(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(rubber stamp: GAY MONEY)]

After this incident, they had to change the policy to "Don't Ask. Don't Tell. Don't Spend".

Posted by: Harvey at 03:42 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 26 words, total size 1 kb.

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)
more...

Posted by: Harvey at 03:40 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 95 words, total size 1 kb.

Asked by blogdaughter Machelle of Quality Weenie in the comments to this post:

Why is it that teenage/early adult males can not handle a gay man being around them?

Do they fear "catching" it?
Does it make them feel less of a male?
Does it make them feel that uncomfortable that they just don't want to deal with it?

I've mulled this over, and I'm not really sure myself. About the only thing I can think of is "they're insecure about their manhood".

Which sounds like a cliche, but this is what I mean - teen males know that they're expected to act "manly", but they don't yet understand what all that would entail (they're probably a little fuzzy on the honesty, integrity & discipline aspects of manhood at that point - hopefully they'll figure out that those are the REAL keys). What they DO understand about manhood at this point is the concept of penile-vaginal copulation. That's the one aspect of manhood they're certain about. So, when placed in a situation of uncertainty, they fall back on what they can count on to demonstrate their manhood - defending their love of vagina.

That's my theory. Others are welcome in the comments.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:38 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 206 words, total size 1 kb.

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Once again, pass 'em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don't be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

From Alan ABQ:

From Brian Thorn of Java With "Joe Bag of Doughnuts"

From Five-Pillars:

From FormerHostage:

From Hazel:

From Erik Wit:

From Starfox5253:

PRODUCTION NOTE: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

Send your submissions to lolterizt-at-gmail.com and - if they aren't obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don't suck too terribly bad - I'll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:35 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 139 words, total size 2 kb.

(Introduction)

You know, I've always been easily distracted by the presence of a pretty woman, and... uh... what was I saying?

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 09:24 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 39 words, total size 1 kb.

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(Orange shapes by Washington's head)]

Ok, so his toupee is the color of a traffic cone and it's shaped like a wig that Bozo rejected. It's STILL more natural-looking than Donald Trump's combover.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:24 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 38 words, total size 1 kb.

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)
more...

Posted by: Harvey at 09:18 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 93 words, total size 1 kb.

(cross-posted from IMAO)

WASHINGTON (AP) - Reacting to Barack Obama's tougher stance in the War On Terror, presidential candidate John Edwards has declared that, if elected to the nation's highest office, he will launch a new offensive in the War on Poverty. Specifically, he vows to target people who have defaulted on their high risk mortgages.

"You better pay up, or Vito over here will be breaking your kneecaps."

"There is a greater terror than insurgents with roadside bombs," said Edwards, "and that's low-lifes who don't make their mortgage payments on time. If elected president, I will fight against those who betray the trust of the subprime lenders by hitting them where they live - literally - and foreclosing on their houses."

"Unlike naive and inexperience candidates who talk tough on fighting foreign wars, yet have never left Iowa, or Indiana, or Idaho, or whatever stupid 'I' state they come from *cough*Senator Obama*cough*, I have significant experience fighting this particular war. I've made almost half a million dollars working for a company that specialized on getting deadbeats out of houses and back on the streets where they belong. I don't just TALK tough on poverty, I knock the shiftless bastards around, too."

However, some critics question his credibility on this issue. The company doing the foreclosing (Green Tree Servicing) was only a small subsidiary of the company Edwards worked for (Fortress Investment Group), implying that Edwards's involvement in the actual foreclosure process was merely indirect at best.

Edwards challenged that assertion.

"I don't like to brag, but I personally dragged a 67-year-old Katrina victim out of her house by the hair, flung her down into the mud, kicked her a few times & told her to start paying her damn bills on time before we had to get REALLY rough with her," said Edwards with an air of great accomplishment. "That 'I was in a hurricane' crap may get sympathy on the evening news, but I've got a hair stylist to pay. I want my damn money. I can't buy haircuts with excuses."

Not to be outdone, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton outlined her own "War on Poverty" agenda over the weekend. "When I'm elected President," said Clinton, "I plan to organize a new Cabinet-level 'Department of Collections' which will draw from some of the most prominent members of the Italian-American Legitimate Businessmen's community. They will 'help' those who might have 'accidents' if they don't pay their creditors by the end of the week. America's poor have some nice families, and it would be a shame if anything were to 'happen' to them."

[Hat tip to IMAO reader Cathy for that first link]

Posted by: Harvey at 07:38 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 448 words, total size 3 kb.

(Introduction)

Whenever I hear footsteps, I turn around, hoping that it's you. Even if I already know that it couldn't be, I still can't help feeling a little disappointed if it isn't.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 07:27 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 50 words, total size 1 kb.

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[St. Jude Pray for us]

St. Jude sighed. Would these Cubs fans NEVER leave him alone?

Posted by: Harvey at 07:26 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 21 words, total size 1 kb.

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)
more...

Posted by: Harvey at 07:15 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 95 words, total size 1 kb.

