May 20, 2005

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

The wind blows, restlessly.
Like thoughts in my mind.
I miss you already.
Though I know you're not yet gone.
But soon you probably will be.
My thoughts, they wander aimlessly.
My emotions are ineffable.
I don't know what it is I feel.
But I do know,
That if you go,
I am missing you already.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 11:58 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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FUCK YOU, HAG

Some dirty bitch is talking smack about how Americans have been targeting journalists in Iraq.

No, it's not Eason Jordan in drag.

Anyway, once again (and I'll type this nice & slow so that the stupid people can keep up):

IF AMERICANS WERE TARGETING JOURNALISTS, THEY'D ALL BE DEAD BY NOW.

Remember: people living to tell the tale = not being targeted.

Now... if you were claiming that they were being targeted by the French...

[Hat tip to Blake of The Laughing Wolf for the link]

Posted by: Harvey at 09:44 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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WHEREIN EVIL GLENN EXPRESSES HIS THOUGHTS REGARDING ARIANNA HUFFINGTON'S QUASI-CELEBRITY "BLOG" PROJECT, "THE HUFFINGTON POST"

(A Filthy Lie)

(click to enlarge)

[Hat tip to the ever-delectable Pamela of Atlas Shrugs for finding the cartoon, which I've modified slightly for my own nefarious purposes]

Posted by: Harvey at 07:38 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING...

...how to tell the difference between sincere gratitude and sycophantic up-sucking, blogdaughter Angel of AAFFLLAACCKK and blogson Contagion of Miasmatic Review illustrate it about as well as any two people I've ever seen.

Posted by: Harvey at 01:30 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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May 19, 2005

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)
[new note, not previously posted]

Thinking of your lips
Warm, soft, the taste of your tongue
Sweet with chocolate

[Hat tip to Jen of Jennifer's History & Stuff for this one]
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 10:21 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(click to enlarge)

[Pokemon]

As a follow up to the popular "State Quarters" program, the Treasury released the first in the new series of "Those Weird Japanese" Dollars. Coming soon: "Mr. Sparkle" and "Japscat".

Posted by: Harvey at 10:16 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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May 18, 2005

SO CLOSE, YET SO FAR AWAY

(click to enlarge)

I guess "chaff" is as close as I'm ever going to get to an Instalanche.

Posted by: Harvey at 11:26 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ

A Filthy Lie

Filthy Lie Assignment Reminder: What will Evil Glenn do about Arianna Huffington and the Huffington Post? due by 11pm EDT Friday, May 20th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.

Wednesday Linky Stuff

Precision Guided Humor Round-up: Dealing With Commie China - I think Basil wins the prize for "Best Excessive Amount of Time Invested in a PGH".

New Precision Guided Humor Assignment: What consequences would you like to befall Newsweek for running the fake Koran-flushing story?

Posted by: Harvey at 11:07 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If you think my eyes are beautiful, it's because they're looking at you.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 10:58 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(click to enlarge)

[*star* *heart* *peace sign*]

It either means "America Loves Peace" or "Ninja throwing stars will soon rip through your heart - R.I.P."

Posted by: Harvey at 10:55 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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HUFFINGTON POST: KING OF THE BLOGS EDITION

For a long time I served as a judge for the (currently on hiatus) King of the Blogs Tournament, and I spent a lot of time telling people what was good and not-so-good about their blogs. Over time I developed a set of criteria by which to sort the virtual wheat from the chaff. Since I've already thrashed HuffPo for it's concept, I thought I'd take a peek at the format to see how it measures up.

As a courtesy to those who are sick to death of HuffPo chatter, the whole mess will be in the extended entry. However, I'll also be looking at another "blogging because it's hip and trendy" site - the Business Week Magazine blog, "Blogspotting" - so you may want to check that part out... more...

Posted by: Harvey at 10:52 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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May 17, 2005

EVIL GLENN'S PENGUIN PORN

(A Filthy Lie re-posted from Bad Money so it'll load faster)

Frank says we need more lies about Evil Glenn.

