As your married life progresses, you will become privy to your wife's deepest fears and vulnerabilities. This knowledge carries with it the power to say something viciously cruel that will cause her unspeakable pain.
During the course of your marriage, your wife will - from time to time - say something thoughtless and brutal to you, and you will be tempted to exercise your power.
Forbear.
Always.
No exceptions.
1
For the record, TNT & I aren't fighting. I was just thinking about Frank & Sarah getting married & one of the lessons I learned during the early years of our marriage.
Posted by: Harvey at March 30, 2005 03:58 AM (ubhj8)
2
Glad you commented on that. I read this and thought, 'uh oh'.
And you are right. Good advice.
Posted by: Boudicca at March 30, 2005 06:18 AM (z7nbM)
Posted by: oddybobo at March 30, 2005 07:28 AM (6Gm0j)
4
Really, really, really good advice.
You're a good man, Harv.
Posted by: songstress7 at March 30, 2005 09:32 AM (jEGU/)
5
Very sagely advice, there is much wisdom in those words.
Posted by: Contagion at March 30, 2005 10:22 AM (Q5WxB)
6
You are a very wise man Harvey.
Oh, and that advice goes both ways! I think it's called mutual respect. ;-)
Posted by: Tammi at March 30, 2005 11:01 AM (nAfYo)
7
That's part of the Communication theory known as The Social Penetration Theory.
The authors of it are Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor, and the point of it is that people have layers like onions, and the more you get to know someone, the more layers of their onion you peel away or slice through.
And the second to middle layer is deeply held fears and fantasies. Almost just like you said.
Have you ever studied any communication theory? I imagine you really, really, really really liked the social penetration theory if you did.
Y'know, knowing you.
Posted by: Joey at March 30, 2005 11:18 AM (IECm3)
8
"Forbear. Always. No exceptions."
Many times when I'm pissed, my first, second and third responses would be ones that would permanently scar my relationship with my wife. Needless to say, I have yet to let any of those responses slip out. I never will, either.
Too bad more people don't follow this advice.
Posted by: physics geek at March 30, 2005 01:04 PM (Xvrs7)
9
Heh. Joey said "penetration"
Actually, I'm not familiar with the particulars of Altman & Taylor's work, although it sounds vaguely familiar, so I may have skimmed across it somewhere or seen a summary in a self-help or relationship book.
Posted by: Harvey at March 30, 2005 01:38 PM (tJfh1)
10
One must always wait until one is by themself, then go ahead a malign the spouse to the plants.
Plants never, ever talk.
Posted by: Machelle at March 30, 2005 05:42 PM (w25Es)
11
Wow. How true. Why do we need Dr. Phil?
Posted by: Spear Shaker at March 30, 2005 10:46 PM (Uk6wh)
12
Good advice. We of the female persuasion do, unfortunately, have a natural shrewishness from time to time - we pick at others even though we know better. Brian is never ever ever cruel. In the 8 years I've known him, he's never disappointed me. I can't say that about anyone else.
hln
Posted by: hln at March 31, 2005 09:30 PM (V04ml)
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