August 23, 2005
[Where have I been? www.wheresgeorge.com]
Sure, right now it's just a fun little web site. In a couple years, it'll be mandatory under USA PATRIOT Act III.
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August 22, 2005
Best of Me Symphony at The Owner's Manual
Bonfire of the Vanities at Technogypsy
Carnival of the Clueless at Right Wing Nut House
Carnival of the Vanities at WILLisms
Carnival of Comedy at Point Five
Carnival of the Optimists at Boxing Alcibiades
Items of Interest at Multiple Mentality
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With each glance into your beautiful eyes, I fall in love over and over again.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]
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[George]
Although the Jeopardy contestant knew "The first name of the President pictured on this bill", he forgot to phrase his response in the form of a question and lost everything.
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The version on the IMAO podcast (#12) was cut here & there for time & quality reasons.
My unsullied and divinely inspired artistic vision lies below
Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States. I'm your host, Harvey, and - week by week - I'll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.
This week, we're taking a spud-tastic trip to Idaho, so let's get started...
Idaho became the 43rd state on July 3rd, 1890, despite objections from Illinois, Indiana, and Iowa that there were already too many states beginning with the letter "I".
Gutzon Borglum, the sculptor of Mount Rushmore, was born in Bear Lake, Idaho. He did his famous work in South Dakota after ruining every mountain in Idaho trying to get Washington's nose just right.
Idaho has only one radio station, but since all the surrounding mountains ruin the reception, it has only a handful of listeners. Although this may also be because it carries Air America.
Idaho is America's largest lumber producer and the only state in the US with a National Forest consisting entirely of stumps.
The word "Idaho" comes from the Crow Indian word, "E-dah-how", meaning "Is there ANY month when it doesn't snow around here?"
The tourism motto of Idaho is "Cold and boring like Canada, except with more gun-crazed right-wing militias".
The state tree of Idaho is the stump.
Because of the long distances between cities in Idaho, most trucks carry an emergency Hyundai in the glove compartment.
If your Hyundai doesn't work and you become stranded in Idaho, it's traditional to wait three hours before resorting to cannibalism.
Idaho is home to numerous private militias, which, like their revolutionary forefathers, have orders to shoot anyone wearing a red coat.
Idaho state law requires all registered Democrats to wear a red coat to the polls on election day.
Hell's Canyon in Idaho is 7900 feet deep, which makes it both deeper than the Grand Canyon AND a great place to throw registered Democrats after election day.
Although normally a peaceful city, Boise, Idaho occasionally erupts with violent gunfights between rival gangs of skiers and snowboarders.
The state bird of Idaho is the Bluebird, a shameful choice which clearly discriminates against the colorblind.
Elk River, Idaho is home to the states largest tree. At nearly 200 feet tall, it's estimated that this single tree contains enough wood to build a chair capable of supporting Michael Moore.
In Idaho, it's illegal to give someone a box of candy weighing more than 50 pounds, which is why Rosie O'Donnell will never play the Boise Improv.
Well, that, and she'd end up in Hell's Canyon after election day.
Idaho is home to North America's largest sand dune. It's 470 feet tall, and is visited annually by over 1 million stray cats looking for a place to pee.
Appaloosa horses originated in Idaho and were first bred by the local Indians as a war animal. Today, this hearty breed is still highly prized for its thick armor plating.
The largest diamond ever found in the US was a 20-carat stone discovered in McCall, Idaho, which then changed its name to Bling City.
Being a large but sparsely populated state, land is incredibly cheap in Idaho. However, due to high transportation costs for lumber, you can't afford to build a house on your property unless you make it out of potatoes.
The first nuclear power plant in the US was built in Arco, Idaho in 1953, but was destroyed in 1955 by giant mutant sheep.
Arco is now known as the "Radioactive sweater capital of the world".
The firefighting ax was invented in Wallace, Idaho after giant mutant sheep drank the town's entire water supply.
Beaver Canyon, near the city of Spencer, Idaho, is rumored to be the site of a huge fortune in buried treasure. No one has found it yet because they're too busy giggling at the canyon's name to search for it.
In 1925, the entire city of American Falls, Idaho was moved to make way for the American Falls Dam. The dam itself was recently moved to make way for a Wal-Mart.
Thanks for the Kelo decision, Supreme Court!
Jackasses.
Television was invented in Rigby, Idaho, which may explain the city's frighteningly low scores on standardized tests.
In 1896, Butch Cassidy robbed the bank in Montpelier, Idaho, after being screwed out of his free tote bag when he opened a checking account there.
Idaho law forbids children from deliberately stepping on ants. The kids don't mind too much, however, since pistol-whipping them is still legal.
