[New note, not previously posted]

(Introduction)

As the raindrop scatters the sun's light into a rainbow, so your love scatters joy into my life.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

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(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[Bud Money]

From "Blackfive's Guide to Serious Drinkin' for the Non-Irish", p. 27:

"Shortly after inventing the Irish Palm Pilot, I came up with yet another brilliant idea:

On Dollar Beer Night, always label your bills before you head out to the bar. That way, even if you're too drunk to remember what to order, you can still get the beer you want.

Think of it as a 'designated driver' for your wallet."

Posted by: Harvey at 10:40 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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(A Filthy Lie cross-posted from IMAO)

Sure, you know about the puppy blending, hobo-murdering, Satan-worshipping, commie praising, robot dancing, Frank J. punching, and penguin porn, but here are some things you DIDN'T know about Glenn Reynolds:

* Glenn Reynolds writes Garfield fan-strips, all of which end with Odie getting stuffed into a blender.

* They're STILL less predictable than the ones Jim Davis writes.

* You know that asteroid belt between Mars & Jupiter? That used to be a planet until Glenn Reynolds thought about linking to it.

* The KKK was completely harmless until Glenn Reynolds suggested that they put eye-holes in their hoods.

* Spammers originally got the idea for sending out a million e-mails per day by watching Glenn Reynolds post at Instapundit.

* It was Glenn Reynolds who first said to William Hung - "You've got talent. Go audition for American Idol."

* Satan's biggest fear is that he'll have to spend eternity with Glenn Reynolds after he dies.

* Glenn Reynolds' glasses are the only thing keeping his laser vision from incinerating the universe.

* Glenn Reynolds once deflected a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick by thinking about linking to it.

* Glenn Reynolds murdered Socrates by telling him his cup of hemlock was actually a Starbucks Iced White Chocolate Macchiato

* Nuclear bombs fear Glenn Reynolds going off on them.

* There's more than one way to skin a cat, and they were all discovered by Glenn Reynolds.

* Glenn Reynolds is the leader of the terrorist group Hehmas.

* One drop of Glenn Reynolds' bath water contains enough residual evil to de-sanctify Vatican City.

* Puppy blood is the secret ingredient in Insta-Cola.

* When CNN interviews Glenn Reynolds, they have to put special filters on the camera lenses, lest TV viewers be turned to stone.

* As for the fate of the audience in the studio... now you know where garden gnomes come from.

* Glenn Reynolds' remote control only has one button. When he presses it, his TV automatically tunes to the evilest show available.

* Usually "Full House".

* Glenn Reynolds' printer is a Hewlett-Packed BloodJet model 900.

* Spelling "Glenn Reynolds" on a Scrabble board will summon the demon Atazoth who - legends say - will exact retribution on the Overworld by getting Hillary elected in '08.

* Google recently changed their motto to "Don't be Glenn Reynolds".

* Glenn Reynolds personally hand-stitched Janet Jackson's Superbowl outfit.

* The blind leading the blind isn't so bad... Glenn Reynolds likes leading them into traffic during rush hour.

* In Glenn Reynolds' DVD collection, "Schindler's List" is filed under "Comedy", right between "Saw 2" and "Scream".

* Glenn Reynolds taught Senator Palpatine how to do that fingertip-lightning thing.

* The Lemarchand Box in "Hellraiser" is a device used by Cenobites to summon Glenn Reynolds.

* Glenn Reynolds never thought about linking to Martha Stewart, but he DID send her an e-mail on December 26, 2001, that was completly blank except for the word "Sell".

* Glenn Reynolds introduced Bill to Monica.

* Good things come to those who wait - unless Glenn Reynolds steals them first.

* Glenn Reynolds never actually punched Frank J. - he got Frank J. to punch himself by thinking about linking to him.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:39 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life, and love should not be one of them.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

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(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[THE CURE FOR CANCER & DISEASE DOESN'T LYE IN ANIMALS. END CRUELTY. END VIVISECTION]

Signed, Algernon

President

Lab Rats for the Ethical Treatment of Lab Rats

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Friday Linky Stuff

A Filthy Lie

Filthy Lie Round-up: Little Known Facts of Evil Glenn

New Filthy Lie Assignment: Why did Evil Glenn have so much fun hanging out with his grandmother?

Posted by: Harvey at 03:27 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Ryan vs. Dorkman

Impeccable choreography, clean special effects. Lucas could learn something from these guys.

This would also be a good time to introduce KeepVid. A web page that allows you to download videos from sites that only offer streaming (like Google Video, YouTube, iFilm, and others).

