Blogson Andrew of Custos Honor just got his Bartender's License.

Go to this post and order a drink.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:43 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The Humble Devildog of Random Firings of Neurons listened to his music collection and contemplated the causes of "greatness".

To me, the most notable aspect of great men is that they possess an insane and fanatical devotion to the pursuit of their goals. The spend what normal people consider "too much" time doing what they love.

In the cases he cites, it's music. They spent too much time reading it, writing it, and playing it. And they created a large body of crappy and forgettable work in the process. Most people wouldn't be able to continue after producing those tons of worthless garbage - they'd think "I can't do any better than this. I might as well give up."

But the greats kept on trying anyway. "Luck", after all, is when hard work meets opportunity.

They probably had a LOT of people tell them "There's more to life than just music. Why don't you get out once in a while? Get a hobby. Learn to play golf or something".

Thankfully, these idiots were ignored.

Of course, producing large quantities of crap does NOT guarantee eventual greatness (see my 6000 or so blog posts for proof), but greatness simply can't be done without it.

Posted by: Harvey at 09:06 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 "possess an insane and fanatical devotion to the pursuit of their goals. The spend what normal people consider "too much" time doing what they love" You know, this is what makes a great career person also. I have an insane, fanatical devotion to all things quality and make it my lifes devotion to install it in everyone.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at June 23, 2006 10:08 AM (XG7jZ)

2 Blogging I would consider an obsession versus a talent, at least in my case! As for the greats, your description is so true. It brought Mozart to mind immediately, the insane and fanatical part especially!

Posted by: Anna at June 23, 2006 12:21 PM (rZYE5)

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(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment cross-posted from IMAO)

A Marine wrote a song called "Hadji Girl" (video here, lyrics here) that was described as "contrary to the high standards expected of all Marines" by Marine Major Gabrielle Chapin.

Since Marines aren't known for their sensitivity, I have to assume that the objection was that it didn't have enough brutal terrorist-killin'. So to show my support for the Marines, I wrote a sprightly little ditty that's - hopefully - a little less respectful of bloodthirsty Islamofascists.

CONTENT WARNING: contains censored profanity, violent imagery, disrespectful references to terrorist sexual preferences, and other assorted not-very-niceness, so it's in the extended entry... more...

Posted by: Harvey at 09:05 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Over at Drunken Wisdom. A bit spicy, so check over your shoulder before you click.

Posted by: Harvey at 08:58 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

My Wish

I wish that I could cause the sun
To warm the world with love
Remove the clouds a moment
To reveal the stars above

I wish that I could wipe that tear
From the corner of your eye
Bring happiness for your sorrow
Bring a smile for your sigh

I wish that I could better things
Put hope within your heart
Make today the best you've had
Right from its very start

I wish that I were able
To make your dream come true
I wish I could - I wish I could
Do all these things for you

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 08:42 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[If you have a hole in your sock, check your eves for leaves]

From the upcoming Fox special, "When White People Rap!"

Posted by: Harvey at 08:38 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

2) In "Treehouse of Horror II," Burns pretends to be Davy Crocket while wearing what on his head?

3) What is the secret ingredient in a "Flaming Moe"?

4) What is the name of the largest sundae they serve at Phineas Q. Butterfat's?

Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.

Posted by: Harvey at 08:31 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I gotta have blogiversaries more often. Look at the goodies I raked in:

(click to enlarge)

I'm sure it had nothing to do with this post.

Anyway, it says the following:
1) Yes!
2) I caught you a delicious bass!
3) Sweet!
4) I told you, I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!
5) Lucky!
6) Whatever I feel like I wanna do, gosh!
7) Freakin' idiot!

And it says them in order. This ain't one of them random talking pens.

The best thing about it is that Beloved Wife TNT was less impressed with the movie than I was, so I can use the pen to punish her if she's been bad.

Speaking of real life, Blogson Johnny "Elevator Man" -Oh of Closet Extremist actually picked up the phone and called to wish me a happy blogiversary, since MuNu comments were FUBAR at the time. Unfortunately, I wasn't at home to take the call.

By the way, Johnny, TNT was disappointed that you didn't make a single pass at her during that whole message.

Anyway, let's peek at the virtual gifts...

