(A FILTHY LIE)

Why does the Alliance have microphones & cameras all over Evil Glenn's dark castle? So that when stuff like this happens, you can read the transcript:

[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]

Evil Glenn [opening door]: Yes?

Jimmy: Good afternoon, Mr. Reynolds, I'm Jimmy Jackboot from the FCC and I have a warrant for your arrest.

Evil Glenn: Not again. Look, I already told you people, that penguin was over 18, and it was consensual, so if you'll excuse me...

Jimmy: Huh? What are you talking about?

Evil Glenn: You're NOT from the zoo?

Jimmy: No, I said I was from the FCC. We have reason to believe you've been sending out mass-mailings of unsolicited commercial e-mail. I need you to come with me and answer a few questions.

Evil Glenn: She WAS 18, you know.

Jimmy: I know, I saw the disclaimer on the videotape. But that's REALLY not why I'm here. It's about that spam you've been sending.

Evil Glenn [waves fingers in front of Jimmy's face]: This isn't the spammer you're looking for.

Jimmy: Mr. Reynolds, your Jedi mind-control tricks have no effect on government employees.

Evil Glenn: DAMN! I forgot about the "minimum IQ" threshhold. Geez, I might just as well try to influence a brick wall or a Massachusetts Senator.

Jimmy: By all means, Mr. Reynolds, please continue resisting. It's been a while since I had the pleasure of beating the crap out of a contrary American subject.

Evil Glenn: Citizen.

Jimmy: Right. Citizen. I forgot that Kerry hasn't been elected and declared himself Emperor yet. Just wait 'till February! [shakes fist menacingly] Meanwhile, come with me. You have some explaining to do to the FBI.

Evil Glenn: I thought you said you were from the FCC?

Jimmy: I... uh.... well... you know how it is... 3 letter acronym... all those confusing letters... um... you shut up & stop resisting!

Evil Glenn: Wait... I know YOU! You're Dan Rather! You're just trying to get back at me for helping to expose your forged memos!

Dan: Crap!... I mean... uh... I don't know what you're talking about! I'm Johnny Jackstraw from the FTC! You're under arrest! You WILL respect my au-thor-i-tie!

Evil Glenn: I'm not going anywhere with you! Get lost you cheap, snivelling, Democratic Party lickspittle!

Dan: Reporter.

Evil Glenn: Look, if you're not gone in 10 seconds, I'll have my pajama-clad blogger-minions chew you up like pirahnas eating a cow.

Dan: NO! NOT THE BLOGGERS! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH! [runs back to CBS news van covered with anti-Bush bumper stickers and leaves 200-yard skid-marks accelerating out of the driveway]

Evil Glenn [going back inside to his computer]: Now... where was I?... ah, yes...

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To: [All Bloggers in the Ecosystem]
Subject: U HAVE 2 C THIS!!!!!

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Posted by: Harvey at 09:24 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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