February 21, 2005
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Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life, and love should not be one of them.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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Lee Ann of Lee Ann's View brought her dog to the party. Ain't she adorable?
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February 20, 2005
Before we went to Florida, she was just an average working woman (with an above-average figure), slaving away at an average job, working with below-average people, and... getting by.
I spent over a year trying to explain to her how much fun blogging is. She'd just look at me like I'd sprouted a third eye, give me an indulgent smile, and say something like, "I'm sure it is, dear. You just go on and play with your little computer friends. I'm going to go watch Survivor."
I've tried explaining comment parties to her, letting her read the bizarre comments & such. That produced a slightly worried look.
She just didn't get the whole blogging thing.
Then she met the people, engaged them in bright, sparkling, witty conversation, quoted people out of context, hijacked Tammi's blog and... it clicked.
Blogging is FUN.
Now she knows why I do it. And she's doing it too. (Oops. Quote Pen)
And since we've got back to Wisconsin, she's started her own blog (Smiling Dynamite) and she's a completely different person.
Actually, that's not exactly true. What happened is that, after years of day-to-day drudgery working with those below-average people I mentioned, having to hide her wit, her opinions, and her intelligence, she's found out that there's a way to let herself shine, and people who will appreciate her for it.
She's always had a mischievous side, but mostly she could only let it out in front of me. Her girlfriends weren't quite... up to it. But now she's more like that naughty little imp that I fell in love with back in high school. Happy, energetic, frisky, fun, and full of life like a puppy.
The people who saw her at the reunion know what I'm talking about, and I'm sure if you read her blog, you'll see that side of her coming through loud & clear. I'm just saying that it's been hidden for a while.
I'm glad it's back.
Oh yeah. And if anyone asks you what a comment party is, try explaining it like this:
It's slow-motion improv comedy.
If you've ever seen "Whose Line is it, Anyway?", you'll probably have seen skits where the players get assigned a topic and have to take turns making up verses for a song.
Yeah. It's a lot like that.
Just think of the Bad Example Family as a nationwide... um... INTERNATIONAL... improv comedy troupe.
ADDENDUM: Part 2 of The Quote Pen is up now.
Heh. I said "up".
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This one is Sissy of And What's Next...
Let's take a peek at our newborn, shall we?
Dog blogging! What a way to start. Just hold your nose while you read this one, since - and I know this from experience - nothing smells worse than the inside of a dog after it makes it to the outside.
If you're planning a surprise party, be sure to leave that blabbermouth Sissy out of the loop.
She brags about her Girl Scout fetish. DAMN! That's just REALLY freaky, and... [takes second look]... OH! Girl Scout COOKIES!
My bad.
A little boozing humor. Perhaps Sissy should stop on over at her BlogUncle Madfish's bar and tip a few with the crazy people.
Tries to make the argument that sleeping on the couch can be a good thing. All the married men reading this are cordially invited to roll their eyes in unison with me.
She seems really happy to be part of the Bad Example Family. Oh, Sissy... you'll find out... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
She succumbs to the music meme... Metallica and Shania Twain?... She's an eclectic little thing, ain't she?
She reports on a lefty asshat getting a SWEET virtual bitch-slap at the local bar. I'm huggin' her for posting that one!
{hug}
An in-depth "About Me" post. And she's even got it on the sidebar already. She's GOOD!
Finally, she chases away any potential suitors by admitting to a slight deficiency in kitchen skills.
Welcome to the Family, Sissy. You may now, if you so desire, go to this post and pick up a Bad Example Family Logo for your site. You may also, if you wish, blogroll the rest of the Family, which is listed on my right sidebar.
The rest of you, go sniff her butt like the dogs that you are.
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Welcome to the blogosphere.
Realize, though, that good blogging isn't so much about what you say, it's about how you say it. More specifically, it's about how to make your typewritten words sound like your speaking voice.
The challenge is that, all through school, we're taught to write a certain way - use complete sentences, indent to start a new paragraph, don't use slang, blah, blah, blah.
As applied to blogging, most of that is crap. You're not writing a thesis, you're talking to friends. Even if the topic is serious, it'll be better-received by your audience if it's written in a friendly, casual manner.
First thing. Put blank lines between paragraphs instead of merely indenting a new line. A computer screen holds a LOT of text compared to a newspaper column or a book page. A nearly-solid block of letters is hard on the eyes and makes it easy for the reader to lose his place.