User's note - be sure you've selected the right tab on the page before pasting in the video URL, otherwise it won't work.

Posted by: Harvey at 08:51 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Beloved Wife TNT of Smiling Dynamite bought a green plastic bead necklace with a plastic shotglass attached to it as a St. Patty's Day novelty.

I got no problem with that.

The problem is with the tag that was on the necklace.

(click to enlarge)

Let's review here... we've got a shotglass for drinkin', and beads for getting chicks to lift their shirts, and when the little winking Irishman says "Get Lucky", I don't think he means in a "4 leaf clover" kinda way.

Nothing wrong so far, but if you'll notice in the top left corner, it says "Ages 3 and up".

So the combination of getting drunk, showing your boobs, and having regrettable bar-sex makes for an appropriate toy for a 4 year old?

Even for the Irish, that's just messed up...

Posted by: Harvey at 10:43 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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(Reposted from last year)

FUN FACTS ABOUT THE IRISH

Ireland has long been famous for the crabby temperament of its inhabitants, and used to be called Angerland, until St. Patrick realized that "ire" is a MUCH more sophisticated-sounding word.

The symbol of Ireland is the Shamrock. Which used to be called the "Samrock", but the new pronunciation quickly took over, since that's how a liquored-to-the-gills Irishman would pronounce it, anyway.

The Irish are clever and inventive people who are popularly credited with inventing several different types of bar soap, none of which they've been able to sell to France.

Which really sucks because France is upwind of Ireland.

The first Irishman in America, Paddy O'Tatertot, was also the man who built Notre Dame college and started it's legendary football program. This caused the mass immigration of the Irish to America in the late 1800's, as they all wanted to see this union of the two best aspects of their home country - devout religion and open-field brawling.

Another important symbol of Ireland is hardwood cudgel known as the "shillelagh". Which used to be called a "Sahlay", but changed for same reason as the Samrock.

Ireland is a land filled with verdent green grasslands. Plants grow well there because of the soil's incredibly high content of organic minerals, which come from the Irish peeing all over the place as they stagger from pub to pub.

The Irish choose their leader by having a drinking contest where the contenders match each other - drink for drink - until there's only one man left standing, who is then declared President.

The election of 1324 continues to this day.

Matty O'Blackfive is the current leader.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:56 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

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(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[One love to another Some day I'm going to marry you. I love you with everything I have. I would do anything just to see you smile.]

Someday Kevin WILL find his precious Denise.

[Link courtesy of IMAO's Cadet Happy]

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(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment cross-posted from IMAO)

[Caution - the second to last link in this post is rated NC17]

Hollywood asshats like George Clooney are full of bad advice when it comes to hunting down terrorists - usually it boils down to something like "Just ignore them and they'll go away... Unless they don't... in which case it's Bush's fault for not connecting the dots."

Now, I'm sure President Bush isn't actually listening to George Clooney, but he's getting bad advice from SOMEWHERE, because the terrorist body count is still under seven figures, there are no internment camps for either Muslims OR hippies, and Michael Moore has yet to be thrown into a crocodile pit.

As a courtesy to our Commander-in-Chief, I assembled a focus group to give advice on how to win the War on Terror. The executive summary follows:

Darth Vader - "Strangle annoying underlings to maintain discipline in the ranks. There's no reason why that jellyfish Colin Powell should've left the State Department alive."

Dick Cheney - "Aim for the face."

Donald Rumsfeld - "Hey! Vader stole my advice!"

Ann Coulter - "Invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity."

Gandalf - "More Hobbits"

Michael Jackson - "Give the terrorists a little Jesus Juice, and they'll be ripe for the picking."

Jeffrey Dahmer - "Beat 'em with a mallet for a while, otherwise they'll be too tough and stringy."

Laura Roslin - "Throw 'em out the airlock."

Harry Potter - "I'm a pansy. Let Hermione handle it."

C3P0 - "I suggest a new strategy. Let the Wookie win."

Barney the Dinosaur - "Lots of hugs!... and explosives!"

John Cleese - "Wait... are these terrorists armed with bananas or raspberries?"

Satan - "Just get the Arabs high-speed internet access. They'll be too busy Boobling for pr0n to kill anybody... By the way, has anyone seen my autographed copy of 'An Army of Davids'?"

Posted by: Harvey at 10:39 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Dear Russ,

You're a jackass.

I hate you.

Your fellow Senators hate you.

Even rabid squirrels hate you.

Censure this, you grandstanding prick.

