(Introduction)

This was love at first sight, love everlasting: a feeling unknown, unhoped for, unexpected - in so far as it could be a matter of conscious awareness; it took entire possession of him, and he understood, with joyous amazement, that this was for life.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

Posted by: Harvey at 06:41 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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(click to enlarge)

[(red & purple splotches)]

Looks like another "GREAT TASTE!", "LESS FILLING!" argument got WAY out of hand...

Posted by: Harvey at 06:38 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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If you're in the market for a product with which you have no experience and you don't know who to turn to for advice, Google can help.

Just type "[product name] sucks" (WITH quotes) into Google and see what comes up.

There's ALWAYS something, but once you read the specific complaints, you can judge for yourself if they're legitimate.

Is it some moron who can't type whose REAL complaint is that he couldn't return the product to the store without a receipt?

Or maybe it's someone who ACTUALLY knows his stuff who gives a list specific flaws and failures in the product.

The biggest thing you'll want to look for, though, is a pattern. If the same problem keeps getting mentioned on one link after another, you'll probably want to avoid that product.

The good news, though, is that a lot of times you'll see people chiming in with alternatives for the product you're considering - something you may never even have heard of. You might want to look into one of those, instead.

Final hint: if your "sucks" search turns up a dedicated site at www.productnamesucks.com, you REALLY might want to think twice before using it.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:35 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

Love you... It's funny how two words can take up so little space on a piece of paper, but fill up ALL of the space in my heart.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

Posted by: Harvey at 07:27 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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[(rubber stamp - Skydive!)]

As a follow-up to its popular State Quarters program, the Treasury released the first in its new series of "Matty O'Blackfive Dollars". Coming soon: "Bust their chops!" and "So I looked at the French General and said..."

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(A Million Times Forwarded E-mail from Blogless Brother Roy)

NOTE: I got 19 "right", although I don't agree with all the answers given. If you want to dispute an answer, please leave a link to supporting evidence in the comments.

Answers in the extended entry.

There are 25 questions about things we see every day or have known about all our lives. How many can you get right? These little simple questions are harder than you think-- it just shows you how little we pay attention to the commonplace things of life.

Put your thinking caps on. No cheating! No looking around! No getting out of your chair! No using anything on or in your desk or computer!

Can you beat 20?? (The average is 7) Write down your answers as you go. Check answers (on the bottom) AFTER completing all the questions.

REMEMBER - NO CHEATING!!! BE HONEST!!! That means no looking at your phone or anything on your desk....

LET'S JUST SEE HOW OBSERVANT YOU REALLY ARE. - If not, just have fun!

Here we go!

1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?

2. How many states are there in the USA? (Don't laugh, some people don't know)

3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?

4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?

5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?

6. When you walk does your left arm ! swing with your right or left leg? (Don't you dare get up to see!)

7. How many matches are in a standard pack?

8. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?

9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial?

10. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise?

11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?

12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?

13. On which side of a women's blouse are the buttons?

14. Which way do fans rotate?

15. How many sides does a stop sign have?

16. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?

17. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?

18. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?

19. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?

20. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?

21. On which playing card is the card maker's trademark?

22. On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?

23. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?

24. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?

25. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise? more...

Posted by: Harvey at 08:15 AM | Comments (36) | Add Comment
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1 19 as well. I feel really bad about the vhf dial thing to, the tricksy bastards.

Posted by: tommy at September 20, 2005 08:47 AM (EhwJT)

2 I have no clue about matches and can never remember it, nor the colors on campbells... I got 16... the others were stupid mistakes.

Posted by: vw bug at September 20, 2005 09:09 AM (J3xJ9)

3 I had 4, 9, 19 and 21 wrong giving me 21. Not bad. I had to really think on a couple.

Posted by: Contagion at September 20, 2005 09:27 AM (Q5WxB)

4 I impressed myself with 23 -- but there's no correct answer to #14 or #17 -- the fan goes whichever way I have the switch turned (all MY fans are reversible); and the number of lug nuts depends on the manufacturer -- I've seen from0 to 8. Well, you did say, "Let the bickering begin..."

Posted by: at September 20, 2005 10:01 AM (/k+l4)

5 Dang silly thing -- that we me that just posted.

Posted by: Ogre at September 20, 2005 10:02 AM (/k+l4)

6 22. I remembered some from the first time I took it on that oft emailed thing you mentioned.

Posted by: StinKerr at September 20, 2005 10:02 AM (0aiy7)

7 well, I got eighteen correct myself-- had no idea what a VHF tv was. Or the other dwarf . . .