I can't help much there. I'm too honest.

However, when I was talking with Evil Glenn the other day, I did discover something quite shocking. We were discussing some of our favorite retired comic strip writers...



Harv: Yeah, I miss Gary Larson, too. And I always really liked Bloom County. Some people said it was just a Doonesbury wanna-be, but I thought it was quite innovative.

Evil Glenn: I agree. I really liked Opus. I love penguins. In fact, I even have a small, penguin-related business on the side. Let me show you something on my computer.

Harv: Penguinperv.com?

Evil Glenn: One of my favorite web-cam sites.

penguin porn.jpg

Harv: Does that book say "Instapundit" on the cover?

Evil Glenn: Yup.

Harv: Why does that penguin have an odd little smile on his face?

Evil Glenn: Obviously he REALLY enjoys what he's looking at. And I guarantee you he's not reading it for the articles.

Harv: You published a book of penguin porn?

Evil Glenn: Yup. Nothing more erotic than a penguin. The stark black-and-white contrast, the beak, those tiny feathers... indeed.

Harv: You sick, vile, sub-human pervert!

Evil Glenn: Geez, Harv, relax. Puppy smoothie?

Harv: Get away from me!

Evil Glenn: Say... has anyone ever told you that you look like a hobo? [reaching slowly for whacking hammer]

Harv: AAAAAAHH! [flees in terror]



So the truth is out. Evil Glenn publishes penguin porn on the side. Just one more reason...

INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

UPDATE (8/27/03): Over at Alliance HQ, I provide further evidence of Evil Glenn's penguin porn production.

[hat tip to ArmyWifeToddlerMom for the penguincam link]

Posted by: Harvey at 06:27 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Love and electricity are one in the same, my dear... if you do not feel the jolt in your soul every time a kiss is shared, a whisper is spoken, a touch is felt, then you're not really in love at all.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 06:03 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(click to enlarge)

Wait! Lincoln doesn't have a moustache...

Oh my God! Dirty Sanchez! EWWWWWW!

Posted by: Harvey at 05:59 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ

Precision Guided Humor Assignment Reminder: What are the next steps America should take in dealing with Communist China? due by 9pm EDT Wednesday, May 18th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.

Monday Linky Stuff

Posted by: Harvey at 12:29 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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SPAMMER CAPTURED AT COMMENT PARTY!

Go play with him over at Oh-Dark-Thirty.

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

[see comments 166, 167, and 176]

Posted by: Harvey at 09:29 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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OVER AT IMAO

Glenn Reynolds: "Putting puppies in blenders"

They Don't Make Child-proof Journalists, So You Need to Journalist-proof Your Child

Newsweek Reports Star Wars Episode III Script Flushed Down Toilet - Widespread Riots Ensue

Posted by: Harvey at 07:13 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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May 16, 2005

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time.

(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)

Posted by: Harvey at 06:59 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 41 words, total size 1 kb.

TODAY'S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

(click to enlarge)

[I GREW HEMP]

As a follow up to their popular "State Quarters" program, the Treasury released the first in its new series of "Lies Hippies Tell" Dollars. Coming soon: "Animals have rights" and "You don't have to be on acid to enjoy the music of the Grateful Dead".

Posted by: Harvey at 06:58 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 54 words, total size 1 kb.

ARIANNA ISN'T A BLOGGER

I caught a video clip of Arianna Huffington doing an interview on CNN and she talked about her "blog" The Huffington Post, and why she started it.

Let's get this out in the open right up front. I don't like Arianna or any of her co-bloggers because they're liberal and they're shrill, but my criticism of the site has nothing to do with that.

What bugs me is that the reasons she gives for starting the site tell me that she doesn't have the slightest idea what she's doing.

I've seen a lot of people start blogs, and they've all done it for the right reasons. They have something to say - be it about themselves, the world at large, or even just a chance to be funny in front of an audience besides friends and family - and they start a blog because they have no other platform available.

