(A FILTHY LIE)

To complete the latest Alliance assignment of finding out what lay inside Glenn Reynolds's house, I cleverly disguised myself as a photographer from "Better Tombs and Dungeons" magazine to persuade Evil Glenn to give me a tour of his compound. What I found will shock and disturb you.

We started off in the torture chamber. A twisted, macabre place with human hands sticking out of the walls in various stages of decay.

Turned out it was only the front entryway. Those were coathooks. That Glenn, what a prankster!

But the REAL torture chamber came soon enough. I have to confess to a twinge of jealousy, as that chair looked more comfortable than most of the second hand reject furniture that decorates my bank lobby.

In the "courtroom", the following conversation took place:

Evil Glenn: In order to keep my evil lawyering skills... pardon the redundancy... as sharp as possible, I've had my very own Kangaroo Courtroom built over here. This is where I try and convict hobos before sentencing them to death.

Harv: And they're ALWAYS found guilty?

Evil Glenn: Yes, no one EVER gets off... except me... but that's the Penguin Porn Room, which you'll see later.

Harv: No chance of acquittal? That hardly seems fair. What about justice?

Evil Glenn: Just... what now?

Harv: Nevermind.

Next came the kitchen, or as Glenn called it, the Blendatorium. Here you can see the puppies packed together like deviled eggs, awaiting their conversion to smoothie status.

We passed through the Great Hall Of Mao on our way to the next room. Upon seeing the dozens of pictures of the bald-headed, squinty-eyed dictator, Glenn became increasingly restless as thoughts of pure commie evil filled his head with unspeakable pleasure. By the time we reached the Robot Dance Hall, Glenn could no longer restrain himself and began Robot Dancing with such an inhumanly wild abandon, it made Howard Dean look like William F. Buckley.

After sitting through 3 hours of Donna Summer singing "Hot Stuff" on endless loop, we finished up the tour with the previously promised viewing of...

The Penguin Porn Room.

I ran screaming into the night.

I only hope that by exposing the vile sins within Evil Glenn's abode that we will finally have the means to put an end to the oppressive rule of the vile and despicable blogospheric dictator.

INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

Posted by: Harvey at 07:39 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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