(A PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR ASSIGNMENT)

Air America, the sleazy, pathetic commercial propaganda arm of the DNC, is having (and I'm being polite here) a few minor financial difficulties, and may not last much longer. When it finally goes off the air in bankrupt humiliation (my dead pool pick is February - I figure they'll be completely irrelevant after the inauguration), there's going to be lots of finger-pointing and blame passed around. There's also going to be a dervish of spin put on the "why" of the failure, and I expect it to give rise to such excuses as the following:

Contract with Satan guaranteeing Air America's success found invalid due to not being signed in blood.

Al Franken's thick glasses kept accidentally setting the studio on fire.

Randi Rhodes didn't talk about her nipples enough.

Too much money wasted on salaries, not enought spent on bribes to Clear Channel executives.

Rush Limbaugh depleted the nation's supply of Oxycontin, so not enough was available to make Air America's hosts witty and insightful.

Digital brownshirts kept smashing people's radios

Al Franken is Jewish, so Bushitler had him gassed.

The fact that Al Franken is still alive does NOT disprove this theory.

Air America staff constantly attacked by vicious hordes of rats and cockroaches, who, apparently, didn't appreciate the competition.

The Air America signal simply wouldn't carry. Not surprising, since vibrations in the electomagnetic spectrum tend to vote Republican.

Nobody was buying commerical spots. Even a NAMBLA spokesman was quoted as saying "we don't want our reputation soiled by these degenerates".

Air America had to shut down because of the McCain-Feingold campaign finance laws, which expressly forbid such things as speaking in direct support of a candidate, or speaking at all if you're dumber than a bucket of monkey spunk.

Although Al Franken created a lot of great material he would often flush the toilet before it could be retrieved.

I tell ya, I'll be sorry to see 'em go...

SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!

Posted by: Harvey at 07:36 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 336 words, total size 3 kb.

1 "Randi Rhodes didn't talk about her nipples enough." ::shudder::

Posted by: physics geek at July 01, 2004 07:28 AM (Xvrs7)

2 Randi Rhodes was from down here. I found her to be the most irritating talking head in the world. I was amazed when she got picked up. She had full plastic surgery, she was damn ugly, and when they finished, she was still ugly. Blech.

Posted by: at July 01, 2004 07:53 AM (FnSa2)

3 Oops. Sorry. Me again. Sometimes I forget to enter ANY information!

Posted by: Boudicca at July 01, 2004 04:26 PM (FnSa2)

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