White space is your friend.
Moving on. In order to make text seem more like speech, the two things you need to reproduce are pauses and emphasis. When you speak, it's not a series of run-together words delivered in monotone, and your writing shouldn't be that, either.
There are several different emphasizing tools: bold, italics, ALL-CAPS, and *asterisks*. I have my preferences on how to use each, but these are suggestions, not laws. Play with it and use what you're comfortable with.
Bold - I use this mostly for drawing attention to a particular sentence in a large quote, or for the subject word if I'm doing a list. Although some people use it to emphasize a paticular word in a sentence, I prefer not to as it can be confused with a hyperlink.
Italics - My technique of choice to emphasize one particular word, mid-sentence, I find it best conveys the slight stress given to words in the course of normal conversation.
ALL-CAPS - Mostly used for a sentence which was shouted, such as "HEY YOU KIDS! GET OFFA MY LAWN!", but it can also be used for single words, mid-sentence, interchangably with italics. I tend to use it this way both for the sake of variety, and because - when I compose posts on my PDA - it's easier than typing in the HTML code for italics tags.
*asterisks* - Good for emphasizing short words where italics wouldn't be very noticable. Particularly useful for emphasizing the word *I*, which is already capitalized and looks too much like an "L" when italicized. Also good for the sake of variety when there are several separate words emphasized in a sentence.
There's also underlining, but it looks too much like a hyperlink, so I almost never use it.
Now for pauses... you have several choices, and they're essentially interchangable, so I won't go into detail about them. You can decide for yourself what length of pause they create, and when it's appropriate to use each.
(Parentheses)
...ellipses...
- hyphens -
But DO use them - they put the rhythm of speech into your writing.
Finally, a few words about colloquialism and regional dialect. Bein' from Wisconsin, ya know, I have my verbal idiosyncrasies, and I type them. The final "g" gets dropped a lot, so I'm not shy about typing it that way if that's what it sounds like I'm saying in my head. Figure if that's how I speak, I'm gonna write that way.
Use contractions, too. You're NOT Commander Data. You-do-not-speak-like-him. Do-not-write-like-him, either. If you habitually say contractions, type them. It's friendlier.
Remember, it's BLOGGING, not a term paper.
A caveat - there WILL be certain times when you want to write a serious piece, and the more-formal writing techniques are more appropriate. Go ahead and use them without guilt. But for day-to-day life-blogging, a more casual approach is perfectly acceptable, if not preferred.
And finally finallly, don't be shy about tossing in onomatopoeic interjections. A well-placed YIKES! or UGH! or DAMN! will liven things up, and even an occasional "um...", "er...", "wha..." or "uh..." can do wonders toward making your writing seem more conversational.
The thing to remember is that your English teacher isn't watching, and when you're blogging, the important thing is to use ALL the tools of the language to convey your thoughts. The only standard you're answerable to is "does this help the reader understand the subtleties of what I'm trying to communicate?"
Forget the "rules".
Have FUN.
ADDENDUM: When teasing or using sarcasm, sometimes it's not obvious from the words alone that you were just kidding. To avoid misunderstandings, I'm fairly liberal with my use of "emoticons". Some people consider them a bit juvenile, but I consider them necessary. Facial expressions are an essential part of verbal communication, and I see no reason not to include them as a type-written substitute. My personal favorites, which are fairly self-explantory:
:-)
:-D
:-P
;-)
:-/
:-(
UPDATE 5-24-05: [If you've found this post useful enough to blog about, send a trackback or e-mail the permalink to me at harvolson-at-gmail.com and I'll add you to my Bad Example Groupies blogroll. See this post for details]
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And she has quotes from the Bad Example Family (& Friends) Reunion.
And no, I haven't figured out how this is going to look on the Family Tree chart yet.
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02:42 PM
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It makes me want to buy a subscription, a parrot, and then line the parrotÂ’s cage with the editorial so I can watch the parrot crap on it while I call and cancel my subscription.
I'm everyone's felt similarly about their local publication at one point or another.
And the New York Times every day.
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Yes, it's about IMAO.
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There may be many flowers in a man's life, but there is only one rose.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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Whenever you throw a party, there's always at least one bum looking to muscle in on your good time.
Here we see Smiley, the Wal-Mart spider, lounging on Tammi's pool deck, looking to steal a few beers.
I'll spare you the "after" picture. Let's just say his new name was "Gooey".
