August 05, 2007
A SPRING CLEANING FOR YOUR CONSCIENCE
I did not write this.
*** THE TOP 10 STEPS TO GUILT-FREE LIVING ***
----------------------------------------------------
Too many people live in a state of constant guilt. They feel guilty if they spend a cent on themselves. They feel guilty if they are not constantly at the beck and call of someone else. They feel guilty if anything goes wrong in the life of any of their loved ones, because, somehow, they should have prevented it. Sometimes it seems as though they feel guilt just because they exist! Others feel guilty because their behavior and their values are frequently at odds. Here are some reassurances and ways to plan ahead so as to not feel guilty.
1. If you don't want others to know about something you are about to do, then that is a signal that you are ashamed of it. Solution - don't do it.
2. Understand that you are as worthy of care and attention as anyone else, and it is not wrong to nurture yourself. Whether it is taking time for yourself, spending money on yourself, or eating good chocolate as you take a bubble bath, you are entitled, and you do not need to feel guilty. The edict from the Bible says "Love your neighbor AS yourself, not MORE THAN yourself."
3. Examine your motives. Why are you contemplating a particular action? If you will eventually need to explain to anyone else why you did it, will you be willing to be honest about it? If not - don't do it.
4. Set your own values according to what you believe. When we are very young and do not know right from wrong we need to learn values from someone. As we grow older, we need to develop our own values, according to our beliefs. It may be that those values will be the same as the ones were given when young. Or not. What is important is that we have examined them, and made our own choices.
5. Identify and dismiss your judges. Most people who suffer from unnecessary guilt do so because there is a little judge sitting (metaphorically) on their shoulders. It may be the voice of an angry parent, a judgmental teacher, a mocking older sister, or someone else who judged you when you were young and not old enough to have developed your own values and conscience. Understand that you are now old enough to make your own decisions, to decide on your own values. When your behavior is based on your own decisions and you hear the judge whispering guilt into your ear, smile, turn your head, whisper "Goodbye," and gently blow the judge off your shoulder. This ritual will help you to become aware that the judge's values are not necessarily your values.
6. Understand that you have done the best you could with the tools that you thought you had. You could do no more. If you now realize that it was not enough, reach out to get some more tools, tools to help you become more of who you really want to be, to help you do what is right. The only way to make right the past is to make right the future.
7. Integrate yourself, do not live different lives, or be different people, in different settings. A person who is one person at work and lives according to completely different values at home, or who splits life up in other ways, lives in fear of being found out and cannot always live according to his/her true values. We need to find our own deep foundation, and use this to support all aspects of our lives.
8. Imagine that the entire world hangs in the balance between good and evil, and that your action will swing the balance in one direction or the other.
9. If you are still in doubt, talk with someone you trust, NOT with someone who will advise you to do what they think you want to do.
10. Ask yourself if this is the behavior you would want your grandchildren to know you by. If you still have any doubts about whether or not it is right to do something, ask yourself this question. The answer will be your guide.
If anyone knows where this came from, drop a comment.
Comments are disabled.
Post is locked.
This is something I found while I was poking around in the deepest, darkest depths of my hard drive. Sadly, I neglected to note the source.
Anyway, it's good stuff.
Figured I'd share
*** THE TOP 10 STEPS TO GUILT-FREE LIVING ***
----------------------------------------------------
Too many people live in a state of constant guilt. They feel guilty if they spend a cent on themselves. They feel guilty if they are not constantly at the beck and call of someone else. They feel guilty if anything goes wrong in the life of any of their loved ones, because, somehow, they should have prevented it. Sometimes it seems as though they feel guilt just because they exist! Others feel guilty because their behavior and their values are frequently at odds. Here are some reassurances and ways to plan ahead so as to not feel guilty.
1. If you don't want others to know about something you are about to do, then that is a signal that you are ashamed of it. Solution - don't do it.
2. Understand that you are as worthy of care and attention as anyone else, and it is not wrong to nurture yourself. Whether it is taking time for yourself, spending money on yourself, or eating good chocolate as you take a bubble bath, you are entitled, and you do not need to feel guilty. The edict from the Bible says "Love your neighbor AS yourself, not MORE THAN yourself."
3. Examine your motives. Why are you contemplating a particular action? If you will eventually need to explain to anyone else why you did it, will you be willing to be honest about it? If not - don't do it.
4. Set your own values according to what you believe. When we are very young and do not know right from wrong we need to learn values from someone. As we grow older, we need to develop our own values, according to our beliefs. It may be that those values will be the same as the ones were given when young. Or not. What is important is that we have examined them, and made our own choices.