Bloggranddaughter Ktreva of The Reality Ranch got me an official FBI T-shirt. And NO, that doesn't stand for Federal Breast Inspector.

Blogstump Contagion shares the Dan Rather Memo version of the first time we met in person (i.e., fake but accurate). By the way, I giggled myself silly when I read that Contagion wants "period facial hair". Wonder if that means he's going to dye his beard red?

Blogdaughter Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice says I'm "pretty big". More than that, a man simply could NOT wish for.

Bloggranddaughter VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks just points at me and laughs. *SIGH* I'm used to that sort of thing...

Bloggranddaughter Rave of Quid Nunc made me this beautiful collage as a PDF file. Here's the slightly smaller jpg version.

(click to enlarge)

A very talented child. Have to stick this one on the fridge.

Quoth Blogdaughter Teresa of Technicalities "Here's to many more years of Harvey prodding people"... Yeah, me & my prod will BOTH drink to that...

Blogdaughter Tammi of Tammi's World gave me the best damn t-shirt that I ever saw. Finally... women will start lifting their shirts at me and asking "are THESE what you're looking for?" instead of asking that question after punching me in the nose with a set of brass knuckles.

The rest of you gawkers, go to the blogiversary announcement post and make up some filthy lie about me.

Posted by: Harvey at 04:37 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 My facial hair is naturally red, thank you!

Posted by: Contagion at June 22, 2006 07:34 PM (aGJp4)

2 Yay, stuff! And I thought you had other "things" for "punishing..." But hey, if a pen does it for you two, well, uh... yeah.

Posted by: Ogre at June 22, 2006 07:36 PM (2uG3z)

3 ROTFLOL!!!!! My boss is moving on to do the same job in a different market, and we pitched in and bought him that same pen!!!!

Posted by: William Teach at June 22, 2006 07:39 PM (doAuV)

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(cross-posted from IMAO because they're just that good)

Right Wing News has his list of the 29 Worst People In America (plus 4 honorable mentions).

Matty O'Blackfive has two excellent videos: "Brokeback Zarqawi" and "Lazy Ramadi"

If you like terrorist-killin' songs, you'll probably like TFS Magnum's "Die al-Qaeda" and The Outlaw Republican's "Marines Went Down To Baghdad"

Posted by: Harvey at 10:29 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Filthy Lie Assignment reminder: Why does Evil Glenn need $10 million?

is due by 11:59pm EDT Friday, June 23rd. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.

Wednesday Linky Stuff

Basil's Blog Tip: Day By Day (Vertical) Using JavaScript and CSS - REVISIT

Precision Guided Humor Round-up: Better War Songs

New Precision Guided Humor Assignment: What is the biggest threat to world peace?

Posted by: Harvey at 08:42 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Bloodspite of Technography's life has been touched by tragedy.

His wife's sister's house burned down. She and her husband and 3 kids are ok, but their 2 cats and 1 dog didn't survive.

Additionally, they've lost everything they own.

Everything.

Initial report here. Update here.

If you'd like to make a donation to the family, there's a button in the right hand column of the main page.

Not asking you to put a new roof over their heads, but if you can afford a shingle or two, every little bit helps.

If you can't afford shingles, just spreading the word would be fine.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:33 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Blogson Mike the Marine of From the Halls to the Shores makes a convincing case.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:14 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Via Blogson Peter of Shakey Pete's Shootin' Shack, I heard about an e-mail meme asking people to show their support for the troops by wearing red on Fridays.

I hadn't gotten the memo, so I checked Snopes, where they had a page on it. The pertinent excerpts are:

Our idea of showing our solidarity and support for our troops is starting Friday, and continuing on each and every Friday, until this is over, that every RED - blooded American who supports our young men and women, WEAR SOMETHING RED.

[...]

Wear RED on Fridays . SUPPORT OUR TROOPS! WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE. FOR US, THEIR BLOOD RUNS RED!! GOD BLESS AMERICA.

Well, personally I refuse to wear a red shirt for various Star-Trek-related reasons, but maybe something else would be possible.

Anyway, I *really* like the way the Snopes piece ended.

Any demonstrative venture along these lines is, by nature, a symbolic one. There are also plenty of programs through which one can make a functional gesture of support for our troops by sending them supplies, books, or even encouraging messages. We hope that some of our readers might look into these programs as well.