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Well, DUH! He's from Tennessee!
Yeah, but I'm a sheltered Yankee, and my whole impression of the South was from TV & movies, and people with Southern accents are often portrayed as... slow. Think Roscoe P. Coltrane, or anyone from Deliverance.
Johnny busts through that stereotype like a freight train through a brick wall. The man is SHARP. He can pop off a witty rejoinder without a second's hesitation, and can pick a line to take out of context and twist into innuendo even better than I can.
He's FAST.
And does a scary-good Quagmire impression, much to Beloved Wife's chagrin.
Giggity-Giggity!
Then there's that senstive side when he picks up his guitar. He's got a very soothing voice, and no small talent as a singer, and does a rendition of "Grandpa Was a Carpenter" that'll put the mist in your eyes. It's amazing to witness hands that spend all day building elevators caressing those strings with such gentle adoration.
The other thing I noticed is that when he drinks, it doesn't change him at all. He doesn't get louder, or angrier, or sillier or more sentimental, he's still just Johnny. Some people change with their alcohol level, but Johnny holds his liquor to perfection and is a pleasure to drink with. Just don't try to keep up with him.
And although he claims shyness, I didn't notice it. Even if he's not talking, he's an attentive listener, and makes you feel like what you have to say is important. A rare talent, and one he should be proud of.
In talking with him, I've discovered that he's had kind of a hard life, but he's come through it in fine form, stronger for the trials. He's a good man, solid, trustworthy, with a solid sense of integrity and an admirable work ethic. Whatever woman finally snaps him up will be lucky, indeed.
Oh, and he also thinks Beloved Wife is hot, so he's got good taste, too :-)
You can take a look at Johnny's version of what happened if you like. Just don't believe that crap about me being a PC hog.
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February 19, 2005
Which leaves the host having to make a wild-ass guess on the shopping list, praying the whole while that he doesn't end up buying the one thing in the world you can't stand.
UGH!
Johnny-Oh of Closet Extremist blogs about having just this problem, and in the comments, Teresa of Technicalities offers what I think is the perfect solution:
If you're in the situation like going to a party - it's often easier for the host to put specific stuff on their shopping list. You might say - "do you have a type of beer you like?" If they don't, then you can say, "I like any kind of beer, but generally drink Miller Lite at home." This gives them the option of getting either ML or anything else they might want to pick up.
Problem solved.
Conversely, if you're the host, and you're looking for suggestions on what to stock up on before the party, the key question to ask is:
"What do you usually drink at home?"
Smart woman, that Teresa. That's why she's my favorite blogdaughter.
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11:09 PM
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Write a poem explaining which judge you like the most.
Jay of The Radical Centrist:
GOOD POINTS: I don't frequently laugh out loud, but my wife was poking her head in the room and asking me what was so funny. Curse you, you home-wrecker!
BAD POINTS: Insensitively homophobic about doing a little man-on-man blog-love. Someone, apparently, is not very secure in his manhood. Also, the meter was off on the poem for "Seamstress", thus immediately destroying every shred of good will built up by the preceeding 729 stanzas.
SCORE: 5
Sabri of The Engineer's Log Book:
GOOD POINTS: Hey, that's MY sweet, hairy tuckus he's kissing. Cool!
BAD POINTS: I'm making some allowance for Sabri not being a native speaker of English, so if he's a little short on making his idioms sing, that's ok. However, what bugged me about this one was that he didn't stick with one style in the poem. At first it seemed to have meter AND rhyme, then only meter, then nothing. I found the change irritating. Free verse all the way through would've worked better. Also, I don't think Haiku are 3/8/5.
SCORE: 3
The Radical Centrist: The Theory of Blogativity
GOOD POINTS: Give last week's well-received challenge post as this week's submitted post and save yourself a butt-load of work? BRILLIANT! Give that man a Guinness! Also, having read Stephen Hawking's "A Brief History of Time", I found the presentation hilarious.
BAD POINTS: None visible. You ROCK, Jay! :-)
SCORE: 5
The Engineer's Log Book: We Live to Fear
GOOD POINTS: Love the positive message: "Live no fear".
BAD POINTS: Again, a small pass for not being a native speaker, I'll focus on the content rather than execution. Nice anecdotal start (Aladdin's lamp), good segue to the topic - fear is bad, fear holds you back, losing fear would be a good thing - and then... nothing. This piece would've been better if it had given some practical techniques for eliminating fear (take deep breaths, visualize yourself being successful, etc). Sadly, that part is missing, so all the build-up is wasted because there's no payoff.