(Introduction)

Since you've come into my life, every piece of furniture in the house has become a loveseat.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 04:23 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 36 words, total size 1 kb.

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[THE FIRST TIP]

Just a little souvenier from the days when I used to dance as "Handyman Harvey", wearing nothing but a toolbelt and a smile.

Posted by: Harvey at 04:16 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 33 words, total size 1 kb.

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

Posted by: Harvey at 04:15 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 95 words, total size 1 kb.

(Introduction)

Shhhhh... hear that? That's the sound of me adoring you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 04:02 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 29 words, total size 1 kb.

(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[(dollar that's dark on the left side and light on the right)]

Pessimists see the bill as being "half dark".
Optimists see the bill as being "half light".
Bad Example readers see the bill as being "half dirty".

Posted by: Harvey at 04:01 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 36 words, total size 1 kb.

(Introduction)

Here's how it goes.

The answer is a (more or less) completely innocent word.

The hints, however, are designed to make you think of something... not so innocent.

I'll put the first hint in the main post, and the other two in the extended entry.

Good luck.

(see extended entry for more clues)
more...

Posted by: Harvey at 04:00 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 99 words, total size 1 kb.

(cross-posted from IMAO)

BAGHDAD (AP) - The top American commander in Iraq said Wednesday he was preparing recommendations on cutting troops before he returns to Washington next month for a report to Congress.

"The fact is," said Gen. David Petraeus, "there are simply too many troops in Iraq right now, and I have no choice but to recommend massive reductions in personnel. We simply have to be realistic."

"Look at all the troops there," he said, "Iranians, Al Qaeda, local Shiite insurgent groups, and even some disgruntled Baathists. These bastards have to go, and soon."

Gen. Patraeus, moments before knifing an Al Qaeda propaganda operative

"My plan is to reduce the foreign troop levels by shooting them, bombing them, or - if need be - even cutting the troops like a drunken Mexican with a razor blade. Truth be told, it doesn't matter HOW we take these suicidal Allah-worshipping sons of bitches out, but doing so will be my top recommendation to the President."

When asked whether American troop levels will be cut, Petraeus responded by punching the enquiring reporter smack in the eye and then administering several vicious spleen-kicks to the journalist as he lay on the ground, screaming.

After letting loose with a torrent of language that would make Howard Stern blush like a Catholic schoolgirl, the General elaborated further on his views.

"You blasphemously ignorant suck-weasel! We've spent the last four and a half years sweating, bleeding, and dying in Iraq to keep ungrateful, traitorous malcontents like you safe from terrorists, and you've got the unmitigated gall to suggest that we cut and run instead of killing more of the enemy? Just exactly how far up your ass IS your head, anyway?"

"You don't win wars by running away," explained Petraeus, "you win them by making your enemy dead. Dead! Dead! Dead!"

"Hell, even a semi-hydroencephalitic Liberal Arts major like yourself should be able to figure THAT one out."

After the mangled wreck of the reporter was carted off to an emergency room, the General concluded by clarifying his remarks.

"So... no."

Posted by: Harvey at 07:20 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 359 words, total size 2 kb.

(a weekly round-up of the daily posts from IMAO)

John Edwards doesn't play jumprope, since there's no rope thin enough for him to jump over without tripping.

John Edwards is actually a lesbian trapped in a lesbian's body.

Halloween was invented by John Edwards so that he wouldn't ALWAYS have to wear something over his fairy princess costume.

Sequined fur coat, candelabra, Liberace CD's blaring - just another football Sunday at John Edwards's house.

John Edwards just can't stop thinking about what it'd be like to lick the sweat off of Bruce Willis's head.

John Edwards was once possessed by a demon and kept uncontrollably vomiting unicorns & rainbows.

John Edwards SWEARS that there's no such thing as a "twist-off" bottlecap.

There isn't a hooker in the world who wouldn't sell her soul to have John Edwards's perfect, round little ass.

Bonus Fact: Estimated street value of John Edwards's perfect, round little ass: $10,000.

Bonus Bonus Fact: 10 cartons of cigarettes in Attica.

BONUS FACTS:

From Lethbridge & Stewart:
John Edwards sulked in a darkened room for three days when he heard Reese Witherspoon was the new face of Avon.

From Jim:
It takes John Edwards three times as long to shave as the average man. This isn't because his beard is heavier but because he has to also "hit the pits" and those areas around the knees and ankles can be so gosh darn tricky.

From Silicon Valley Jim:
John Edwards believes that there are two Americas: one where there are Islamofascists, Dick Cheney, and George W. Bush, and another one populated by fluffy bunnies, cuddly kittens, and darling lambs.

John Edwards sued his high school because he wasn't permitted to perform "The Good Ship Lollipop" in the annual talent show, although really he was just pissed that he wouldn't be able to wear his Shirley Temple costume.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:10 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 317 words, total size 2 kb.

Nude photos of John Edwards show he was never circumcised, as his clitoris is clearly visible.

Bonus Fact from Jim:
John Edwards cannot say the word "penis" without giggling.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:55 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 47 words, total size 1 kb.