November 26, 2006
America has a long, LOOOOOOOONG history of brutalization, imperialism, genocide in the name of "manifest destiny", coup-fomenting, democracy-crushing assholery that smears that flag with more filth than any protester ever could
If you're gonna hate on the flag, hate on the right one.
As you probably know, the US flag changed every time a state joined the Union, as an additional star was added the July 4th after the admission. The various designs can be found here.
If you're going to burn an American flag, please make sure it's of the appropriate time period.
Still bitter about slavery? Don't burn one with more than 35 stars.
Think the Spanish-American War was the 10 on the Quagmire Scale until Vietnam came along? Torching something with 45 stars might be just the message you want to send.
Or, if you hate oil spills, you can always spark up the Iraqi flag that sailed over Saddam when he dumped 400 million gallons of crude into the Arabian Gulf - just because he could.
Me, I'm going to go burn a pre-91 Soviet Union flag, because I hate f*ckin' commies.
I just wish hippies had a flag.
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10:09 AM
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The apparent cause being the incredible popularity of the Google Images search, "nude Olsen twins".
Which brings up this post where the phrase "nude Olsen twins" is linked to a certain picture.
If you click the link, you'll notice that - although those ARE the repulsive-looking, troll-doll-faced Olsen twins - they are NOT, in fact, nude. Sure, their breasts lack active support, but their perkybits are discreetly hidden under stick-on plastic butterflies.
Which brings me to my point.
THERE ARE NO NUDE PICTURES OF THE OLSEN TWINS.
They don't take their clothes off in public.
Anyone who claims to have nude Olsen twins pictures is either lying or photoshopping.
If you think you've found such pictures, you've been suckered, because there's no such thing.
Nude Lindsay Lohan pictures, on the other hand, are a dime a dozen.
UPDATE: I stand corrected. Apparently real nude Olsen twins pics DO exist.
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08:43 AM
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See, they know they're hot and the tease intentionally. I got that butterfly one autographed too. If I could ask God one thing, it would be to stop the moon... Stop the moon and make this night and your beauty last forever...
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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08:24 AM
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[macho up side down (plus stylin' stick figure guy)]
As a follow up to the popular State Quarters program, the Treasury release the first in its new series of "Xtreme Sports Dollars", featuring "Mad Skillz Snowboard Dude".
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08:19 AM
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1) (T/F) Carrots are the design on the Simpsons kitchen curtains
2) Which Simpson character was on the cover of Rolling Stone in June, 1990?
3) Which character is allergic to regular milk?
4) Who drove the vehicle that ran over Snowball I?
Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.
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08:12 AM
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November 25, 2006
1) (T/F) "Give a hoot, read a book" is the slogan for Krusty's literacy campaign
2) In "Krusty Gets Busted", according to Bart, what do all good-hearted people have?
3) When Krusty gets busted, why does he accidentally plead guilty in court?
4) What is Abe Simpson's opinion of "The Happy Little Elves" cartoons?
Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.
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02:46 PM
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November 24, 2006
You know... like "lyburnt" instead of "arlhghkp".
And what about the urge to try to come up with a definition for that pronouncable word? That's normal too, right?
For the record, lyburnt means "in the state of having acquired a rug burn while lying down on the floor for wild, spontaneous sex". As in "She had a great time, but her ass was lyburnt in the morning".
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10:10 AM
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KD of The Life of the Wife
Let's see what's underneath the little pink blanket:
Traditional sucky first post - Yup, pretty much.
This just tickles me - "donÂ’t want him to know I consistently fret" is what she posts on her publicly accessible blog. Heh. He'll NEVER see it there...
Now we start getting to know her as she deals with the first week of her husband's deployment. As to this statement: "I write him at least twice a day and I can't tell if he wants me to or not.", my response is "no... more". After 6 years in the Navy, I can say with certainty that messages from home can NEVER come frequently enough.
On the other hand, DO try to pace yourself. If the frequency of messages declines, a man starts to worry a bit. Between the two, consistency will trump frequency over the long haul.
Does anyone know German? If you do, maybe you can give KD a hand. Personally, my suggestion is to start reading German blogs. You can start by looking here.
Dealing with the empty house - and yes, DO be grateful for e-mail. Beats the hell out of waiting 3 weeks for a letter. And don't forget, they have internet-operable vibrators now [link NC17], so you've got even MORE advantages over your WWII forebears.
"Cracky loves the Wieners!" - KD, you've GOT to link some pictures for this piece. The Wikipedia article you linked isn't being very helpful.
Lonely summer nights - We'll have to do what we can to keep her company this summer. Maybe a nice BlogCrawl.
Outed - 'nuff said.
What to get for the man who has no room to put anything? - Good question. But if you're looking for something cigar-related, try Cigars International or JR Cigar. Might also send him a link to my handy cigar storage tips.
Looking forward to Thanksgiving - with picture.
"ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh!! Mom, I want it! I want it! Moooooom, I NEEEEEED IT!" - Yeah, I say that a lot myself, except with more panting.