[Hat tip to Blogless Brother of NoWhere News for the pic]

Posted by: Harvey at 01:34 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 ROFL!! LOL!!! Thanks Needed that.

Posted by: Jo at March 17, 2006 05:24 AM (eJNhY)

2 I hope you cc'ed the Senator himself on this note...

Posted by: Ogre at March 17, 2006 06:27 AM (/k+l4)

3 C'mon, Harv, tell us how you really feel!

Posted by: Jeff at March 17, 2006 10:57 AM (TrRc6)

4 You know, if you lived in Texas, Russ Feingold would be a trivia question, instead of your senator... He's one of the many reasons I don't live in WI anymore. I lived about two blocks from the home he pretended to live in.

Posted by: the Humble Devildog at March 17, 2006 09:54 PM (TIYju)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Filthy Lie Assignment Reminder: What are some previously unpublicized "facts" about Glenn Reynolds? due by 11pm EST Friday, March 17th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.

Precision Guided Humor Round-up: Presidential Advice

Wednesday Linky Stuff

Basil's Blog Tip: Verify Your Links

Basil's Blog Tip: Making Your WordPress Blog PDA Compatible

New Precision Guided Humor Assignment: What laws will the new Iraqi Parliament pass during their first 100 days?

A Filthy Lie

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(Introduction)

Whenever we're apart it feels like part of me is missing... and then I remember, you have my heart.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

Posted by: Harvey at 07:32 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[OOMPA LOOMPA SPEND ME WISELY AND HAVE FUN IN CALI!]

As a reward for all their hard work, Willy Wonka gave each Oopma Loompa $20 and sent them off to Disneyland.

Unfortunately, the INS mistook them for midget wrestlers and deported them all to Mexico.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:31 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Because it makes me aware of documents such as General John Abizaid's 2006 CENTCOM Posture Report.

Which is NOT about standing up straight, head up, shoulders back, chest out.

Although, metaphorically speaking, it is.

Here's the outline:

II. Mission

III. Nature of the Region

IV. Global Counterterrorism and the Long War
A. The Nature of the Enemy
B. Principles of Global Counterterrorism and the Long War
C. Strategic Presence

V. Iraq
A. Situation Overview
1. Coalition Forces
2. The Enemy
B. Strategic Focus
C. Transitions and Timing

VI. Afghanistan
A. Situation Overview
1. Coalition Forces
2. The Enemy
B. Strategic Focus
C. Much Accomplished, Much More to Do

VII. Horn of Africa and Yemen
A. Situation Overview
B. Strategic and Country Focus
C. Way Ahead: Internationalizing and Civilianizing

VIII. Theater Security Cooperation and Other Regional Partnerships
A. Pakistan
B. Kingdom of Saudi Arabia
C. Arabian Gulf States
D. Egypt
E. Jordan
F. Lebanon
G. Central Asian States

IX. Iran and Syria
A. Iran
B. Syria

X. Critical Mission Enablers
A. A Strong Coalition
B. Interagency Coordination
C. Intelligence
D. Logistics
E. Strategic Sealift and Intra-Theater and Inter-Theater Airlift
F. Communications
G. Personnel
H. Flexible Spending Authority
I. Strategic Communications

XI. Strategic Issues
A. Counter-IED and Force Protection
B. Contesting the Virtual World
C. Detainees

XII. Joint Warfighting

XIII. Conclusion

Of course, the General's sense of humor sneaks through from time to time, usually in the form of tactful understatements like: "Iranian-sponsored activities in Iraq continue to be unhelpful."

Anyway, if I had to pick a favorite part, it'd be the Mission Statement:

U.S. Central Command conducts operations to attack, disrupt and defeat terrorism, deter and defeat adversaries, deny access to WMD, assure regional access, strengthen regional stability, build the self-reliance of partner nationsÂ’ security forces, and protect the vital interests of the United States within the area of responsibility.

This, my friends, is what we're fighting for. And when I say "I support the troops", this is what I support.

God bless our troops, and God help anyone dumb enough to get in their way.

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Bloggranddaughter ArmyWifeToddlerMom made mention of this in her meme answer:

~7)Least favorite thing about your significant other.
~he procrastinates, and is irritated with my "reminders".

9) Your significant other's least favorite thing about you
(again, without asking them).
~"reminding" him he has procrastinated.

Meanwhile, Bloggranddaughter Lee Ann of Lee Ann's View is getting called "mother" for passing out "reminders"

Which got me thinking... Beloved Wife TNT of Smiling Dynamite does NOT nag.