Posted by: Andrew (Aris Ravencroft) at September 20, 2005 10:08 AM (mtIIe)

8 That Northern Hemisphere/drain answer is incorrect. Tests show no statistical difference between direction of drainage in either hemisphere. So, the correct answer is 'both.' Don't make me sic Adam and Jamie on you. Or Snopes. 'Cause I will.

Posted by: basil at September 20, 2005 10:27 AM (/kWTw)

9 21... vhf and phones aren't my friends.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at September 20, 2005 10:31 AM (24QL2)

10 Basil - Sic away. I *did* ask for supportive linkage. Here's the one for the drain: http://www.ucolick.org/~mountain/AAA/answers/physics/ph16.html And the Honda Accord 4-door sitting in my garage has 4 lug nuts :-)

Posted by: Harvey at September 20, 2005 10:40 AM (ubhj8)

11 18 correct could have been worse.

Posted by: Dr. Phat Tony at September 20, 2005 10:46 AM (fk/lm)

12 Looks like I hold the title for 'Village Idiot' again! 13 is what I got. Beat that for low score...

Posted by: Sarah at September 20, 2005 10:50 AM (TjUtr)

13 Got 18 here. I'm officially disputing number 25. My wife and daughter rode one several weekends ago going clockwise. Link provided shows they do exist, so the answer should be "both" http://images.myphotoalbum.com/p/pr/pri/prin/princ/princesshei/albums/pic_wid_cyn/P1010643.sized.jpg

Posted by: silentwarrior at September 20, 2005 12:36 PM (f8kXi)

14 I got 21 if I go by THEIR answers, but I agree with "both" on the ceiling fan. I DID know how many VHF channels there are, but that's only because I grew up in the olden times befoe cable television....

Posted by: Susie at September 20, 2005 01:30 PM (a0oF7)

15 Every stop sign I've ever seen has had two sides...

Posted by: Chuck at September 20, 2005 02:14 PM (JXgKx)

16 25 out of 25 Do I get a cookie?

Posted by: Sarah the penguin at September 20, 2005 04:39 PM (b/AVI)

17 SarahP - Even better - you get a spanking! :-)

Posted by: Harvey at September 20, 2005 05:09 PM (ubhj8)

18 What's VHF? ;-) I got 17.

Posted by: Sissy at September 20, 2005 05:32 PM (uXS+O)

19 19 too. Ugh!

Posted by: tbflowers at September 20, 2005 06:41 PM (5b51t)

20 I only got 20. VHF?!?! And I agree - 2 sides to a stop sign - I even changed my answer from 5 to 2!!

Posted by: Tammi at September 20, 2005 07:07 PM (WOrLQ)

21 24 out of 25. Dang gold on the soup can. And VHF? Come on - I'm 19 and remember VHF. Family used to own two of 'em. now UHF - that was a great movie.

Posted by: The Babaganoosh at September 20, 2005 08:09 PM (Ygzou)

22 23-I have to argue the fan question as well. VHF was easy. I grew up in the olden days, too and all the best kid shows were on channel 13!

Posted by: Anna at September 20, 2005 09:09 PM (nVvoC)

23 20. I was sure the merry g' round (it won't let me put hyphens in or include that "o," that makes it "questionable content") went the other way. I don't want to talk about it.

Posted by: Linus at September 20, 2005 09:20 PM (Bf+TD)

24 22 out of 25. My ceiling fan spins both ways... Matches come in books, small boxes, and big boxes... Techncially, those are all "packs." And 9 is not necessarily correct. If you've got a digital radio, the tuner can go down to 87. Analog tuners can go down this far, but a better wording would have been "What is the lowest number that appears on the analog FM dial?" Being a technical writer introduces all kinds of fun little quirks into your thought process.... 8- )

Posted by: LightFuseGetAway at September 21, 2005 01:54 AM (K6EdX)

25 I got 17 and yes I missed the lug nuts one. That is because in todays world there is no standard number any more.

Posted by: Machelle at September 21, 2005 07:19 AM (ZAyoW)

26 Harvey, I'm sure you missed #6, but don't feel bad--the Navy never taught us how to march anyway.

Posted by: Tennessee Budd at September 21, 2005 07:46 AM (fjXUW)

27 19, but only cos the water-down-the-drain thing is wrong: water goes down the drain CW or CCW, depending on different factors, The old "northern hemishere/southern hemisphere CW/CCW" fallacy is so old it has whiskers, but it's still false. Last person who disagreed on that got an all-expense-paid trip to my kitchen (double) sink, where I showed him one side draining one way, then the other side training the other way. Oh, and people who count the numbers of matches in a book are anal-retentive jerks. :-)

Posted by: David at September 21, 2005 09:15 AM (ACL5/)

28 "training-draining" Water obeys my will.

