It used to be that, in my more generous moments, I could almost give creedence to the "I support the troops, but I don't support the war" claim.

I can't even get that far anymore.

J of Quibbles & Bits puts it all in perspective by imagining a similar stance by a sports fan:

"Let me get this straight -- You say you support the Cowboys."

"Right."

"And you want them to have the best equipment and facilities, all the stuff they need to get ready for the upcoming games."

"Yep. All the best."

"But you don't want them to play?"

"Damn straight," he said, grinning.

"And if they do play, you'd rather see them come home in defeat?"

"It will keep them from getting arrogant." He seemed to think I understood his thinking.

"You are one [f*****] up individual."

Or in Kerry's case, one f'd up presidential candidate.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:23 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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Or maybe it's just beginning.

At any rate, Frank's back at IMAO, and I posted my final bit. One of my better efforts from somewhere in the April Bad Money archives. Even if you've read it before, read it again. It's that good.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:16 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 Phuck Frnak!

Posted by: Mudfish Billie at August 25, 2004 12:36 PM (f4tF1)

2 You know that arrogant little prick doesn't even read other blogs... the nerve of him having an 'Alliance'... what a jerk-off!!

Posted by: Mudfish Billie at August 27, 2004 11:04 AM (f4tF1)

3 Apparently he reads Mountaineer Musings...

Posted by: Harvey at August 27, 2004 06:20 PM (ubhj8)

4 there are worse blogs to read than that one...

Posted by: sarahk at August 29, 2004 03:23 PM (HtWwm)

5 And you're reading one of them now :-P

Posted by: Harvey at August 29, 2004 10:17 PM (ubhj8)

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In the comments to this post wherein I picked some "L" words that made me think of Beloved Wife, Linus of Pepper of the Earth mentioned a certain song about the letter "L" from Sesame Street.

Blogdaughter Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice mentioned that I could do my very own special rendition of it.

She should REALLY learn when to shut up.

Anyway, I copied the lyrics from here, and made some... adjustments...

The result is just plain horrifying, and certainly not for anyone with any sense of propriety, decency or taste. For the sake of The Children^TM and people surfing from work, I'm putting this atrocity in the extended entry.

Finally, my sincerest apologies to Jim Henson, Frank Oz, and the Children's Television Workshop.

I will burn in hell for this. more...

Posted by: Harvey at 11:05 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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(A PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR ASSIGNMENT)

Now that word about John Kerry's misadventures in Viet Nam have started leaking - ever so slowly - into the mainstream press, eventually they'll have to explain why they gave Kerry a two-week pass instead of gnawing his legs off in a hyena-like frenzy as the do with every tiny faux pas of W's.

Here are my predictions on what they might pull out for ass-coverage:

They were distracted by the important-lookingness of Kerry's hair.

All the office computers were running Windows so some data loss was inevitable.

They had to wait for Chris Matthews to steal Michelle Malkin's copy of "Unfit For Command" before they could read it.

Their shipment of journalistic integrity got lost in the mail.

Which is understandable, since it's hard to keep track of thimble-sized packages.

They didn't run the story because they get their marching orders from Karl Marx, not Karl Rove.

All the office computers were tied up with burning DVD's of "Fahrenheit 9/11".

Which took forever, since Windows kept crashing.

They weren't IGNORING the story, they just wanted to be "fashionably late".

They were busy dodging bullets in Cambodia.

Or maybe NEAR Cambodia

They couldn't write the story unless they were wearing their lucky CIA hats, which were apparently stolen out of their briefcases by the Bush administration.

Who killed innocent Iraqis with them.

While lying about it.

Hey, remember Abu Ghraib?

AbuGhraibAbuGhraibAbuGhraibBushLiedYearrrrgggh! *froth*

They were busy staring at the asses of the Brazilian Women's Olympic Volleyball Team.

They were stuck on level 7 of Doom 3

Everyone was at the "Unbiased, Objective Journalists Without An Agenda For Kerry" fundraiser.

There was an entire sentence in the last paragraph on page 28 of the New York Times. What the hell ELSE do you want?

Just as the story was going to press, they ran out of soy-based ink, so they had to hold off.

The check from the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy just now cleared the bank.

And if you think THAT was some doubletalking backpedalling, wait till you see the spin on Kerry's Winter Soldier testimony.

MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!

