I've been assaulted by SarahK of Mountaineer Musings, so here are the answers:

7 things I want to do before I die:

1) Get an Instalanche
2) Vote Condi Rice for President
3) Have 7 figures in my retirement fund
4) Watch Season 2 of Firefly
5) Play Duke Nukem Forever (or Doom 10, whichever comes out first)
6) Pay off the mortgage
7) Sleep next to Beloved Wife TNT of Smiling Dynamite about 22,000 more times.

7 things I can do:

1) Crack my neck
2) Touch type
3) Whistle with my fingers in my mouth (ear-splittingly loud, that)
4) Lift horse-dog Jake
5) Blow smoke rings
6) Kill flies without a flyswatter
7) Be amused by comment trolls instead of insulted

7 things I cannot do:

1) Say anything nice about the Carter presidency
2) Play guitar
3) Play Doom 3 without cheating
4) Sing without making someone wince at least once
5) Say "no" to kids selling stuff
6) Stop making fun of Donald Trump's haircut
7) Stop loving my wife

7 things I say a lot:

1) "Anyway"
2) "How so?"
3) "F***!"
4) "Yes, dear"
5) "Giggidy, giggidy, giggidy!"
6) "Doh!"
7) "Wait... did that sound dirty?... Nevermind"

7 things I find attractive in a female:

1) Brains! Brains! Brains!
2) Ability to quote Monty Python
3) A penchant for wandering around the house nude
4) Long, dark hair
5) Generous hips
6) A large vocabulary
7) Lush, pouty lips

7 celebrity crushes:

1) Claudia Christian
2) Sandra Bullock
3) Halle Berry
4) Raquel Welch (back in the day)
5) Linda Carter (also back in the day)
6) Jewel Staite
7) Pierce Brosnan - you know... only if I ever HAD to be someone's prison bitch...

7 people I feel like bugging:

The following people desperately need something to blog about:

1) Little Joe of Little Joe's Soapbox
2) Sally of Whimsy Capricious
3) Alex of Alex in Wonderland
4) Mike the Marine of From the Halls to the Shores
5) _Jon of We Swear
6) Spear Shaker of Shaking Spears
7) BeeBee of Angle of Vision

Posted by: Harvey at 10:03 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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1 Now I know why I love my grandpappy so much!!! Quotes from Monty Python and Pierce... Yep... that's the life for me.

Posted by: vw bug at October 20, 2005 11:19 AM (flzGe)

2 Re: Your 7 things you find attractive in a female: Phew, I'm missing #3 & 4 so I'm safe. As for Monty Python... He's a lumberjack, and he's okay, He sleeps all night and he works all day. [In a british accent] Shall I do more?

Posted by: michele at October 20, 2005 12:55 PM (y9UuV)

3 I am so your entire list of things you find attractive in a female and I am now officially scared, although I believe my hips (and the rest of me) are a little more generous than you prefer! Oh and: "It's funny, isn't it? How your best friend can just blow up like that?"

Posted by: oddybobo at October 20, 2005 01:09 PM (6Gm0j)

4 great answers, Harvey!

Posted by: sarahk at October 20, 2005 01:22 PM (q4IUH)

5 You've never had an instalanche? That's wierd. I thought everyone had at least one.

Posted by: Phelps at October 20, 2005 04:27 PM (owJN9)

6 Nope. Not even at IMAO. Not even when I've hosted carnivals. Not even for any of the well-over 100 cruel and filthy lies I've posted. Never. Nothing. I'm guessing I'll make a TV news show first.

Posted by: Harvey at October 20, 2005 04:41 PM (ubhj8)

7 Sooooooo, #5 inth attractive female category begs the question, which do you prefer, movie Kaylee or series Kaylee? (firmly in series Kaylee camp ... #7 in things you say a lot) :-D

Posted by: tommy at October 20, 2005 08:55 PM (EhwJT)

8 Um... the difference between movie Kaylee & series Kaylee would be...?

Posted by: Harvey at October 20, 2005 10:59 PM (ubhj8)

9 Thanks a lot, asshole.

Posted by: _Jon at October 20, 2005 11:41 PM (/R7YK)

10 Your're welcome and up yours too. It's not like you're actually gonna DO the damn thing :-P

Posted by: Harvey at October 21, 2005 10:12 AM (ubhj8)

11 Oh, about 20 lbs.

Posted by: tommy at October 21, 2005 09:43 PM (EhwJT)

12 + in the seres, - in the movie

Posted by: tommy at October 21, 2005 09:44 PM (EhwJT)

13 tommy is exactly right. I noticed right away when I watched the movie.

