride this bike very well on your first try, and certainly not very gracefully, easily or safely.

The rear cog is bolted directly to the hub, so that whenever the vehicle is in motion, the pedals go around, making coasting impossible. This bike doesnÂ’t have a shift lever or extra sprockets, and the chain is shorter and wider than on traditional bikes.

There are no fenders, and the rear wheels are probably bolted onto the frame to deter theft. You slow down by reversing the pedals, or skidding, or doing a skip stop.

You retarded pretentious assholes.

This bike you're so turning-giddy-cartwheel happy about is the same piece of crap I had when I was a kid because my folks couldn't afford to get me a DECENT bike, so I got a 1950's hand-me-down with no gears, no handbrakes, and gay-looking handlebars that stuck straight out to the side.

Oh! How I longed for a 10-speed, with dual handbrakes, ram horns, and the ability to COAST without having to take my damn feet off the pedals.

You addle-brained, dog-humping, ungrateful luddites make me want to projectile vomit. I'll bet you traded in your 2Ghz Macs for f`cking Etch-A-Sketches, too.

I hope you and your hip-n-trendy back tattoos get run over because you couldn't pedal that clunky-ass inertia-monster fast enough to get out of the way of cross-traffic.

Suck-skulled neo-hippie morons.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:31 PM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
Post contains 283 words, total size 2 kb.

1 *note to self* Return Harvey's Etch-A-Sketch birthday present... Try to exchange for deluxe set of these: http://www.loudfrog.com/clear.htm

Posted by: Roses at April 30, 2007 08:49 PM (6KPV+)

2 Darn. Sorry, that link isn't working. Supposed to be Spokey Dokes... Because my parents were too cheap to get me any when I was a kid.

Posted by: Roses at April 30, 2007 08:51 PM (6KPV+)

3 Been there... know exactly how you feel. But please don't hold back Harvey. Tell us exactly how you feel! *grin*

Posted by: Teresa at April 30, 2007 10:53 PM (gsbs5)

4 That Spokey Dokes link: http://www.loudfrog.com/itemdetail.aspx?detailID=145611 And I'm old school. I put playing cards in the spokes, attached with those springy wooden clothes pins.

Posted by: Harvey at April 30, 2007 11:06 PM (L7a63)

5 Those are the same bikes we had... but after a few jumps, and having the brake lock up when we landed, we pulled the hubs apart and removed the brakes. To stop, we'd just powerslide... Ah... the good old days. Hard to imagine that folks actually want this setup nowdays.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at April 30, 2007 11:26 PM (amJz2)

6 Yeah, I thought that description sounded disgustingly like the piece of crap I learned to ride. Though I do prefer using Etch-a-sketches to Macs, I never want to ride one of those again

Posted by: Joey at May 01, 2007 12:02 AM (gS95o)

7 Ah yes... I also had one of those.

Posted by: Justin at May 01, 2007 01:35 AM (Bn1yT)

8 Gee Harv who do ya think had that piece of crap before YOU got It??? OOOOoo and lets not forget what happens when the retaining clamp that secures the arm for the brake comes off the bike frame...Oh hello mister car bumper WHACK. Hey Joey, the bike or the Mac??

Posted by: Blogless Brother at May 01, 2007 02:05 AM (ROyAL)

9 I'd rather have the fake rolex, I think... ;-)

Posted by: Richmond at May 01, 2007 06:13 AM (e8QFP)

10 Another bad example of 'everything old is new again'? Ugh.

Posted by: pam at May 01, 2007 08:28 AM (l6NIn)

11 Along with every other trend (Urine Threapy, Bungee Jumping, Voting Democrat) this one just doesn't make sense to me. If you're that strapped for cash that you can't get a 10-speed, just buy a pair of rollerblades. If you REALLY need to have the retro bik, just buy the blades without a helmet - you have no brains to protect, anyway! :-P

Posted by: Hapkido at May 01, 2007 08:35 AM (+cC9w)

12 Ping!

Posted by: Susie at May 01, 2007 08:46 AM (5pgrb)

13 Man, I really like Harvey, but he pussyfoots around the issue too much. C'mon dude, tell us how you really feel. :-P I, umm Santa, bought my children bikes for Christmas this past year. When I was looking around the bike shop - to help out St. Nick, of course- I noticed several bikes against the wall that looked like the ones my mother had when I was 4 years old. Amazingly, they were the same bicycle style. One gear, crappy seat, coaster brake. The bike guy said that they were becoming quite popular again. I asked him if the people who bought those bikes rode them over to the local leeches to get some blood drained. For some inexplicable reason, he seemed unamused by my comment.

Posted by: physics geek at May 01, 2007 09:40 AM (MT22W)

14 I want my old banana-seat bicycle with the super-tall metal backrest.

Posted by: Ogre at May 01, 2007 12:09 PM (oifEm)

15 And ape-hanger handlebars. Had a neighbor kid who tricked his bike out with insanely extended front forks and a steering wheel in place of handle bars. It LOOKED bad-ass, but was only so-so for handling. Not something I'd want to ride.

Posted by: Harvey at May 01, 2007 12:40 PM (L7a63)

16 Wow. Must make note to keep the doodle pads and etch-a-sketch hidden when Harvey visits.

Posted by: vw bug at May 01, 2007 01:05 PM (FPOeI)

17 You let Harvey visit?! You ARE brave.

Posted by: physics geek at May 04, 2007 11:17 AM (MT22W)

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