Posted by: Harvey at 10:07 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

How blessed I am that I can walk beside you, lean upon you, and live within the warmth of your love.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 06:32 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Shortly after Matty O'Blackfive was hired by the Treasury to print the serial numbers on $1 bills, the Bureau of Engraving and Printing instituted a "no Irish need apply" hiring policy.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:28 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Blogson-in-law Alex of Alex in Wonderland has chapter 3, part 1 of "The Witch Hunter" up.

I've never been sucked in so hard by something outside of a Bangkok whorehouse.

And for your in-sucking convenience, Alex has posted Chapter 1 in a single post. If you've been putting this off, then take the 10 minute challenge. Read the first chapter. If you find that you don't care what happens to the characters, please tell me I'm a weenie in the comments.

And after you get hooked, follow this link to chapter 2, and after that, you can navigate off the calendar, starting with August 21st.

If the white-on-blue type hurts your eyes, just copy & paste into your favorite text editor & read it from there.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:10 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I dredged my Bad Money archives & came up with a couple more items for IMAO.

Posted by: Harvey at 05:57 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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That I wrote specifically for IMAO guest posting purposes.

You won't see it here.

So go there.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:00 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

Love is when thoughts of but one woman fill your heart, when she means more than life to you, when you know you would do anything for her and shall die if she is taken from you. Desire is when you ache to see her and touch her, when she causes your body to burn and tremble.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 10:56 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Blogson-in-law Alex of Alex in Wonderland has posted sort of an odd little interlude, and not described with chapter & part number, yet obviously relevant to the story line.

What I'm really enjoying about this series is that every day there's new little hints and shadows of things to come which are woven elegantly into the narrative.

If you haven't started yet, the easiest way is to go here, click on calendar date August 14th and navigate off the calendar page, day by day.

Posted by: Harvey at 10:31 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Your Precision Guided Humor Assignment: "What excuses will the "unbiased" major media outlets give for not covering Kerry's lies about Viet Nam?" is due by 8pm Wednesday. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.

Monday Linky Stuff

A Filthy Lie

Posted by: Harvey at 10:12 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Blogson-in-law Alex of Alex in Wonderland has a post up wherein he cherishes his darling wife Sally by listing some other appropriate S words.

Since Beloved Wife's name begins with L, my list would include the following:

Lady, likeable, lickable, luscious, lacivious, lay, lusty, and loving.

And lets not forget landcuffs, lindfolds, and londage.

Posted by: Harvey at 05:01 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 LOL!

Posted by: Susie at August 23, 2004 03:44 AM (mua5j)

2 I can't bring up that site. It's really getting irritating!

Posted by: Boudicca at August 23, 2004 06:14 AM (ejhl7)

3 La la la ... Linoleum ... (My favorite Sesame Street song line ever!)

Posted by: Linus at August 23, 2004 10:45 AM (Bf+TD)

4 La la la la... lamppost. That's my favorite SS song too. I still sing it to my kids... which helps as I have one learning how to read. I'll skip what could be Harvey's rendition!

Posted by: Boudicca at August 23, 2004 03:04 PM (ejhl7)

5 "This show was brought to you by the letter 'S'". We're always saying about Tara, "One of these kids is doin' her own thing..."

Posted by: Sally at August 23, 2004 03:15 PM (a1D32)

6 Yeah, I remember that one, too :-) The transcript of that sketch is here: http://members.tripod.com/Tiny_Dancer/lala.html

Posted by: Harvey at August 23, 2004 03:17 PM (tJfh1)

7 Hey! We have that video! C is for Cookie, it's good enough for me, Hay!

Posted by: Boudicca at August 23, 2004 09:28 PM (ejhl7)

8 Bou - I double dare you to do a Harvey rendition ;-)

Posted by: Harvey at August 24, 2004 04:10 PM (ubhj8)

9 On the letter C? Seriously?

Posted by: Boudicca at August 24, 2004 08:43 PM (ejhl7)

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I've been hearing now and again about how Alan Keyes came out in favor of reparations in a recent speech (name drgwandsp password calzephyr - courtesy of BugMeNot):

Keyes proposed that for a generation or two, African-Americans of slave heritage should be exempted from federal taxes-federal because slavery "was an egregious failure on the part of the federal establishment."

Steve of Disaster and Love, Vengeance and Dust has his take on it, but I look at it from a different angle.