5. Identify and dismiss your judges. Most people who suffer from unnecessary guilt do so because there is a little judge sitting (metaphorically) on their shoulders. It may be the voice of an angry parent, a judgmental teacher, a mocking older sister, or someone else who judged you when you were young and not old enough to have developed your own values and conscience. Understand that you are now old enough to make your own decisions, to decide on your own values. When your behavior is based on your own decisions and you hear the judge whispering guilt into your ear, smile, turn your head, whisper "Goodbye," and gently blow the judge off your shoulder. This ritual will help you to become aware that the judge's values are not necessarily your values.
6. Understand that you have done the best you could with the tools that you thought you had. You could do no more. If you now realize that it was not enough, reach out to get some more tools, tools to help you become more of who you really want to be, to help you do what is right. The only way to make right the past is to make right the future.
7. Integrate yourself, do not live different lives, or be different people, in different settings. A person who is one person at work and lives according to completely different values at home, or who splits life up in other ways, lives in fear of being found out and cannot always live according to his/her true values. We need to find our own deep foundation, and use this to support all aspects of our lives.
8. Imagine that the entire world hangs in the balance between good and evil, and that your action will swing the balance in one direction or the other.
9. If you are still in doubt, talk with someone you trust, NOT with someone who will advise you to do what they think you want to do.
10. Ask yourself if this is the behavior you would want your grandchildren to know you by. If you still have any doubts about whether or not it is right to do something, ask yourself this question. The answer will be your guide.
If anyone knows where this came from, drop a comment.
Posted by: Harvey at
09:29 AM
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Post contains 764 words, total size 4 kb.
1
No no no. Don't you understand that the way to be guilt free is to make everything that you want to do part of the mainstream culture?
/sarcasm
Actually, this is all very good advice. To sum up: If you don't want to feel guilty about doing something. Don't do it. (Because you probably shouldn't be doing it...)
Posted by: GEBIV at August 05, 2007 09:46 AM (EYftJ)
2
Harvey? That's about the best advice I've read on that subject. I may have to print that out and hang it somewhere in my house......
Posted by: Tammi at August 05, 2007 10:17 AM (F/bmV)
3
Dang - that's great advice...
Posted by: Richmond at August 05, 2007 11:03 AM (gZB7C)
4
It's great advice, right up until you get to the "get rid of values you don't like" part.
The Nazis were very guilt-free in what they did. They just adjusted their value system to the point where feeding 12 million or so people into gas chambers and ovens wasn't such a big deal. Using those ten rules alone, I can justify the murder of anyone and everyone on Earth.
The entire list could have been condensed down to one rule: if you have to justify your actions to yourself now, you probably shouldn't do it.
Relative morality is NOT a good thing, and does NOT lead to guilt-free living. Relative morality leads to chaos and anarchy, and a whole lot of guilty people.
Posted by: the Humble Devildog at August 05, 2007 03:24 PM (4sXe8)
5
Perfect timing, Harvey! :-)
Posted by: Hapkido at August 05, 2007 05:19 PM (ugegk)
6
there are plenty of reasons people make decisions, but the final piece of a decision should be weighed with your morals/and ethics. If there is any violation of that...it should be a no go...
this is great Harvey
Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at August 05, 2007 05:23 PM (TabtH)
7
I'm jealous. All I have on my machine are naked pictures of dick and fart jokes.
BTW, I believe that this might be your source. Give Diana Robinson your appreciation.
Posted by: physics geek at August 06, 2007 01:45 PM (MT22W)
8
Harv, you forgot the official US Navy solution: have no conscience.
Posted by: Tennessee Budd at August 07, 2007 11:15 AM (Kk1xh)
9
9. If you are still in doubt, talk with someone you trust, NOT with someone who will advise you to do what they think you want to do.
I was thinking of switching parties so I can vote for Hillary in the primaries. ;-) What do you think?
Posted by: wRitErsbLock at August 07, 2007 02:11 PM (+MvHD)
10
writersblock - I'm ok with that :-)
TB - Hey, I had a conscience in the Navy.
Seem to have left it in a P.I. whorehouse, though ;-)
Posted by: Harvey at August 07, 2007 05:54 PM (L7a63)
11
I was about to write sounds like healthy words from a psychologist. Then read physics geek answer. :-)
Posted by: h~ at August 07, 2007 06:51 PM (JmOg4)
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