"Even better: someone buys and produces my universal, RFID tag based, closet contained laundry system." - We had something like that on the USS Enterprise. You throw your laundry in a mesh bag, put it in the laundry bin, and 3 weeks later it got tossed onto your rack, slightly damp and smelling like everyones else's sweat. Hopefully KD's version works better.
Anyway, KD, you can pick up a Bad Example Family logo from this post, and you may, if you wish, blogroll the rest of the Bad Example Family using the handy blogrolling javascript, although neither is a requirement.
Membership in the Bad Example Clan is also an option, if you're so inclined to jump through the requisite hoops, but is not mandatory.
Meanwhile you can look forward - with either anticipation or dread - to regular visits and comments from me.
Welcome home.
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09:29 AM
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You want to know how great my love is?
Count the waves.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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08:20 AM
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[have a nice day]
As a follow up to the popular State Quarters program, the Treasury released the first in its new series of "Customer Service Cliche Dollars". Coming soon: "How may I help you?" and "Fries with that?".
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08:17 AM
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1) Maggie is practically never seen without her what?
2) (T/F) "Scandals & Suicides" is the TV show that does a feature on Homer's sexual-assault scandal
3) Who does Bart think chopped up George Washington?
4) What is Bart's cherished toddler toy?
Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.
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08:14 AM
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November 23, 2006
Having grown up watching Sesame Street, I assured her that the show had ALWAYS been multicultural to the Nth degree.
Back in the 70's, there was only one white woman - Linda - but she was deaf, so that's what made HER special.
Then there's Bob. The music teacher. Who lives alone. And never married.
Now, the actor portraying Bob (Bob McGrath), is married with children, but as for the character he portrayed (Bob Johnson), do you think they were implying he preferred men, or do you think I'm reading too much into this?
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08:36 AM
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Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States. I'm your host, Harvey, and - week by week - I'll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting - yet completely useless, and probably untrue - information about each of the 50 states.
This week, we'll be wondering how they squeeze a million square miles of tacky tourist shops into a thousand square miles of state as we visit Rhode Island. So let's get started...
Rhode Island became the 13th state on May 29, 1790. It was originally founded by refugees from Connecticut and Massachusetts who thought that having double consonants in a state's name looked snooty and pretentious.
The state flag of Rhode Island is two-sided. One side features a white background with thirteen gold stars encircling a gold anchor. The other side is pure white and was inspired by the French battle flag.
The state motto of Rhode Island is "Size Doesn't Matter".
Rhode Island license plates has black letters on a light blue background and the slogan "Clamtastic!"
Rhode Island is the smallest state in the US, measuring a mere 48 by 37 miles. Think of it as the old maid in America's popcorn bucket.
Rhode Island never ratified the 18th amendment (Prohibition). They were going to, but they ran out of gas. They had a flat tire. They didn't have enough money for cab fare. Their tuxes didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole their cars. There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn't their fault! I swear to God!
Jeremiah Johnson of Newport, Rhode Island, was the first person to receive a jail sentence for speeding in an automobile. His sentence was later reduced to picking up after all the horses that his reckless driving had scared the crap out of.
Polo was first played in the US in Newport, Rhode Island. For those not familiar with the game, it's sorta like hockey, except with more horses and - if you can imagine this - even fewer black people.
The Flying Horse Carousel in Watch Hill, Rhode Island, is the oldest in the US. Since it was built in 1876, it has been ridden more times than Madonna.
NOTE: The previous statement should be reviewed for accuracy on a day-by-day basis.
The first circus in the US started in 1774 in Newport, Rhode Island. The ceaseless bickering between the Fat Lady and the Dog Faced Boy is frequently cited by historians as the inspiration for America's two-party political system.
Newport, Rhode Island is home to the Tennis Hall of Fame, which honors such widely-known tennis stars as... um... you know... that one guy... what's-his-face. And I think there's a couple chicks in there, too.
Whatever. Does anybody ACTUALLY follow tennis?
Songwriter George M. Cohan was born in Providence, Rhode Island. His big hit "I'm A Yankee Doodle Dandy", was translated for the British stage as "I'm An American Loony Poofter".
In 1953, St. Mary's church in Newport, Rhode Island was the site of the marriage between John F. Kennedy and Jacqueline Bouvier. It was a fairy-tale wedding, right up until the point where an especially drunken Ted Kennedy mistook the confessional for a men's room stall.
Rhode Island is famous for making silverware and fine jewelry. I personally have no idea what these are, since I'm more of a plastic spork and rubber bracelet kinda guy.
The roof of Providence, Rhode Island's New England Pest Control building is home to the world's largest bug - a 58-foot-long blue termite. The second largest bug is any given Florida cockroach.
Yeah, I know they're technically "Palmetto Bugs", but that's not much consolation when one pours out of your box of Wheaties in the morning.
At the Point Judith corrosion test site, various materials sit exposed for years to determine the effects of sun and salt air. Tests show that the thing that falls apart most rapidly under adverse circumstances is a Republican Congress.