I view taxes as a necessary evil - more evil than necessary, for the most part - so whenever someone doesn't have to pay them, I look at it as a GOOD thing. I don't care if it's a sleazy loophole designed to buy votes, I STILL cheer. This country needs MORE and LARGER sleazy loopholes. The more things that are exempt from taxation, the happier I am.

Sure, I'd LIKE to be the guy on the receiving end of the free pass, but at the same time, I'm not petty enough to begrudge someone else their good time.

So I say go ahead and exempt blacks from taxation. Then bring in the browns, yellows & reds. Do the whole freaking rainbow!

Well, not the greens. Hippy bastards.

Anyway, creating exemptions helps establish the point that taxation is a BAD thing that HURTS people. If that idea takes hold, then eventually my snow-colored, melanin-impaired brethren will be have to be exempted, too.

Meanwhile, I don't mind waiting in the back of the bus for my turn.

Posted by: Harvey at 04:59 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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1 U R WRONG!

Posted by: Mudfish Billie at August 22, 2004 05:45 PM (f4tF1)

2 What the fuck is THAT? Your license plate?

Posted by: Harvey at August 22, 2004 06:28 PM (ubhj8)

3 Well, if they don't have to pay taxes, then they aren't allowed any of the other government benies either. Two way street, all or nothing.

Posted by: Boudicca at August 22, 2004 06:37 PM (ejhl7)

4 Let's see Keyes or Obama... Keyes or Obama... UMMM ---- Keyes it is. Obama is a waaaayyyyy liberal Dem. Not to mention the fact that Keyes can talk about reparations all he wants, it'll never pass Congress - not if it involves cutting anyones taxes. Keyes may be wacked, but he's not as bad as Obama. Man, Illinois is such a mess - I really want to get out of this state!

Posted by: Teresa at August 22, 2004 06:52 PM (nAfYo)

5 hey... if I were an Illinoisan, I'd vote for Keyes... but he lost brownie points with this. Usually when you break from party ranks to cater to a side on an issue, you usually take the popular stance... but Keyes... way out of left field with this one... to use that expression. I guess the reason taxes exist is, sure, to pay for a kick-ass military and a government subsidized foreign policy (as the feds should be the sole arbiters thereof)... but I guess another reason they exist is to make tax cuts that much sweeter... and so what if the rich get more $$$ from a tax cut, we lower-middle class bums get money too... and that makes it that much more gang$ta... because Lord knows we don't qualify for government programs for ANYTHING... but we sure do pay for it...

Posted by: steve at August 22, 2004 09:19 PM (7Fyzi)

6 I feel the same as Teresa. I'd rather write Jack Ryan in, but that would be a waste of a vote, and every vote will count in this one. Keyes has to be it, although anyone can tell you that the commie will win. What great choices we have! :/

Posted by: That 1 Guy at August 22, 2004 11:12 PM (Y3e99)

7 Well, that's about the only argument I've heard so far that makes Keye's position the least bit palatable. However, assuming that there is even a moral justification for reparations (and I don't feel the case has been made by a long shot) there are so many faults with any and all ideas for reparations as to make it impossible. For instance, if there was no corresponding cut in spending to the social programs for those blacks no longer paying taxes, the tax burden shifts to the rest of us. And contrary to popular belief, quite a few of us don't have slave-owning ancestors. I've got no particular interest in the Illinois race, although I am against Keyes running, for the same reasons he and I were both against Hillary Clinton running for NY Senate. Carpetbaggers have no intrinsic connection to their constituency. If the Illinois GOP is that hard-up for viable candidates, maybe they out to suck it up and get rid of their current crop of leaders. I haven't seen his rationale for changing his mind on this. But then, I haven't been looking and as I said, I've got no particular interest. So yeah, lets get rid of taxes, but no, let's not give credence to this idea that we are in any way responsible for the sins of our fathers. Frankly, I'd rather continue paying taxes than admit guilt for something I had no part in.

Posted by: krakatoa at August 23, 2004 01:35 AM (GA8JW)

8 I think he was suggesting it as a "here, now SHUT UP ABOUT IT" measure. I know I would be eternally grateful if they devised something that would SHUT UP the gimme gimme you-owe-me crowd once and for all. It's a simple idea: Fine. You want reparations? Here's your reparations. Once it's gone, that's it--- so SHUT UP ABOUT IT.