Posted by: Sarah at October 22, 2005 06:58 PM (TjUtr)

14 Then definitely series. I like my girls cuddly-looking

Posted by: Harvey at October 22, 2005 07:50 PM (ubhj8)

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Damian G of Conservathink apparently likes to listen to women gossip.

So much so that he's posting a "women only" carnival:

RULE #1: Only female bloggers may use the comments (except for yours truly). No men, boys, gay men, gun molesters, puppy blenders or hermaphrodites allowed. Liberals are okay so long as they are women (or at least what passes for women in the world of the Left).

RULE #2: Comments must be kept PG-13. Yes, the booze may go to your heads, but that doesn't mean you should go off on a tirade of f-bombs. So in other words, if you simply must swear, do it cleverly, please.

RULE #3: You must submit a post for the event. It is a Carnival. The topic will be any sort of gossip of your choosing, whether heard through the grapevine, or just plain satirical, about a public figure, preferably a political one. All submissions must be sent through the Conservative Cat Carnival Submit Form.

11pm EST Thursday (that's today) deadline.

Hurry up & submit.

Wait... did that sound dirty?

Nevermind.

Posted by: Harvey at 08:46 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

To wish is to wish for you
To sleep is to dream of you
To live is to wait for you
To smile is to think of you

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

Posted by: Harvey at 07:43 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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(click to enlarge)

[I owe GWC - and I strayed]

George Washington Carver ran a tightly disciplined cattle ranch. Every cow that wandered away from the heard was required to pay a $1 fine and admit his guilt before being allowed back in the corral.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:41 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I was around when MTV first started, and thought it was an excellent idea, but was shocked at how poorly executed it was.

When I listen to music, it usually evokes some images in my head. I figured that most music videos would be little movies which would show the images that were floating around in the band's head - images that would concretize and illustrate the lyrics of the songs.

Yeah. I was disappointed. Most videos were just shots of the band playing the song, interspersed with snippets of images that had little or nothing to do with the words being sung at the time.

Bleh.

However, I'm pleased to report that I *have* found a video wherein words, music, and images all mesh perfectly in support of each other. A little love story for the new millenium:

She Freakin' Blocked Me.

The images are work-safe, but a few of the lyrics might raise the boss's eyebrow if overheard.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:07 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

There is an ease between us as we maneuver around each other. Neither needs to speak, both of us working individually, yet together to get a task accomplished.

[Stolen out of context from blogdaughter Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice]

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

Posted by: Harvey at 10:02 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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[McVoid]

From "American McHistory: the 45th President", page 10:

In 2012, America elected Ronald McDonald president - partly to wash the bad taste of Hillary Clinton out of their figurative mouths, partly to punish the Republicans for running John McCain AGAIN.

Although no one expected much from his presidency, he surprised everyone with the shrewd wisdom of his policies - the most remarkable of which was the way he brought heretofore unknown levels of prosperity to the country by completely devaluing the dollar and making McDonald's gift certificates the new American currency.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:00 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I just checked the Blogrolling.com forum. Apparently they had some problems while performing an update on their server & a lot of update pings weren't going through, so some people weren't getting their "*", even though they'd posted recently.

Blogrolling is aware of the problem and they're working on it.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:40 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 Thanks Pappy!

Posted by: Sarah at October 18, 2005 08:05 PM (jUjdo)

2 See what a little grease can do?

Posted by: Oddybobo at October 19, 2005 07:29 AM (6Gm0j)

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Found Steep & Brew Kenya AA in the coffee aisle of my local way-too-big supermarket.

It's as good as I remember.

Just a warning - before you open the bag of beans, wear earplugs, because that aroma just screams "I... AM... COFFEE!!!"