Rhode Island was the first state to strike a blow against England during the Revolutionary War. The English ship "Gaspee" was sunk in Narragansett Bay in 1772 after being hit by a cow that had been catapulted from a nearby castle.
Roger Williams, the founder of Rhode Island, wrote the original draft of the First Amendment, guaranteeing freedom of speech, the press, religion, and public assembly. Sadly omitted in the final draft was the guarantee of hot-chicks-only nude beaches.
Samuel Slater of Pawtucket, Rhode Island, invented the water-powered cotton mill in 1790. Southern plantation owners opposed the machine, fearing that it's high efficiency and productivity could spark a wave of low self-esteem amongst the slaves.
The first British troops sent to crush the Revolution landed in Newport, Rhode Island in 1773. They were themselves crushed by a giant wooden rabbit that had been catapulted from a nearby castle.
Atop the State House in Providence, Rhode Island, stands the statue of "The Independent Man". Standing above him and wielding a rolling pin is the statue of "The Nagging Wife".
The first girl born to American colonist parents is buried in Little Compton, Rhode Island. The first boy is also buried there, under a marker engraved with his last words, "Look! Friendly Indians!"
The White Horse Tavern in Newport, Rhode Island is the oldest operating tavern in the US. When it first opened in 1673, the labelling of the men's and women's restrooms as "Stallions" and "Mares" was still considered original and clever.
Portsmouth, Rhode Island, is home to the oldest schoolhouse in the US. Built in 1716, some of George Washington's original spitballs can still be seen stuck to the ceiling.
The Rhode Island Red Monument in Adamsville, Rhode Island, honors the famous poultry breed, and is the largest chicken-related monument in the world except for the Eiffel Tower.
Built in 1763, Newport, Rhode Island's Touro Synagogue is the oldest synagogue in the US and contains the oldest Torah in North America. And no, it's NOT because they're too cheap to buy a new one. Don't be anti-Semitic.
Pelham Street in Newport, Rhode Island was the first street in America to use gas-illuminated streetlights in place of the burning witches common to New England in that era.
Rhode Island has a population of just over one million people, all of whom know that a "coffee-cup salute" is a shout-out to local businesses by Channel 10's Frank Coletta, and NOT a euphemism for an unspeakably degrading sexual act.
Don't try asking anyone from Massachusetts about it, though.
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That wraps up the Rhode Island edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be frustratedly breaking golf clubs in Myrtle Beach as we visit South Carolina.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go visit the confessional before Ted Kennedy... EWWWWWWWW!... too late...
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08:35 AM
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I've grown to you as a leaf on a plant.
You provide my structure and sustinance, I provide you the energy to grow and thrive.
Much as the leaf is constantly renewed each spring, you readily provide me with a renewal of life and purpose with your ever-flowing love.
And as the rings within a tree show the years of growth and strength, the love I see when I look into your eyes shows years of togetherness and bonding.
Both require one to look inside to see the depth of history.
Both require more than just a quick glance to fully appreciate.
May the depth of your loving gaze grow deeper with each year that we renew our love.
[Penned by blogson _Jon of We Swear, and too damn good to let sit hidden in the comments]
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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08:30 AM
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[conditioner]
Question: what item does Don King always forget to put on his shopping list?
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08:28 AM
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1) Which adult Simpsons character still lives with his mother?
2) In what public place do Marge and Homer get caught making love?
3) Homer climbs to the top of a mountain to promote what "nutritional" product?
4) What type of glue does Bart use to attach joke shop stuff to his face?
Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.
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08:25 AM
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November 22, 2006
In college I was fortunate enough to have the GOOD kind of history prof. He was an accomplished storyteller, and did a good job making the past come alive. Also, his focus was not on the raw data, but on the historical trends and events that tied one story to the next. Exams were all essay.
One day we were discussing the Cold War, and he asked how it ended in the collapse of the Soviet Union (this was in 1992). I piped up, "we challenged the Russians to a spending contest & they lost."
Surprisingly, he agreed, and I felt pretty damn good about having my off-the-cuff remark supported instead of being met with a glare for being a smart-ass.
Which brings me to the point of this post.
Reagan added hundreds of billions of dollars to the defense budget. The Russians spent hundreds of billions of dollars playing catch-up. Since a communist state has far less money than a capitalistic one, they went broke trying to maintain parity.
My question is: do you think that was Reagan's plan all along? To outspend the Russians and drive Ivan into bankruptcy? Or do you think he was just preparing to be the stronger side in case war broke out, with no real inkling that the arms race would ever end?
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02:23 PM
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Outside are gray skies.
Inside, my wife sits with me
No gray, just sunshine.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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08:36 AM
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Yes, son, I did say that you could get your ear pierced, but I didn't say that you could get a hole big enough to stick a freakin' baseball bat through!
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08:32 AM
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1) Which one of Homer's friends is almost always tipsy?
2) What kind of beer does Homer drink?
3) Which Simpson character says he can't commit to a relationship?
4) What's Krusty's street address?
Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.
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08:30 AM
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