Posted by: RHJunior at August 23, 2004 02:39 AM (HdthT)

9 T1G: I am writing in Jack Ryan, and I don't feel it's a waste of a vote. I feel I'm using my vote to show support for who I felt is the best candidate. Also if enough people write in/vote non-traditional lines maybe it will send a message to these elitist crooks, er politicians that we aren't the sheep they want us to be.

Posted by: Contagion at August 23, 2004 12:13 PM (Q5WxB)

10 Harvey, I must admit I like your "spin" on this topic. I almost am persuaded to vote for you. Too bad you aren't running this year. Alan is a good man, he just needs to stick to his guns. I linked to your post on my post about the same topic. Keep up the great work rabbit..er Harvey

Posted by: Joshua at August 23, 2004 04:02 PM (VwzMz)

11 What I like about Keyes throwing this out there is that it forced Obama to oppose reparations. Mheh. And it's not exactly clear from the article if this constitutes a flip-flop on Keyes' part. They cite 2 instances of him opposing reparations, the second one opposes attempting to extract reparations from corporations. The first one... it's not clear, but I would assume it's the same thing, since that's what reparations activists usually bring up. With his current proposal, he's saying "you want to blame someone for slavery? Blame the Federal Gov't for letting slavery be legal, not the private companies that profited from a then-legal activity." For the record, I think reparations are an assinine concept. I'm just giving this a nod because I like tax cuts. Period. And krakatoa - you're right, the tax burden shifts, so it's only right to spread the tax cuts further and/or curb spending to make things fair again. It's the GOOD kind of slippery slope :-)

Posted by: Harvey at August 23, 2004 06:16 PM (ubhj8)

12 I will not now, nor ever, condone any kind of slavery reparations, even if it sticks a thumb in the eye of the IRS. I find the idea that I share some kind of guilt and owe money to black people because people with my color skin did some horrible crap to black people 300 years ago utter bullshit. Sure, they'd cut taxes for black people, then raise the taxes of everyone else to make up the difference. In essence this is no different from the government telling me to just write a check straight out of my bank account. Making Obama oppose reparations is pretty damn funny though

Posted by: Graumagus at August 24, 2004 11:32 AM (vB+Te)

13 Yeah... what Graumagus said!!!

Posted by: Mudfish Billie at August 24, 2004 03:36 PM (f4tF1)

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While perusing the Showcase, I came across this excellent piece by Varifrank wherein he most brilliantly and thoroughly discusses the parallels between the Manhattan project and the Iraq war WMD issue.

You see, the whole reason America went to all the trouble of building the atomic bomb is that we thought Germany was building one, and we wanted to beat them to the punch.

Turns out we were wrong.

Does that mean WWII was wrong?

Go check Varifranks's take on it.

Posted by: Harvey at 04:43 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Blogdaughter Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice has penned some ponderings on a subject near and dear to her heart - Feminine Hygiene Products.

Actually, it's nearer & dearer to other body parts, but I'm not going there.

Anyway, if you've ever used FHP or been forced to buy FHP for an owner of a near & dear body part, go have a look.

Posted by: Harvey at 04:38 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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This picture from the Truth Laid Bear illustrating the relative influence of 527's on both the Republicans & Democrats.

To be fair, there may be larger Republican 527's not shown on the chart, but it's still interesting.

Posted by: Harvey at 02:34 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Blogson Johnny-Oh of Closet Extremist has a couple excellent pieces on working in retail and dealing with pissy cusomers.

From the first one:

As I came in from the greenhouse patio, I stopped at the register's to inform the cashier's that I was taking my break. As I turned away from them, I noticed a little woman (whom I hadn't even noticed was standing there) standing about eight feet away from the register "Island". As soon as she saw me register her existence, she blurted out the phrase (and rather "pissilly" too) "aren't you supposed to be helping me?". My response was, (Just as pissilly) "No. I'm supposed to be on break!...But...How can I help you?".

From the second one:

As I was talking about this subject with my roommate, he reminded me of the concept of firing customers. Mr. Brodsky really does a good job of saying what I wanted to drive home. There are times when your customer actually hurts your business, and you've got to do something about them.

If you work retail, I highly recommend these.

If you're a pissy customer, then go away. I'm on break :-P

Posted by: Harvey at 02:03 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Don't believe a damn word you read about me in those disreputable British tabloids.

There were several thousand pornographic magazines.

Nothing but LIES, I say!

Posted by: Harvey at 01:47 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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... I'm going to mention that I did a couple throw-away posts at IMAO.

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