She does, however, "remind".

And pretty much every time she does, I find myself getting irritated.

And I have no idea why.

It's not like she's hitting me with a rolling pin at the time, or speaking in some gawdawful Gladys Kravitz voice, so it shouldn't cause me any discomfort.

To my own credit, I don't snap back at her, and I reply with an acquiessive "Yes, dear", because I *know* my reaction is inappropriate and needs to be squelched. Yet I always rankle a little at queries about my to-do list, as if she were questioning my competence to function as an adult.

Which she's not, so it makes no sense for me to react as if she were.

I'm puzzled about this, and so I ask - is there a way for a wife to give "reminders" that ISN'T irritating, or is this just a permanent skirmish in the battle of the sexes?

Posted by: Harvey at 06:34 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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1 There will NEVER be a way for women/wife/other to give reminders where the man doesn't get irritated. And if there is, I WANNA KNOW TOO! I remind Hubby by email. We share a calendar in Outlook, so I put in reminders and email them to him in the next room. It automatically goes onto his calendar. He doesn't have to say 'yes, dear' or hide irritation at me, I get to remind him without the irritation. For us, it's a win/win situation.

Posted by: Rave at March 16, 2006 07:04 AM (Fir0Z)

2 reminders with kisses or other sexual favors? No wait, that would only continue the need to be reminded . . . I'm fresh out!

Posted by: oddybobo at March 16, 2006 07:56 AM (6Gm0j)

3 Damn, this is an unexpected side of you, Harv.

Posted by: og at March 16, 2006 07:59 AM (N95T8)

4 Do you remind her of things she needs to do? But, smart-ass question aside, the correct solution is to be proactive. You should provide her with an update as to the status of the items on your to-do list before she asks. Or, if she asks, provide a status then. In the first case - being proactive - you have eliminated the question and satiated the curiosity of "have you forgotten about this?" In the second - rather than answering "yes dear", but provide a status (e.g. "That store was packed with people so I'll stop there tomorrow at a different time.") - You have satisfied the curiosity as well, just after the fact. ... Three follow-up comments: -- AdVice is one of the worst vices there is. -- Free advice is worth every penny. -- Taking relationship advice from a person who isn't married may not be worth the penny you paid.

Posted by: _Jon at March 16, 2006 08:03 AM (uHRYR)

5 *hey, when DH got home from work last night I asked him "the question"... I got his favorite thing wrong....HA although I won't make mention of it... least favorite, he is well trained and did not answer

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at March 16, 2006 08:12 AM (rGu1V)

6 the good news is "I got DH favorite thing about me wrong *wink* DH well trained enought not to answer least favorite.

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at March 16, 2006 08:15 AM (rGu1V)

7 _Jon - yes, I do remind her sometimes, but she just takes it as me showing interest in her activities and showing that I care, which - I assume - is a typical female reaction, and the reason why women are puzzled by men's grumpy reactions to "reminders".

Posted by: Harvey at March 16, 2006 09:11 AM (ubhj8)

8 Nope. It will always bother you when you're reminded. Why? Because it reminds you that you failed. Seriously. If you did what you knew you were supposed to do, there'd be no need for a reminder. You DIDN'T do it, so you're being reminded -- and at the same time, quite often unintentionally, told that you failed. If you didn't get annoyed, I'd worry.

Posted by: Ogre at March 16, 2006 09:25 AM (/k+l4)

9 Heh - the problem isn't that I failed, the problem is that SHE NOTICED that I failed :-D

Posted by: Harvey at March 16, 2006 09:30 AM (ubhj8)

10 I will every once in awhile ask him if he's did something that I know he has already done and then when he says yes I make a big deal out of it with lots of praise. So it makes the "nagging" about doing things that haven't been done a little less "nagging". Positive reinforement is the answer to almost everything.

Posted by: Machelle at March 16, 2006 10:25 AM (ZAyoW)

11 Hmmm, that reminds me,,,, The new permenent heating and air conditioner filters that I bought are just about ripe and ready to be cut to size and installed. I'd better get to it before Linda Lou beminds me.

Posted by: Peter at March 16, 2006 11:14 AM (BaUHe)

12 Usually when I get "reminded", it sends a cringe right through me. Two reasons. One, Damnit, I forgot somethin'. Two, Damnit, she didn't. Rarely does it work the "other way 'round", and if it does, it's your fault she forgot. Trust me on that last one...