As long as the troops get supported, I'm happy.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:09 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

If the winds were to whisper their greatest words from now until eternity, they still wouldn't describe your outstanding beauty.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 06:08 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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(Introduction)

(click to enlarge)

[PISS OFF PAULA - LOSER!!]

A pen, a dollar, Bill Clinton, and a fit of pettiness.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:05 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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(Inspired by the broken MuNu comments, I'm going to start listing the prior day's answers in the extended entry)

UPDATE - on second thought, since comments are working again, I'll just keep putting them there the next day, just to keep the questions & answers together for people who stumble across the posts randomly.

(Introduction)

2) According to Dr. Nick, what is the smudge on Bart's X-ray that looks like Dr. Nick's fingerprint?

3) When Marge is protesting against Itchy & Scratchy Studios, what does an animator suggest they do to her?

4) What does the acronym S.N.U.H. stand for?

Official Trivia Card to yesterday's questions in the extended entry. more...

Posted by: Harvey at 05:59 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Over at Drunken Wisdom.

Posted by: Harvey at 05:58 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Bloggranddaughter Rave of Quid Nunc has a son with a fresh driver's license, and she's seeking advice from other moms on how to quell her rising tide of inner panic.

Well, I don't have any advice for her, but I *do* have some advice for the boy.

Since this advice is coming from a guy, he might even take it:

1) Always assume that every other driver you see hasn't noticed you, and is just about to do something incredibly dumb - probably right in front of you - and leave yourself enough room to avoid it.

In any traffic situation, there are 3 ways out: swerve left, swerve right, and stop. Make sure you have at least one available.

Always.

No exceptions.

2) Always wear your seatbelt. There's a reason that a racecar driver can smash his car in a 150mph fiery rollover and walk away without a scratch. Notice that they don't rely on airbags.

Please also notice that the steering column is aimed directly at your chest. If you have a head-on collision while unbuckled (I know YOU'D never cross the center line, but see #1 above), it will crush your heart between your sternum and your spine, and you will die.

3) If one or more of your friends is in the car and refuses to put on their seatbelt, tell them you aren't going anywhere until they buckle up. Just say that they're perfectly welcome to die in a car crash if they want, but not while riding in YOUR car, because you don't want to have to pay the increased insurance rates.

4) The preceding advice assumes that you want to live. If you don't, then please don't drive.

Posted by: Harvey at 07:57 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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There was this.

Then a bunch of stuff happened.

And now it's three years later.

To celebrate, let me semi-revive this stunt:

"Remember the time we..."

Please post a comment with a completely fictional memory of you and me. It can be anything you want– good or bad, silly or stupid, believable or not – but it has to be fake.

Have fun, people.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:44 AM | Comments (29) | Add Comment
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1 Remember the time we . . . got really drunk and ran through the streets with only a foam cheeze hat on? Remember?

Posted by: oddybobo at June 21, 2006 06:58 AM (6Gm0j)

2 ... congrats!..

Posted by: Eric at June 21, 2006 07:08 AM (r5XsL)

3 Remember the time we ... um, yea, I don't remember it either.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at June 21, 2006 08:09 AM (XG7jZ)

4 Remember when we were on the balcony at Fud's and you kept spitting on the Marines below? Everytime they looked up you would duck out of site. Finally they came up but you managed to hid as one of the posts?

Posted by: Tink at June 21, 2006 09:34 AM (8ztv6)

5 I remember that time you and I were out pillaging and plundering, then we ended up in Tortuga, and saw Evil Glenn wearing a dress, and we laughed and laughed. Then we burned his ship. Oh, the good times.

Posted by: William Teach at June 21, 2006 09:48 AM (doAuV)

6 Tink - Hey, being in the Navy gave me the right to spit on Marines - inter-service rivalry, ya know :-) And yeah, those 187 broken bones I got from that healed up just fine...

Posted by: Harvey at June 21, 2006 10:11 AM (L7a63)

7 Only 187? The Corps has grown soft since my day. Congratulations, Harv.

Posted by: Peter at June 21, 2006 11:09 AM (nVXW1)

8 .....when you were working as a one of The Thunder Down Under guys while in Vegas, dancing on tables all night, throngs of women throwing panties at you?