That wraps up the Idaho edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we're off to the Land of Lincoln for a look at Illinois.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pistol-whip some ants.
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August 21, 2005
I heard a rumor that Glenn Reynolds was writing his biography.
Apparently I was slightly misinformed.
Instead of cranking out some 957-page pile of blathering crap, he managed to condense his life into a single song.
And thanks to a little bit of covert hackery, I've managed to obtain a copy of his little ditty WEEKS before it hits iTunes.
Enjoy.
SYMPATHY FOR GLENN REYNOLDS
(with apologies to the Rolling Stones)
(see extended entry)
more...
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07:48 PM
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This post will remain at the top until I get home. New content (if any - I'll be stuck on dial-up) will appear below, so scroll down to check.
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)August 18, 2005
Recently Jeanine Pirro announced her intention to run for Hillary Clinton's Senate seat in 2006. As a patriotic American, I feel it's my duty to support her by offering the following suggestions for campaign slogans:
"Pirro 2006: Her husband may have cheated on his taxes, but at least he didn't cheat on her with a chubby intern."
"Pirro 2006: Won't disgrace herself by showing slide shows of her family reunion set to the tune of 'Dueling Banjos'" (moderately work safe, but hard to justify - via BoingBoing)
"Pirro 2006: She won't dance around the issues."
"Pirro 2006: Never lost a billing record."
"Pirro 2006: Leaving cattle futures to the cowboys."
"Pirro 2006: Her other car ISN'T a broom."
"Pirro 2006: Because sometimes it's just WRONG to wear a bikini"
(click to enlarge)
"Pirro 2006: She can stay awake for an entire State of the Union Address."
(click to enlarge)
"Pirro 2006: Because as far as we know, this is the only thing Hillary stands for."
Feel free to show your patriotism in the comments.
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Love is sweet.
Love is true.
Love is what I share with you.
It's not a place that we fall.
It is only what we do.
Love is what I live to do.
I live only to love you.
Love is what I give to you.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]
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10:10 AM
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Is due by 11pm EDT Friday, August 19th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.
Precision Guided Humor Round-up: Running Against Hillary
Basil's Blogging tip: Asking for links
New Precision Guided Humor Assignment: What famous person/people would you demand to speak to, and what would you say to him/her/them?
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10:06 AM
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For the moment, it's only featuring some right-wing extremist propaganda items that I whipped up. Site-related merchandise will be introduced as time permits.
Here's what I've got so far (click to enlarge):
At this moment, I'm not actively seeking to raise funds, so don't feel obligated to run right out & get something unless it honestly tickles your fancy to do so.
Also, any notions on what a good Bad Example T would look like would be greatly appreciated. My vision is a little muddled, design-wise.
And yes, you can steal the pictures for your sidebar if you're so inclined. Might want to shrink 'em down first.
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...every single one of which contains the word "penis".
Only at Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon.
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August 17, 2005
**When your mean little toddler falls asleep in the car, you don't draw angry eyebrows and a Hitler stash on him. Well....Washable Crayolas.....
**When the Girl Scouts come around selling cookies, don't be like 'Shit no, I don't want your overpriced tiny box of cult cookies.' Just cough up the $3.50 or whatever and send her on her way. If you feel that strongly about not supporting them, tell her you are poor. They will be horrified, but it's not mean.
**When you are at a souvenir store in a state you don't really want to be in, and the kids are begging for postcards & junk, don't say 'Hell no, we are not buying anything more than we have to to get out of this godforsaken crap hole of a state.' Kids don't understand. They just want to make you poor buying postcards and shot glasses. Why does your seven year-old have a bigger shot glass collection than me? Just buy them the postcards and tell them you are out of money. Get them 2 shot glasses at a more exciting state.
**When the man in the brown uniform comes to deliver a package, don't say 'There I took your damn box, now get the hell out of here before I let the dogs loose on ya!' Just say thanks.
**Resist the urge to say 'Aaarrrggg Matey' whenever you jump into bed with your spouse/partner. Whoever told you that was cool was wrong. Unless your spouse is as weird as mine...Then it's foreplay.
**Resist the urge to flip off the neighbors every time you see them even though they called the police on you and turned you in for being a blight on the neighborhood. Twice.
**When you go to the strip joint with a male friend, resist the urge to point out which one you saw in the bathroom change a tampon, and which one is pregnant....Until you get to the car.
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1. Have a plan.
Each morning, make yourself a to-do list. As each task is accomplished, cross it off your list. ItÂ’s a nice reminder not only of what you need to do, but also of what youÂ’ve already accomplished.
2. Plan for the Unplanned.
DonÂ’t fill your entire day up with meetings and tasks. All it can take is one unscheduled phone call or a small emergency to throw off your entire day. Give yourself room every day to answer e-mails, make phone calls and to deal with unexpected tasks.