And I mean "screams" in the toe-tingling, soul-satisfying, Roger-Daltrey-"Won't-Get-Fooled-Again" sense of the word.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:17 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

I spent last night dreaming of your eyes,
But your hair kept getting in the way.
Your lips dropped in to tell me how youÂ’d been,
But when I tried to kiss them,
My pillow told me IÂ’d missed them.
Your voice dropped by and sang a lullaby,
And it was then I knew just what to do.
IÂ’d fall asleep and then,
IÂ’d dream of you again.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

Posted by: Harvey at 09:07 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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[Acts 9:5 Acts 9:3]

"Kick against the pricks"?

No wonder churches don't use the King James Version any more.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:02 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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David of Third World County wants to know what sign should be put in front of the ACLU building.

I'm going to be polite about it.

Unión Civil Americana De las Libertades

¡Ahora abra las fronteras!

Español hablado aquí

Posted by: Harvey at 10:16 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

Your eyes were closed,
Your lips were sweet
And one soft kiss
Meant joy complete.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

Posted by: Harvey at 08:35 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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[I GREW HEMP]

And used it to make Happy Brownies!

[Hat tip to Lynn of A Sweet, Familiar Dissonance for the link]

Posted by: Harvey at 08:25 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Precision Guided Humor Assignment Reminder:Devise a "better" strategic plan for Al-Qaeda.

Is due by 9pm EDT Wednesday, October 19th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.

Monday Linky Stuff

New Filthy Lie Assignment: Why does Evil Glenn have an alien at his house?

Filthy Lie Round-up: Evil Glenn's Voices

Friday Linky Stuff

Posted by: Harvey at 07:40 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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AJ of Random Firing of Neurons just wrote the ultimate coffee-maker's guide, and I'm going to say right off - he's exactly right about the whole thing, top to bottom.

Best coffee I ever had in my life was that Kenya AA that got put through Pizza Pit's filthy 12-cup drip coffee-maker - because we followed the master-brewer's secret.

Less water.

Remove grounds.

Go. Read. Learn. Try it yourself. Report back.

Posted by: Harvey at 04:24 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)
[New note - not previously posted]

Stealing this from bloggranddaughter Virtue of Rantings of an Indentured Servant, because it's just that good...

I have missed your company more than the blossom misses the sun when the shadow of the storm cloud passes overhead. Being without you is comparable to being one shoe alone in the lost and found of life. I am hopeful that your return will bring the sun out from behind the clouds. Oh, where are you other shoe?

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

[Like the Love Notes? Get the e-book]

Posted by: Harvey at 10:38 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Last year he mentioned a "birthday week".

This year, his "birthday post" only refers to a single day.

Next year I'm guessing he'll be blogging about his "birth hour".

It's just sad watching him wither like this. Maybe I should get him a book on how to feel young into his golden years...

Better yet, why don't I find someone to locate the book for him?

"Why, I do believe that book's Dewey Decimal Number is 069.69"

Happy Birthday, Eric.

Posted by: Harvey at 08:38 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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INSTAVOICES
(A Filthy Lie)

Just saw this at Instapundit, and thought I'd share:

Hey, nobody's perfect.

Whether it's "slaughter a hobo for Satan" or "dip yourself in honey and roll around in penguin feathers", I've learned to listen to the still, small voice within.

So, when I heard the words "I want you to attack Iraq", who was I to question?

It wasn't until after I'd reduced half the countryside to a smoking crater...:

Iraq attack as photographed by my good friend Al Feldstein

...that I got a follow-up message on my head-voice-mail. Turned out the "attack Iraq" thing was intended for President Bush. Apparently the Angel in charge of routing God's messages was a little... distracted that week:

Heh. Indeed.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:02 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1 Harv! You promised not to post that picture of us!

Posted by: Susie at October 15, 2005 10:54 AM (a0oF7)

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From the official Louisville, Kentucky home page listing of the Top 10 questions people ask Louisville Metro, here are the first five:

1. When is my junk collection?
2. How do I dispose of.......?
3. What can I put out for junk pickup?
4. What can I put out for garbage pickup?
5. What can I recycle and how?

Screenshot here, in case it changes.

Posted by: Harvey at 05:25 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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