Posted by: RedNeck at March 16, 2006 06:15 PM (tSJ8V)

13 Unless its something really really important, I don't remind. I try not to give him a 'to do' list at all. If something needs to be done, I just do it. I will 'remind' him for real about a commitment, but I don't think that's what you're getting at. I'll say, "Remember, the boys have ball practice tonight..."

Posted by: Bou at March 16, 2006 06:52 PM (iHxT3)

14 I've learned to ignore the reminders.

Posted by: Contagion at March 16, 2006 08:28 PM (e8b4J)

15 Why does this sound like women training their dogs? 'Fetch!' 'Good Boy!' 'You get a bone!' And why is it that women remember these things, men don't? I think I'll have to blog about that...

Posted by: Rave at March 17, 2006 07:27 AM (Fir0Z)

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Simple.

If Chase sends you a credit card application, just tear it up and throw it away.

Because if someone tapes it back together and puts a new address on the form, Chase will let them activate it with a cell phone.

Or you can buy yourself a sub-$20 shredder, and mix the remains in with your wet kitchen garbage.

Your call.

[Hat tip: Musings from Brian J. Noggle]

Posted by: Harvey at 03:31 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 The wet garbage is really the key. The nastier the better. I recommend baby poo and/or mold.

Posted by: caltechgirl at March 15, 2006 04:22 PM (jOkK0)

2 Comment pop-up at mu.nu is randomly messing up... Go here: http://www.consumerist.com In the search box type: "debit card" Read about all of the reports of ripped of ATM / Debit card information going on lately. It's huge. Never use your ATM card as a debit care (e.g. where you have to put in your PIN.) Very bad.

Posted by: _Jon at March 15, 2006 04:24 PM (/R7YK)

3 Oh my! This worries me and I am already a paranoid shredder. Going to make hubby read this though....

Posted by: Richmond at March 15, 2006 04:26 PM (e8QFP)

4 *snort* Ya know, if people actually used garbage bags in their garbage cans, that would solve a lot of this, right there. I see about 100 or so credit card applications blowing down the street behind my truck every day. All because people just throw the app on top of their garbage can.

Posted by: the Humble Devildog at March 15, 2006 10:15 PM (TIYju)

5 Might I add a suggestion to the shredder -- be sure it's a cross-cut shredder. It's actually not that hard to re-assemble a line shredded document...but near impossible to do that with a crosscut.

Posted by: Ogre at March 16, 2006 06:01 AM (/k+l4)

6 An empty 5Gal metal pail and a cynder/patio block from K-Mart a metal screen on top(NOT window screen)place the pail on the block...home made burn barrel, or just toss that crap into your wood burning stove to help cut yor heating bill.

Posted by: blogless brother at March 16, 2006 06:30 AM (LqXT9)

7 Tear it up, run some water on the pieces, wad them up in several different clumps, dispose of clumps in 2 or more different trash cans.

Posted by: Harvey at March 16, 2006 06:48 AM (ubhj8)

8 Those guys also send prestamped envelopes with those applications. It's fun to send five or six pieces back (not the whole app, just the section with directions on it) anyway when they put it back together they'll see the nasty suggestion you've written on it. Just a fun idea...and at their expense because THEY paid for the stamp. HAR HAR!!

Posted by: shimauma at March 16, 2006 11:57 AM (oH+XM)

9 You dang city folk. ;D Just burn the damn thing

Posted by: BloodSpite at March 16, 2006 11:03 PM (ZTGJT)

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Blogson Peter of Shakey Pete's Shootin' Shack has had a problem with his links for a while. Seems that sometimes his links would mysteriously include his blog URL at the front of the link, taking the reader to Blogger's "not found" page.

I've seen other people with this problem occasionally, too, and since I finally figured out the solution a little while ago, I thought I should probably share.

When you put a link in your Blogger post, you have to include the "http://" at the start.

If you just start with "www", Blogger "helpfully" fills in the first part with your blog's URL in the published post.

For example, "www.powderinc.com/" becomes "http://shakeypete.blogspot.com/www.powderinc.com/" when you click the link.

But if you use "http://www.powderinc.com/" it works fine.

So if you're you're on Blogger and you're hand-typing an URL (or copying the short version from somewhere else), make sure that you've got those "front 7" characters in your link before you hit post.

UPDATE 3-16-06: At Alliance HQ, Basil points out that it's not a bug, it's a feature - and that it's not just Blogger.

NOTE: [If you've found this post useful enough to blog about, send a trackback or e-mail the permalink to me at harvolson-at-gmail.com and I'll add you to my Bad Example Groupies blogroll. See this post for details]

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