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at June 21, 2006 12:21 PM (Au64X)

9 ... you went sliding on chocolate on the slip'n'slide knocking over Susie and the cute fireman she was dancing with? Nope I don't remember it either. heh.

Posted by: Teresa at June 21, 2006 01:32 PM (jgXyO)

10 Remember the time I signed you up to coach the Ladies' Jell-o Wrestling Team and you got all the way to the semi-finals?? That month you spent in traction afterwards was worth it, I'm sure.... (Who knew you'd be such a "hands on" coach?? Oh yeah, *I* did...) Thanks for all of the fun, Harvey. And congratulations...

Posted by: Richmond at June 21, 2006 03:15 PM (e8QFP)

11 Remember that time we took that big barrel of whale dreck and tried to pawn it off as K-Y to a bunch of A-rabs, and they stirred it up with a broom handle and the broom handle dissolved? And the started chasing after us with AK's and we escaped by wearing bhurkas and hiding out in a brothel? And we gave the A-rabs such good hand jobs that they tipped us eough to buy that Troop Transport and take off to morocco? Remember how that bar smelled just before we burned it down, and watched the roaches run out by the thousands? I liked the part, especially, when you hopped up next to the statue of Rambam and tweaked his beard. I'm still amazed we escaped the lynch mob after that. I still have a callous on my right hip from being sealed in that packing crate they used to ship us back to the states after that. I'm sorry I ate that curry, I really am.

Posted by: og at June 21, 2006 04:55 PM (+HQWE)

12 Congrats, bastard! Remember that time Og totally blew away my "remember when" story with his story? Damn...

Posted by: That 1 Guy at June 21, 2006 04:59 PM (8pWv9)

13 Congratulations!!! Remember that time my car got stuck on the beach, and we put it in neutral, then pushed it from the front, and we were amazed at how easily we had moved it? Until it kept moving, and turned a little, heading for some lady & her kids, as she just sat there watching it. We were screaming "Move your kids!!!", but the car turned a little again, and headed for the water instead. Remember that? Good times!

Posted by: just-me-jen at June 21, 2006 05:06 PM (aaNM4)

14 Remember the time we drove drunk thru the cemetery and you backed over the tombstones and you put them back up on the wrong graves? And then you started singing that silly Folger's commercial on top of them?

Posted by: Mrs_Who at June 21, 2006 05:48 PM (8bFNx)

15 Remember the time we were all out on the beach partying and we didn't realize it was spring break and a whole bunch of sorority girls showed up, completely lit, and you jokingly said, "Hey! Show me your tits!" and all 20 of them lifted their shirts for you so you could oggle all of them?

Posted by: Bou at June 21, 2006 06:08 PM (iHxT3)

16 In typical fashion I didn't follow directions and did a post instead. owell, it still works right?

Posted by: Contagion at June 21, 2006 08:34 PM (aGJp4)

17 Remember when Debbie wanted to model her Wonder Woman outfit for you? Do you? I remember what you said, "Take it off baby, take it off." And under the suit she had on an itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini. Do YOU? You said, "Take it off baby, take it off". And under the suit there was nothing but a beautiful, golden brown, suntan. And you said , "....... Where's my camera baby? I want to put a picture of this up on my blog for the blogiversary." Happy Blogiversary and many more!

Posted by: Debbie at June 21, 2006 09:31 PM (0YqNV)

18 Happy Blogiversary Granpappy! And I just want to remind you of the time you and your friends were babysitting me, and hauled me off to the beach. You guys had some party! Nice fire, big logs, beer everywhere, the doobage was passed around....I'm not sure a child of my age should have been present, but you said I had to grow up sometime... and I don't know why there was a telephone pole there....but it must have been high on that drunken theft scale.... ...then you tripped in your drunken stupor, slipped on a beach blanket over some half nekked dolly-parton type, and managed to fall into the fire. Wow! I can still remember the Jackie Chan moves as you did some flip turn over the fire while pushing off the burning telephone pole, landing on the other side....too bad your hands stayed right on the burning pole....your friend tried to wake you after you passed out from the pain...he said something about you driving us to Taco Bell.. I don't think mom ever let me go out with you again after that...

