(A PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR ASSIGNMENT)

John Kerry - a man of wealth and taste - is running for the office of president on the theme that he stands shoulder to shoulder with the average American, the little guy that W is abusing, ignoring, oppressing, slaughtering by the train-car-full, or whatever.

But the fact is that John Kerry isn't quite on the same wavelength as Johnny Lunchpail & Suzie Homemaker. There are some thing he just... doesn't... quite... get... For example:

If you want to impress chicks with your "package" it helps if it's not 2/3 empty.

"Speaking French" is only an asset if it describes your kissing technique.

Some people would've been happier if that "son of a bitch" Secret Service agent really HAD pushed him down on the ski slope.

"Nuance" and "double-talking bullshit" are synonymous.

It's not that people don't know who he is, it's just that they don't care.

Nobody over the age of 50 should wear spandex.

It's ok to marry an heiress, but TWO of them? Come, on John, don't be a pig about it. Leave some for the rest of us.

He REALLY needs a better plan for promoting job growth than "I'm going to hire another chauffeur next week".

On the bright side, he DID manage to miss 80% of the Senate votes this year. If he could promise me a 25% increase in that figure, I'd vote for him myself.

SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!

Posted by: Harvey at 03:46 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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