3. Tackle the Big Stuff First.
Our tendency is to put off the big or difficult tasks for later. But studies have shown that most of us are more alert and productive in the morning. And accomplishing the major assignments first will energize your afternoons.
4. Take the 10-Minute Challenge.
Is your desk filling up with papers? Put aside 10 minutes every other day—you may even want to set a timer—to go through and file, pass along or trash those piles of papers. A clutter-free desk can add some much needed calm and makes other tasks seem less frenzied.
5. Make big tasks small.
HereÂ’s another use for the timer: when you have a large task, break it up into 10- or 15-minute increments of work. Set the timer, and just do that amount of work. YouÂ’ll find that, like small amounts of exercise, small amounts of work make any task less intimidating.
6. Learn to negotiate your time.
Every project has a deadline, but if you need more time, ask for it. Communicate your needs with the project manager and work with them to get the time you need to complete the tasks at hand.
7. Lend a helping hand.
If you have some extra time, share it with a co-worker. Even if itÂ’s just to make copies or get them some coffee, that little helping hand can make all the difference.
8. Respect otherÂ’s time.
If you have a meeting scheduled for 10 am, be there at 10 am. If youÂ’re meeting is only suppose to last a half hour, do your best to stick to 30 minutes. DonÂ’t abuse other peopleÂ’s time, and hopefully theyÂ’ll respect yours as well.
9.Make work fun.
It may seem like there can’t possibly be time for fun, but that’s when you need it most. Take just five minutes a day to free your mind of work and just relax. Take a short walk, learn to juggle, share a joke of the day—you’ll return a little more refreshed.
10. Reward yourself (and others!).
Celebrate your accomplishments—big and small. Give yourself a snack break, take a short walk or literally pat yourself on the back. Also make sure you acknowledge other members of your team who work with you to get the job done.
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Many are the stars I see.
Yet in my eye, no star like thee.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]
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[Money is not everything]
Of course not. Everything is 4.
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If another website is embarrassing itself horribly and you want to point fingers: get a screenshot.
If a website you like has been hacked and defaced: get a screenshot.
If you're the #1 (or #5) Google search for some odd phrase: get a screenshot.
Why?
Because ANY web site that's not under your direct control, or is not controlled by VERY close friends of yours, can be changed at a moment's notice, and your VERY "it's a visual" point will be lost forever once those changes propagate.
Lesson learned at the expense of Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks:
Even Google Cache fades away: get a screenshot.
The Internet Wayback Machine might not have the page you're looking for: get a screenshot.
"Fine," you say, "I am the newest acolyte in the First Church of Screenshottery. Now how do I go about getting one?"
Simple.
On your standard 101-key computer keyboard, there is a button - usually in the top row, just to the right of the F12 key - labeled "Print Scrn".
Bring up the site with the image you want to preserve for posterity, and press the "Print Scrn" button.
What you've just done is copy whatever image is on your screen to your clipboard. It's exactly as if you'd just highlighted a line of text and chose "copy" from the menu, except it's a picture of your screen's contents.
Now you can paste the image into any image-handling software. It doesn't have to be anything fancy - even the wheezy little Microsoft Paint program that came with your computer can handle the job. Once it's pasted, you just save the file in case you need it later.
Final hint: before posting your screenshot, remember to trim off the top & bottom parts of the image that contain your browser menus, toolbars, and taskbar. Wouldn't want to embarrass yourself by revealing personal information, like - for example - the last thing you searched for using the Google toolbar:
Unless, of course, it's relevant to the post.
NOTE: [If you've found this post useful enough to blog about, send a trackback or e-mail the permalink to me at harvolson-at-gmail.com and I'll add you to my Bad Example Groupies blogroll. See this post for details]
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August 16, 2005
Per suggestion from Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks - Salad Fingers
also...
Happy Tree Friends - sorta like Bambi meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre... instead of bouncing like NORMAL victims of animated violence, these cuddly creatures take damage. LOTS of damage. Sick, wrong, vile, tasteless, not for children or anyone with a sense of decency. View at your own risk.
Oh, and episodes rotate, so go back often.
Beware of "Out on a Limb", though. *shudder*
You sure this is worth it, Nick?
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09:39 PM
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Smiling Dynamite: What Women Do When They've Had Too Much To Drink
Eckernet presents a skirmish from the Battle of the Sexes
Straight White Eric is reading some Robert Service poems.
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09:16 PM
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Precision Guided Humor Assignment Reminder: What should Pirro's campaign slogan be while running against Hillary Clinton for Senator in 2006? due by 9pm EDT Wednesday, August 17th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.
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09:03 PM
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