(A FILTHY LIE)

An excerpt from "Maybe I Shouldn't Have Said That: A Job Hunter's Guide" by Glenn Reynolds

Chapter 4
Deal Breakers

Most job hunting manuals will tell you that it's a good thing to have some questions ready for the interviewer to show that you have a serious interest in the job being offered. However, I've learned through bitter experience that there are some questions that shouldn't be asked, and some comments that shouldn't be made. For example, the following have all, at one time or another, gotten me an armed escort to the front door:

At the dog kennel:
You guys don't actually take a head count every night, do you?

At the homeless shelter:
Ya know, if the food prep area in the kitchen were a little bigger, it could double as a sacrificial altar.

At Arthur Murray's Dance Studio:
Is the Robot Dance considered Waltz or Ballroom?

At St. Peter's Cathedral:
Where do you keep the black candles?

At McDonald's:
Will you be adding the McDachshund to the menu anytime soon?

At more places than I can count:
I don't smoke, so is it ok if I spend my breaks slaughtering the homeless?

At the CIA:
Now that Clinton is no longer President, is it still ok to sell advanced missle technology to the Chinese Communists?

At Blockbuster Video:
Will this store be ordering "Backdoor Birdie" anytime soon? My copy is worn out and I need something to watch during my shift.

At the blood bank:
Is there an employee discount?

At the 700 Club:
Do you offer medical benefits for my same sex partner?

At the Suicide Hotline:
If the person calling is an asshole, can I just refer them to www.selfsnuff.com?

At PeTA:
Now that I've got this job, let's go to Red Lobster to celebrate. My treat.

At Apple:
Bill Gates said...

At the NAACP:
Did I leave my copy of "The Bell Curve" in the lobby?

At IBM:
Mind if I take some notes on my Powerbook while we talk?

At the National Organization for Women:
Weren't you on the cover of "Hefty Hooters" magazine? [pulling out latest edition] See? Looks just like you.

I spent six months in the hospital after that last one. So just remember, people: Be careful - it's a jungle out there

INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

Posted by: Harvey at 07:35 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 393 words, total size 3 kb.

1 LOL! They're all funny, but 700 club hit just right. Must be growing up in the Bible belt.

Posted by: at May 28, 2004 08:59 PM (u3sPG)

2 Oops, Harvey, sorry. That was me. I hit Post too soon.

Posted by: boudicca at May 28, 2004 09:00 PM (u3sPG)

3 Another giant load of Evil Glenn poop shovelled out by the Harvenator. Out-fucking-standing!

Posted by: Madfish Willie at May 28, 2004 09:50 PM (rQ9MS)

4 LMAO! I agree that they're all funny, but the Homeless Shelter bit was my favourite

Posted by: Sally at May 29, 2004 03:06 PM (a1D32)

5 Thanks for your comments BTW. You too, Susie!

Posted by: Sally at May 29, 2004 03:24 PM (a1D32)

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