SCORE: 3.5
Here are some technical things I like to see on a blog:
King of the Blogs javascript thingy in the sidebar
Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green
background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)
Aside from the tech stuff, I also like to see a blogger's personality shining through, to remind us of the person behind the words.
With that in mind...
The Radical Centrist
GOOD POINTS: In the two weeks since I last judged this site, Jay has fixed all my complaints. Blind obedience to my whims is always a plus.
BAD POINTS: I've gotta whine about something, so I'll whine about this: the title "The Radical Centrist" is, ironically, more toward the left side of the page. Is this deliberate? Subconscious? Whatever. Also, that vast expanse of cream-colored background is a little dull, especially against the only-marginally-contrasting white background in the main column and sidebar. Might consider breaking it up, or at least making the background on the title banner a more strongly-contrasting color.
SCORE: 4.5
The Engineer's Log Book:
GOOD POINTS: All the technicals are in place, and bonus on Sabri for posting his picture so as to immediately eliminate any gender confusion (Sabri being a gender-neutral name in the ears of most Americans).
BAD POINTS: Standard blogger template with little color, style, flair, or personality. Sabri should consider poking around in his template a bit & changing a few colors or fonts. Now, on a personal note, I want to congratulate Sabri for having the stones to throw his hat in the ring. Although the more subtle nuances of English elude him, he's still young, and if he pays attention while immersing himself in American pop culture, he could be a Malaysian Arnold Schwarzenegger, living his dream.
Live No Fear, Sabri.
SCORE: 3.5
The Radical Centrist: 14.5
The Engineer's Log Book: 10
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If the world ended today, I would be at peace, for I have loved you.
(CAUTION: Romantics beware - comments may contain naughtiness)
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Every morning behind Tammi of Road Warrior Survival's house, hot air balloons would float by just a few hundred feet away.
Thought you'd like to see one.
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12:24 AM
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There are a select few bloggers (who I shall leave, for the moment, nameless) who are very close to the Bad Example Family, and who, by virtue of regular interaction, should have some sort of special recognized status.
But I'll be damned if I can figure out what to call 'em.
Friends of the Family?
People I'd let babysit?
Long lost cousins?
That son of a bitch next door who mows his lawn at 6am on Sunday?
Seriously, I need some suggestions. I just can't seem to get Bosco to pick up his Pointy Stick O' Inspiration on this one.
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February 18, 2005
Ok, so Frank's funny. Everyone who reads IMAO knows that, so I don't need to pursue the topic any further. What I want to talk about is what it's like to meet Frank in person.
The first thing I noticed about Frank was that he seemed genuinely glad to see me.
Turned out it was just that he had a Kel-Tec .380 in his pocket.
The second thing was that, despite looking very young, and not being very physically imposing, he still had a presence about him. He carries himself with a degree of self-assurance that is rare in someone only 25 years old. Firm handshake, direct gaze, not fidgity or prone to foot-shuffling. He's comfortable with himself. His soul is older than his body.
The third thing is something that doesn't come through on his site, which he keeps devoted to his rollicking, over-the-top sense of humor.
He's a VERY serious person. He has a lot of dreams, as most young men do, but these aren't mere fantasies for him. They're PLANS. He's looking to publish some of his IMAO work. He's working on a more-or-less serious novel, in pursuit of which he's joined a writer's group in order to improve his technique. When he sets his mind to something, he goes after it.
And another thing that impressed me is just how much effort he's put into making his site what it is today. He started out with a crappy Blogspot blog and no readers, just like everyone else, but he's devoted a HUGE chunk of his life to getting his traffic up. He's constantly advertising his site, whether by e-mailing larger bloggers & begging (in an entertaining fashion, of course) for links, or holding contests on his site to increase reader interest and participation. He closely monitors his traffic, watches what works and what doesn't, and adjusts his output accordingly.
Behind the facade of jokes on the front page of IMAO lurks a man who is seriously working his ass off to create a better, more marketable product with his blog. It's not just a lark or a hobby to him, it's a passion.
Meeting him in person, I find myself even MORE inspired by his example than I was when I was just a reader.
He may have been drunk when he said it, but it's true. He really IS the Great Frank. J!
And I consider it an honor and a privilege to have met him.
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