Wanna get scared?

From my Dilbert Newsletter 57.0 (not yet on-line, but the other 56 are) come these tales of everyday idiocy, each followed by the 4 scariest words in the English language. Read on, if you dare:

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"

When another person jumped in and explained that the sun rises in the east (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."

And then she voted.

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I used to work in technical support for a 24x7 call center. One day I got a call from an Induhvidual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh. Pacific."

And then he voted.

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So my colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria when we overheard one of the admin assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."

And then she voted.

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I was in a high school advanced physics class and the teacher was talking about a new military weapon that uses sonic waves on the battlefield to burst enemy soldiers' chests. One Induhvidual in the class spoke up and said, "Well that's stupid! Why don't they just wear headphones?"

And a few years later, he voted.

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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seatbelt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the passenger side door's map pocket.

And then she voted.

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My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought two cases. The cashier multiplied two times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

And then they all voted.

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I was hanging out with a conservative friend of mine when we saw a woman walk by us with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I had to explain to her that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.

And then she voted.

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My girlfriend and I were picking up some sandwiches from the sub place last week and she asked the clerk which one of two sandwiches was better. The clerk didn't have an opinion but did say that the first sandwich was more expensive. My girlfriend got a quizzical look on her face and asked, "If that's the case, why are they both listed with the same price on the menu?" To this, the clerk responded, "I don't think they tax the turkey."

And then he voted.

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I was at a convenience store buying a 99-cent "Behemoth Gulp"
or some such thing. The cost with tax was $1.02. I only had
a $5 bill. The clerk asked if I had two pennies. I said I didn't.

She said, "We'll take a couple from here," and got two pennies out
of her penny cup at the register. She handed me back my change: $4 in bills.and the two pennies.

And then she voted.

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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because they were trained professionals and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"

And then she voted.

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After a meal at a nice restaurant, an Induhvidual, rubbing his stomach, said, "I don't know about you guys but I'm flabbergasted."

And then he voted.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:10 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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