Posted by: at September 21, 2005 09:16 AM (ACL5/)

29 David, There's one match for every cigarette in a pack. Simple.

Posted by: Chuck at September 21, 2005 09:30 AM (JXgKx)

30 bah, 19. i remember VHF, but forgot there wasn't a #1

Posted by: Patriot Xeno at September 21, 2005 02:01 PM (YRSCV)

31 20 yay! I was one color away on the soup can. Green instead of yellow. And the lowest the FM dial goes is 87.9 since FM bands operate within a 0.2MHz range.

Posted by: SeanS at September 23, 2005 06:30 AM (cEjQ0)

32 Of course the question is what do they mean by "FM dial"? Is it the lowest broadcast freqency that's actually used? (87.9) Is it the lowest number printed on the faceplate of an analog radio? (8 Is it the lowest number a digital tuner will display? (87.5 on mine)

Posted by: Harvey at September 23, 2005 10:01 AM (ubhj8)

33 my venetian blinds cord is on the right

Posted by: Bakasan at October 08, 2005 07:35 PM (M7kiy)

34 Actually, a VHF has 12 numbers on it, not 11 (depending if your top number is 12 or 13). Count with me: 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 , 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 (U is for UHF, obviously) The lowest broadcast frequency is 85.5, which is what I answered. As for water flowing counterclockwise above the equator, that's a bunch of BS: http://www.loc.gov/rr/scitech/mysteries/coriolis.html It all depends upon how the water was introduced and the geometric structure of the drain. One can find both counterclockwise and clockwise flowing drains in both hemispheres. Some people would like you to believe that the Coriolis force affects the flow of water down the drain in sinks, bathtubs, or toilet bowls. DonÂ’t believe them! The Coriolis force is simply too weak to affect such small bodies of water. As for FM frequencies, in the United States, frequency-modulated broadcasting stations operate in a frequency band extending from 87.8 MHz to 108.0 MHz, for a total of 20.2 MHz. It is divided into 100 channels, each 0.2 MHz wide, designated "channel 200" through "channel 300." In actual practice, no one (except the FCC) uses these channels numbers; the frequencies are used. To receive a station, an FM receiver is tuned to the center frequency of the station's channel. The lowest channel, channel 200, extends from 87.8 MHz to 88.0 MHz; thus its center frequency is 87.9 MHz. Channel 201 has a center frequency of 88.1 MHz, and so on, up to channel 300, which extends from 107.8 to 108.0 MHz and has a center frequency of 107.9 MHz. Regards, BfB

Posted by: BfB at October 09, 2005 03:35 PM (vFUMR)

35 Oops, not sure how the "The lowest broadcast frequency is 85.5, which is what I answered." got on there. I copied that from my bro-in-law's email by accident. I answered 87.8.

Posted by: BfB at October 09, 2005 03:39 PM (vFUMR)

36 I think someone should turn over their playing cards. It says bicycle on the back of all 52 of mine.

Posted by: gurton at November 13, 2005 01:59 AM (bxOjK)

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Via Lynn of Reflections in D Minor, I found this disapproving review of CSI at Plugged In. This quote pretty much sums it up:

Twenty years ago on Quincy, Jack Klugman described the murders he uncovered each week. CSI shows theirs. From every angle. Over and over again. A drug-crazed raver strangles his friend. A woman caves in a manÂ’s skull with a rock. A man shoots himself in the head. A teenager stabs an entire family to death with a kitchen knife. The detectives are fond of saying that blood "talks." It also flies, drips, runs and pools on the floor. CSI is ugly, exploitative, gross, [and] disrespectful of the dead [...]

True.

But what they don't mention is what turns me off the most about this show: the detectives' antiseptic indifference to what they see.

When Quincy described the autopsies he did on his victims, there was always a suppressed undertone of outrage in his voice, as though - even after all his years as a Medical Examiner - he was still mortified at the inhumanity that was shown to the bodies he was examining.

CSI? They couldn't care less. They're cold, emotionless... practically bored. It's just another classroom exercise to them. Whatever.

Mostly I avoid the show, although I occasionally peek in just to see if someone is going to feel something.

I'm still waiting.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:23 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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Owen of Boots & Sabers pretty much sums it up:

1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Watch porn.
4. Deploy the Marines

For information on what OTHER members of the US Armed Services do, click the link above.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:19 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I'm debating whether to sign up.