A blog is a publishing format of last resort. If person could get published with a newspaper, write a novel, or do stand-up, they'd be doing that. But blogging is their only outlet.

And because it is, that makes it precious and loved. It becomes a work of passion. A labor of love. It draws the author back again and again, day after day. It's not for the money - although some bloggers do generate income with it - it's about being able to make something all your own that you can point to and say, "*I* did this. It may not be beautiful or perfect, but it's mine. It's a part of who I am. An important part. And I love it."

Arianna - and, indeed, all her group-blog-buddies - have other outlets. Outlets that are higher profile, less prone to criticism and feedback, and far more renumerative. Their natural inclination is to leverage their time into productive activities, and this project goes counter to that. This sad collection of celebrity cat-blogging can't possibly hold any appeal, outside of the opportunity to publicly lick Arianna's backside while appearing to be hip and trendy because they're blogging.

The bloom will go off the rose, they will lose interest, they will find better things to do, and - one by one - they will drop out.

If they wanted to blog, they would start at Blogger like everyone else.

What troubles me most, though, is some of the phrases Arianna uses to describe her interest in the project:

Your thought doesn't have to have a beginning, a middle and an end. It can be put out there. Others respond. It can start a conversation and you can get on with the rest of your life.

You're SO wrong, Arianna.

Good blogging IS good writing. You don't just toss off a steaming pile of unfinished thought-crap, call it good, and wait for Lady Fortune to kick in your door toting buckets full of gold coins. Bloggers CARE about what they write, which is why they write it. Even on tiny posts, it's the blogger's best efforts that get published. They know it's not Hemmingway, but they do the best they can with what they have. Anyone who's struggled for half an hour tweaking a 3-line throwaway post knows what I'm talking about.

Arianna doesn't know. And she doesn't care.

But if she doesn't care, if she doesn't have a passion for making the best of the one tiny outlet that she has, WHY is she bothering with this?

She's power-hungry.

Check these quotes:

I wanted to bring together 300 of the most creative people in the country into the cyberspace, into the blogosphere, is because I believe the blogosphere is so important, it is changing the way we receive information so dramatically that I wanted to make sure that those people, who, as you say, have other platforms, would also have an online platform...

You have many stories that die on the front pages of the "New York Times." Big stories covered but then forgotten. There isn't enough follow-up, and the greatness of the blogosphere is that there is a lot of follow-up. A story is covered and re-covered and re-covered until your break through the static of a 500-channel universe, and that is how you can actually begin to bring about change and capture the public's imagination, and you have to do a lot of that.

[all emphasis added]

She looks at the blogosphere as a single entity with enormous power, and she lusts after it with deepest envy. She has fantasies of stepping in with a cabal of sycophants and grabbing this power for herself so that she can control "the public's imagination". She's under the delusion that all the scandals exposed by the blogosphere in the last year or so are directed from a single point of control, as though there were a handle that could be pulled to steer all the blogs in a single direction.

What she wants is to grab that handle.

To mangle a line from the Matrix, "there is no handle".

Arianna, darling, the blogosphere isn't a machine to be controlled from a single point, it's a herd of cats, and it'll go where it sees fit in ways that can be neither controlled nor predicted. It's not an actually entity, but rather the sum total of the individual human lives behind every blog. If you persist in your insane beliefs to the contrary, your project will disintegrate before your eyes, leaving you alone, ignored, and wondering what went wrong.

Bloggers who've started without readers understand that a blog can only invite and persuade, it cannot command and direct. The only tool it has is the original thoughts of the author, and his credibility with his peers. But trust amongst peers is a fragile thing, and only grows by pieces, one truth-telling post at a time. Arianna does not understand this. She thinks that cash and fame are a substitute for integrity, and that a blog's success can be bought and sold like shares of Time-Warner.

She's wrong, and I imagine she'll discover that soon enough as her empire crumbles.

And I will laugh. And I will keep on blogging. Because *I* know.

And *I* care.

Posted by: Harvey at 06:53 PM | Comments (29) | Add Comment
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