Posted by: Rave at June 21, 2006 09:49 PM (Fir0Z)

19 Harvey, Happy Blogiversary!

Posted by: Jerry at June 21, 2006 10:44 PM (WNUa6)

20 Happy Blogversary! Remember when we all went out drinking and you kept throwing Tatertots at the people walking in the door? And then you would laugh your arse off saying they were too old to be tatertots. Nope? Me neither.

Posted by: VW Bug at June 22, 2006 12:14 PM (XU8RY)

21 Remember the time you & I were crossing the border into Canada and you got strip-searched by the Mounties?

Posted by: Lisa W. at June 22, 2006 12:45 PM (4fWxq)

22 Hey Harv, that was actually based on true story only it was NavyNuke who did it.

Posted by: Tink at June 22, 2006 01:38 PM (8ztv6)

23 Tink - No, it's ok. You don't have to use NavyNuke to cover for my misdeeds. It's time the truth came out anyway ;-)

Posted by: Harvey at June 22, 2006 01:55 PM (L7a63)

24 Remember that time we were drinking in Hoboken - you know the bar - and we got into that fight with that mafia punk kid. And Lou kicked us all out because he didn't want us fighting in his bar (but Lou, we like it here!) so the fight moved to the parking lot. Remember how you hit that kid (kid! Ha! He was at least 30) in the temple and he went down cold. And you were all, "phuq! I killed him." And I just stood there, finishing off my beer, not sure what to do. But since no one saw the kid go down you said, "you've got to help me dispose of the body." Ha! So there we were, two drunks, trying to load that kid into the trunk of my shitty little Escort (is why I now drive a car that can adequately transport a body), when Lou exited the bar (it must have been closing time) and saw us in action. Remember how Lou approached and said, "What the phuq?" And I was all, "Lou, go back inside." And he got that weird frightened knowing look on his face. So you grabbed my beer bottle outta my hand and hit him over the head it. (Poor Lou.) And I called you a son-of-a-bitch for spilling my beer, you bastard. Anyway, I never really appreciated that old addage "a friend will help you move; a good friend will help you move bodies" before that night. Now everyone knows why TNT won't let you go out drinking with me anymore. Wow I had a hangover the next morning...

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at June 22, 2006 02:28 PM (MWyhW)

25 Geez, Harvey, has it really been three years? Remember when we got really stupid drinking Jager and prune juice shots, and we started setting fire to random cars in the parking lot at the Lincolnshire Marriott? I was laughing hard enough to piss myself. Remember that one car, the 1972 VW that had a drunk guy sleeping in the back seat when we torched it? Damn skippy, that guy took off across the parking lot like his ass was on fire. Which it was. Remember how we were laughing so hard, we both nearly passed out from lack of oxygen? And you said, "Damn - that burning drunk guy! I am so blogging that!" And I said, "No way, dude! What the hell is 'blogging,' anyway?" Ah, those were sweet times, indeed...

Posted by: Elisson at June 22, 2006 06:33 PM (anWOm)

26 Hey, I thought we agreed we would not remember that time, as it could get us hurt in ways we would not like by TNT and the other ladies (though the ladies involved, er, nevermind). Congratulations my friend! Many happy returns. LW Glad to be able to get to MuNu for a change...

Posted by: Laughing Wolf at June 23, 2006 08:40 AM (rkPu/)

27 Congrats Harvey! Remember that time we beat up a bunch of hippies, and then drank beer all night? That was totally sweet.

Posted by: jimmyb at June 23, 2006 11:34 AM (yiAMF)

28 Remember that time we took peyote buds with those midget albino whores and ended up starting a pentacostal ministry on top of the dumpster behind supercuts? How you woke up half dazed in the alley covered in other people's hair and vowed to god to never let your beard come unkempt? Happy blogiversary man! Would have been on time, but I had some issues this week....

Posted by: Graumagus at June 25, 2006 12:27 AM (sBMCA)

29 Congratulations Harvey!!!

Posted by: Jerry at July 18, 2006 06:57 AM (v7dx2)

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(Introduction)

This is the true measure of love; when we believe that we alone can love, that no one could ever have loved before us, and that no one will ever love in the same way after us.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 05:48 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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