Meanwhile, peruse the list of upcoming victims & submit questions.

If you're stumped, try these for inspiration.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:18 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Precision Guided Humor Assignment Reminder: What's the REAL reason the terrorists at Guantanamo are engaging in a hunger strike? due by 9pm EDT Wednesday, September 21st. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.

Monday Linky Stuff

A Filthy Lie

Posted by: Harvey at 07:17 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

The four most important words in any marriage... "I'll do the dishes."

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

Posted by: Harvey at 07:04 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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(click to enlarge)

[Ashley Blossom]

REVEALED! The names of two interns that Bill Clinton actually didn't have sexual relations with!

Posted by: Harvey at 07:00 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Pixy Misa of Ambient Irony and benevolent host of all MuNu blogs everywhere is turning... uh... details are sketchy...

Anyway, it's the 20th in Australia now.

Besides, it's an excuse to post smut (which I'll put in the extended entry as a courtesy to work-surfers - it's technically safe, but hard to explain):

Posted by: Harvey at 08:36 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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With today being "Talk Like a Pirate Day" (Sept 19th), the phrase "Jolly Rogering" gets tossed around a lot.

Some Googling informs me that "rogering" is British slang for intercourse, but here's where things get fuzzy. Various sources claim that rogering:

1) refers to intercourse in general

2) refers specifically to the more frantic & enthusiastic "Take me! Take me NOW!" sort of intercourse

3) refers specifically to anal intercourse (although they didn't specify whether it was homosexual, heterosexual, or both)

Anyone familiar with across-the-pond euphemisms, feel free to clarify.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:37 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I got stuck going to a wedding on Saturday. It was nice enough, I guess, but... boring.

So here are some suggestions for livening up your next wedding:

* Stripper bridesmaids

* Ninja attack!

* Hire the pyrotechnics guys from KISS

* Wouldn't it be cool if - when the priest said "If anyone objects to this union, let him speak now or forever hold his peace" - the ceiling collapsed?

* Replace "I now pronounce you man and wife" with "Let's get ready to RRRUMMMMBLLLLLE!!!"

* Light the unity candle with a flaming arrow

* Wedding program basketball ("Bride's cleavage! Two points!")

* Have the happy couple exchange vows while leaping from pew to pew

* "Accidentally" spill holy water on yourself and run around the chapel screaming "IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"

Posted by: Harvey at 09:34 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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The following people were kind enough to include me in their link-fests:

Best of Me Symphony at The Owner's Manual

Bonfire of the Vanities at Part-Time Pundit

Carnival of the Vanities at Silflay Hraka

Carnival of Comedy at Either Orr

Josh of Multiple Mentality is closing down his Items of Interest round-up after this, the 57th and final edition. It'll be missed.

Carnival of the Clueless at Rightwing Nuthouse

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As Ogre has been reminding us for the last month or so, it's International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

To celebrate, I went surfing and landed this prize:

15. "I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest."

14. "You're just the tasty wench I've been keeping me eye out for!"

13. "Hey, sexy -- how about a Jolly Rogering?"

12. "Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber."

11. "See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments, Baby."

10. "WOW! I bet we could fit SIXteen men on that chest!"

9. "Me skull and crossbones arn't the only thing I plan on raisin' tonight."

8. "Do ya mind if the parrot watches?"

7. "Nice poop deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin'?"

6. "Avast, me pretty! Strike your panties and prepare to be boarded."

5. "So you're the new cabin boy, eh?"

4. "Do you have the latest copy of Windows XP with cracked product activation?" (software pirates only)

3. "Yo, ho! Bottle of rum?"

2. "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre you free on Saturday?"

and the Number 1 Pirate Pick-Up Line...

1. "Is there an 'X' on the seat of your pants? Because it appears that there's wond'rous booty buried underneath!"

Posted by: Harvey at 07:58 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

If you can't giggle, tickle, scream, laugh, run around the room naked, pour liqueur on each other and lick it off, tie each other down, have whipped cream fights, and dance and sing with each other, then you are having sex with the person too soon.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

Posted by: Harvey at 07:49 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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[(dollar bill - boredom - pink hi-liter)]

After Washington's "Pretty in Pink" incident, the Army modified it's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy to include "Don't Drop Really Obvious Hints".

Posted by: Harvey at 07:36 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Did you know that you can sign up for the CentCom newsletter & keep up on what's going on with the war?

I'm sure the MSM gets these news releases.

Interesting to see that they don't think they're newsworthy.

Posted by: Harvey at 02:11 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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