(cross-posted from IMAO)

Washington (AP) - After John Edwards successfully transformed Ann Coulter's desire to see him killed by terrorists into a fund-raising bonanza, other Democratic candidates have begun vying for a spot on the conservative columnist's hit list.

"I don't understand why Ann hasn't taken a shot at me, yet," said former New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson, "I'm Hispanic for cryin' out loud! Everyone hates Mexicans right now! I'm such an easy target - Fish. Barrel. Bang!"

"So far, "Richardson continued, "I've gotten Carlos Mencia to call me a 'stupid beaner', but that's not exactly paying the bills. If I could only push Ann into calling me a 'dirty spic' or something, I might actually be a viable candidate."

"Hurt us, Ann, hurt us!"

Ohio Representative Dennis Kucinich was equally frustrated, though less hopeful of receiving a caustic Coulter quote.

"I'm really upset about this," said Kucinich, "This is exactly the sort of inflammatory ad hominem attack that my Fairness Doctrine bill is designed to address. If this became law, then right-wing attack dogs like Ms. Coulter would be required to cast her bilious - yet lucrative - aspersions on all candidates equally."

"Sadly, though," lamented Kucinich, "I don't hold out much hope for a dose of her venom. I mean, how do you insult a straight, white guy? Maybe if I'm lucky, she'll call me 'an elf in a bad toupee".

Illinois Senator Barack Obama, however, was quite optimistic about his chances of laughing all the way to the bank courtesy of one of Coulter's uncomfortable-silence inducing "jokes".

"Honestly," said Obama, "how long do you think it'll be before that Nazi ankle-biter drops an n-bomb on me? KA-CHING!"

"But even if she doesn't go that far, I'm fairly confident I'll score at least a 'spear chucker' or 'jungle bunny' before the year is out. That woman's never been one to shy away from calling a spade a spade, if you know what I mean," chuckled Obama.

Frontrunner Hillary Clinton was abrupt and dismissive on matters Coulter.

"With the combined revenue from my books, Bill's books, and the occasional cattle futures investment, I really don't need her help," Clinton said.

"Besides," she added, "if I wanted to hear from a blond bitch, I'd just talk to the mirror."

Posted by: Harvey at 07:51 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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